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confused! - 10/29/2007 3:00:51 PM   
tahlina


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Hi to all,
i'm new to the site & a relative newbie to the D/s lifestyle.  Over the last few months Master has been slowly & carefully introducing me to more D/s & i find myself sinking deeper & deeper, its like a drug the more i have the more i seem to want. lol

In one area i am a little confused & would like some imput from other Doms/subs.
Having stated firmly to my Master at the beginning of our relationship that i am not a masochist, that i do not like pain at all!   i find it hard to understand that after a clamps/caning/flogging etc i am more sexually aroused than ever.  Master who is slightly sadistic laughed when i asked him & suggested that my mind may not be masochistic but my body has other ideas!  Help! Lol

Master agreed i could ask for opinions on his theory on the boards.


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:08:04 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		I'd have to agree with your Master. lol

Isn't it funny... we think we will hate something, but when we try it... it blows our mind... or something like it. That's why around here... we don't just taste everything at the dinner table... we try new things before we say we don't like them.  That goes for me and submissive! lol

Enjoy!

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:19:03 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have to be in the right dynamic / mindset to enjoy pain. I am actually a big baby ... but oh wow! Knowing that I am pushing past the pain to serve as his outlet is about as subspacey as it gets for me.

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:19:24 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Whether you are a masochist or not, the structure of the human brain is such that the pathways for fear, sexual arousal, and anger are closely linked and overlapping.  Pain triggers fear and anger responses, which get blurred with sexual arousal, especially when aroused already, or anticipating sex.  These pathways are connected because they are all excitatory and very cued in to certain behavioral interactions. 

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:22:18 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Yeesh, Charlotte isn't satisfied with everything being all about her, she has to leave her login on so that all the posts are from her too   =P

~ Tigrita, the neuroscientist

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 10/29/2007 3:23:10 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:23:08 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

 i find it hard to understand that after a clamps/caning/flogging etc i am more sexually aroused than ever.  Master who is slightly sadistic laughed when i asked him & suggested that my mind may not be masochistic but my body has other ideas!  Help! Lol

tahlina,
Don't know if this will "help" but maybe the issue isn't with the sensation its with the label. Looking at the dictionary definition and with no, or limited experience, who would want to be labeled "masochistic"? All of our experienced sensations are personal. As such the intensity and the mental, emotional, processing of of those sensations is unique to the individual. Now take it to the next labeling level - you enjoy an activity avoided by most and perceived painful as many and "here's you sign!"

Agreeing with that thought process is why I don't believe in the common practice of a Dom trying out any new implement on him/her self. The sensation is not processed the same even if the intensity is generated by a calibrated machine.

Your mind is a large and limitless sex organ. The connection with your Master is contributory to the positive, assuming you see your sexual arousal from pain as positive, response to the sensation. Enjoy the ride and worry less about the labels. Who knows, someday you and your Master may be walking through Dom-Depot and pick out a set of battery cables to be used as your new nipple clamps. If you enjoy them, who cares that someone would label you masochistic?

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:28:51 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		tahlina,
welcome to the wonderful wacky world of bdsm and the forums. A talented Dominant can teach your mind to associate pain with pleasure.  As this goes on, you find you actually enjoy pain and even crave it.
Always decide what's best for you, but keep an open mind because you may find that your opinions will change dramatically.
good luck to you,
l

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 3:34:53 PM   
MUTILATOR


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Quite typical tahlina.  I often get subs or slaves who have hard rules about some type of play, only to find that, IF she is introduced to it the right way (either gradually enough OR in the right context) she's surprised at how much she likes it.  Most commonly I see hard limits to electrical play or needles ... usually because they expect something entirely different (or didn't like their pediatrician when they were 2 yrs old).   Luckily you have found a Dom who knows how to take you there.
quote:

ORIGINAL: tahlina
Over the last few months Master has been slowly & carefully introducing me to more D/s & i find myself sinking deeper & deeper, its like a drug the more i have the more i seem to want. lol .......
Having stated firmly to my Master at the beginning of our relationship that i am not a masochist, that i do not like pain at all!   i find it hard to understand that after a clamps/caning/flogging etc i am more sexually aroused than ever.  Master who is slightly sadistic laughed when i asked him & suggested that my mind may not be masochistic but my body has other ideas!  Help! Lol

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 4:05:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So you put a label on yourself which you felt was right at the time.

