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Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 7:40:24 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		As to not hijack the Younger Doms thread in the General  Forum, this thread is to enlighten the public to exactly WHAT piqued the younger dom/me's interest and what exactly do they feel they have to offer at such a very young age.  Sometimes intent is everything :)
 
Some things you may wish to address is why some want an "older" sub.
What is your understanding of the lifestyle in general.
What do you feel is different/preferrable about you over the older dom/mes?
 
Things like that :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/5/2007 7:41:19 AM >

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:08:14 AM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		maturity, experience, and less likely to play games and know what they want.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:12:05 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Vantru,
 
Now, I know that  :).. this is a thread for the younger ones (teens and 20's) to explain themselves as to why and what makes them a good option.

 
(nice pic, btw :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 11/5/2007 8:13:19 AM >

_____________________________

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Vanatru)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:18:48 AM   
SoHott


Posts: 80
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

maturity, experience, and less likely to play games and know what they want.


This girl just completed a relationship with a 50yo woman yesterday. Yes, she had maturity, and experience, but it all added up to make her an incredible game machine. It's my limited experience that age just guarantees a more polished game. Not that there's anything wrong with that, i think humans are competitors all things being equal. The challenge seems to be to turn off the game and dialogue/monologue enough to have some fun

_____________________________

If everything in life was free
We'd float in our own reverie
The things that you can't seem to see
seal the gap between you and me

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:31:27 AM   
enigmaorion


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline 		Not having read that Younger Doms thread, perhaps I'm missing some of the context for this line of questioning, but.. My first impressions are leaving a bit of a bad taste.  I'm not sure why exactly my age would or even could make my intent more.. subject to skepticism.  As for what piqued my interest in D/s, I can't say for sure. What I can say is I don't remember a time when I was a sexual being and not 'interested' in D/s.  Perhaps that's because the first porn I discovered was my dad's, and he had a sizeable kink collection.  On the other hand, looking at myself through a filter of D/s, I can see streaks of that side of my personality in non-sexual areas of my life extending well before that.  (Though whether or not I'm simply finding there the pattern I'm looking for is.. /shrug.)

As for what I have to offer.. Myself. And you don't have to wait another 15 years until I reach some seemingly arbitrary 'now-it's-okay-to-Dom' benchmark.  Which I suppose is the root of the bad taste in my mouth.  I don't like the idea that I.. should (for lack of a better word) deny myself part of my sexualty just because I happen to be a few standard deviations below a mean age. 

I couldn't even begin to suggest why some want an older submissive, though I imagine it's not very different from why some would want an older dom, or a younger sub- There's just something that appeals, and if none of us differed on what we want and don't want, this would be a far more boring place to spend our lives.

What's preferable about me over another, older dom? I don't know, but whatever it is, I'd like to think it has very little to do with my age.  I'd hate to think that what makes me desireable is getting ready to dissipate with my next birthday.  Whatever would make me preferrable over someone else should, I'd like to think, still be true ten years from now.

And speaking towards my understanding of the lifestyle in general, I doubt I could do any of us justice by summarizing the 'lifestyle' in a few sentences. But, I'll tell you what.  You get the ball rolling with your understanding, and I'll tell you if I agree or disagree with your assessment. 

< Message edited by enigmaorion -- 11/5/2007 8:33:20 AM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:39:21 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		To not speak for Valyraen (I will let him know about this thread and he will decide if he wants to post himself), I can say what I saw in him when he was 22 and I was 21.

A) A naturally dominant/alpha personality, B) A willingness to learn about things even if he has negative preconvieced notions about them, C) A willingness to find out what makes me tick, D) The ability to accept that he was wrong, that he made a mistake, that he shouldn't have done something gracefully. Apologizes and does what is needed to avoid the same mistake in the future. E) Intelligence and a kind heart with just the right amount of "asshole" gruffness tempered by sweetness that I find attractive, F) A deep respect for those who know more than him and a desire to learn from them.

There is more of course, but I'm fairly sure that no one else is interested in exactly why I fell for him the way I did. It would probably fill up this text box anyway. As to what he thought he had to offer regarding BDSM, I don't think he gave it much thought. He has himself to offer. That is all anyone really has and if that isn't enough for you, simply move on to the next person.

I do not value experience and previous learning with whips and floggers the way others do. These things can be learned fairly easily so I tend to disregard them in my search. In my experience, it is the things that can not be so easily learned, or perhaps can not be learned at all - the things that you simply are or are not, that are truly important to me.

Now, as to why he is a good option.. I really don't think that any of the younger dominants need to explain themselves to anyone. For some they just are the better option, exactly the same as for some the older dominants just are the better option. Myself, I want a dominant, not another father figure. Just as others can not submit to a younger dominant because he reminds them of their children, I would be very squismish about an older dominant reminding of my father.

