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Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:07:49 PM

Ubik

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline

For the past 5 months I have been having a wonderful online relationship with an amazing lady.
She is in the states and I am in Ireland, so there is no real prospect of us meeting.
She is very intelligent, very witty and we get on really well, often chatting online or skype phone for hours on end.

We exchanged photos early on and this soon progressed to becoming very lurid photos between us.

Now this is the bit, you are all going to say "Hey Stupid, wake up" She never sent dirty pics showing her face until now and ...you guessed it.. all the time she was sending me photos of a random porn star! She wouldnt get a webcam, which again I respected. Now, the photos she has sent me showing her face do seem real, same hair colour etc and I honestly think its just the dirty pics that she has lied about, probably because she just didnt want to, scared, embarressed whatever.

So what to do? I really enjoying talking with her, I mean this woman is AMAZING, but now I feel so deceived, annoyed she couldnt trust me enough to just tell me and I am wondering if it has all been lies.

Do I dump her and move on? We talk on the phone and she has told me really personal stuff, I really think she is real, its just the photos, but now, i just feel I cant trust her.

Post #: 1

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:14:51 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Hmm..flipside..sub lied to a Dom...you being the Dom.....send her a webcam it will cost you 50 bucks at max with shipping and then order her to show herself.... it will nip all this other stuff in the bud...if she scoots off at least you have only lost 50bucks and a little time....thats of course if you feel she is worth that....now if you dont and really dont care to meet and are ok living whatever fantasy she engages in sending fake pics etc etc ..then just enjoy the time

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to Ubik)

Post #: 2

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:15:24 PM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

You said there was no prospect of ever meeting so why worry if she is not the one in the pictures?

(in reply to Ubik)

Post #: 3

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:19:08 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

well, it all depends on you, I would feel it is rewarding her for being deceptive if you kept the relationship going but its your call if you feel that much for her maybe it will work out. Im a lil harsh when it comes to liers, maybe you wouldnt have talked to her and found out what a great person she was but she still lied right? people who lie are like people who cheat in my opinion. trust shouldnt be screwed with if people who do that had to loose every time the did it they wouldnt do it anymore but they keep doing it cuz they never really loose anything so the circle continues, i would cut her loose, cya Rushemery

(in reply to Ubik)

Post #: 4

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:22:02 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

also if you dont really know who she is, she could be a he and or a minor and your sending pictures

(in reply to Rushemery)

Post #: 5

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 4:22:43 PM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

Hmm..flipside..sub lied to a Dom...you being the Dom.....send her a webcam it will cost you 50 bucks at max with shipping and then order her to show herself.... it will nip all this other stuff in the bud...if she scoots off at least you have only lost 50bucks and a little time....thats of course if you feel she is worth that....now if you dont and really dont care to meet and are ok living whatever fantasy she engages in sending fake pics etc etc ..then just enjoy the time

Why should he waste $50 of his own money? If he is the Dom, he can order her to buy her own web cam.

(in reply to mya75)

Post #: 6

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:13:32 PM

Masterfulwayz

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

Lying. It may be off the subject here in particular but I know lies. there are all shades. People do change though. Its hard to find your way back into a trusting bond thats been broken.First rule. Dont break it in the first place. Second rule, if you can't do the first rule. REPENT. and forgive yourself. then go before the one you hurt and bare yourself. in all ways. people do change. its rare. and its beautiful and it does happen. BElieve in your heart trust yourself. Does this person deserve forgiveness? why did they lie to begin with? fear, sometimes.. its easier to tell a white lie then to deal with the stupidity that ensues over something really stupid or meaningless to us.. sometimes, its a maliscious lie about something to do with filling your ego. theres los of different lies..
I was a much younger Dominant then. IF you break the bond of trust with your bottom. (and this is from a Dominants point of view) if you break that bond. YOUR connection will be different. your trust will be diminished. and your love will be put to the test. YOU CAN FIX IT. and just because its easier to walk away and begin a new somewhere else. try to remember the reason that you fell in love in the first place. see if there is something worth saving. then learn to trust again.
anyway. thats just my 2 cents. : ) later. Wiliam

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 7

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:17:06 PM

Masterfulwayz

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

oh, and to reply to the post. he should buy her the camera. A good Dominant takes care of his house before himself/herself.
When your house (yor servants,mistress,slaves or submissive) is happy and healthy. when they are more than contented. You should receive moe respect. more love. and lots more special moments. (nailing someone against the wall and having what is truly yours. Whenever you wish. : ) Wil

(in reply to Masterfulwayz)

Post #: 8

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:28:09 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

When you discussed the dirty pictures, was she comfortable about it? Did she try to back off from doing so but you ignored her discomfort? Not that this is a good reason for lying, but if this is what you did, then you know that if you hadn't pushed it, she wouldn't have done it.

Next time pay attention to a sub's signals. You pushed too hard and too fast and you're lucky she didn't just stop talking to you at that point. If she felt that you weren't interested in her, just anonymous sex with an anonymous female, then why not use an anonymous female's pictures? She didn't feel right doing it, and she didn't feel safe telling you that she wasn't into this. I'm betting if you look back there were signals from her about her being very unwilling which you ignored in order to get some porn. And after all, that's what you did get - just some porn.

(in reply to Masterfulwayz)

Post #: 9

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:30:12 PM

Ubik

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline

Quick update.
I have spoken to her about it and she says it got out of hand and she is really really sorry. She has now sent me a "real" pic and admits every single one was fake, She says its because I seemed hung up on looks, but then - she had sent me a fake pic, which I then gushed about, but if only she had sent me this "real" pic. She is still very attractive and she swears everything else is true.
I think i agree with you guys, i dont think its unfair of me to ask her to show her face on webcam if we are to continue, even if it is just once!
Shame, I felt i had such a connection with her. and now????

