"play-partners"

"play-partners" (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

MtPleasantsubAsh -> "play-partners" (8/4/2005 4:12:18 PM)
So.... My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple' We're not 'together' We are just 'play-partners' Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process. ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? I mean...maybe it's me.... maybe I'm not right, any help? Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: "play-partners" (8/4/2005 4:38:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh So.... My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple' We're not 'together' We are just 'play-partners' Hmmm I'm not sure what you THOUGHT the relationship was, but I'm glad it's come out in clear terms. I don't consider the Owner my "partner" "my lover" "my friend" or anything like that, he is the Owner. quote: Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? Not unless you want it to be. For a LOT of people, Ds relationships are just like vanilla relationships in structure and expectations, simply with the added authority transfer. For some people, and it would seem including this dom, that's not what it is to them at all. That's where that whole communicating expectations before making a commitment comes in. quote: the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process. Well the idea is that by pleasing and serving they are FULFILLING themselves, so the idea of sacrificing themselves is irrelevent. quote: ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? For some it is impossible. But remember, the SUB being attached to the DOM implies NO attchment form the DOm to the SUB at all. quote: Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? I mean...maybe it's me.... Some, sure. Others completely want their subs as their life partners. That's why you have to get to know what the other wants and expects. I am not JUST a toy for the Owner, but I am certainly not his friend or lover either. quote: maybe I'm not right, any help? Ds relationships can be in any flavor you want, some are just for play, some are for a lifetime. I'm sorry you are hurt and bitter over this, but I'm glad it finally came out and I hope next time you ask these questions before you commit.

sub4hire -> RE: "play-partners" (8/4/2005 5:01:14 PM)
quote: ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? I mean...maybe it's me.... maybe I'm not right, any help? It sounds like the two of you need to communicate. Apparently you both want different things. He wants a bottom and you want a dom. Hopefully you can work something out that works for the both of you. Good Luck on the conversation.

KnightofMists -> RE: "play-partners" (8/4/2005 6:48:32 PM)
mmmmmm well it is a personal choice now in my opinion. Some could very much desire and wish to have exactly what you are expressing... others will wish something entirely different or anything in between. I believe the question you ask is the wrong one. I don't believe you should question if you are wrong or right to expect these very things. I believe you should consider - Do you want and expect these very things you express. It is not about you being wrong or right in comparison to others. It is a question of what is wrong and right for you! Clearly the person you viewed as your partner has a significantly different view on your relationship with him. One could go into great detail on how and why this happen... but at this point that is rather unimportant at the moment. What is important is you understanding what is right for you - in your eyes and not someone elses. Do not try to be the square peg into the round hole. Self reflect on what you desire and see a relationship being for you and then find the person that shares these view to build that relationship with. So are you right in wanting and believing this that you exress... well that is for you to decide and no one else. But, I would say if you believe this to bring you happiness.. then I believe will find your answer. KoM quote: ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh So.... My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple' We're not 'together' We are just 'play-partners' Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process. ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? I mean...maybe it's me.... maybe I'm not right, any help? Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

MtPleasantsubAsh -> RE: "play-partners" (8/4/2005 8:37:19 PM)
Thank you Kom..and the O/others...I just...i suppose i did get attached...and i don't want that kind of partner...becasue i will get attached.. and yes, that is the kind of relationship i want, one where we are lovers as well as Dom/Sub...Master/Slave. I want a friendship..someone i can talk to cry to and have talk to me..and cry to me... and i will discuss these things next time...it hurts too much not to. Thanks A/all.

LdyAuburn -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 12:37:24 AM)
It sounds like you had more expectations than he. I have had people in the past whom I play with on a semi regular basis. They were excatly that 'play partner's. Good luck with the search

nella -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 2:16:36 AM)
Some are both life partners and BDSM playmates others are just playmates, it seam to me you and your Dom wants different things, talking whit him would perhaps be a good idea, tell him how you feel, and if you having theese emotions for him and he dont having that for you hurt you and you two find so solution, i recomend you leve, find somone that wants the same as you.

Fidelity -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 3:51:44 AM)
Sounds like a mismatch of expectations. At least you know the real story now,and can make further decisions from here.

tinkJH -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 5:15:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh So.... My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple' We're not 'together' We are just 'play-partners' Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process. ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? I mean...maybe it's me.... maybe I'm not right, any help? Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter. hrm, I've never been in a "play partner" relationship. I don't ever intend to either. I am too much of an emotional person to be able to have a partnership like that. However, for some (like Emerald) it works out great, and they have no problem with it at all. Each relationship is different. Some girls like being little toys. They don't mind being brough out on the weekends for a bit of kinky sex and then put back into the box until next time. Its not my thing.

nella -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 6:44:20 AM)
quote: Each relationship is different. Some girls like being little toys. They don't mind being brough out on the weekends for a bit of kinky sex and then put back into the box until next time. Its not my thing. Actualy, this sounds kind of sexy.

