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PairOfDimes -> RE: Why do leather Masters/Daddies always want multiple partners? & more questions sure to upset!!!! (11/3/2007 12:15:44 PM)
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No, some people don't try for monogamy. I think that's far better than trying for monogamy and doing it badly.
Also, different people have different levels of social/private needs. It's good that you know that you want your relationship to be prior to social life. But that's somethign that will limit your pool (and that's not necessarily a bad thing!)
Sure, there are a number of people in kink and leather communities who aren't very high class or well-educated. I enjoy spending time with some of them despite that; for others, it's too great of a barrier, so we maintain a nodding acquaintance.
I see that you want to cede authority to a person who you believe is better at managing things than you. This seems reasonable to me--although I realize others don't do it quite that way. The trouble with that, as you have identified, is that sometimes it is hard to find people who are clearly better than you. Assuming that you are squarely average within the men's kink community, half the guys you meet will be less competent than you, and a number of them will be fairly even with you.
So, you want someone who is male, monogamous, gay, prefers private time with his lover to social time, is 'better' than you in some relatively obvious way, is physically fit, is skilled at bondage, is willing to accept authority over another person, and is attracted to you. These are all perfectly fine things to want. Reasonably, they limit your search quite a bit. I've often said that I've given up trying to pick people up in non-kink, non-queer spaces because although I see plenty of attractive people, the odds are horrid that a given person will be okay with my being poly and partnered, kinky, kinky in the precise ways I am kinky, interested in a relatively casual relationship, attracted to women in general, articulate and intelligent, and finally, attracted to me. Each of my criteria, as with your criteria, limits the search in significant ways. (And let's not think about what I might be doing if I was looking for another life partner--then we would have to have compatible ideas about urban/suburban/rural living, compatible diets, compatible financial strategies, and so on.) This isn't a bad thing to have all these limits, but it does mean that it's a little harder for us to find playmates or mates than people with fewer restrictions, and that we have to look harder and keep looking, and try to find ways to avoid becoming resentful in the process.
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