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sadness - 8/4/2005 2:48:08 PM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
i have been on site for 18 months, and have been sad so many times. Men who turned out to be married; Men who evidentially lost patience with me and chose another submissive; etc. Sometimes i think i'd be happier if i stopped searching and accepted that there will never be a Dom or Master in my life such as i have asked for. i am uncertain what to do....searching is so hard...Men sometimes write me who are so inappropriate..and i have to say "no"...which also makes me sad. i do not want to hurt anyone.

i feel as if i have tried long enough and should fold my tents and stop searching. i like the site and would probably have a "just friends" type of profile. i am not looking for people to tell me how desirable i am, or how i should continue searching; but i am wondering if anyone else has felt this sadness?

pinkpleasures

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 2:55:14 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		well, i have had the same lover sinse i was sixteen, my first lover, so i can not say i know what you feel, but i know the feeling i get when none seam to notice i am a girl, my frinds always treating me like one of the boys, and i feel ugly becouse i am fat, and i just hate myself. i feel for you and i hope you will feel better soon.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 3:14:10 PM   
shyguyuk


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline 		I know just what you mean pink, ive had my fair share of sadness in here i had one dom who i thought was the one for me, i was in touch with him for 8 months but he "vanished" one day..*sigh* ive had doms who make me laugh with there stupid OBEY ME NOW one line e-mails and some just plain nasty ones.

end of the day your best bet to find a master is away from your keyboard, i met my owner offline and im very happy now

done give up its worth the effort

mike x

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 3:21:18 PM   
Isolde


Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline 		I won't tell you to continue searching. I might mention though that I've known many people, including myself, who stumbled without meaning to across the most wonderful relationships after they gave up looking. Sometimes being on the hunt can cause tunnelvision, and the glare from what you want and what you're looking at drowning out the small, subtle signs.

Plus it's never a bad idea to take the occasional break to recharge your energy and enthusiasm, and to rediscover the little enjoyable things about being in a place like this. The people who could be friends, the debates, the new ways to see old subjects...maybe if you give up on searching, you can rediscover the fun in being here.

But it isn't wrong to feel sad, or to feel frustrated, over being disappointed about not finding what you're looking for. Don't feel like you have to rush away from that either. I think it's natural to feel that way after no much time and energy spent.

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 3:28:54 PM   
rwmbk


Posts: 43
Status: offline 		i hate to report the sadness might not go away even after you "click" with someone online.

i consider myself lucky to have found someone trustfull and honest, however the sadening part is that person is far away and i doubt it will ever become anything more than an online arrangement :-(

< Message edited by rwmbk -- 8/4/2005 3:29:24 PM >

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 3:57:47 PM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		awww Pink....
One day...When you least expect it, you will turn around and He will be right in front of your face, please don't quit five minutes before the miracle happens!!! Five days, five weeks, or even.....five months. i have a feeling the reason you have not met Him as yet....is because He is off learning something He has to learn first, and You are here learning something you have to learn first!!! Then when you are both done,,,,,it will be time for you Both to be Brought Together. Just a hunch, call it intuition. If this is the only site you are on........that might be something to reconsider. Exposure is very important. You can only screen, as many as you are exposed to

Did i ever feel really sad, like packing it in, giving up, and forgetting the whole thing. Often...especially when i had myself convinced that almost everyone had someone else. Start a thread about unattached subs/slaves and Dominants/Masters....and just see what happens:) Ask them how they cope? How do they feel about looking, interviewing, searching. ?

Sometimes i take a mini-break. a small one then i come back refreshed and renewed. a few days a week. . Sometimes just going about this with a new frame of mind/minus the frustration/plus some some fun/ and a more relaxed frame of mind helps everyone fell more at ease especially You!! No i don't mean to give up strong Moral values and Principles, or Letting up on what we seek,,,no way!!! Just relaxing to the point of i refuse to let this get me down,,,if He finds me or i find Him? So be it!!! If not then NOT!!!

Keep talking and doing what you are doing,,,and what will be will be. But that all fired up search? Will burn You out,,every time, and depress You when it proves fruitless. How do i know? Well...umm...embarrassing but 10 years worth. No solid Dominant to speak of,,,but i am stubborn as a mule Go Get Um' PinkPleasures.....You are a very beautiful Lady with so much to offer. be Tenatious! Strong and have some Fun with it and Smile. put ourself out there so that He may find you. *hugs* mossy

< Message edited by mossy -- 8/4/2005 4:24:12 PM >

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~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 4:05:48 PM   
MtPleasantsubAsh


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Pink..yes i know how you feel....my first sir...just told me we aren't 'together' we aren't a 'couple', we're just 'play-partners'...

I was crushed.
And now I'm just sad...