I could see it happening in unique circumstances, but it would have to be someone who shares a great deal of my vanilla interests not because he's been around and has some fancy BDSM skills and expensive toys. That doesn't make someone a good person, a good dominant or someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and have children with.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:41:17 AM   
kennyautopsy


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a younger Dom/Master. I currently have a wonderful slave who is my soon-to-be wife. I can honestly and whole-heartedly say I have no alterior motives in choosing to be a Dom/Master. I am a care-taker and always have been my whole life. It brings me great pleasure to take care of the ones I love in the largest way possible.I tell her what she is ready for,and what she's not.What she needs and what she doesn't.I help her discover strength in herself that she didn't think she had inside of her, and as much as submission/slavery is about serving and pleasing one's Master, it pleases me greatly when my little girl thanks me for protecting her from an endeavor that would have broken her spirit or helping her to find the strength to perserve when she didn't think she had it in her.
But I can only speak for Myself. I do not know the motives of other young Doms and Masters out there.

(in reply to enigmaorion)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:44:20 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Vantru,
 
Now, I know that  :).. this is a thread for the younger ones (teens and 20's) to explain themselves as to why and what makes them a good option.



Still grinding that "Anti Young People Into BDSM" axe, huh?

Personally, I dont think the word "explain" adequatedly communicates the tone and spirit of your post. Perhaps "justify" would be better.

To that, all I have to say is...get over yourself. We get it. You've made it abundantly clear in quite a few of your posts (I mean, all your posts). You are way cooler/better/super/awesome than all the young bucks and buckettes in the world.

To be honest, I dont mind reading your viewpoints and certainly not going to censor them. I even understand. People have to cope with greying hair, aging skin, and all those negatives of getting old somehow and what better way to do it then to develop a superiority complex over the people who have the things you dont have anymore.

Whatever gets you through the day in my opinion.

But...honestly....to start an entire thread asking all us young inferior Doms to explain and justify what exactly we have to offer that is worth being placed on the mantle of consideration by all you superior older people....well....thats just slightly annyoing.

I dont have to explain, prove, or justify why I am a good option and anyone asking me to is not worth an answer (or worth my time and attention as a prospect)


_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 8:56:08 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmaorion

But, I'll tell you what.  You get the ball rolling with your understanding, and I'll tell you if I agree or disagree with your assessment. 


ahhh grasshopper :).. that is the problem.  So many have reasons why they would pan a younger dominant but there has been no discussion from the younger dominants as to what makes them desirable.  So as not to give ideas as to what I THINK they think, I have purposely made this  very open ended thread. I had thought about a poll with situations I have experienced with the young dom/mes I have known, but that would limit discussion to a checklist of my own experience.
 
Maybe I'll toss some common assumptions out later on after a few more responses to help keep the ball rolling.  One side needs to know what the other side is thinking.  It helps both.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:01:13 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

To not speak for Valyraen (I will let him know about this thread and he will decide if he wants to post himself), I can say what I saw in him when he was 22 and I was 21.



Perhaps it was because you were 21 and he was 22.  You were both of the same demographic.  You were both learning, so what he knew or didn't would not be apparent to you.  To me, that makes a good pairing.  You help each other and are learning at the same pace.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:02:08 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmaorion

But, I'll tell you what.  You get the ball rolling with your understanding, and I'll tell you if I agree or disagree with your assessment. 


ahhh grasshopper :).. that is the problem.  So many have reasons why they would pan a younger dominant but there has been no discussion from the younger dominants as to what makes them desirable.  So as not to give ideas as to what I THINK they think, I have purposely made this  very open ended thread. I had thought about a poll with situations I have experienced with the young dom/mes I have known, but that would limit discussion to a checklist of my own experience.
 
Maybe I'll toss some common assumptions out later on after a few more responses to help keep the ball rolling.  One side needs to know what the other side is thinking.  It helps both.


The problem is that you are assuming they need to have a reason as to make them desirable. Younger dominants are what they are, just as older dominants are. Neither is better than the other and neither will appeal to everyone. They may need a reason to appeal to you but many of us are not sitting around waiting on a forum thread to tell us it is ok to be with the people who have captured our hearts for one reason or another. They just have and I'm not going to be stupid enough to say "Sorry, you are too young. The Almighty BDSM Gods say I have to wait until you are 45."

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:05:01 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

To not speak for Valyraen (I will let him know about this thread and he will decide if he wants to post himself), I can say what I saw in him when he was 22 and I was 21.



Perhaps it was because you were 21 and he was 22.  You were both of the same demographic.  You were both learning, so what he knew or didn't would not be apparent to you.  To me, that makes a good pairing.  You help each other and are learning at the same pace.


I was quite aware of what he didn't know. When it came to BDSM, he didn't know a damn thing. I explained to him that I was submissive, what it meant to me, what I needed from him and we talked about it.

It simply didn't matter to me and it still wouldn't. I simply find that it is too easy to "fix" to actually matter when all the factors mix well and the person is willing to learn.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:13:56 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		What a touchy rabbit you are.
 
