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To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:33:24 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		I am seeing a therapist, I have not been seeing her for very long. Phoenix (my owner and fiance') often comes up in our sessions, at the end of our last session she has asked me to think of how I would describe my relationship and its dynamics. I don't know if she is a "kink friendly therapist" persay. Phoenix has left it up to me and told me to do what is comfortable for me-- the reality is I am not sure what the risks are or if there are any in regards to outting myself to her. I would be interested in opinions and insight on the issue.
 
 
 
blessed be,
Nika


_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."


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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:36:31 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		The Kink-Aware Professionals site might be helpful.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:36:56 PM   
RosesHaveThorns


Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Do you have any references for the therapist?

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:37:52 PM   
MasterDaveM


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline 		if that therapist is an ethical one, then they will be able to listen to you objectively and without judgement or bias

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:39:03 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		There are some therapist who do specialize in working with individuals and couples in BDSM. And just like with anything, you have to interview your therapist and make sure they can provide for your needs. You said you have not been seeing them for long, therefore before you out yourself, why not ask your therapist their thoughts about the topic. You have the right to know how they feel about it and if they have the expertise to help you.

If your therapist answers negatively or gives you an indication that this is not a good match. Perhaps you should seek elsewhere. If t comes out positive, then you have struck gold and should think about outing yourself.

In therapy it is always good to be honest about what your needs are. Remember you are hiring him/her to help you or service you. It doesn't matter if you're paying a copay or out-of-pocket. So get your money's worth- and bring up the topic.


< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 10/28/2007 1:40:44 PM >

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:39:31 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I've seen two or three therapists, mostly after several deaths in the family caused some depression.  None of them really helped and I ended up caring for only one of them.

In my view, a therapist should be able to help you.  If they can't, screw it.  I was stuck with the ones I didn't like because I was just a depressed kid, and, of course, kids aren't mature enough to make such decisions.  So I spent time sharing my feelings fruitlessly with some older men in suits instead of hanging out with friends, playing games, or getting my homework out of the way earlier.  Great approach to curing depression.

Point being, if they can help you, great.  If they can't, for whatever reason, such as not understanding your kink, you're probably better off spending that time elsewhere, whether that elsewhere is with another therapist or just doing what makes you happy.

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:42:24 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		She and the group she works with was referred by my doctor. I have been seeing her a month and am happy with her and the people in the office.
 
However, I don't know if outing myself to her could hold legal risk to myself or Phoenix or what risks it could hold if any.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/28/2007 1:43:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:42:39 PM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		As someone who has also been in therapy also - let me tell you it is better to be open - or if you cannot be open maybe you need another therapist. You will burn through a lot of money pretty quickly if you do not use those sessions to your advantage and get what you want out of it.

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:45:58 PM   
RosesHaveThorns


Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Does the doctor know of your lifestyle? And do you know anyone else seeing her? Any chance of talking to ex-paitents?

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:48:05 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Phoenix without knowing your relationship it is hard to say. But there shouldn't be any legal risk if you're in a safe relationship. A therapist will breach confidentiality if she thinks you are at risk of hurting yourself (serious suicidal ideation) or hurting someone else. If you are being abused then it is her job to make sure you are safe.

Of course if there's any notion of child abuse, polygamy, etc then those issues ARE against the law and therefore some mandates on yoru therapist end will occur.

However, if you're speaking of general D/s relationship- I am sure if you told her that you are in a safe, sane, and consensual relationship she should not judge. However, it doesn't mean she may not have some countertranference (when a therapist gets negative or positive feelings towards a client that can jeopardize the client-therapist  relationship).

If you're talking emotional risk...there's emotional risk everywhere.

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 10/28/2007 1:49:09 PM >

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:49:43 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		No, although I know she doesn't think we are the "typical couple" , thus my dilemia about outing myself. No I don't know anyone else who sees her, nor would I openly seek anyone out. Perhaps its me but that is a huge privacy issue.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 1:53:25 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

However, I don't know if outing myself to her could hold legal risk to myself or Phoenix or what risks it could hold if any.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika


What kind of risk are you worried about? She, like any other medical professional, is bound by confidentiality. She cannot even discuss your case with your doctor without your signed consent.
 
