RE: Making the Most of CM

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RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 10:39:07 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Hello and welcome to CollarMe. The only advice I have for you is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. The internet is open to anyone with a computer and a modem-you're going to meet a hell of a lot of people. Not all will be sincere, ut keep trying-the ones who -are- sincere will see you around over time and will eventually take an interest in knowing you.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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Post #: 41

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 10:44:51 AM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

My whole profile is a big filter for the kind of people I would rather not meet.

Most who mail me do it from reading my forum posts-which is what I intended.

I sort of relate to this. While my profile really is sincere to what I am and what I am looking for, I also realize that most people don't look at profiles until after they start to dig what you say on the forums. So my profile becomes sort of a addendum of my views based here.

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to RRafe)

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Post #: 42

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 4:44:41 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

The problem here is that what you think of as a wannabe could be someone else's soul mate. What one person views as a do me bottom, could be to someone else a strong submissive who is happy and excited to actively initiate and participate in a relationship that both find fun.

If you're looking for a long term relationship, then I would say beware of someone who boasts of how many one night stands he's had. If you're looking for casual, don't go any further with someone who says they've never had a nonserious relationship.

Personally I liked starting as friends, which meant that at least half of our conversations were about vanilla things. So if you want to talk about great movies you love to watch again and again, and they keep redirecting the conversation to sex, I would have to say that's a sign you aren't compatible.

(in reply to PsyVamp)

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Post #: 43

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 5:16:51 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

I've been here a few days and have browsed through all the profiles that fit my search parameters. I've noticed a couple that were obviously created as "warnings" about certain members because the user has been viewed as a "fake." I realize that in many cases, it's nothing more than sour grapes but it does make me wonder what happened to create such friction.

I've also received a few messages that interest me from CM users I would like to get to know better. However, I would like some input from those who have been using the site for some time. I'm not experienced with deliberately searching for a submissive/slave via a site like this. All of my BDSM partners have also been romantic partners or have been casual play partners at a party.

Do any of you have advice or pointers for weeding out the headcases, posers who only want online role-play, or golddiggers who are looking for someone to support them?

Thanks for your help!

Those are truly excellent questions.

Allow me to say, as someone who has been on CM for well over 4 days, watch out for the guys that are clearly in it for themselves.

These are the guys that it's "all about me". You can tell.

(Trust me on this).

Now that we've got that out of the way (and it's important that we did), I'd like to say, having reviewed your photos, you're the only woman I ever truly loved.

Now that may sound trite, or somewhat superficial, but trust that I've never said that before to any woman on CM (and if anyone does a search on any of my previous posts to prove me wrong, I'll deny every damn last one of you lying bastards).

So where were we?

Oh yes...my undying love.

Which of course, I profess to you now.

Now, I don't personally know a good Pastor....but I suspect I can find one....and....Friday looks good for me.

How's your weekend looking?

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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Post #: 44

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 6:26:49 PM

bostontwo

Posts: 43
Status: offline

We generally avoid people who can't take the time to write even a brief profile. We're not sticklers for pictures- we don't put our own up, but are willing to share; surprisingly our best partners we've found here have never asked. But if someone can't bother to say a little about themselves and be somewhat creative about it, will they have any imagination or spark in the bedroom? Thus far, for us at least, the answer has been negative.

We'd recommend not using the bulk filters to weed people out. Do your own screening. There's always the chance someone will be on the borderline of your age range, or more likely, tossed into the bulk folder for no logical reason. It seems everyone we really do wind up wanting to deal with was originally tossed into our bulk folder for reasons unknown. After a couple times, we started making an effort to hand-pick people. Even if it takes more time than an automated filter, good partners are hard to find, and are worth the investment.

(in reply to Griswold)

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Post #: 45

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 7:23:47 PM

tussa

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

As a rule I try not to make my first emails too long or too short... about 3-5 paragraphs seems about right. Keep things too the point, polite, friendly and interesting without "chasing". I seem to get the best responses to emails where I present myself as I am, take it or leave it, while making clear what I expect and some of what I offer (just hit the highlights), the submissive can then make up their mind if they're interested without feeling intruded on or "threatened". I also try to make each email as personal as I can, include some details from their profile so that they know I actually read their profile (so many do not its such that anyone who clearly has tends to stand out on that alone).

And yes I have met some folks through CM. One of them is laying on the bed next to me as I write this.

Thank you for the advice on sending a good email. I'm not the best with conversation and I have *no* idea how to respond to the dozens of emails I get that simply say "Hi." I can't even bring myself to compose a "Thanks but I'm not interested" to something like that. Any suggestions on how to reply to one liners from people with little to no content in their profiles?

(in reply to Padriag)

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Post #: 46

RE: Making the Most of CM - 11/5/2007 9:51:45 PM

LonDom61

Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tussa

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

As a rule I try not to make my first emails too long or too short... about 3-5 paragraphs seems about right. Keep things too the point, polite, friendly and interesting without "chasing". I seem to get the best responses to emails where I present myself as I am, take it or leave it, while making clear what I expect and some of what I offer (just hit the highlights), the submissive can then make up their mind if they're interested without feeling intruded on or "threatened". I also try to make each email as personal as I can, include some details from their profile so that they know I actually read their profile (so many do not its such that anyone who clearly has tends to stand out on that alone).

And yes I have met some folks through CM. One of them is laying on the bed next to me as I write this.

Thank you for the advice on sending a good email. I'm not the best with conversation and I have *no* idea how to respond to the dozens of emails I get that simply say "Hi." I can't even bring myself to compose a "Thanks but I'm not interested" to something like that. Any suggestions on how to reply to one liners from people with little to no content in their profiles?

tussa: How about a rule of thumb: Write them back with, say, 2 or 3 sentences less than they write you. So one-liners are worthy of...negative two sentences of reply. ie none.

If they put little or no thought or effort into their intro, they have no right to expect more effort from you. And I've heard from several women that any reply at all just leads to up to 4 or more followups trying to change her mind.

Padriag: Excellent tips. I've pretty much been doing that. My response rate is better. But, on the (more important) other hand...I don't have one of them in bed next to me at the moment. So hat's off to you.

I write a pretty good letter. So if I don't get a reply, I often just conclude that it either got auto-dumped into bulk...or that she deleted it by accident along with the pile she's getting regularly.

OP: I concur with the others ...
- "What does my gut tell me when I read the profile?"
- Reasonable amount of online contact. I prefer voice to typing. Faster, easier, more expressive. Voice chat is great (like phone, but anonymous as email; meets the concern for privacy) but all too few people seem to have headsets yet. And they're so cheeeeeeap to buy! I expect it'll be like fax machines. No one had them and then BOOM...everyone had them. Tip: if they've got walkman headphones/earbuds, all they need is a microphone; you can score one at a dollar store for a buck or 2. If it's a really good dollar store, you could get a headset for under $5.
- Not too much online/phone contact. Dom frenzy & sub frenzy can set in.
- Meet face to face before much of the above goes on. Saves investing time in those who aren't really what they say they are. And face to face chemistry is the most important thing. Well, not MOST important, but... ;-) certainly a good barometer.

Good luck on your quest. And welcome to CM & the boards.

(in reply to tussa)

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Post #: 47