Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

autitioning or interviewing?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> autitioning or interviewing? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:16:23 AM   
fleshslave


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline 		I received a message the other day from a man who does not live near me, and obviously would not be a match for what I seek.  His comment to me was " you seem to miss the back premise of what being submissive is.  you are the one auditioning for a Master. "

Now, my experience as a slave/submissive tells me that I am the one picking whom I will submit to. I am who is giving up  control, giving everything to him. Once I have found someone I feel safe in submitting to, then i am no longer in control, it is up to him at that point to see if I am what he desires.

Of course this goes on both ways in the chatting process, but it does not make sense to me what he said. If I was in that state of mind, that any man can have me if I suit his needs, I would have been abused, hurt or killed long ago.

please let me know your opinions on this.

hope aka fleshslave
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:22:40 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		People have different ideas of what the "dating" process should look like between Dom and sub.  The bottom line is, just as in vanilla dating, it is all about sniffing around each other to find out if the other person is what you seek.  Both parties have to do this or they would end up in some pretty unhappy relationships.  Just because it feels/seems/is a good fit for one person does not automatically mean it will be for both.  It is my personal opinion that " in love" happens one sided most of the time and the real trick is to find someone you feel that wildly nuts about that feels the same freaky way about you.
So... it's a mutual audition for me, I just choose to give him more control over the scenes we audition in.

just my humble opinion as always,
oct

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:23:20 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:28:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Arpig. Auditioning is a two way street. It can be as simple as do we meet each others needs or is my BS better then your BS.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:29:05 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think of my initial contacts and meetings with a potential as us interviewing each other. However I have learned to hold back some of my own limits and interests because it tends to nudge the sub into making statements that may not be completely correct merely because he/she is anxious to please. Therefore it seems often more like me doing the interviewing and he/she being interviewed.

The formal training period and program is what I would could mutual auditioning in my household if one must use that concept.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:33:43 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		In my mind you are both feeling out the other to see if there is a potential fit.
The tricky part is what TammyJo says, finding the line between telling the other party what you seek as so many people will then dovetail their comments to fit within that certain profile, whether or not that is really who they are. The flip side is that it is often unfair to keep a running list of criteria in your head while checking off whether the other party does actually fit within that or not. I tend to disclose my dealbreakers and then look for other things that seem important to me. I assume she is doing the same.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 7:36:14 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fleshslave

Now, my experience as a slave/submissive tells me that I am the one picking whom I will submit to.


I agree with you.
I did start a post a while back entitled o Interviewing Dominants as I feel it is this way round.
It is me the submissive that is giving up my energy and it me the submissive who reserves the ultimae right to say no.
Unless we get to the slave level that is......
that's a whole new ball game.....

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 8:07:29 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition


I agree with this.

Both people are auditioning and both people are picking who to be with. There are people in this life that sometimes want to use semantics to use theoretical abstract theories to real life human relations and will preach a certain way.

Under consideration is much the same way. If I pledge my wanting to be owned for the long term to someone and truly felt they did not feel the same way until some actual time went by to prove myself I would want to go see a psychologist. To me that is the same as asking to marry someone and them going lets wait for six months to see if I want to. That would not go over well to a sane person. This by no means though diminishes “under consideration” if the people are using it in a rational way.

To me auditioning is the same way. If the person truly thinks they have nothing to prove that is insane. If the person is just using the term though to infuse an atmosphere of power exchange then take it for what it is worth but certainly do not take it literally like it is a one way street.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 8:12:29 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fleshslave

I received a message the other day from a man who does not live near me, and obviously would not be a match for what I seek.  His comment to me was " you seem to miss the back premise of what being submissive is.  you are the one auditioning for a Master. "




Bah. He was simply taking a feeble dig at you for not choosing his Dominant bad self.

< Message edited by batshalom -- 10/31/2007 8:28:49 AM >

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 8:20:44 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Agrees with batshalom. But how dare you for having the nerve to turn that guy down.  

