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Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:23:38 PM   
TravWill


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Now this is not me complaing, but I wanna see if anyone else has had an issue with this. Ive talked to a few people (who will remain nameless) who ive read there profiles, see what there interested in, what they wanna talk about and the whole 9 yards. I send them mail,  I keep it real and semi personal, ask to speak with them more, ill get a response back with them saying something like "Id love to talk more, talk to me on AIM soon" or "sure, I defently love to talk more, send me a message on AIM or E-Mail me". Then the X factor happens, they chicken out or just never respond back.

Now I understand that some women can be real busy, but the same thing has happend bout 7 times. I dont see that im doing anything wrong and im just curious if anyone has an opinion on this cause its a little bit frustrating.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:33:32 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		You've got a lot of competition, first of all. Second of all, I have no idea what you're saying in your messages to these women so I have no clue what would make them run in particular, although your journal entry is one that would cancel you out of my list of potentials. I ~hate~ journal entries with that complaint -the message is overtly manipulative (you're not a "real" sub if you don't talk to me) and whiny at the same time.

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:40:00 PM   
jennifer819


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/27/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe they just dont use the chat on here.

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:46:28 PM   
TravWill


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Heres a preview of one I sent about a week ago, she repled saying she wanted to talk, havnt heard from her since.

quote:

Hey whats up? I'm Travis and I reside in Boston, MA while attending College at The New England Institute of Art. I'm going to a Bachelors In Photography Degree, I wanna be a portrait/ Erotic photographer when I graduate, Bondage Photography is a long passion of mine.

So your looking for someone with similar interests and someone you can relate to? I can see a bunch of things Id be willing to talk to you about. Anything to do with Bondage and S&M, Photography, Art Galleries, Horseback riding, Travel, Heavy Metal and Rock Music. I'm willing to talk to ya bout about anything. I'm a very open person, I keep it real and I tell it how it is. If your interested in speaking with me some more, feel free to message me back or ask for my AIM or YIM name. Have a good evening and hop to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
Travis


Her message back to me was

quote:

Id love to talk to you more on aim my sn is xxxxxxxxxxx send me yours, and heres a face pic.


She sent me 2 face pics and her aim, i sent her a message back saying ill add her on aim. She said she is doing homework and cant get on right away, I said thats fine take your time. Havent heard from her since.

[Mod Note:  IM info removed]


< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 11/4/2007 10:24:08 PM >

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:47:38 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Speaking of chickens, bach bach bah, go ahead, name names, dare ya.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:48:27 PM   
Dragynsfury


Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sometimes computers crash.  It's happened to me with subs if I'm running too many programs. (damn that porn!)  But keep at it is all I can say.  The real one is out there.  I had this problem with subs but I've found a few who make the effort to communicate and stay in touch.

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to jennifer819)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 5:57:39 PM   
TravWill


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Speaking of chickens, bach bach bah, go ahead, name names, dare ya.

chia* (the pet)


nice comment, none of your business :)

Thanks for the advice Drag

(in reply to chiaThePet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:00:12 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TravWill
I said thats fine take your time. Havent heard from her since

This happens all the time and it really doesn't matter whether you're seeking an intimate relationship or not.  Master and I are interested in meeting other females for play and possibly something deeper with the right match.  We have profiles here saying that and I post alot on the forums and email back and forth with some folks from there just as friends.  Whenever a new female sub appears that is in our nearby area, if her profile seems literate and she is seeking friends or just someone to talk to, I'll sometimes respond to her.  I say that friends only is cool - no pressure whatsoever.  Master and I are very happy with each other and aren't desperately seeking anyone.  If a newbie around here just wants to talk with someone else interested in the "lifestyle," that's great.  It's always nice to have someone intelligent to chat with. 

Anyway....my point, finally, is that even when I (a female) approach someone seeking friends as a potential friend, they will oftentimes say "Oh yes, I'd love it," etc., etc. and then never follow through.  No pressure, no strings, just offering what they say they want, then they never respond back more than that once.  Why?  I don't know.  Maybe they got busy, maybe they found someone they're getting serious about, maybe they think I won't be interesting to talk to.  I don't know and, if they don't respond again, I really don't care.  There's many, many people out there.  Blow them off if they blow you off.  They'll be other, probably more interesting folks come by in due time...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:02:47 PM   
umisprite


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Travis,
 
There could be a zillion reasons why someone does not follow through. Many honest, logical reasons are possible: they really are busy, computer problems, family issues, they just aren't that into you. If you have truly captured someone's interest though you will both make an effort to stay in touch. If not, don't worry about it too much.
 