ChereeAmoor -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 10:13:15 AM)
MtPleasant - I am sorry that you were so hurt by this - next time around you will know more about what to put right out there in front of things.

MtPleasantsubAsh -> RE: "play-partners" (8/5/2005 2:22:24 PM)
Thanks all...I agree...I've realised I can't be un-attached. I invest myself completely, giving my body and mind to my Dom..because tht is how i can truly submit and serve...giving complete trust..it's just inevitable for me, thank you A/all....smiles...I'll not make the same mistake.

subversiveone -> RE: "play-partners" (8/6/2005 10:08:32 AM)
Ash, You will find that occaisonaly emotional Doms will willingly and knowingly lead you down the 'primrose path' of what you think is something more than just sex. Some will actual enjoy causing you to fall for them, give in to them and then throw their hands up when you ask for more in return. "What, you thought this was serious?" "Honey, i never said this was love" "I can't help that you..." Fill in the blanks. Some are so caught up in what they see as a role, they don't allow themselves to feel anything for you other than control. Some think this is part of being a good "Dom" or what you expect them to be. Staying unnattached and remote has it's perks. Of course, to be fully responsible for someone else on an emotional level requires committment. To get your rocks off and manipulate, does not... So, not to say anything out of turn about your Dom or former Dom, just to say NEVER SETTLE! Don't let anyone tell you that in order to get what you want you have to lower your expectations. Being owned can mean being loved deeper than you've ever dreamed. Being involved in a "true" D/s relationship is only, repeat ONLY defined by you and Yours. You can be fulfilled, controlled, inspired, punished, trained, rewarded, objectified, cherished, AND loved. xoxo

MtPleasantsubAsh -> RE: "play-partners" (8/6/2005 3:00:25 PM)
thanks, Hon and I WON"T settle... i know i am the perfect one for Someone out there...just gotta sift through all the others.. lol thanks -Ashley

nella -> RE: "play-partners" (8/6/2005 3:06:41 PM)
i hope you find your perfect Dom, everyone deserve to be happy.

tade -> RE: "play-partners" (8/7/2005 5:26:32 PM)
Sorry that you fell so hard there darlin'. Just remember to always keep your head in the right place and enjoy the ride. On a side not I have loved every sub that I have ever played with. Maybe not for a very long time, but I loved them all.

gentlesurrender -> RE: "play-partners" (8/8/2005 8:38:28 AM)
wish you well with your search sometimes this learning process of finding out who we are, and what we really want is one a hardone, we take many knocks and heartaches to find the right person. its very much like a dance, some partners prefer the tango, others the quickstep or the waltz, the artform is finding the one who moves and dances in the same way you do. hugsss for your pain, and light for your future happiness

MrThorns -> RE: "play-partners" (8/8/2005 9:35:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh ......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right? Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys? If you don't mind me asking...how long were you together with your Sir before you received the news that you are "Play Partners"? I'm asking because I wonder how it is that some people become 100% emotionally invested in someone they have only known for a few weeks, months, days...what have you. Do dominants get attached to their submissives? Sure, some do...if that is the nature of the relationship, which is why many have said that it's extremely important to be clear about what you expect and to understand what your partner expects. If you are dating someone on the vanilla side, do you immediately expect to be with that person forever? When does the relationship become "serious"? (Perhaps that is something for another thread.) Again, I don't know how long you were together with your Sir, but perhaps you could evaluate how you behave in a relationship. See if you are setting yourself up for disappointment by putting the cart before the horse. ~Thorns

sultryvoice -> RE: "play-partners" (8/8/2005 3:04:01 PM)
I see 2 Doms for play only. They each give me something I need. One, is only bondage. He introduced me to it a year ago. It was a year before we started playing together. That is all it is, a few hours of fun for us both here and there. The other is for whips, floggers, mind and other fun things. We also have been playing about a year. Each are different in their own ways. I will not be eithers submissive. I can't except for some play times. They are both aware that I am looking for someone. At that time, I will most likely say goodbye to them. In the meantime, I am having fun! Respectfully, sultry

MtPleasantsubAsh -> RE: "play-partners" (8/9/2005 3:01:52 AM)
I have known him for over two years...we've been talkign and meeting for only a month and a half....but i assumed we were in that sort of relationship. I was wrong to. And i suppose i just have to be more careful.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125