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 8:27:16 AM   
brattysarahjane


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition


i agree with this completely.  it's a two way street. 

bratty sarah jane

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 8:34:32 AM   
fleshslave


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, it is a 2 way street,  and in my original post i state " Of course this goes on both ways in the chatting process," 

batshalom and Dnomyar, OH.. is that what happened?  ~giggles~  he could tell by my profile he wouldnt be a match... grins

(in reply to brattysarahjane)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 11:07:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		personally for me, i'm not auditioning or interviewing ...nor would i expect the potential dom to think that.  it's merely chatting until i feel comfortable enough to meet you in public and then at a later time submitting.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 12:36:25 PM   
RosesHaveThorns


Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with batshalom as well. I believe that it takes two to tango, and the person who wants to be in control must show that they are not only a dominant, but the dominant that the sub would feel like they could submit to. But, the sub must also show that they are what the other person is looking for, and that they are compatible. Or else, something is going to go wrong and someone is going to become bored and unfulfilled.

This applies especially to long term relationships, in my opinion, where the desired goal is more then quick play or a fling. The two must be compatible, or it simply won't work and just lead to frustration and heartbreak.

Besides, not all of us bend over backwards and have the word "welcome" tattooed onto our backside. Just because some of us are subs in the bedroom doesn't mean we're not agressive outside of it.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 1:47:37 PM   
fleshslave


Posts: 22
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Besides, not all of us bend over backwards and have the word "welcome" tattooed onto our backside. Just because some of us are subs in the bedroom doesn't mean we're not agressive outside of it.



oh thank you!!


_____________________________

~hope~
just a girl

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 2:57:21 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Well fleshslave, for me it goes both ways, if I am interviewing a potential sub- they are also feeling me out and interviewing me. I am very open about allowing questions and feedback and so forth. When I am ready to take it to another level and I am sure they are too...then it goes to the next level and then to the next level. Meanwhile I am testing, probing, and making sure the person isn't unstable and most of all a continued match for me. If I feel uncomfortable or if they did the option to go is always an option.

However, someone who sends an e-mail and saying, "I am submitting before you now Mistress." Is a bit too dramatic and  they need to get in touch with reality. I wouldn't even think of speaking to someone who spoke to me like that. I am certain your feelings about this person should be the same.

You are a human being first before anything else.

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 3:21:35 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't apply the word "auditioning" at all here.  Neither of us were trying out for a part, after all.  What is a submissive audition, anyway?  Getting on a stage and showing your best submissive moves?  :)

Neither of us auditioned.  My Master was himself - no pretense.  I felt his power and asked him to train me as his slave.  During those initial few months, I learned whether I could belong to someone like him, and he learned me and considered whether or not he wanted to own me. 

But the reason I submitted to him was because I felt his power and was affected by it.  Not because he was simply a dominant who contacted me.

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 3:24:27 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		maybe Im to simple I like to view it as ...meeting,dating,courting/monogamous,collaring......in that order....otherwise it feels like a job interview

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 3:41:42 PM   
Mercurialdame


Posts: 66
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Amazing how these words, spoken by the right person, would make me go all gooey.
Spoken by a relative stranger to me, and im allready hitting the block! Tosser.
md

(in reply to fleshslave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: autitioning or interviewing? - 10/31/2007 3:48:22 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		It's just like picking a vanilla partner, just more intimate and open about desires, fantasies, etc.
 
Is it auditioning? Not from where I stand, since this is NOT role-playing, which 'auditioning' sounds like [if this IS role-playing for you and NOT r/t or 27/4 as the goal, then I guess that word would fit and be more precises]. 'Interviewing' I guess so, you can look at it that way.  This is a two-way street, a mutual decision; one person can't make the 'ultimate' decision and the other person not agree, that would take away from the 'consensual' part of things. 
 
When I meet someone new I always try to go into with an open mind of, 'this is someone I am getting to know, friendship is a possibility, relationship is a posibility, never seeing this person is a possibility.'  No expectations, no disappointments. Just enjoy the learning and growing experience.  

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Mercurialdame)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> autitioning or interviewing? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094