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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 8:53:11 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		swtches make nices noises in the air before they smack my ass...

Anyways I think there's a BIG difference in "switch" and "unsure/confused" and for those using the term "switch" because they don't know who they are...well I think collarme needs an "undecided" selection there. I don't think "switch" is acurate for those who don't know who they are. I also don't think many "switch" persons enjoy the idea of getting mixed up with the "confused" crowd.

I identify as "switch" because I "switch" from top and bottom. In a traditional gay male leather culture that's what that word meant. So That's how I use it. Call me old fashioned (lol) but that's how it is for me. I have my own disbelief about D type and s type switching. I believe in temporary "submission" in a scene sure...but that doesn't change one's position within a power dynamic. In power dynamics where those invloved claim to switch from D type to s type and vice versa I still tend to see a "topping from the bottom" routine that doesn't really look like solid and structured dynamic. And that's me and my experience for what it's worth.

Toodles!

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 9:12:11 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
I think there's a BIG difference in "switch" and "unsure/confused"


I agree. I think a switch is someone who can enjoy either role and this phenomenon occurs in different forms.

Some might switch in the same relationship with respect to topping and bottoming without changing the D/s dynamic. Some might switch with respect to D/s--they might have one person who maintains the power at other times, or their power structure outside of play might be as it is for couples without a 24/7 D/s dynamic.

Some might switch so that they never switch with the same person--they are always submissive to A and always dominant to B.

Some switch with respect to sex--they are dominant towards one sex but submissive towards another sex.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 9:19:42 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		When I hear the word switch, I get a roaring sound in my ears . I don't understand it, I have read about it and spoken to folks about it but I just can't seem to understand it.

BoiJen touched a bit on what confuses me. It is the D type or s type switching which in my teensy brain makes no sense. I couldn't top no matter what, if commanded by my dom to top I would probably dissolve into a puddle of confusion. It isn't often that I am confounded by a mindset but this one does it every time.
It is a bit like how I don't get how someone can be submissive in some parts of life but not in all parts. I am, in all parts.

I do not think it is confusion, wishy-washiness or being greedy. I think it is an ability to... um... change the way one sees or interacts with others. I just don't understand HOW to do it. Jeez I sound like an idjit . I think too, that it is a positive ability to have but it is something I simply cannot do so I cannot fully understand it.  ( I really really prefer to understand things dang it)

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 9:40:38 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
It is the D type or s type switching which in my teensy brain makes no sense. I couldn't top no matter what, if commanded by my dom to top I would probably dissolve into a puddle of confusion. It isn't often that I am confounded by a mindset but this one does it every time.


When I refer to switching towards topping and bottoming, I refer to switching that is done for sake of physical sensation and not for sake of exchanging power roles.

Let's take for example doing sensation play on a dominant which involves using bunny fur, and then something cold, and then something hot. All that is almost like a massage. The point I wish to convey is that when a submissive switches in this manner, she is providing physical sensations that are pleasurable and desired by the dominant as a service to the dominant. These sensations can come from sensation play or a flogging.

quote:

It is a bit like how I don't get how someone can be submissive in some parts of life but not in all parts. I am, in all parts.


For switching with respect to D/s I refer to the KinSea ( :p ) scale, which basically says that there is a continuum between submission and dominance, just as the Kinsey scale defines a continuum between homosexuality and heterosexuality. Everyone falls somewhere along this continuum. Attending a Jack Rinella presentation added to my perspective that where one falls on this continuum depends on the other person involved.

I know a woman who is hard to imagine in a dominant role. And then I saw her with her dog and I tell you I almost hit the ground when she told the dog to sit with such authority ;-)

I am sure you can imagine yourself exercising authority or dominance over one person or another--be it by virtue of age, job roles, or personality interaction. The point here is that every person has the capacity to be dominant but perhaps not the desire. The desire sometimes changes with time, sometimes it does not.

I have sometimes seen subs switch simply because of attraction to another sub, and wanting to engage with the sub and provide the type of pleasure they experience when submitting.

Perhaps you lie at the end of the spectrum towards submission where you will never have an interest to switch, and that's fair enough.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 9:50:19 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
It is the D type or s type switching which in my teensy brain makes no sense. I couldn't top no matter what, if commanded by my dom to top I would probably dissolve into a puddle of confusion. It isn't often that I am confounded by a mindset but this one does it every time.


When I refer to switching towards topping and bottoming, I refer to switching that is done for sake of physical sensation and not for sake of exchanging power roles. Ahhhhhhh now that, I can understand. It is the exchange of power roles that eludes me.

