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RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/4/2007 2:16:12 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecto
Isn't the male sub's sex drive one of the sources of a femdom's power? And if you can't increase (and therefore control) your male sub's sex drive, how do you control him?


Some submissivess are wired that way, some submissives aren't ...


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(in reply to Alecto)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/4/2007 4:34:21 PM   
SpielMitMir


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/16/2006
From: Pittsburgh/Chicago
Status: offline 		I personally don't think being dominant has to do with this. So no, It doesn't make me feel less in anyway. It might make me feel less desirable as a women. But never having to do with my control. 

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/4/2007 4:40:10 PM   
malloves69


Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		i thought thats why they make viagra ...levitra ...and cialis ?

(in reply to SpielMitMir)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/4/2007 4:40:57 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		If he's "wasting" his erections elsewhere, why aren't you stopping him? My subs/slaves have never had the option of masturbation or sex anywhere but with me. Having said that, there are few subs/slaves I have used for sexual pleasure. Sex isn't a big part of my domination.

Sex is a powerful tool for control, but it's not the be all and end all. Mental control is much more powerful.

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RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/4/2007 7:53:04 PM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		MissMagnolia,

She is saying he is "wasting" his erections on his wife.  She chose to take a married slave/sub.  His obligations to his wife come first, IMO.  It's the price you pay for collaring a married man.

Personally, I don't think any attentions a married man give his wife are a "waste".  But, I voiced that on another thread.... in response to this same post.

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RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 5:04:54 AM   
Nonsenseman


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		If a male my chime in ... As one who has reached an improbable age to still be seeking, bear in mind that one's MIND may be sex-crazed, but ones's body may not be able to keep up.

If I were under the untender control of any of you somewhat sadistically inclined ladies, I would certainly yearn for sexual release, but would understand if it were not forthcoming.  (Dammit, this must mean that I really AM getting old enough to match my chronological age.)

(in reply to Alecto)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 7:13:22 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

MissMagnolia,

She is saying he is "wasting" his erections on his wife.  She chose to take a married slave/sub.  His obligations to his wife come first, IMO.  It's the price you pay for collaring a married man.

Personally, I don't think any attentions a married man give his wife are a "waste".  But, I voiced that on another thread.... in response to this same post.


Exactly!  How female-positive is she as the dominant woman to discount the wife who has primary possession of the slave.  SHE is the one who deserves his attention, and by all rights, should have it.  This post just screamed of a jealous cheater with the short end of the stick to me......

_____________________________

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 4:06:54 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

This post just screamed of a jealous cheater with the short end of the stick to me......


Now, now.....I loathe cheating spouses and their accomplices more than most, but have you noticed how many Dommes (including regular posters here) are married to vanillas (or mild fetishists)?  And go outside the marriage looking for kinky partners?

This is off topic, but there seems to be a double standard. 

Married men playing = bad.  Married women playing = liberated? 

I say all marriage is sacred.  Full stop.  If you don't like the "forsaking all others" part of your sacred promise, don't get/stay married!!! 

End of rant

As for the original post, of course male sex drive is the easiest tool to dominate men.  Women have being doing it for millenia. 

Dominating gays, asexuals, people with low sex drive and people who find their Domme sexually repulsive (euphemistically -and for them, gratefully - known as "service only subs") requires more creativity and psychological energy.

But do I feel less dominant? 

Feeling dominant is a state of mind and only you (and maybe psychotropic drugs!) can control your state of mind.  I have no doubt I can "feel" very Dominant going to the supermarket alone in a track suit and runners (ie sweat pants and joggers in the US).  Or I can be doing a shibari show at a BDSM club in front of 100s and feel like a public freakshow, not a Dominant. 

I don't need a submissive - horny for me or not - to control how I feel.  Emotional intelligence and control is a Mistress' first important tool IMO.

PS: I do however need a submissive to lust after me (and me for him) if he is going to be my life partner.  I am guessing the OP's sub isn't loving D/s lifetime partner material.  My advice is get a new sub. 

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/5/2007 4:17:16 PM >

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(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 4:14:07 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne


Now, now.....I loathe cheating spouses and their accomplices more than most, but have you noticed how many Dommes (including regular posters here) are married to vanillas (or mild fetishists)? And go outside the marriage looking for kinky partners?

This is off topic, but there seems to be a double standard.

Married men playing = bad. Married women playing = liberated?

I say all marriage is sacred. Full stop. If you don't like the "forsaking all others" part of your sacred promise, don't get/stay married!!!

End of rant




Some of us didn't take that vow when we got married.

I take my vows before God and the state authorities very seriously and thus neither of us promised monogamy in our marriage.

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(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 4:21:44 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		And you have your husband's fully informed consent, I believe

The combination seems a fair exception from "cheating" but I hazard you are the exception, not the rule.