(in reply to Masterfulwayz)

Post #: 10

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:30:47 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Squeakers,
He can order her to buy a cam? When he cant even order her to send an honest picture?....
*scratches her head*
In any event the OP stated she was AMAZING and he enjoyed talking to her which definately hints to me he isnt ready to walk away so my suggestion is to merely place her in a corner to be honest and if she doesnt then he will have to make a decision one way or another or she will for him......*hence my thought on him buying her a cam*
To:Ubik
I can relate to her not wanting to show you herself especially if she was insecure with it..of course thats no excuse to send fake pics...but I am glad things are working out ..I wish you well

< Message edited by mya75 -- 11/1/2007 5:33:12 PM >

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to Masterfulwayz)

Post #: 11

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:44:29 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

The lying needs addressed. As a sub she is responsible to her Dom, regardless if it is online only or not. You caught her in a lie so now you either deal with it as her Dom or let it continue as a lurid equal partnership. Whatever you enjoy, you know?

(in reply to mya75)

Post #: 12

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 5:52:12 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

It sounds like it is all a fantasy. Maybe you were hung up on looks and she's just been carrying on the fantasy.

The online and phone only, the improbability of you ever meeting in person, why not just enjoy it for what it really is? An online fling that tickles your pickle.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 13

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 6:15:29 PM

KashmirKitten

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

Ubik, sorry but how do you know that this "real" pic isn't fake too? just g rated fake....

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 14

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 6:19:41 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Find out who the porno chick was, and go after her instead.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to KashmirKitten)

Post #: 15

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 6:21:49 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

...tickles your pickle.

LMAO! I have never heard that term before.
Soooo funny.. dying laughing here...

On a serious note, It sounds like she has explained why she lied and continued to send fake pics but I did not read where she or you addressed the original lie? She sent you a fake pic when you requested a real one of her in the beginning. Unless you went on and on about looks before the two of you even exchanged pics this would be an indication that SHE TOO is hung up on looks.
just my humble opinion,
oct

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 16

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/1/2007 7:51:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

All I can say is that fear of rejection can cause many a person to do dumb things on both sides of the slash..So it essentially comes down to what is it that would make you happy..to cut off contact or not??..do I agree that it was right for her to be deceptive?..absolutely not!!...so while not acceptable behavior..sometimes understandable nonetheless..But do keep in mind that you have already stated that this relationship will never go anywhere, so be careful how far into it you are willing to fall....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Ubik)

Post #: 17

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/2/2007 12:31:08 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Does it really matter here what the relationship was? Or whether it was online, real time, meeting or no meeting? Whichever way there was interaction.

I see things here in black and white, any sort of interaction between two people requires respect, trust and communication. These are all tied together, without one, you cannot have the others.

However the above is the ideal, we live in an imperfect world, we are not perfect, and therefore our interactions can be less than perfect. People say the wrong things, or they don't say the right things, people misunderstand each other, and the simple truth is that all along right through the relationship we are getting to know each other. You can never get to know someone completely.

Each time we start a relationship with someone we form some sort of image of them, we make assumptions about them based on what we know of them, how they appear to us, what they tell us, what we observe from their behaviour and how they come across. Generally the more they confirm our assumptions the better we feel, we feel more secure, more comfortable, more definite about the relationship. However this can go the other way, and we can feel insecure and even become afraid. When this happens we close up, we mislead, and we lie.

To me here the answer lies in the intention behind the lies and deceit. It's very easy to say she lied, she deceived me, therefore I can no longer trust her. But you need to understand why she lied.

People tend to lie to you and deceived you for one of two reasons. They are either afraid or insecure, or they simply disrespect you.

Therefore in your situation I would try and establish the motive or intention. If it's the former I would forgive her and place my trust in her the second time. If it's the latter I'd move on.

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(in reply to Ubik)

Post #: 18

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/2/2007 4:16:44 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

Squeakers,
He can order her to buy a cam? When he cant even order her to send an honest picture?....
*scratches her head*

So he is going to spend $50 and send her a web cam order her to use it and expect that she will? *slaps her forehead*

(in reply to mya75)

Post #: 19

RE: Trust and Lies - 11/2/2007 4:25:46 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterfulwayz

oh, and to reply to the post. he should buy her the camera. A good Dominant takes care of his house before himself/herself.
When your house (yor servants,mistress,slaves or submissive) is happy and healthy. when they are more than contented. You should receive moe respect. more love. and lots more special moments. (nailing someone against the wall and having what is truly yours. Whenever you wish. : ) Wil

I want you to be my Dom, first I need rent money, my car payment is coming due, groceries average about a hundred and fifty a week, then there is that credit card bill and I am never happy without ample money to just spend. Okay yeah I am being sarcastic. And although I see nothing wrong with a Dom helping out his submissive, with so many scams going on out there, I do not think it is a great idea to put the needs of a submissive that you are casually interacting with on the net, one that you have never met and have no intentions of meeting before your own. Even in a close and loving relationship unless we lived in the same house and had shared expenses, I would never expect or want him to put my financial needs above his own. Yes I could understand a sudden emergency if he was able to do so but a web cam does not count as an emergency. If he wants to do it fine, but expecting that this sub will use it just because he ordered her too is going a bit to far and imo is a total waste of $50.

(in reply to Masterfulwayz)

Post #: 20

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