Let's take for example doing sensation play on a dominant which involves using bunny fur, and then something cold, and then something hot. All that is almost like a massage. The point I wish to convey is that when a submissive switches in this manner, she is providing physical sensations that are pleasurable and desired by the dominant as a service to the dominant. These sensations can come from sensation play or a flogging. I hadn't put that into the catagory of switching before. So maybe my definition is totally flawed.

quote:

It is a bit like how I don't get how someone can be submissive in some parts of life but not in all parts. I am, in all parts.


For switching with respect to D/s I refer to the KinSea ( :p ) scale, which basically says that there is a continuum between submission and dominance, just as the Kinsey scale defines a continuum between homosexuality and heterosexuality. Everyone falls somewhere along this continuum. Attending a Jack Rinella presentation added to my perspective that where one falls on this continuum depends on the other person involved.

I know a woman who is hard to imagine in a dominant role. And then I saw her with her dog and I tell you I almost hit the ground when she told the dog to sit with such authority ;-) My sweet mutt is the one in control , she is without a doubt the alpha in the house and that does cause problems.

I am sure you can imagine yourself exercising authority or dominance over one person or another--be it by virtue of age, job roles, or personality interaction. The point here is that every person has the capacity to be dominant but perhaps not the desire. The desire sometimes changes with time, sometimes it does not.

I have sometimes seen subs switch simply because of attraction to another sub, and wanting to engage with the sub and provide the type of pleasure they experience when submitting.

Perhaps you lie at the end of the spectrum towards submission where you will never have an interest to switch, and that's fair enough. You are so correct on this. I do not have the desire or interest in switching/topping. The very thought makes me uncomfortable. I do however have a strong interest in understanding it and you have helped that.
Thank you Sea for taking the time with your post.

Cheers,

Sea


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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/30/2007 5:23:16 PM   
KaramelGoddess


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Joined: 6/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

Dear Ladies and subs <3,

Maybe its just me but for a long time now whenever I see a profile or get a message from someone and they come with the label Switch. Or "dom/sub to the right person" I've always just gotten the sinking feeling that they just enjoy kinky sex. Now I know this is probably very wrong but I can't help how many of other doms and subs get that impression by the very debatable term of 'Switch'.

What do you think when you hear the term Switch?

-Lil Miss Action



"Well now, isn't that special"   NEXT  (I just have no iinterest in accomodating them is all)


When I started reading this thread My initial answer was "confused" but having read some of the messages I have changed My answer to:  not for Me.
 
I have to totally agree with LotusSong - I don't feel like I could have enough energy to spend accomodating a switch.  I don't switch, never will and so there wouldn't be much point to having a relationship.
 
Now don't get Me wrong, I have played with people who identify as switches in the past.  The experiences left Me with a really bitter taste in My mouth, because all of them, in some way, tried to top from the bottom.  That just totally deflates the sexual and D/s vibe for Me.
 
~Kara

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 5:05:15 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Switches are the most grounded, sensible participants of BDSM. They won't be goreans or female supremacists, they won't be ideologically tied to top or bottom, and in terms of intimacy they derive their connection straight from the other person. In addition to these characterisitcs, they can see BDSM from each vantage point.

Switches force a potential partner to deal in reality --- aka --- in the peopleness of the relationship --- not the roles and BDSM terminology.

To me, their independence is as an asset, but I can see how tops might regard them as poor candidates for "slavery."



I have to agree with this cloudboy, as I've met many switches and  all of them were well grounded individuals without all the romantized notions. As I have said many times and I truly believe, that their position in the relationship depends upon the energy exchanged with the other person(s)
Yes I do not think a switch would make for a very good "slave", but you never know. There are exceptions to the "rule" and nothing in BDSM is cast in stone.

~Lashra


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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 7:13:24 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

When I hear the word switch, I get a roaring sound in my ears . I don't understand it, I have read about it and spoken to folks about it but I just can't seem to understand it.

BoiJen touched a bit on what confuses me. It is the D type or s type switching which in my teensy brain makes no sense. I couldn't top no matter what, if commanded by my dom to top I would probably dissolve into a puddle of confusion. It isn't often that I am confounded by a mindset but this one does it every time.
It is a bit like how I don't get how someone can be submissive in some parts of life but not in all parts. I am, in all parts.

