Argentopal
Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline
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Hi Steel,
While what Rrafe says is true; let me agree with what you are saying. I did check your profile because being married and living this life 24 7 is not all that some who are NOT living it together in the same house 24 7 think it is.
First - for those who do not live together - being in one type of relationship is NOT inherently better than any other. If you are in the type or style of relationship that makes you and your partner(s) happy, then it is the right one for you. Second – living together IS different. No matter how committed you are, if you do not live under the same roof 24 7, your relationship is going to be different than those who do. That’s true in the vanilla world and true in the bdsm world. Steel – Sir and I organized a group for Ds/bdsm couples who live together 24 7 over 10 years ago now so we could talk to others who tried to live like we were trying to live. We found it hard at times, and not near as “hot and amazing” as we had planned for it to be, or wanted it to be or hoped it would be. We wanted to know the big secret in having that hot, amazing, always “on” 24 7 bdsm life of always in control, mean, authoritarian, whip wielding, flogger carrying Master with his crawling, always respectful, never tired or grumpy, always wet and begging to suck him slave. Yeah. Guess what the number 1,2 and 3 complaints of every single submissive/slave in a living together relationship are. Not enough consistency, not enough play, not “mean/strong” enough. Those 3 are not always in that order, but it’s the same three. Now, Argent loves to walk up and pull my hair and kiss me really hard and it makes me shudder every time, it makes me feel like a young girl again and just makes me melt and I lay my head against him and want to just stay that was. But he pushes me away and goes back to what he was doing (and yeah, that’s hot too) We have daily rituals in place that help us remember who we are and help me especially feel focused and calm. So as Rrafe and others have said, the undercurrents are there. Argent may run a knife over my neck and walk away, or stop in front of me and wrap his hand around my throat as he kisses me, or slap me unexpectedly – but that’s not what you mean. But the play? Not so much! We often set up “play evenings” ahead of time. If Sir tells me to “have a cold supper ready” on Tuesday that means that he will arrive home and I am to have eaten something already and be showered and in something sexy and easy to get off. I am to have certain toys out – he will usually tell me what he wants or maybe even just say to have some toys out – my choice. He will come home and we will have our “getting home” ritual and then we will play, and it will end in sex – someplace in the house (!). Then I will serve him his dinner, sometimes in bed, sometimes on the front porch, and he might tell me to eat something or he might feed me. Usually, if it isn’t bed time yet, we will snuggle on the couch or lounge around until it is time for bed. Sometimes we will end or begin that evening with a shower together. Sound hot and fun? Well, last week that night was Friday. In the middle of the afternoon I found very yucky water backing up in the downstairs shower … then the downstairs potty began to back up. I called him at work and described the problem and he had me go out and run a test on the septic tank to be sure it was functioning. It was. Ok, well … I was told to have his old clothes ready for him when he got home and he spent 2+hours troubleshooting the plumbing and septic system until he found the problem and fixed it. Needless to say, no play. He had to shower and was hungry and had now done his whole work day which includes a total of 3 hours driving time plus been knee deep in muck. I gave him a nice dinner and we sat on the couch and went to bed early. Every single day the following week had something that had to get done and this weekend we had company. Next weekend our grand-ums will be here 3 days with their parents coming for dinner on Sunday and 2 weeks later my in-laws arrive for a 2 week visit! Now, I know that sounds kind of depressing, but again – the daily rituals, the walking by hair pulls, ass swats and all the little things are good and helpful. We also do small things we do not consider “scenes” but sort of are little ones with some bedtime spankings that might be bare hand or might be with a cane or slapper or tawse. But he tells me ahead of time, maybe even in the morning, that he is going to do it – and of course I never think about it during the day when he tells me that early! I am never laying there waiting for him getting all excited thinking about it and we never, ever have hot sex after it. So, you are not alone. It’s life and the ‘nillas complain about boredom and having to make “date night” just the same. It’s called real life and we have to cook and clean and go to work and pay the bills and wash the dishes and we are human. I’d say making a “date night” for play helps – but obviously it isn’t fail safe. Even though we do not let “anything” interfere with our date nights, even that can be trumped by backed up sewage! Your profile sounds like you both enjoy each other and have a pretty good life together. Don’t feel as if you are alone in the quest for more play or the feeling you don’t play enough (yes, for those of you who say “We do not play, it is who new are” etc – we DO call the whips and chains and ropes full out scene “play” – it’s fun! And why else do we have toys if we don’t play with them?) We define our whole life/relationship as “kinky” but the down and out hard core bdsm is not as often as we either one wish it was, want it to be, and would have it if the world was totally a fantasy where we could just make up what we wanted to do. Even when we do not play for a while, we always feel who we are. Ds is who we are – bdsm is something fun/hot we do. Even without as much play as we both want, our love and commitment is here and we have actually recently talked about it, and we could just never be vanilla – Argent and His opal are who we are and even in our long time ‘nilla life together, we were always moving toward this relationship. Be Well,
opal
_____________________________
He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."
... and i did.
~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~
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