RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (Full Version)

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FullfigRIMaam -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/28/2007 9:50:31 PM)

When I hear or read switch, I think potentially fun vanilla relationship, but it would require a major leap of faith on my part to think I could work well with a switch and not submissive/slave.    M



Wickad -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/28/2007 11:09:06 PM)

(fast reply)

Greetings,

I've attended a workshop on switching and have been told that switches are not simply interested in kinky sex and nor are they unable to make up their mind.  I have a very good friend who identifies as as switch.

That all being said.... when in an online format I take 'switch' to mean 'horny, new, and opportunistic'.  I seem to find a lot of guys put 'switch' when they are new because they think it will increase their chances of getting laid.

It has been my experience with the real time folks I know that 'switches' tend to be very sexual.  There is nothing wrong with this, of course, but I am not looking for sexual play so ergo I am not that interested in switches.

These are prejudices and I'm sure that not all switches fall into these categories but  I tend to think 'next' the moment I see 'switch'.

Wickad



iammachine -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 2:02:34 AM)

My initial reaction when I see the word "switch" is "what flavor?"

There are probably as many varieties of switches as there are individual archetypes in the bdsm community, all lumped together into one word. Are they are vesatile top or a versatile bottom? Do they define a static role given the relationship, or do they enjoy switching with the same partner? Are they a switch by virtue of being "undecided" or are they "greedy," have experience with and really enjoy both sides of the fence? Etc, ad nauseum.

Switches are not necessarily do me do me's. They are just as much individuals as any other archetype may be.



laurell3 -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 2:35:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

When I get an email from a switch, my immediate feeling is that it wouldn't work for me. I don't have a submissive bone in my boy, so I think that there would always be a part of the switches needs that would be unmet.


haha I'm a switch and I agree with this statement.  I am a submissive at heart.  My submission is not at all compromised by the fact that I can be in another role, I could give up that role for an ltr with the right Dom/me, however, in the converse it's very much true that I could not remain in a top role indefinitely without some submissive outlet, which usually would not be the sub I'm with.

I don't think the words "for the right person" are negative or should be construed as such, we're all looking for "the right person".  I don't need to be in a relationship, I want to, therefore, I'm picky about who I submit to. It requires a level of mental stimulation that most cannot sustain. 

People invoke certain feelings that are role driven for me.  The idea of topping a strong, capable Dom/me doesn't enter into the picture for me personally.  To them I am submissive and enjoy it.

I honestly think you have to look at the person, most switches I know don't expect the person they are with to switch also.  In fact, for me, I can't possibly see how that would work as I identify people emotionally with their primary role.
l



cloudboy -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 7:07:26 AM)


Switches are the most grounded, sensible participants of BDSM. They won't be goreans or female supremacists, they won't be ideologically tied to top or bottom, and in terms of intimacy they derive their connection straight from the other person. In addition to these characterisitcs, they can see BDSM from each vantage point.

Switches force a potential partner to deal in reality --- aka --- in the peopleness of the relationship --- not the roles and BDSM terminology.

To me, their independence is as an asset, but I can see how tops might regard them as poor candidates for "slavery."




SunNMoon -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 8:00:32 AM)

Hmm, well I think of me (60% Dom 15% sub all the rest just normal crazy vanilla geeky girl [:D]).

Now in all honesty I think I look at it like bisexuality. Again a big word that covers a lot of different people. And some people need to be with both sexes to be happy, other are happy being just in a monogamous relationship.

So then there are switches, which are just like people some are into it just for kinky sex, some have no idea what they want, then other know just what they want and are looking to have there needs met in different relationships. But the same can be said for subs or doms as well.

I believe the question then becomes why don’t you ask said switch what they want or need to be happy in a relationship. Since it all comes down to compatibly anyways, and all people have different needs.



MsIncontrol -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 8:22:16 AM)

My husband/submissive identifies as a switch.  We do not switch together, he is only my submissive.  He isn't someone who will take a submissive or a slave...but he likes to play on the top sometimes...especially for bondage scenes, very much like thetammyjo describes Fox.   I love watching him in these scenarios very much.  Ideally as my alpha he is the trainer to the new/lower submissives under my guidance as well.