I do not think it is confusion, wishy-washiness or being greedy. I think it is an ability to... um... change the way one sees or interacts with others. I just don't understand HOW to do it. Jeez I sound like an idjit . I think too, that it is a positive ability to have but it is something I simply cannot do so I cannot fully understand it.  ( I really really prefer to understand things dang it)


You don't sound like an "idjit" camille, I used to have the same perplexed outlook to switches as it didn't seem to be something I felt I could do.  However, as with all things in life, change happens.  I'm not suggesting it can or should for you, merely that your opinion has merit for you and doesn't make you any less intelligent for having it.
l

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 12:02:00 PM   
morgainne


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline 		In reading the responses that have been left, I of course have more to say.

There have been comments from a few who state that it is confusion on the part of the person claiming they are a Switch. For some people, I am sure that it is the case and the term "undecided" is more accurate for them. Then there are those of us who are true Switches.

No. Being a switch does not mean that if I have a Domme relationship with a submissive that I am going to expect that submissive to Dominate me at some point. For me, that is not how it works. It is the dynamics of the relationship that dictate the terms of my dominance or submission. I would never ask my Daddy to allow me to Dominate him. I am naturally his slave. In my mind, there is NO way that I would ever be able to operate in that capacity with him. Even, if I am dominating someone in front of him or at his command, I am doing it for him, as his slave. He enjoys watching the Dominant in me come out to play, but he is secure in the knowledge that our relationship is one where I would never "switch" on him.

I think that there is a common misconception that a Switch will want to change the role that they have in a relationship at some point. Sure, this may be the case, however, I think that it is rare. Being a Switch in my mind is equated with being comfortable with both sides of myself. I do not need to dominate to be happy nor do I need to submit. As I stated earlier, it is the dynamics of the relationship and the respect within the confines of the said relationship that will dictate the terms of the Dominance or submission.

This probably makes absolutely no sense!

I "get" that some people just don't understand what it is all about. That they could not imagine submitting or dominating anyone because it goes against the essential being of who they are. It is like a lesbian never wanting to be with a man because it is unattractive to them. Or a heterosexual never contemplating being with someone of the same sex because they have no attraction there. Then there is that middle ground where both are attractive, where a person can see both sides of the coin. For me, that is what being a switch is. It doesn't mean that I need to flip that "switch" all the time, rather, it is the option to fulfill that desire should the opportunity arise.

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 2:48:42 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		 Switches need a good switch to their a**.  I would make them go get a nice long switch off a tree and show them what a true switch looks and really feels like. I am sure they will understand why they should never contact me again when I am finished.

That's how I feel about it.

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 10/31/2007 2:49:54 PM >

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 2:55:13 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha

Switches need a good switch to their a**.  I would make them go get a nice long switch off a tree and show them what a true switch looks and really feels like. I am sure they will understand why they should never contact me again when I am finished.

That's how I feel about it.



yeah yeah threaten us with a good time...that will work

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/31/2007 3:20:00 PM >

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 3:01:31 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		laurell3 ROTFL.

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 3:43:56 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaramelGoddess

Now don't get Me wrong, I have played with people who identify as switches in the past.  The experiences left Me with a really bitter taste in My mouth, because all of them, in some way, tried to top from the bottom.  That just totally deflates the sexual and D/s vibe for Me.
 
~Kara


I never felt bitter afterward.. what I felt like is that I had just sessioned a "black hole", meaning energy in..none back. When I session a submissive (that has no interest in switching), there is a continuous loop of energy that is formed.  Afterward, BOTH of us feel energized. There was one time my slave actually took me with him.  Now that was interesting ans was witnessed by a group of people.  They didn't know what they were seeing, but they could feel the energy going on. It was like flying :)

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 3:48:05 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Meh, I've been with some Doms and subs that just had no spark and found it to be unfulfilling....it hasn't lead me to believe all Doms and subs suffer from the same shortcomings.

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 3:58:30 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Meh, I've been with some Doms and subs that just had no spark and found it to be unfulfilling....it hasn't lead me to believe all Doms and subs suffer from the same shortcomings.


When you kiss enough frogs, you pretty well know if you are in to frog kissing or not :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 10/31/2007 4:21:46 PM >

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I'm not inflatable.


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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 10/31/2007 4:28:48 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

Dear Ladies and subs <3,

Maybe its just me but for a long time now whenever I see a profile or get a message from someone and they come with the label Switch. Or "dom/sub to the right person" I've always just gotten the sinking feeling that they just enjoy kinky sex. Now I know this is probably very wrong but I can't help how many of other doms and subs get that impression by the very debatable term of 'Switch'.

What do you think when you hear the term Switch?