As you experience and educate yourself more, you find yourself open to new ideas. 

The worst thing you could do is make an uninformed decision and then trap yourself into it for the rest of your life.  Making good judgements are all about being open to new information and making new choices about it.

And you learned not to say no to things so quickly before really trying to explore.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MUTILATOR)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 4:23:13 PM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tahlina

Hi to all,
i'm new to the site & a relative newbie to the D/s lifestyle.  Over the last few months Master has been slowly & carefully introducing me to more D/s & i find myself sinking deeper & deeper, its like a drug the more i have the more i seem to want. lol

In one area i am a little confused & would like some imput from other Doms/subs.
Having stated firmly to my Master at the beginning of our relationship that i am not a masochist, that i do not like pain at all!   i find it hard to understand that after a clamps/caning/flogging etc i am more sexually aroused than ever.  Master who is slightly sadistic laughed when i asked him & suggested that my mind may not be masochistic but my body has other ideas!  Help! Lol

Master agreed i could ask for opinions on his theory on the boards.





Tahlina
it's wacky stuff hm?  I know.. : )
you are not alone in your wonderment about that.
 
If you have ever followed me into a dentist office and listened to me demand laughing gas just to be able to take ONE novacaine needle > You would not beleive I am the same person that has been frequently found kneeling before her Master with  a multitude of needles strategically placed on my body by him, my face a glow and so totally in adoration & euphoria, its nearly pathetic..
teehee
I crave taking pain from him..feeling and enduring the extreme sensations..
 
When I have asked the question..am I a masochist?  He doesn't think so..
His take on this is :
  I am not excited by the pain,  I am excited by the administration of the pain onto me..the mindset it takes me to ...and the feeling of taking and enduring it from him..
 
if I were masochist > I would become aroused by the feel of pain on my skin/body...administered by anyone and any mindset... or self ( even ) ..
 
well, when he explains it > it makes sense to me  LOL
 
example:
   if I reached down right now and scraped my nails deeply up the length of my thigh...it would hurt and I wouldn't like it.
  however> there are times when I am with him, or even talking with him on the phone, and my mind is in a certain "place" > and I am feeling an emotional intensity ( pent up at times ) where exactly what I want to do is dig my nails into my thigh and scratch as hard as I can ....and when I do> it feels intense but not painful, feels like a deep ache has been released and replaced with warm liquid energy.
   not sure that makes sense to you ...but it happens to me.
 
  when it comes down to it tho'  does it matter if what I feel is masochistic or if what he feels is sadistic at times?
doesn't really matter what its called or labeled.  We know what we "feel " : )
 
hope some of this might have helped or at least made sense.
 

 
 
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 5:00:16 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tahlina

Hi to all,
i'm new to the site & a relative newbie to the D/s lifestyle.  Over the last few months Master has been slowly & carefully introducing me to more D/s & i find myself sinking deeper & deeper, its like a drug the more i have the more i seem to want. lol

In one area i am a little confused & would like some imput from other Doms/subs.
Having stated firmly to my Master at the beginning of our relationship that i am not a masochist, that i do not like pain at all!   i find it hard to understand that after a clamps/caning/flogging etc i am more sexually aroused than ever.  Master who is slightly sadistic laughed when i asked him & suggested that my mind may not be masochistic but my body has other ideas!  Help! Lol

Master agreed i could ask for opinions on his theory on the boards.



   Obviously since you are just starting, you might not have known that the masochist part of you even exsisted.   It's sort of like saying, I love to be caned even though I have never been caned.   Or, I hate being flogged even though no one has flogged me before.   Part of the lifestyle is learning about yourself.
    Sometimes, I will say---omg that hurts, I HATE that, but please please do it again.   Pain/pleasure an insanely enjoyable mixture.  

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 5:52:46 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		When Phoenix and I got together, he hated pain. Today, he enjoys it much more than he did then. Some of that is time and experience but I know for us alot of it is the trust between us. Without that he would not have ever felt comfy enough to try alot of what he has with me. Don't be afraid to experience new things.
 
Blessed be,
Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 6:00:53 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		Or making the right choices that will last a life time

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 7:38:32 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Welcome to the club, dont' be afraid of experimenting.  The worst thing you could do for yourself it shun something because you are afraid, push yourself and allow yourself to be pushed to an extent.  Learn to enjoy that labels are not always what they are made out to be.  As the others have stated, continue to enjoy yourself and as you sink "deeper and deeper" you will love it more and more and crave it more and more.  Above all else, dont' be afraid to ask to experiment, enjoy yourself and have fun.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 7:52:21 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		It really depends on the mental associations and skill of the top. I usually take girls up in small stages-Start with regular vanilla sex-but a bit of physical restraint from me-like holding onto the hands or feet. When she gets used to that-some light bondage-then heavier.