It isn't about kinky sex at all for him either.  It isn't even really about the power exchange. He is a wonderfully skilled top and submissive men and women are always coming up to me at parties asking me if I would ask him to play with them.  It is MY decision if he can or not. 

I think where this line is blurred is not everyone calling themselves a switch..is really a switch..just like not everyone calling themselves a Domme is really a Domme etc.  Something I have come across is that a lot of men are afraid to say they are submissive because of the connotations of weakness or thinking they need to be a doormat 24/7.  Someone who wants to be submissive to his partner...but an aggressive, controlling person at work may think they should call themselves a switch.  I see a lot of new people to the scene calling themselves a switch because they aren't really sure where they fit it. 

I like to give everyone the respect to at least get to know them, ask them to explain their terminology because the definitions are not always the same to everyone, it is very subjective so before I judge I ask.



LaTigresse -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 9:27:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

Dear Ladies and subs <3,

Maybe its just me but for a long time now whenever I see a profile or get a message from someone and they come with the label Switch. Or "dom/sub to the right person" I've always just gotten the sinking feeling that they just enjoy kinky sex. Now I know this is probably very wrong but I can't help how many of other doms and subs get that impression by the very debatable term of 'Switch'.

What do you think when you hear the term Switch?

-Lil Miss Action



What I immediately think of is a friend of mine. I love her dearly and came very close to beginning a relationship with her. The fact that she is a switch, maybe even more dominant than submissive, had nothing at all to do with the relationship goals changing. I was fully comfortable with her desire to dominate others and submit to me. The whole idea was actually quite exciting to be honest. I enjoyed watching her. Then the knowledge that even while she was very in control and so forth with others, would turn to putty at a touch or word from me.



YesMistressIrish -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 11:51:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: morgainne

I am a Switch. I am Bi-Sexual. I am a slave. I am a Domme. I like men and women equally. The rush of submitting to the right person is divine. The thrill of dominating exquisite. The taste of a woman upon my lips sweet. Kneeling at a Dominants feet humbling.

I think it is all about experiences. Being that I love men and women equally, I would hate to label myself as heterosexual or lesbian because then I am denying myself the pleasure of what is attractive to me. The same goes for Switch. Even if I am in a relationship that is closed, I would be okay with it. because it is a choice that I make. The dynamics of any relationship(s) develop over time and can change. Sometimes its best to go with the flow.

Morgainne,
That was the most beautiful post! I see you as an highly evolved human being and as a woman who feels free to be herself, open to change and knowing your own mind and heart. Awesome!
 
re: Switch: I wonder:'Which flavor'? They may make great friend material and someone to have a lot of fun with. So, I ask, unless their profile or first email sounds like a 'horn-dog' out for anything they can get. If that's the case I simply point to the curb or block and delete. 
Someone who is Dominant with others and may have excellent skills with toys makes for a great playmate to watch and scene with, and it is very sexy to have them sub to me only. And I mean the whole D/s dynamic, not sexually.
 
Bi or Switch: Either one of those labels let's me know the person may be open-minded, or new and possibly undecided.
 
I only wish we could add 'Bottom' as a category on cm, as that would eliminate a lot of confusion for everyone and allow for more honesty in our search for compatible partners.
 
Irish



azropedntied -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 11:53:25 AM)

well put cloudboy -! Why are we judging a lable  instead of  looking at the individual ?the bdsm freak kinky perv judgments i thought were for the nillas .I can not say by hearing a  tag term i feel anything and until i see that person play or get to know them i hold them in judement .



littlesarbonn -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 11:55:57 AM)

It depends upon the experience of the one stating she is a switch. (I'm thinking women here as I don't often communicate with men about their dominant/submissive tendencies). Most often, when I hear "switch", I tend to think she's a woman who will be dominant to specific people and submissive to others. I don't usually think they're interested in dominating and submitting to the same person, although that could be the case; I've just never interacted with a woman who wants to both dominate and submit to me in separate situations.



