Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid



Message

laurell3 -> Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:34:26 AM)

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for you to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status?  Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it?  If it is acceptable for you, at what point do you think one should reveal these things?  Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?



breatheasone -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:37:40 AM)

I personally would never hide what i am ....period...."age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc." are important parts of what I am...and help make up WHO I am...so no...I don't think one should hide who and what they are.



wintersbreath -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:38:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status?  Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it?  If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things?  Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?

I have left things out of my profile; on purpose. What is in it though, is the truth ( regarding age and such ).
 



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:43:04 AM)

I struggled with just this issue until a couple months ago. In my case, it's being married to a thoroughly vanilla spouse who is unaware of my need for the lifestyle.
 
I believe if you're honest about whatever particular attribute concerns you, that's the far better course. In my profile, I tell potential subs that if my status is an issue, I hope I at least gave them a smile. If not, please contact me.
 
"Honesty is the best policy" works on CM, too.
 
Les (Friendly Airplane Asylum flack)



bipolarber -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:43:39 AM)

Hummm... "lies of omission"... On the whole, I'd say that your profile is there to give someone, who might be looking for someone like yourself, an honest description of who they would be meeting at the coffee shop later on down the road.

If there are things that you feel uncomfortable about, they should still be talked about, but perhaps not during the initial contact. (You'll notice virtually no one lists their complete sexual or medical histories in their profile.)

It's a matter of describing yourself in good faith.  It's a little like blackjack: you and the dealer both have some idea of what's lying face up, but if you put all your cards up on the table, the game is over.



xoxi -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:44:41 AM)

I put all of those (though I might fudge my weight by a few pounds) and I would sort of wonder about someone who didn't.  For example if they only had face shots and didn't include height or weight I would ask how tall he was...and if he didn't include marital status I would ask him.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:45:40 AM)

My profile reflects what I choose to disclose, and I believe it to be accurate.  I'll be judged no matter what I include or exclude.

By the same token, I judge others more by what they exclude and then may later disclose, that I might consider important (such as similar levels of disclosure that I have in my profile).



missunderstood88 -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:47:00 AM)

It's not as bad as profiles which use the dreaded Myspace Angle.



laurell3 -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:49:19 AM)

Same here, I recently had someone contact me that had the age listed as 99, when I inquired politely why, he got defensive and said he didn't want to be judged. 

I guess for me assuming you will be judged and being defensive about it would mean that you would actually want that information in to avoid the conflict and possible rejection.  I'm not criticising people for being defensive, being rejected on something you can't change or are working on changing hurts.  I am merely curious as to how not including the information would be favorable.



VieVivante -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:50:23 AM)

There is nothing wrong with being selective about what is put in a profile. And often many good reasons to do so. If what you left out could significantly change a person's opinion of you or your situation though, that really needs to be disclosed when a connection takes place with someone and you think there is potential there.

As long as you don't see it going anywhere important, no further disclosure necessary. If that magic spark is starting to happen, you need to come clean as soon as possible. It might very likely kill the budding relationship, or it might not. The longer you wait, the worse the consequences are likely to be. These relationships are built on trust so honesty is paramount.



laurell3 -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:51:59 AM)

Thanks VieVivante and I'm not criticising either way, my question is what are the good reasons for doing so?



MiladyElaine -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:53:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status?  Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it?  If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things?  Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?


There is no such thing as "acceptible" in this or any other site's profiles.  It is a matter of preference.  If all the statistics were left out I would simply bypass and not even consider them.



batshalom -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:54:57 AM)

I removed a lot of that stuff in my profile for a number of reasons. I don't put weight, height, or being bisexual, or even bi-continental.

If I were looking, I'd fill it in, but it's easier to keep the unwanted attention down to a duller roar having it the way I have it. The way I see it, ask for it if you want it and if I don't think it's an impudent question I'll answer. Chatting and messaging with people from this side has always been pleasant, because people here get a feel for who we are and what we're about; but I'd rather not field a bunch of foul balls from the other side.



breatheasone -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:55:51 AM)

quote:

I am merely curious as to how not including the information would be favorable.

Thats a very good point. I personally live by the words..."If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing." Now please understand that doesn't mean I go around telling random strangers my life story....lets be real....[;)] I just honestly don't know how to do anything else but be honest and forthcoming....I'm just me...and I put myself out there and live.




daddyscherry -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 10:58:35 AM)

OMG how funny...and sad...but funny as all hell [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=applause.gif]



DomMeinCT -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 11:00:35 AM)

Agreed.  Unless you have the intention of never disclosing something you know is a hot-button with most people (not advocating for that, by the way), why not disclose it up front?  In my opinion, you're only delaying the judgment.



laurell3 -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 11:01:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status?  Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it?  If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things?  Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?


There is no such thing as "acceptible" in this or any other site's profiles.  It is a matter of preference.  If all the statistics were left out I would simply bypass and not even consider them.



I'm obviously asking for preferences.  But fine, let me edit that.



youngsubgeoff -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 11:09:29 AM)

The biggest thing I leave out of my profile is that Im a FORMER cocain addict. Ive been clean for almost 2 years now, but that doesnt keep people from judging me. They dont seem to understand, that Im not that person anymore, and Im never going back down that road.



RealityLicks -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 11:10:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Same here, I recently had someone contact me that had the age listed as 99, when I inquired politely why, he got defensive and said he didn't want to be judged. 



OK, OK. If you must know I'm 116 now can we meet for coffee or not, young lady?

edited for a typo - sorry but I'm getting on...



DrkJourney -> RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally (11/3/2007 11:20:15 AM)

I look at profiles to learn about that person who contacted me.  If someone leaves something out of their profile, that's their choice, maybe they have a valid reason, but if I ask them about something I expect the truth.

On the flip side of all this, just because they put something on their profile doesn't mean it's true either.  I talked to several here, but one in particular, that lied about his age, where he lived, and is parental status, just to name a few.  He said he did it, because he figured I wouldn't want him if I knew the truth (he read my profile and adjusted his go fit what I was looking for)...first, well thanks for thinking so "highly" of me...lol    second...bells and whistles should've gone off for me that this person is not into being himself, he wants to conform to whomever he is speaking with at the time.  

I met him, we sat and talked it out, I gave him a second chance, told him to lay everything out on the table, start from square one.   And what do you think happened...even more lies...lol

I know each situation is different...but bottom line if someone lies by ommision or whatever, it's kind of hard for me to trust anything they tell me.

Sorry for the ramblings, just my experiences  :>



Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625