autitioning or interviewing? (Full Version)

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fleshslave -> autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:16:23 AM)

I received a message the other day from a man who does not live near me, and obviously would not be a match for what I seek.  His comment to me was " you seem to miss the back premise of what being submissive is.  you are the one auditioning for a Master. "

Now, my experience as a slave/submissive tells me that I am the one picking whom I will submit to. I am who is giving up  control, giving everything to him. Once I have found someone I feel safe in submitting to, then i am no longer in control, it is up to him at that point to see if I am what he desires.

Of course this goes on both ways in the chatting process, but it does not make sense to me what he said. If I was in that state of mind, that any man can have me if I suit his needs, I would have been abused, hurt or killed long ago.

please let me know your opinions on this.

hope aka fleshslave



octavia -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:22:40 AM)

People have different ideas of what the "dating" process should look like between Dom and sub.  The bottom line is, just as in vanilla dating, it is all about sniffing around each other to find out if the other person is what you seek.  Both parties have to do this or they would end up in some pretty unhappy relationships.  Just because it feels/seems/is a good fit for one person does not automatically mean it will be for both.  It is my personal opinion that " in love" happens one sided most of the time and the real trick is to find someone you feel that wildly nuts about that feels the same freaky way about you.
So... it's a mutual audition for me, I just choose to give him more control over the scenes we audition in. [:D]

just my humble opinion as always,
oct



Arpig -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:23:20 AM)

Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition



Dnomyar -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:28:05 AM)

I agree with Arpig. Auditioning is a two way street. It can be as simple as do we meet each others needs or is my BS better then your BS.



thetammyjo -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:29:05 AM)

I think of my initial contacts and meetings with a potential as us interviewing each other. However I have learned to hold back some of my own limits and interests because it tends to nudge the sub into making statements that may not be completely correct merely because he/she is anxious to please. Therefore it seems often more like me doing the interviewing and he/she being interviewed.

The formal training period and program is what I would could mutual auditioning in my household if one must use that concept.



Kana -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:33:43 AM)

In my mind you are both feeling out the other to see if there is a potential fit.
The tricky part is what TammyJo says, finding the line between telling the other party what you seek as so many people will then dovetail their comments to fit within that certain profile, whether or not that is really who they are. The flip side is that it is often unfair to keep a running list of criteria in your head while checking off whether the other party does actually fit within that or not. I tend to disclose my dealbreakers and then look for other things that seem important to me. I assume she is doing the same.



Prinsexx -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 7:36:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fleshslave

Now, my experience as a slave/submissive tells me that I am the one picking whom I will submit to.


I agree with you.
I did start a post a while back entitled o Interviewing Dominants as I feel it is this way round.
It is me the submissive that is giving up my energy and it me the submissive who reserves the ultimae right to say no.
Unless we get to the slave level that is......
that's a whole new ball game.....



toservez -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 8:07:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition


I agree with this.

Both people are auditioning and both people are picking who to be with. There are people in this life that sometimes want to use semantics to use theoretical abstract theories to real life human relations and will preach a certain way.

Under consideration is much the same way. If I pledge my wanting to be owned for the long term to someone and truly felt they did not feel the same way until some actual time went by to prove myself I would want to go see a psychologist. To me that is the same as asking to marry someone and them going lets wait for six months to see if I want to. That would not go over well to a sane person. This by no means though diminishes “under consideration” if the people are using it in a rational way.

To me auditioning is the same way. If the person truly thinks they have nothing to prove that is insane. If the person is just using the term though to infuse an atmosphere of power exchange then take it for what it is worth but certainly do not take it literally like it is a one way street.




batshalom -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 8:12:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fleshslave

I received a message the other day from a man who does not live near me, and obviously would not be a match for what I seek.  His comment to me was " you seem to miss the back premise of what being submissive is.  you are the one auditioning for a Master. "




Bah. He was simply taking a feeble dig at you for not choosing his Dominant bad self.