I really have not said young dom/mes are bad.  I say that it is not my preference and I guess when I explain WHY  and HOW I come to a conclusion,l that's seen as "grinding an ax or beating it into the ground".  But people interpret what they want and it no longer bothers me.
 
I addressed Vanatru's reponse as I did being I noticed his age before I responded.  I took it that he might have misread the the OP and responded as to why older dom/mes are desirable.  It was nothing more than a playful nudge to him not a putdown of young dom/mes.



_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:16:05 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Vantru,
 
Now, I know that  :).. this is a thread for the younger ones (teens and 20's) to explain themselves as to why and what makes them a good option.



Still grinding that "Anti Young People Into BDSM" axe, huh?

Personally, I dont think the word "explain" adequatedly communicates the tone and spirit of your post. Perhaps "justify" would be better.

To that, all I have to say is...get over yourself. We get it. You've made it abundantly clear in quite a few of your posts (I mean, all your posts). You are way cooler/better/super/awesome than all the young bucks and buckettes in the world.

To be honest, I dont mind reading your viewpoints and certainly not going to censor them. I even understand. People have to cope with greying hair, aging skin, and all those negatives of getting old somehow and what better way to do it then to develop a superiority complex over the people who have the things you dont have anymore.

Whatever gets you through the day in my opinion.

But...honestly....to start an entire thread asking all us young inferior Doms to explain and justify what exactly we have to offer that is worth being placed on the mantle of consideration by all you superior older people....well....thats just slightly annyoing.

I dont have to explain, prove, or justify why I am a good option and anyone asking me to is not worth an answer (or worth my time and attention as a prospect)



What he said

After noticing that a large chunk of the OP's posts happen somehow to revolve around how silly, inexperinced, inferior .. insert derogatory word, us young people are, I don't seem find the bother to "explain myself"

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:20:45 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana


After noticing that a large chunk of the OP's posts happen somehow to revolve around how silly, inexperinced, inferior .. insert derogatory word, us young people are, I don't seem find the bother to "explain myself"



Yeah.. but it seems people expect me to.. so I do.  I better just stick to "ditto,  I agree, or No" but then, what is learned?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:29:02 AM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		ah, I was thinking you asked what younger doms were looking for. I doubt you'll get many positive responses to the idea of them justifying themselves to you.

(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:33:15 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

What a touchy rabbit you are.
 
I really have not said young dom/mes are bad.  I say that it is not my preference and I guess when I explain WHY  and HOW I come to a conclusion,l that's seen as "grinding an ax or beating it into the ground".  But people interpret what they want and it no longer bothers me.
 
I addressed Vanatru's reponse as I did being I noticed his age before I responded.  I took it that he might have misread the the OP and responded as to why older dom/mes are desirable.  It was nothing more than a playful nudge to him not a putdown of young dom/mes.



Yes, it is possible that my response was caused by an error in my reading comprehension skills.

To be sure, why dont you start a few other threads asking other demographics of people to explain themselves to other demographics of people?

Perhaps one asking black people to explain what they have to offer white people.

We can see how touchy and positive the responses are and perhaps both of us can come to the conclusion as to whether its me or you.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 9:43:52 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

ah, I was thinking you asked what younger doms were looking for. I doubt you'll get many positive responses to the idea of them justifying themselves to you.


I'm not asking them to justify anything.. but there just seems so many young guys/gals asking WHY don't you LIKE US.. and I'm posted what I did to give them an opportunity to toot their own horn or to tell us where they are coming from. 

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 10:15:50 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		*gives LotusSong a backhoe*  you can dig yourself deeper and faster with this...

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 11:41:04 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline 		While I no longer qualify as ïn my "teens or twenties" I started out when I was 25, 26 or so, so according to the OP's definition I've been a young Dom . Basically I've never considered myself a "young Dom", but rather a "beginning Dom" or a "not so experienced Dom" (actually, rather a switch, but let's keep that can of worms closed). Whether or not I was a "good option" I don't know. I did have a (play/sex) relationship for a while with a then 43yo, starting submissive, who was a close friend before, and still is a dear friend though we don't see eachother that often anymore. We liked eachother, we wanted to explore, and so we did, much more there isn't to tell. After that I ran into my current girlfriend, and we've been together for over 5 years or so. We don't have a D/s but our lifestyle consists mainly of japanese style rope bondage play, we run our amateur website on that subject and occasionally present workshops or do shows at fetish parties. So yeah, it's a busy lifestyle :-)

In my experience, there are a lot of young Doms out there who are seriously interested in the lifestyle, who know their tech stuff, and are totally not just after quick sex. I've met many of them at TNG-like groups or at my own home rope-bondage parties and workshops. Whether or not you should consider them "an option" is all up to you. Some people like em younger, some don't. Sometimes people connect, often they don't. I don't really get this old/young stuff.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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