Lots of folks are testing the waters here. They have thoughts, fantasies, desires that they may or may not really want to play out or make a serious part of their life. Sometimes people simply get scared at the thought of making their fantasy a reality and as a result of that fear they back away. And I'm sure there are more than a few to whom this is all just a game. But who really knows. You can't control other people's actions (well eventually, as a Dom, you WILL be able to, but for now...) You can only control how you react to others' actions.
 
Personally I've had lots of those initial contacts that turn into dust. But there have been a few that have resulted in face to face meets and interesting RT encounters. These usually happened rather quickly, no chasing each other around for months at a time. You know the old proverb...You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince. Well, it's true here on CM too.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:04:22 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly they may just be busy or don't have the decency to say they are not interested so they hide behind the IGNORE buttom or just ignore.  It really does stink when people can not just say "Thanks but no thanks".  Too much time wasted.

< Message edited by MistressPurpleFL -- 11/4/2007 6:05:21 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:09:26 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TravWill

Heres a preview of one I sent about a week ago, she repled saying she wanted to talk, havnt heard from her since.

quote:

Hey whats up? I'm Travis and I reside in Boston, MA while attending College at The New England Institute of Art. I'm going to a Bachelors In Photography Degree, I wanna be a portrait/ Erotic photographer when I graduate, Bondage Photography is a long passion of mine.

So your looking for someone with similar interests and someone you can relate to? I can see a bunch of things Id be willing to talk to you about. Anything to do with Bondage and S&M, Photography, Art Galleries, Horseback riding, Travel, Heavy Metal and Rock Music. I'm willing to talk to ya bout about anything. I'm a very open person, I keep it real and I tell it how it is. If your interested in speaking with me some more, feel free to message me back or ask for my AIM or YIM name. Have a good evening and hop to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
Travis


Her message back to me was

quote:

Id love to talk to you more on aim my sn is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx send me yours, and heres a face pic.


She sent me 2 face pics and her aim, i sent her a message back saying ill add her on aim. She said she is doing homework and cant get on right away, I said thats fine take your time. Havent heard from her since.



About a week?  Would that be 5 days or 10 days?  I am one who does not chat at all.  And you email would not have impressed Me.  A bit casual for My taste.  However, she apparently enjoyed it and is willing to chat.
What I see here is a "you add me, I add you" thing, and no specific arrangements.  If you happen to be online at the same time and catch one another that's great.  If not, oh well?
The casualness of the email in and of itself could be the problem.  You do not seem anxious, which is a good thing, but  could also be sending the message "whatever...later..." 
Is this person in your same time zone?  Do you have any information regarding the amount of homework and other obligations?  Is there a job? night classes?  Are you already in bed at 1AM when she is just getting home from school at 10PM in Cali and signing on for an hour?  Did you follow up and try to make a date to chat online?  If chatting is that important to you, then perhaps you need to strive for more than a  "Hey, what's up?" attitude.  Because some people would take it to be exactly that?  "Hey, what's up?  If we ever run into each other online, I would love to chat"...yada, yada, yada.
Make any sense?

[Mod Note:  IM info removed]


< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 11/4/2007 10:24:41 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:11:02 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TravWill

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Speaking of chickens, bach bach bah, go ahead, name names, dare ya.

chia* (the pet)


nice comment, none of your business :)

Thanks for the advice Drag



You made it everyone's business, and you're the one dragging things
down with frustration.

Forget your troubles, come on get happy.

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:14:11 PM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Patience grasshopper - maybe you are pushing too much or appearing desperate I don't know - but if someone does not respond - in the online world that is perfectly legitimate so get used to it.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:17:03 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Mm. I don't know Travis. Like I said, you have a lot of competition. What I see in your message is that you spend time talking about you (most all of that is on your profile) but you don't ~engage~ her. What is in there to make her respond? What can put your message ahead of the hundred others?

The erotic / bondage photography, while possibly legitimate, adds a definite "creepy" factor, and your message isn't strong - it's a little on the desperate side, kind of like you're asking her to take the lead.

Read her profile, find some common ground, come up with a couple of questions for her based on those similarities, compliment her, draw her in, make her want to answer you.

(in reply to Dragynsfury)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:26:06 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

Mm. I don't know Travis. Like I said, you have a lot of competition. What I see in your message is that you spend time talking about you (most all of that is on your profile) but you don't ~engage~ her. What is in there to make her respond? What can put your message ahead of the hundred others?

