Users, Abusers, and Losers

Users, Abusers, and Losers (Full Version)

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IanS -> Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/2/2007 11:10:10 PM)
I hope the title gets some attention here. I've been in the lifestyle for a while now, and recently I've talked to several newbies who are getting disenchanted with the lifestyle because of some unscrupulous few who are passing themselves off as Masters/Doms, etc when in reality they're nothing more than users, losers, and abusers. Okay, we all have our kinks, I guess, but trying to say that there is only one path and ideal in this lifestyle, then forbidding the newbie from seeking advice elsewhere is just totally insane! Advice to the newbies, and to anyone else who happens to be curious about their situation: seek out different perspectives on the subject. There are some excellent sites out there that will give you the benefit of opinions. If your prospective Master/Dom tells you that you shouldn't be looking elsewhere for information, that His/Her word is gospel and that you will just have to learn from them I have one thing to say: "Be afraid, be very afraid!" Back away and quickly, get another perspective. Your life, health, and emotional well-being is more important than rushing into something without the right preparation or education of the subject. Okay, now I'll get off my soap-box for a while!

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/2/2007 11:29:38 PM)
There are definitely alot of users out there. Had a couple of bad experiences myself, but I don't judge others based on what someone else did or take it out on them.

slimcontroller -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 12:42:50 AM)
Bored again ! Replied to my mails and now what - look at these forums. ( and no I am not prepared to enter in to discussions about whether, what or why the english plural !) Ian that reads as sound advice. I will only add ' Get a life ', which is meant as advice too. Try and get to a munch or somewhere you can meet real people. They won't bite - usually - and then only if you ask. I know it can be daunting just to turn up and you haven't caught your Dom(me) yet, so go with a fellow subbie. Slimc.

mya75 -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 12:58:45 AM)
I have met 2 blatant liars/losers on here but I am not going to let them make it bad for the next guy..I also dont leave myself open to being hurt which definately helps ...I didnt before the two fuktards that may be why I had a fast "move on time" LOL..Im sure there will be more but thats part of life......I totally agree with you Ian on seeking out different perspectives.....

MistressPurpleFL -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 1:08:18 AM)
Yes it is unfortunate that sometimes a few bad apples ruin the whole barrel. Getting burned unfortunately comes with being a human being and especially with the internet and all the posers it can be rather frustrating. We just have to take our time and be aware of ourselves and the people around us. My thing is if I smell BS I am out. I have no time to waste and so I will not waste other peoples time. I treat others as I would like to be treated. I take a person at face value until he or she shows me that they are not really who they are and once I do that I MOVE ON. I do not punish the next person for what the last did but I am careful. Smiles, MP

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 7:59:18 AM)
So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy.

RRafe -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:01:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy. I keep telling women to drop the castle realm crap and get a life. But they don't want to listen-so I guess they will just have to suffer at the hands of those-who have seen that movie too. I can see by your eyes you must be lying When you think I don't have a clue Baby you're crazy If you think that you can fool me Because I've seen that movie too The one where the players are acting surprised Saying love's just a four letter word Between forcing smiles, with the knives in their eyes Well their actions become so absurd So keep your auditions for somebody Who hasn't got so much to lose `Cause you can tell by the lines I'm reciting That I've seen that movie too It's a habit I have, I don't get pushed around Stop twinkling your star like you do I'm not the blue print for all of your B films Because I've seen that movie too Elton John

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:09:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy. This goes for the men as well.

RRafe -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:11:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy. This goes for the men as well. If you are totally out of contact with the bedrock-nothing you build has a chance of standing.

MrSpectacular -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:16:56 AM)
Ditto the OP's comments - it also should be true for everything you do - seek out other perspectives, learn, soak up knowledge.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:30:33 AM)
No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:41:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals. a favorite saying of mine, which i like to think i made up, but could be stolen-who knows.....is.... someone can only play you if you hand them the instrument...... so i respectfully disagree that anyone can be played.....

laurell3 -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:43:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus No matter how in touch you are with yourself, ANYONE can get played. It goes a long way to have a sense of self, and a set of desires and goals. I agree with this. It's not so much the being taken or played as much as how you deal with it and how long you allow it to go on that's important.

susie -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:47:09 AM)
I always find it strange that posts like the OP suggesting that newbie subs are careful tend to come from male Doms. Is this a touch of White Knight Syndrome in action? Amazingly, although people may be new to this site or new to the lifestyle, they are not actually new to life. Many have plenty of life experience behind them and are well able to spot the ones to avoid just as they are able to do so in vanilla relationships.