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 4:48:12 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think the problem is that you were simply in sub frenzy. How often have I described being in frenzy, getting all worked up, building expectations that are unrealistic and untrue...and then watching it all become "real," become disillusioned with "the scene" and then resentful of it? It's extremely common.

You always WERE unsure, but you were too blinded by the "newness" of it all to just take it easy.

You built up far too many expectations of what Ds IS, what doms ARE, what subs SHOULD BE and watched them all get pounded away against again and again.

Just be YOU, just learn, just question, just be HAPPY being who you are- and let the ones who do not work for you simply go on their way.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 5:08:18 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I spent 5 years searching for Doug. Eightenn months is barely scratching the surface. I literally went through thousands of people claiming to be doms in my search.
Found the same issues you have. This is the internet and people lie. Some make a game out of it, just trying to hurt the innocent.

I'd give you the same advice I'd give anyone saying the same to me. Go find yourself a munch group. Meet some friends within the lifestyle you trust. Go to some parties. Play if you want as long as it is safe.
Stop looking, the right person will come along whether you are looking or not. You tend to put off a negative energy when you're desperate. So, stop being desperate and go out and live life to the fullest. Have some fun.


(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 6:15:02 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Patience. Have patience and things will happen.

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 6:43:51 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I feel sad too Pink, when I have to respond to Master's truely hoping to find their sub in me, though i'm happy where i am, i always feel badly having to tell these men and sometimes ladies 'Im sorry, im not looking' i too dont want to hurt anyones feelings, it's not a good feeling...

as for your sometimes not getting responses, Pink, your so very kind and you seem like such a wonderfull person, i personally hope you will hold out and keep wishing for your Dom, i think He'll come along when you just relax into being here and not looking...

....seems in life, when your eagerly waiting for something, it takes longer to get to you, but when your just kicked back and relaxing, it arives before ya know it!

(in reply to dominmd)
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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 6:56:56 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mylee


....seems in life, when your eagerly waiting for something, it takes longer to get to you, but when your just kicked back and relaxing, it arives before ya know it!


That is so true. When you are not looking is when things happen.

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RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 8:30:09 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		Yup. been there.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: sadness - 8/4/2005 9:47:17 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Awwww..poor baby...I"d make you mine if only we lived in the same state. I'm not doing any more long distance shiat, because last time I tried that my sub got away with everything! I could not exercise control from that distance. So, my response is this. If I was interested, there will be others and they may live near-by. Hang in there...You're very nice!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 1:01:34 AM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		Ok prefacing this with yes I know it does sound cliche
Maybe time to stop looking and having the 'ultimate' goal of finding someone put on hold.Perhaps the expectation of 'this dom might be the one' might be a tad offputting.
Have fun enjoy yourself.
regards and best wishes

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 5:51:04 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nella
when none seam to notice i am a girl, my frinds always treating me like one of the boys, and i feel ugly becouse i am fat, and i just hate myself. i feel for you and i hope you will feel better soon.
Hey Nella are you getting help? If other people are doing such a good job of being hateful why are you wasting perfectly good energy hating yourself? M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 6:21:13 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
thank you to E/everyone..does this mean i should change my profile?

pinkpleasures

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RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 7:27:48 AM   
SoccerMomSlave


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		For those that ache to know intimacy in eros, this search for someone we can be one with can be miserable. It is entirely understandable why you would feel lonely, cut off, or hopeless. It took me two years to find my "one," and during that time I often felt like the search was hopeless.

I won't echo the "stop looking and it will come to you" advice - my personal expereince was tokeep looking until I found someone who fit me. If I had quit looking I wouldn't have found her.

I will offer no countering advice, but rather some comfort, Dame Julian when faced with the suffering and trials of the world:

quote:

And all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 7:34:52 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Grrrrrr.....you can't delete a post here.

The above post was not SMS but me still logged into her account. Boy that is irksome.

(in reply to SoccerMomSlave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: sadness - 8/5/2005 8:30:18 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

thank you to E/everyone..does this mean i should change my profile?

pinkpleasures



fille - what I would ask would be why? Why would changing your profile, make things change?

I would echo what people have said here. Patience and time - 18 months is no time at all. And as for 'searching' - don't. Those that do not look, find. And that makes it even more special.

But something I have noticed (and please don't take this as anything other than said in love) is -

1) Changing profiles
2) A tendency to be unable to be secure in yourself.

Your personality is you. Changing profiles and names doesn't change that at all. Your a beautiful, caring , desirable person. But at times you are hesitant and the insecurity comes across as defensive at times. Its GOOD to be hesitiant to test the water - its good to have the thoughts in your head to check yourself - but you have to be secure in yourself and your needs and what you believe you are then the Dominant you desire will be more visable. But until you can submit to yourself and your desires.
When you can kneel down at your own feet, you will be ready to offer more than any dominant could hope for.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to pinkpleasures)
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