I say, tell her and if she is not receptive, she is not the therapist for you.
 
jen

Edited to ad that I have come out to every therapist I have been to and most are now kink aware if not kink friendly.

< Message edited by sammiebabygirl -- 10/28/2007 1:55:28 PM >

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:00:05 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		The last time I was in therapy, I outed myself, and it worked out fine, with THAT particular therapist.  Whenever you are involved in a non-traditional activity, you run the risk of altering a therapist's perception of you.  One of mine early on felt that my involvment in paganism was some form of "rebellion".  We just never discussed that part of my life.

I do advise carefully explaining what you are into, and how your personal dynamic works.  It will help you either way--you will be more helped by this therapist, or know that you need to find another one!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:04:25 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		You are doing yourself and your therapist a disservice. She cannot properly do her job if she doesn't know who you are, if she doesn't have your trust. Even if you are happy with her, if she reacts negatively to ~who you are~ then it's time for another therapist.

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:04:40 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Kaiynasha,
 
This is Nika, this post and all the once signed Nika are made by me.
Thank you for your imput. I remember her telling me she could not break confidence unless for those reasons -- but who deteremines what is safe and sane? Her, me, the police, the politicians?
 
jen,
 
In truth I am not sure. I am just aware that much of what we do is not viewed as "legal" yet alone "moral" so I suppose I am just nervous about her reaction. She has been very open minded in past sessions, heck even informed me about 20 minutes away there were many pagans in the county when discussing religion. I want to be honest with her about things -- I think for me to get full benifit of my therapy I need to be perhaps my concerns are unfounded.
 
Lady Hibiscus,

Thank you for your input, I agree alot of her reaction could depend on how I explain our relationship.

 
Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 10/28/2007 2:07:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:13:40 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Nika

You know what makes you safe and therefore your therapist should trust the choices you are making ARE safe. Should your therapist feel you are NOT safe- then it is her duty to assess and question you about it. If she feels your safety is dangerous then she would tell you that she is concerned about your safety and therefore do what needs to be done to make sure you are safe.

Safety comes in many forms. Safety of self. Safety of others. Safety of community.

Talk to your therapist about your concerns. And see where it goes. But make sure you feel safe doing so.


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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:15:58 PM   
MsPleasure


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		You are seeing the therapist for a reason.  Let it all out.  Who is she going to tell? 

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 2:24:07 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		FR
I have even shown one of my therapists my bruises. No one was arrested. She was a little taken a back, but I maintained that it was all consensual and I loved each and every one of them.
 
jen

< Message edited by sammiebabygirl -- 10/28/2007 2:25:42 PM >

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 3:37:23 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		Is there a need to bring up your lifestyle?    If it is to convey the dynamics of the relationship, you could use a  toned down approach, such as instead of saying, he makes the rules and I follow them, you could say, I so value his insight and trust his judgement, that he has the final say on most decisions.   

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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 3:45:06 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

She and the group she works with was referred by my doctor. I have been seeing her a month and am happy with her and the people in the office.
 
However, I don't know if outing myself to her could hold legal risk to myself or Phoenix or what risks it could hold if any.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika


From a legal standpoint, she has a responsibility to report criminal activity or potential for danger to self or other people to the proper law enforcement agencies.

That said, from a licensing and ethical standpoint, divulging information of a non criminal activity nature to anybody would be the end of his/her career.  I make an agreement before every class I teach that I will not divulge information about students to other people.  When things such as this are presented, such as child abuse, spousal abuse, whatever, the lead female instructor and I pass the information along to our boss to consult with her attorneys about.  I am not an expert, and it is the company I work for's responsibility to manage such things, not mine as the employee.  What you need to do before sharing the information is to know what the legal standards are that apply to what you are divulging to her.

Additionally, I agree with the ones who stated that you should determine your therapists position on the kink lifestyle.  I would consider it a fair question to ask, as the effectiveness of therapy hinges on the trust in the relationship between therapist and patient.  If you cannot trust your therapist to divulge your inner self to, odds are fairly good your therapy will not be overly effective.

Good luck!

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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