RRafe -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:48:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie I always find it strange that posts like the OP suggesting that newbie subs are careful tend to come from male Doms. Is this a touch of White Knight Syndrome in action? Amazingly, although people may be new to this site or new to the lifestyle, they are not actually new to life. Many have plenty of life experience behind them and are well able to spot the ones to avoid just as they are able to do so in vanilla relationships. The men are too embarassed to post that they do the same things.[;)]

MadRabbit -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:54:09 AM)
Personally, I enjoyed reading yet another self idolizing post where yet another dominant places himself on a pedestal high above everyone else by negating over people with stick figure labels based on whatever flaws and imperfections they have as individuals that could possibly cause some of kind of emotional issue to a submissive or slave. This wave of judgment and righteous that is washing over me as I feel the urge to join in the delusion that I don't have any bad behaviors or problems that could possibly qualify me as a "user, abuser, and loser" in the eyes of another dominant trying to get a submissive to show him her boobs is kind of a nice psycho high. Thank you for the viewpoint.

eyesopened -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 8:58:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slimcontroller Bored again ! Replied to my mails and now what - look at these forums. ( and no I am not prepared to enter in to discussions about whether, what or why the english plural !) Ian that reads as sound advice. I will only add ' Get a life ', which is meant as advice too. Try and get to a munch or somewhere you can meet real people. They won't bite - usually - and then only if you ask. I know it can be daunting just to turn up and you haven't caught your Dom(me) yet, so go with a fellow subbie. Slimc. It could just be where i live but i have never ever ever met a potential partner at a munch, demo, or any other community event. But i still get out from behind the computer and spend time with people. It's a healthy thing to do. The real issue is just to know that there players, users, abusers, and losers. Period. They attend munches too, by the way, it's not any different than any other aspect of life. The trick is to not allow oneself to be motivated by desperation. A person can be a whole person without a partner, they can be just as interesting, engaging and worthy when not in a relationship.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 9:38:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So really the solution is for adult women who wish to get involved in an alternative relationship dynamic need to take responsibility and make better judgements and choices for themselves rather than forming false expectations based on fantasy. I keep telling women to drop the castle realm crap and get a life. But they don't want to listen-so I guess they will just have to suffer at the hands of those-who have seen that movie too. I can see by your eyes you must be lying When you think I don't have a clue Baby you're crazy If you think that you can fool me Because I've seen that movie too The one where the players are acting surprised Saying love's just a four letter word Between forcing smiles, with the knives in their eyes Well their actions become so absurd So keep your auditions for somebody Who hasn't got so much to lose `Cause you can tell by the lines I'm reciting That I've seen that movie too It's a habit I have, I don't get pushed around Stop twinkling your star like you do I'm not the blue print for all of your B films Because I've seen that movie too Elton John yep the caslte relem and other sites. I think you have to learn the basics which is understand the balance of two sides NIlla and bdsm they are intwined. yes there are bad apples. It is easy to feel hardend with bad relationships back stabbing, Gossip. cheater abusive peeople. So what is it all about. Just being the best you can be for you. When you bring the best of you to someone you want to be with then it becomes the best of we. being the best of one unit. It really is that simple. Hard part is finding who you are

bipolarber -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 11:02:36 AM)
There seems to be an almost inverse proportion law involved here: How competent the "Dom" is inversely proportional to how much fantasy-based material he has absorbed. Being able to differentiate between fantasy and reality is what makes up the second "S" (sane) in SSC. This is one of the primary reasons I have a low opinion of folks who style themselves around fictional material. Fanboys who have forgotten that they are not living some pulp novel have no business having a whip in their hand when they are around another person. I don't care if their particular brand of fantasy is: the Beauty Trilogy, Story of O, the fiction of Desade, Masoch, Gor, or the Marketplace novels. "Get a life, will you people?" -Shatner

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Users, Abusers, and Losers (11/3/2007 11:16:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber There seems to be an almost inverse proportion law involved here: How competent the "Dom" is inversely proportional to how much fantasy-based material he has absorbed. Being able to differentiate between fantasy and reality is what makes up the second "S" (sane) in SSC. This is one of the primary reasons I have a low opinion of folks who style themselves around fictional material. Fanboys who have forgotten that they are not living some pulp novel have no business having a whip in their hand when they are around another person. I don't care if their particular brand of fantasy is: the Beauty Trilogy, Story of O, the fiction of Desade, Masoch, Gor, or the Marketplace novels. "Get a life, will you people?" -Shatner Oh MAN, super QFE.

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