Then we try some light spanking..........sensual fluffy stuff-not a lot of force-with lots of fingering of her holes during-maybe some work on the gspot. I'll put her over my knee-grab her by the hair to hold her down gradually build it up-as she gets more excited. You just have to figure out the buttons to push-and do a bit of programming.

Seems like this is what is happening to you-don't worry about it too much.......it's ok to like sensation play-if if they thought you didn't.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 8:14:14 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		You might be getting off on his enjoyment of it.  You might be getting off on the neurochemistry of it all. Or maybe... having experienced "pain" in a new way, your limits are changing. Whatever the reasons, it's okay to like it.

I am not a painslut really. I do not like pain for pain's sake, though I can tolerate quite a bit if I can convince myself there is a purpose for it (like body mods, for example, "permanent" or temporary). Under the right context, what might normally be painful is incredibly pleasurable (how many people have complained when they have been bitten or scratched during sex?). It's all a matter of perspective.

As for "limits", I am of the school of "don't knock it til you try it" in regards to most things (I draw an unwaivering line on activities that are high risk for disease transmission or are expressly illegal). You may find that with time and experience former hard limits become soft limits, and former soft limits become fun times. Conversely, some things that were "maybes" will become "oh hell no!" and things that were "oh hell no!" become "oh hell fucking no!"

Hurray for learning!


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to tahlina)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 8:39:50 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Master is right on this one.  You have not increased your pain tolerance.   If you get an orgasim from someone inflicting pain, you are a machosist.  You can be a machosist and be a Domme.  I am.  

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: confused! - 10/29/2007 10:09:26 PM   
slave4urneeds


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		[/quote]
Your mind is a large and limitless sex organ. The connection with your Master is contributory to the positive, assuming you see your sexual arousal from pain as positive, response to the sensation. Enjoy the ride and worry less about the labels. Who knows, someday you and your Master may be walking through Dom-Depot and pick out a set of battery cables to be used as your new nipple clamps. If you enjoy them, who cares that someone would label you masochistic?
[/quote]

Thank goodness that the mind is such a great and wonderful sex organ.  i amwith Merc here, who cares what the label is as long as you enjoy it and have fun it doesn't matter more than that.

Of course i am masochist, pain slut and i am proud of it and you will be really surprised what you will find in Dom Depot that will really get those endorphins pumping

_____________________________

~pleasures

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: confused! - 10/30/2007 11:39:39 AM   
tahlina


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottLicks

I'd have to agree with your Master. lol

Isn't it funny... we think we will hate something, but when we try it... it blows our mind... or something like it. That's why around here... we don't just taste everything at the dinner table... we try new things before we say we don't like them.  That goes for me and submissive! lol

Enjoy!


lol i have a whole list of things i want to try!  Not sure i'll like them all but its a new adventure! 

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: confused! - 10/30/2007 11:43:58 AM   
tahlina


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

tahlina,
Don't know if this will "help" but maybe the issue isn't with the sensation its with the label. Looking at the dictionary definition and with no, or limited experience, who would want to be labeled "masochistic"? All of our experienced sensations are personal. As such the intensity and the mental, emotional, processing of of those sensations is unique to the individual. Now take it to the next labeling level - you enjoy an activity avoided by most and perceived painful as many and "here's you sign!"

Agreeing with that thought process is why I don't believe in the common practice of a Dom trying out any new implement on him/her self. The sensation is not processed the same even if the intensity is generated by a calibrated machine.

Your mind is a large and limitless sex organ. The connection with your Master is contributory to the positive, assuming you see your sexual arousal from pain as positive, response to the sensation. Enjoy the ride and worry less about the labels. Who knows, someday you and your Master may be walking through Dom-Depot and pick out a set of battery cables to be used as your new nipple clamps. If you enjoy them, who cares that someone would label you masochistic?

hi thanks for this, i never thought about it like this, now though i can see thay you may be right.  Living vanilla for so long has kind of brainwashed me into thinking things are wrong when they are really just different.  Certainly gives me a new insight, many thanks

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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