Dnomyar -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 8:20:44 AM)

Agrees with batshalom. But how dare you for having the nerve to turn that guy down.  



brattysarahjane -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 8:27:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Of course you are auditioning for a master, however not every dominant man is your master, therefore he is also auditioning....you are both on display so to speak, and hopefully within a reasonable amount of time you will find the match, note that in order to match you both have to "pass" the audition


i agree with this completely.  it's a two way street. 

bratty sarah jane



fleshslave -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 8:34:32 AM)

I agree, it is a 2 way street,  and in my original post i state " Of course this goes on both ways in the chatting process," 

batshalom and Dnomyar, OH.. is that what happened?  ~giggles~  he could tell by my profile he wouldnt be a match... grins



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 11:07:18 AM)

personally for me, i'm not auditioning or interviewing ...nor would i expect the potential dom to think that.  it's merely chatting until i feel comfortable enough to meet you in public and then at a later time submitting.



RosesHaveThorns -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 12:36:25 PM)

I agree with batshalom as well. I believe that it takes two to tango, and the person who wants to be in control must show that they are not only a dominant, but the dominant that the sub would feel like they could submit to. But, the sub must also show that they are what the other person is looking for, and that they are compatible. Or else, something is going to go wrong and someone is going to become bored and unfulfilled.

This applies especially to long term relationships, in my opinion, where the desired goal is more then quick play or a fling. The two must be compatible, or it simply won't work and just lead to frustration and heartbreak.

Besides, not all of us bend over backwards and have the word "welcome" tattooed onto our backside. Just because some of us are subs in the bedroom doesn't mean we're not agressive outside of it.



fleshslave -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 1:47:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Besides, not all of us bend over backwards and have the word "welcome" tattooed onto our backside. Just because some of us are subs in the bedroom doesn't mean we're not agressive outside of it.



oh thank you!!



Kaiynasha -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 2:57:21 PM)

Well fleshslave, for me it goes both ways, if I am interviewing a potential sub- they are also feeling me out and interviewing me. I am very open about allowing questions and feedback and so forth. When I am ready to take it to another level and I am sure they are too...then it goes to the next level and then to the next level. Meanwhile I am testing, probing, and making sure the person isn't unstable and most of all a continued match for me. If I feel uncomfortable or if they did the option to go is always an option.

However, someone who sends an e-mail and saying, "I am submitting before you now Mistress." Is a bit too dramatic and  they need to get in touch with reality. I wouldn't even think of speaking to someone who spoke to me like that. I am certain your feelings about this person should be the same.

You are a human being first before anything else.



ownedgirlie -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 3:21:35 PM)

I wouldn't apply the word "auditioning" at all here.  Neither of us were trying out for a part, after all.  What is a submissive audition, anyway?  Getting on a stage and showing your best submissive moves?  :)

Neither of us auditioned.  My Master was himself - no pretense.  I felt his power and asked him to train me as his slave.  During those initial few months, I learned whether I could belong to someone like him, and he learned me and considered whether or not he wanted to own me. 

But the reason I submitted to him was because I felt his power and was affected by it.  Not because he was simply a dominant who contacted me.



mya75 -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 3:24:27 PM)

maybe Im to simple I like to view it as ...meeting,dating,courting/monogamous,collaring......in that order....otherwise it feels like a job interview



Mercurialdame -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 3:41:42 PM)

Amazing how these words, spoken by the right person, would make me go all gooey.
Spoken by a relative stranger to me, and im allready hitting the block! Tosser.
md



slaverosebeauty -> RE: autitioning or interviewing? (10/31/2007 3:48:22 PM)

It's just like picking a vanilla partner, just more intimate and open about desires, fantasies, etc.
 
Is it auditioning? Not from where I stand, since this is NOT role-playing, which 'auditioning' sounds like [if this IS role-playing for you and NOT r/t or 27/4 as the goal, then I guess that word would fit and be more precises]. 'Interviewing' I guess so, you can look at it that way.  This is a two-way street, a mutual decision; one person can't make the 'ultimate' decision and the other person not agree, that would take away from the 'consensual' part of things. 
 
When I meet someone new I always try to go into with an open mind of, 'this is someone I am getting to know, friendship is a possibility, relationship is a posibility, never seeing this person is a possibility.'  No expectations, no disappointments. Just enjoy the learning and growing experience.  



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