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RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 5:51:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that two or more people should only get together if the majority of their goals match -- this makes organizing life and managing it much easier for everyone.

I believe my job as the owner with my slave is to consider what is best for all of us. I do that by getting information from everyone and thinking things through. When I make a decision my slave has a choice still -- he can obey or he can get out of our relationship. 8 years now so I guess we know that he chooses to obey those areas that I choose to exercise my authority over.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Treasure3)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 11:05:16 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		We have all kinds of ongoing ambitions pointed to a variety of goals. Once a goal is achieved we celebrate the moment and move on - setting either a higher standard for the same achievement or using the obtained goal as a foundation for others. As the Master, I am the driving force. The ideas and inspiration come from both of us. Utilizing our collective talents; beth provides the largest dose of creativity and artistry, while I deal with the pragmatic and implementation.

There are short term, long term, and every time period in between; goals. Just coming from SF, we already are planning for next year. We want to visit Europe again real soon. We have an ambition to buy a 39 foot "blinged out" RV and travel the country for a year visiting as many local BDSM groups, Munches, and public events as we can. Ultimately, we hope to "retire" to a place in the Tuscany region of Italy. Achieving anything, even the most mundane daily goal of coming home from the office to a loving naked slave, requires planning. Our current household and relationship came initially from individual personal goals that merged, resulting in the establishment of new collective 'US' goals. The biggest, and most important goal daily, and in consideration of all others is FUN!

We'll always have goals. I hope to never achieve them all; because with the accomplishment of obtaining every peak there is a new perspective providing a view to another one. I hope my eyes are never filled with skeptical cataract callouses preventing me from seeing, or a mind accepting of the mundane routine, or a body without the physical ability; to cause me to settle and be satisfied with past achievements and not want to seek new opportunities and challenges. Setting goals is my way to make sure that won't happen.  

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 1:06:29 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I believe it's important that within a D/s relationship there is structure as well as guidelines and goals.  As the relationship progresses, the goals may change or be expanded.
But also, in MY D/s relationships, it's a total relationship so I expect that goals and guidelines in everything not just BDSM related.

Z-

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"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 2:34:42 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Interesting, why do you ask questions that sound like the masters are the ones setting the goals and the subs are the ones following?

What about subs who set goals for masters?  

**********************

The questions were asked in what I hoped was a way to keep things simple.  I personally like to be involved in the goal-setting process, but wanted to hear the opinions of each side of the slash.  Also, while, personally, I choose to be involved in the process, it has been my experience that masters generally have the final say in what goals will be adopted for the relationship. 

As for what I quoted in red... I was fascinated by this!!  I have never been in or witnessed first hand a BDSM relationship where the sub set goals for her master.  I can see how such a situation would happen as I am and have known some very driven people who just happen to be submissive as well, but, other than choosing a master who is as driven as I am and who would actively work to make sure the relationship grew, I honestly never thought of subs setting goals for the masters. 

I would love to hear others' comments on this as well.



Goal setting by a sub can be done in a manner which still becomes a form of serving her masters interests


A possible senario is where a sub may have the finances and found a dom she is strongly interested  in as a partner, knows he has a certain interest in a career/education/business  but maybe lacked the finances to do so.   She may want him to be able to achieve that goal  with the use of her finances with possible agreement to pay back later.

Another senario is if the dom became injured/ill and will assume control when he is unable with the goal of helping him get better so that she can give the reins back to him, sort of like this senario  http://www.collarchat.com/m_1381190/tm.htm

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Treasure3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 3:13:13 PM   
ameha21


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
[For Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses... Do you set goals for your relationships with your subs/slaves?  What is your philosophy on providing direction for the relationship?  Do you feel structure of some sort is necessary for a successful D/s or M/s relationship?]

yea, i got goals and direction and structure of what i want from the lifestyle. i make it pretty clear in my talks with slaves. i let them know what to expect and that its no joke to me. the sad thing though is, many slaves that i talk to don't take the lifestyle as seriously as they claim to.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 3:36:42 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Treasure3

A conversation with another submissive yesterday sparked a couple of questions.

For Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses... Do you set goals for your relationships with your subs/slaves? What is your philosophy on providing direction for the relationship? Do you feel structure of some sort is necessary for a successful D/s or M/s relationship?



I think that working to maintain a relationship is different than having goals for it. I work hard on my relationships and recognize that they are always evolving. However, I would never say that I have a "goal" for the relationship besides having fun together, growing and learning. For you Meyers-Briggs folks I am a huge "P" who likes to keep options open, and I love to say "Let's see what happens."
Smythe


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Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to Treasure3)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Goals and direction in D/s relationships - 11/2/2007 7:33:40 PM   
NControlofU


Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		This is really it in a nutshell.  My life with my slave is taken as a whole and dealt with as a whole.  When looking toward the future and setting goals and making plans, everything is taken into consideration, not just the d/s aspect.  We have a common goal that serves us both in making our lives better and more satisfying in all areas of our life together.  I provide the structure for our relationship and the direction of our life together, my slave is my inspiration and my barometer for how we're getting there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think every comitted couple should have goals and a life plan-not just d/s ones.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 27
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