MistressPurpleFL -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 1:01:58 PM)

Psy we have some similar thoughts; I am Dominant, I am bisexual but I am not a SWITCH.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a switch some people sincerely do not know where they fit in and so they try different roles until one really fits or they dabble in both if one is not truly who they are.  When a switch contacts me I immediately inform them that I in no way switch; if they understand and can deal with that then we can continue forward.  Besides he or she can submit to me and we can dominate other play partners together so we all win.
 
Smiles,
MP



SubmissiveGael -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 1:47:44 PM)

Personally, it took me a long time to get my head around the concept of bisexuality. For years as a teenager, I was convinced it did not exist. I just thought a bisexual person was a homosexual who couldn't decide to come all the way 'out'! Or a straight person who wanted to impress fashionable people (!). Naiive really is not the word, total innocent was I! Then again, it also stemmed from my inability to explain it scientifically - what is their function within nature, etc. Yeah, I had too much time on my hands I guess.

Why am I prettling on about bi people you must be wondering? Well, I guess its that within the realm of power persuasions, 'switches' serve the same function as 'bisexuals' do within the context of sexual orientations. It is no harder to understand a switch than it is a bisexual. They are simply people who are attracted to dominants and switches, and who enjoy fulfilling either role. They get a kick both from administering and relinquishing power, just as bisexuals enjoy intimate relations with either men or women.

Some are more dominant than submissive and vice versa. Incedently, I am a switch (although primarily submissive), and that is how I ultimately came to understand bisexuality. The two, though often not related, are very similar in many ways. Think about it...

S.G.



Aimtoplease101 -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 2:02:57 PM)

I don't attach any negative associations with the term.  But I think that a longer term relationship with a switch wouldn't work for me as a submissive, because I'm looking for a Domme who's interests and orientation are compatible with, and complete, my own.

For instance, if a woman I was with wanted me to dominate her, I'd have a hard time with that.  But if that was part of her make up, she'd probably be disappointed, and unsatisfied, if I couldn't/ wouldn't do it.  A dilemna for a sub!

Regards, ATP



undergroundsea -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 3:55:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Action
What do you think when you hear the term Switch?


A woman who might want to dominate me! ;-)


Seriously, I hold no negative connotation upon hearing that someone is a switch with that information alone.

Cheers,

Sea



azropedntied -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 6:22:07 PM)

When i also hear Switch i do not think of bi- as a part of the bdsm Switch persona .I would also have to disagree with a person not knowing what mold they have to have to fit into so until then  they are a Switch til they figure it out .If your not a Top your a bottom and if your a Switch  someday you have to pick a side ?Not in my book .



LotusSong -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 8:16:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

Dear Ladies and subs <3,

Maybe its just me but for a long time now whenever I see a profile or get a message from someone and they come with the label Switch. Or "dom/sub to the right person" I've always just gotten the sinking feeling that they just enjoy kinky sex. Now I know this is probably very wrong but I can't help how many of other doms and subs get that impression by the very debatable term of 'Switch'.

What do you think when you hear the term Switch?

-Lil Miss Action



"Well now, isn't that special"   NEXT  (I just have no iinterest in accomodating them is all)



Vagabond08 -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/29/2007 8:42:53 PM)

Ok, here is my input. I am someone who is new to the lifestyle and have labeled myself a switch. I fall under the category of what some above would be just looking for kinky sex of any kind. That is not the case. I consider myself mostly a sub, simply because I lack self confidence in relationships and really like the thought of letting someone else take control. In everything except my personal life I am a very dominate person, and so; until I can find out who I am I consider myself a switch. As far as looking to meet people, I am only looking for Doms. Until I know myself how could I ever know enough to be responsible for someone else?

I have noticed a discrimination against switches. I have tried contacting people simply with the message that I would like to get to know you, and I have been stonewalled for being a switch. That is my opinion, take it or leave it.

~Vagabond08



slaveelle -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/30/2007 8:40:02 AM)

I have to agree with LadyHibiscus
 
...Versality and flexibility. Enjoyment of both worlds.
 



Lashra -> RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? (10/30/2007 8:51:26 AM)

I think of someone who is flexible and can exchange different energies with different people. They maybe Dom/me with some and sub with others, either way as long as they are happy its good. I wouldn't mind playing with a switch as long as they knew that I was the Dominant one and acted accordingly.

~Lashra



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