-Lil Miss Action



I have had many a professional session with male switches, and I like to indulge in them just the same as I do with any sub/masochist or player that I accept.

Switches I believe, have the best of both worlds, both sides of the coin so to speak. It would not work for Me personally, but hey, good for them, more switchy fun to be had.

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 11/4/2007 7:39:52 AM   
Action


Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Dear Everyone,

Thank you so much with sharing all your ideas on the subject, I do have to clear up the fact few of you all took my original post as an insult but the very purpose of this thread wasn't about MY thoughts but everyone elses. I love opening a discussion (not argument topic mind you) like something like this to bring to air alot of people's feelings. I will say as much as I know in a  way a community must have things like labels and "traditions" to work as a cohesive community I've always felt a bit like an outsider in that I don't like alot of the "norm" things alot of dom woman and subs enjoy. It is very much part of my everyday life, I dom just as well in my pjs as I ever could in "gear".

This isn't to say I don't see how and why those things have been part of the community so the idea that a switch is very much on the fence of everyone's thoughts in the good or bad always make me wonder weather thats alot becuase of a stigma, or from one person's bad experinces and so on. It is such a varied subject, its like how I used to feel about bisexuals but having relized Im one it also makes me doubt my feelings about switches in that they could TRUELY be dom or sub for the "right person" it is easy to still feel like they are out for themselves.

But like with most things thats usualy not true, though some individuals we meet will always live up to that stigma. I hope it makes everyone aware to always look twice before just setting in stone what they think about any one label meaning any one thing.

-Lil Miss Action


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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 11/4/2007 7:45:36 AM   
MissAndry


Posts: 142
Joined: 10/12/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		Ive been thinking of the OPs question myself recently. When I hear switch I try to be fair but in all honesty Im not. I know Im being very unjust and unfair but I just cant see it working out for me to take on a switch. There always seems to be a time when the dominant factor rears its ugly head and I just prefer submissives thru and thru.
I used to think I was switch but in actual fact I just enjoyed bottoming from the top, while still in control of the entire situation, which is entirely different from submission in my opinion. Therefore I do believe that switches do have a side they lean more towards in their heart, and when they play the other side its not as deep a submission (or dominance) as it would be if they were entirely sub (or Dom).
hope this has made sense lol. Just my tuppence. x
PS I know I probably havent been fair to switches and Ive tried to change my mind on it but it just wont go! 

edited to delete a word that shouldnt have been there! 

< Message edited by MissAndry -- 11/4/2007 7:46:22 AM >

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 11/4/2007 9:07:07 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		I have an off the wall opinion on this whole "switch" thing, but, it is what I believe.

First of all, I don't believe there is any such thing as a switch.

I believe we are all predominantly Dominant or submissive by nature.  I believe the switching comes in when topping and bottoming get involved.  It is a temporary role play depending on the person and the circumstance.

I know of very Dominant people who like to bottom on occasion.  That doesn't make them submissive.  It also goes the other way.  Some submissives are very sadistic and enjoy topping on occasion.  It doesn't make them Dominants.

I guess it boils down to play, or occasional time spent with another person vs lifestyle. 

I have topped Doms on many occasions.  Did I Dom them?  No.  Did they submit to me?  No.

I was in a relationship with a switch also.  I got tired of his "Dom" mode coming out, and me having to put him in his place.  Not long into the relationship, he informed me that he had met a submissive he wanted to collar.... then, since he was bi-sexual, he also was pursuing a male Dom and a male submissive to add to his harem.  lol   I told him I don't take a ticket and stand in line waiting for the time of any sub I would collar, and took my leave.  I wish him luck juggling all of those dynamics.  Sounds exhausting to me.  He is the example of many of us who think some who identify as switches are just out for the constant variety and it is more about sex and/or play for them.  Maybe we are wrong, but my experience has been just that.

Give me a slave mind and heart any day.... it keeps me much more satisfied and content. <smile>

< Message edited by MystressDream -- 11/4/2007 9:09:49 AM >

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RE: What do you think when you hear Switch? - 11/4/2007 9:10:35 AM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

Dear Ladies and subs <3,

Maybe its just me but for a long time now whenever I see a profile or get a message from someone and they come with the label Switch. Or "dom/sub to the right person" I've always just gotten the sinking feeling that they just enjoy kinky sex. Now I know this is probably very wrong but I can't help how many of other doms and subs get that impression by the very debatable term of 'Switch'.

What do you think when you hear the term Switch?

-Lil Miss Action



That is a bit offensive to me in truth because there is nothing wrong with only wanting kinky sex.

_____________________________

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Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

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