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(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 6:48:43 PM   
Alecto


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone's responses and input, I found most to be very helpful.
As for my reference to his vanilla wife, she is well aware of my existence (she introduced us). Having sex with her is a waste because she has absolutely no sexual interest in him whatsoever; according to him, iniating sex with him just before he's scheduled to see me is her way of controlling him and sabotaging his sexual encounters with me. My suspicion (which I keep to myself) is that, deep down, she really hates him (based on other things she's done), but she refuses to leave him because he's so successful.
BTW, I was once married to a man I couldn't trust, so I don't play with men who don't have their wives' consent. I'm not interested in a lifetime partner right now, so I tend to play with married men so that doesn't become an issue.
Again, thanks for everyone's input.

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(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/5/2007 11:26:57 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecto

I appreciate everyone's responses and input, I found most to be very helpful.
As for my reference to his vanilla wife, she is well aware of my existence (she introduced us). Having sex with her is a waste because she has absolutely no sexual interest in him whatsoever; according to him, iniating sex with him just before he's scheduled to see me is her way of controlling him and sabotaging his sexual encounters with me. My suspicion (which I keep to myself) is that, deep down, she really hates him (based on other things she's done), but she refuses to leave him because he's so successful.

It makes me sad to think that you'd continue to allow this situation to happen.  You're obviously not happy, and you're mixed up in this inadvertent triad with another woman who sends mixed signals like this?  It doesn't  have the makings of a happy life to me.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Alecto)
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RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/6/2007 3:28:01 PM   
AllforFun


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

This post just screamed of a jealous cheater with the short end of the stick to me......


Now, now.....I loathe cheating spouses and their accomplices more than most, but have you noticed how many Dommes (including regular posters here) are married to vanillas (or mild fetishists)?  And go outside the marriage looking for kinky partners?



Yes and it irritates me to no friggin end! I mean, wasnt this a criteria in a possible partner?

Are Dommes aware of their dominant side? or is it awakened?



(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/6/2007 4:10:12 PM   
MsIncontrol


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

This is off topic, but there seems to be a double standard. 

Married men playing = bad.  Married women playing = liberated? 

I say all marriage is sacred.  Full stop.  If you don't like the "forsaking all others" part of your sacred promise, don't get/stay married!!! 

End of rant



I am married to my submissive.  We did NOT promise to "foresake all others" we wrote our own vows that were personal to us and meaningful to us with little regard to what other people may think/judge us for.

We do play with others and are currently looking for another partner for our union.  We, however, do not play with cheaters...and do not consider ourself cheaters.  We went into our marriage with full disclosure of who we are, what we want from one another and made informed decisions to be married.  Our marriage is how we define it, what our vows mean to US...not to anyone else.

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(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/7/2007 5:18:08 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncontrol

We do play with others and are currently looking for another partner for our union.  We, however, do not play with cheaters...and do not consider ourself cheaters.  We went into our marriage with full disclosure of who we are, what we want from one another and made informed decisions to be married.  Our marriage is how we define it, what our vows mean to US...not to anyone else.

Right.  Something tells me that you'd not keep someone in your "inner circle" for one moment if they perceived, let alone voiced the opinion that your husband/primary giving you attention/time as leeching or using him up to ruin his time with her.  That sort of thing doesn't strike me as "good poly" at all.....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MsIncontrol)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/7/2007 2:29:06 PM   
BlackSakura


Posts: 131
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		Short answer: No. Long answer: No.
Domming and such has little to do with sex for me. Yes, it can be a fun aspect of it but it's not all of it. But I understand how it can be for others.

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RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/8/2007 7:19:13 AM   
indiglo345


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		as a male who on a few occassions have visited  dommes in my area to find the ability to get an erection almost impossible eventhough i cant wait for the session, dont know if its nerves or what but boy makes me feel pretty pathetic and not in a good way.I have been avoiding going again although i want to purely for this reason, I know very  few mistresses will get involved in touching but i am not sure if this would get me past the situation

(in reply to Alecto)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/8/2007 7:25:31 AM   
indiglo345


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		to msCfrommelbourne where would most mistresses be if it was not for the married men/women who seek there services

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/8/2007 7:38:58 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Except for Pro-Dommes, I would venture to guess that a good number of us would be relieved at not having to worry about people lying to us as they try to cheat on their spouses.  Personally, I'd be thrilled if married men would quit messaging us as potentials.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Does male sub's low sex drive make you feel less do... - 11/9/2007 2:46:12 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indiglo345

to msCfrommelbourne where would most mistresses be if it was not for the married men/women who seek there services



I think you mean the professional Dominatrices? 

Yes, they absolutely make most of their money out of married men.  They also don't do penetrative sex (risking pregnancy and disease), break up families, traumatise children etc etc

The Queens of the Sex Industry, the Pro-dommes, serve a very useful social purpose (as do all sex workers)

None I  know have ever had a paying married female client.  Married couples yes, but but never a cheating wife.  I am sure there must be pro-dommes on this list who have, but I dont know any in real life.  Cheating wives can get plenty of BDSM for free (just look at collarme!)

My point was : let She who is without sin cast the first stone at Alecto for having a married sub. 

I won't be throwing any stones at her.  I have had married submissives and slaves in past years (with and without the wife's permission) and thats not a cesspool I will ever be diving into again.  Now I can attract better quality (read: available!) submissive males and I hope Alecto can too, one day. 


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to indiglo345)
Profile   Post #: 40
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