The erotic / bondage photography, while possibly legitimate, adds a definite "creepy" factor, and your message isn't strong - it's a little on the desperate side, kind of like you're asking her to take the lead.

Read her profile, find some common ground, come up with a couple of questions for her based on those similarities, compliment her, draw her in, make her want to answer you.


What she said.

And yes, people get busy... I have about 4 people that I'd REALLY like to get to know better but I don't have the time between work and school to communicate with them on a daily basis.
Or I'm so tired at the end of the day that I can not think straight.

Psy(Lady Jag)

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:33:44 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		FR to the op........

If you want to get a girls attention, talk about her-and what she wants.

Rather than all about you-she'll ask that if your interest excites hers.

I should NOT be having to say something so terribly obvious.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:39:59 PM   
TravWill


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: TravWill

Heres a preview of one I sent about a week ago, she repled saying she wanted to talk, havnt heard from her since.

quote:

Hey whats up? I'm Travis and I reside in Boston, MA while attending College at The New England Institute of Art. I'm going to a Bachelors In Photography Degree, I wanna be a portrait/ Erotic photographer when I graduate, Bondage Photography is a long passion of mine.

So your looking for someone with similar interests and someone you can relate to? I can see a bunch of things Id be willing to talk to you about. Anything to do with Bondage and S&M, Photography, Art Galleries, Horseback riding, Travel, Heavy Metal and Rock Music. I'm willing to talk to ya bout about anything. I'm a very open person, I keep it real and I tell it how it is. If your interested in speaking with me some more, feel free to message me back or ask for my AIM or YIM name. Have a good evening and hop to hear back from you soon.

Sincerely,
Travis


Her message back to me was

quote:

Id love to talk to you more on aim my sn is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  send me yours, and heres a face pic.


She sent me 2 face pics and her aim, i sent her a message back saying ill add her on aim. She said she is doing homework and cant get on right away, I said thats fine take your time. Havent heard from her since.



About a week?  Would that be 5 days or 10 days?  I am one who does not chat at all.  And you email would not have impressed Me.  A bit casual for My taste.  However, she apparently enjoyed it and is willing to chat.
What I see here is a "you add me, I add you" thing, and no specific arrangements.  If you happen to be online at the same time and catch one another that's great.  If not, oh well?
The casualness of the email in and of itself could be the problem.  You do not seem anxious, which is a good thing, but  could also be sending the message "whatever...later..." 
Is this person in your same time zone?  Do you have any information regarding the amount of homework and other obligations?  Is there a job? night classes?  Are you already in bed at 1AM when she is just getting home from school at 10PM in Cali and signing on for an hour?  Did you follow up and try to make a date to chat online?  If chatting is that important to you, then perhaps you need to strive for more than a  "Hey, what's up?" attitude.  Because some people would take it to be exactly that?  "Hey, what's up?  If we ever run into each other online, I would love to chat"...yada, yada, yada.
Make any sense?


she lives in my homestate so yes its same time zone. Yes I can see your point, I can point out one or two mistakes I made as well threw your statement, nice critiquing. What should I say instead of that then?

[Mod Note: IM info removed]


< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 11/4/2007 10:25:46 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 6:46:44 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		I get quite a few emails that seem CUT and PASTE being original is a GREAT thing.  I am realistic that there are a lot of other Dominants out there for a submissive to choose from but I still want to feel that you WANT me and or are interested IN ME and not just any Mistress on the block.
 
I have a long profile make me feel like you read it; that you understand what I seek and let me know what we have in common.   Be yourself and try not to really sell yourself in a sleazy way...not to say that your had done this in your example.
 
 

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to TravWill)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 7:03:10 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

FR to the op........

If you want to get a girls attention, talk about her-and what she wants.

Rather than all about you-she'll ask that if your interest excites hers.

I should NOT be having to say something so terribly obvious.


Oh Rrafe you would be surprised.  I was out with a potential, and told him he could ask me anything he liked.  He said that he couldn't think of anything!   

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question on Dom/Sub Talk - 11/4/2007 7:27:54 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

FR to the op........

If you want to get a girls attention, talk about her-and what she wants.

Rather than all about you-she'll ask that if your interest excites hers.

I should NOT be having to say something so terribly obvious.


Oh Rrafe you would be surprised.  I was out with a potential, and told him he could ask me anything he liked.  He said that he couldn't think of anything!   


Oh dear, too worried he would offend?

I tend to just say "Don't worry,I have the squick factor of a wolf eel."

So I can start a conversation about that the hell a 'wolf eel" is.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 20
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