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Your profile and what you leave out of it intentionally - 11/3/2007 10:34:26 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for you to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status? Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it? If it is acceptable for you, at what point do you think one should reveal these things? Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/3/2007 11:02:18 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

Post #: 1

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:37:40 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I personally would never hide what i am ....period...."age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc." are important parts of what I am...and help make up WHO I am...so no...I don't think one should hide who and what they are.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 2

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:38:28 AM

wintersbreath

Posts: 23
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status? Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it? If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things? Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?

I have left things out of my profile; on purpose. What is in it though, is the truth ( regarding age and such ).

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:43:04 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I struggled with just this issue until a couple months ago. In my case, it's being married to a thoroughly vanilla spouse who is unaware of my need for the lifestyle.

I believe if you're honest about whatever particular attribute concerns you, that's the far better course. In my profile, I tell potential subs that if my status is an issue, I hope I at least gave them a smile. If not, please contact me.

"Honesty is the best policy" works on CM, too.

Les (Friendly Airplane Asylum flack)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:43:39 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Hummm... "lies of omission"... On the whole, I'd say that your profile is there to give someone, who might be looking for someone like yourself, an honest description of who they would be meeting at the coffee shop later on down the road.

If there are things that you feel uncomfortable about, they should still be talked about, but perhaps not during the initial contact. (You'll notice virtually no one lists their complete sexual or medical histories in their profile.)

It's a matter of describing yourself in good faith. It's a little like blackjack: you and the dealer both have some idea of what's lying face up, but if you put all your cards up on the table, the game is over.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 5

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:44:41 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I put all of those (though I might fudge my weight by a few pounds) and I would sort of wonder about someone who didn't. For example if they only had face shots and didn't include height or weight I would ask how tall he was...and if he didn't include marital status I would ask him.

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 6

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:45:40 AM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

My profile reflects what I choose to disclose, and I believe it to be accurate. I'll be judged no matter what I include or exclude.

By the same token, I judge others more by what they exclude and then may later disclose, that I might consider important (such as similar levels of disclosure that I have in my profile).

(in reply to wintersbreath)

Post #: 7

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:47:00 AM

missunderstood88

Posts: 37
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

It's not as bad as profiles which use the dreaded Myspace Angle.

(in reply to wintersbreath)

Post #: 8

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:49:19 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Same here, I recently had someone contact me that had the age listed as 99, when I inquired politely why, he got defensive and said he didn't want to be judged.

I guess for me assuming you will be judged and being defensive about it would mean that you would actually want that information in to avoid the conflict and possible rejection. I'm not criticising people for being defensive, being rejected on something you can't change or are working on changing hurts. I am merely curious as to how not including the information would be favorable.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 9

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:50:23 AM

VieVivante

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with being selective about what is put in a profile. And often many good reasons to do so. If what you left out could significantly change a person's opinion of you or your situation though, that really needs to be disclosed when a connection takes place with someone and you think there is potential there.

As long as you don't see it going anywhere important, no further disclosure necessary. If that magic spark is starting to happen, you need to come clean as soon as possible. It might very likely kill the budding relationship, or it might not. The longer you wait, the worse the consequences are likely to be. These relationships are built on trust so honesty is paramount.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 10

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:51:59 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Thanks VieVivante and I'm not criticising either way, my question is what are the good reasons for doing so?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to VieVivante)

Post #: 11

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:53:55 AM

MiladyElaine

Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status? Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it? If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things? Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?

There is no such thing as "acceptible" in this or any other site's profiles. It is a matter of preference. If all the statistics were left out I would simply bypass and not even consider them.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 12

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:54:57 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I removed a lot of that stuff in my profile for a number of reasons. I don't put weight, height, or being bisexual, or even bi-continental.

If I were looking, I'd fill it in, but it's easier to keep the unwanted attention down to a duller roar having it the way I have it. The way I see it, ask for it if you want it and if I don't think it's an impudent question I'll answer. Chatting and messaging with people from this side has always been pleasant, because people here get a feel for who we are and what we're about; but I'd rather not field a bunch of foul balls from the other side.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 13

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:55:51 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I am merely curious as to how not including the information would be favorable.

Thats a very good point. I personally live by the words..."If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing." Now please understand that doesn't mean I go around telling random strangers my life story....lets be real....

I just honestly don't know how to do anything else but be honest and forthcoming....I'm just me...and I put myself out there and live.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 10:58:35 AM

daddyscherry

Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline

OMG how funny...and sad...but funny as all hell

_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to missunderstood88)

Post #: 15

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 11:00:35 AM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Agreed. Unless you have the intention of never disclosing something you know is a hot-button with most people (not advocating for that, by the way), why not disclose it up front? In my opinion, you're only delaying the judgment.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 16

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 11:01:15 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

My question is this:
Is it acceptable for one to have others leave their age, weight, height, race, marital status, etc. (assuming these things are available to be filled in on this or other sites) out of their profile in an effort to keep from being judged by that attribute/quality or status? Is it preferrable to be upfront and avoid those that might judge one for it? If it is acceptable, at what point do you think one should reveal these things? Are there other things you have left out intentionally but later disclosed and why?

There is no such thing as "acceptible" in this or any other site's profiles. It is a matter of preference. If all the statistics were left out I would simply bypass and not even consider them.

I'm obviously asking for preferences. But fine, let me edit that.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MiladyElaine)

Post #: 17

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 11:09:29 AM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

The biggest thing I leave out of my profile is that Im a FORMER cocain addict. Ive been clean for almost 2 years now, but that doesnt keep people from judging me. They dont seem to understand, that Im not that person anymore, and Im never going back down that road.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 18

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 11:10:37 AM

RealityLicks

Posts: 1615
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Same here, I recently had someone contact me that had the age listed as 99, when I inquired politely why, he got defensive and said he didn't want to be judged.

OK, OK. If you must know I'm 116 now can we meet for coffee or not, young lady?

edited for a typo - sorry but I'm getting on...

< Message edited by RealityLicks -- 11/3/2007 11:11:58 AM >

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 19

RE: Your profile and what you leave out of it intention... - 11/3/2007 11:20:15 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I look at profiles to learn about that person who contacted me. If someone leaves something out of their profile, that's their choice, maybe they have a valid reason, but if I ask them about something I expect the truth.

On the flip side of all this, just because they put something on their profile doesn't mean it's true either. I talked to several here, but one in particular, that lied about his age, where he lived, and is parental status, just to name a few. He said he did it, because he figured I wouldn't want him if I knew the truth (he read my profile and adjusted his go fit what I was looking for)...first, well thanks for thinking so "highly" of me...lol second...bells and whistles should've gone off for me that this person is not into being himself, he wants to conform to whomever he is speaking with at the time.

I met him, we sat and talked it out, I gave him a second chance, told him to lay everything out on the table, start from square one. And what do you think happened...even more lies...lol

I know each situation is different...but bottom line if someone lies by ommision or whatever, it's kind of hard for me to trust anything they tell me.

Sorry for the ramblings, just my experiences :>

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 20

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