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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 12:00:52 PM

LadySeraphina

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Wow, I had no idea that I still qualified as a 'young Domme'. I'm 28, and have been in the lifestyle actively for 9 years. I don't see myself as new, young, or inexperienced. Granted, as a woman I don't have any of the 'why don't they like me' rants, and never have. The minute I realized I was a Domme I had two lovely subbie boys willing to teach me what they needed, and it's been wonderful ever since.

Just to be fair to Lotus Song, while I have seen her appear to jump down the throats of the whiny boys who keep starting those 'young Dom' threads, this one did look like she was honestly offering them a forum. Perhaps we should set aside feelings about the OP and address the question thusly:

If you, as a young Dom, have been experiencing the issues we've seen in the copious 'young Dom' threads, please tell us what you have to offer that makes you so upset none of the subs you approach can see how special you are.

Just a thought.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 12:03:51 PM

LotusSong

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Joined: 7/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

*gives LotusSong a backhoe* you can dig yourself deeper and faster with this...

Watch and learn. What I am HOPING to show is that it's NOT the age.. but the MOTIVATION of the dom/mes that MAY be the turn off. And no, there is no right or wrong motivations. Hopefully we will see all sorts of motivators. And you know what will be good about it? One can see that there is a match somwhere out there. Some look for love, some for sensation, some for sex, somefor just play... and some are just scared to admit what motivates them while others never gave it a thought :)

(I'm actually trying to be supportive here. Don't always be so quick to expect a fight. )

I also expect all ages to be chiming in here.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 12:29:26 PM

Guilty1974

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First of all, let me say I'm not offended by this thread in any way, I'm more than happy to share my experiences as a young Dom, and that I do myself sometimes get tired by the "they don't respect me" threads by (some) younger people, BUT...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I also expect all ages to be chiming in here.

Then why limit your question to young people? If you want all ages to chime in, ask what motivates the 50yo Doms that enter the scene for the first time in their life and expect immediate respect. Ask them too whether they are sincerely interested in the lifestyle (for which they haven't shown any visible prior interest) or whether they are out for a quick fuck. Ask the young submissives what motivates them to submit to a master twice their age, and if they are interested in the man or the money. Ask the younger Domme if she really likes that 50yo guy, or if having a moneyslave is just convenient. Ask the older Domme if they care about the young submissive mans feelings, or just his young & able body. Well... I think you get the point by now :-)

In short, we all can have a wide range of motivations for doing what it is we do, some perhaps more noble, or honest than others. Why limit your question specifically to younger Doms?

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 5:31:11 PM

enigmaorion

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The problem with how you posed the question is it was easy to interpret that age and motivation/intent share a causal relationship. Still, having not read the threads you were referring to, maybe I should only bristle at sharing a demographic with those doms, rather than bristle at the view from your perspective.

Perhaps you were expecting to find that a young dom is drawn to the lifestyle simply because he thinks it will be... easier than a 'nilla relationship. Which, of course, is almost as true as thinking a poly one will be easier.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 6:07:23 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

First of all, let me say I'm not offended by this thread in any way, I'm more than happy to share my experiences as a young Dom, and that I do myself sometimes get tired by the "they don't respect me" threads by (some) younger people, BUT...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I also expect all ages to be chiming in here.

In short, we all can have a wide range of motivations for doing what it is we do, some perhaps more noble, or honest than others. Why limit your question specifically to younger Doms?

I addressed my post as a spin off to the other one explaining to hijack the other one. And I stated I EXPECTED all ages to be chiming in and by saying that later on here, that means I'm not opposed to it as it is expected.

And yes, there is a wide range of motivations.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 6:10:35 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

First of all, let me say I'm not offended by this thread in any way, I'm more than happy to share my experiences as a young Dom, and that I do myself sometimes get tired by the "they don't respect me" threads by (some) younger people, BUT...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I also expect all ages to be chiming in here.

Then why limit your question to young people? If you want all ages to chime in, ask what motivates the 50yo Doms that enter the scene for the first time in their life and expect immediate respect. Ask them too whether they are sincerely interested in the lifestyle (for which they haven't shown any visible prior interest) or whether they are out for a quick fuck. Ask the young submissives what motivates them to submit to a master twice their age, and if they are interested in the man or the money. Ask the younger Domme if she really likes that 50yo guy, or if having a moneyslave is just convenient. Ask the older Domme if they care about the young submissive mans feelings, or just his young & able body. Well... I think you get the point by now :-)

In short, we all can have a wide range of motivations for doing what it is we do, some perhaps more noble, or honest than others. Why limit your question specifically to younger Doms?

Because they are ones wondering the most it seems. So, care to share what your motivations were and did you find they changed after awhile? I know mine did.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 10:29:54 PM

KiandPhoenix

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I am in my 20's, so I guess this is a question directed to my age and experience.

The thing that got me started was not the several woman who asked me to be their dom in the six months before I knew what BDSM was. Instead it was a comment Phoenix made to me one night shortly after we first got together. We had hooked up for a casual encounter, with long term casual in the works. We had known each other for a couple months, and were about five minutes into some passion when out of her mouth comes "I have never wanted to submit to someone so much in my life". It stuck in my mind, and about a month later I was spending a week with her, and decided to ask about it in a bit more detail. She told me she never had the chance to be in a real relationship like we now enjoy, but had done a little play, and that somehow I just brought about those feelings in her.

Near the end of the week I made a comment back to her to get her worked up. I said "You would look real good with a collar on that said 'Property of Ki' written on it". She went insane in a real good way. So I started learning, and a few months later, for Valentines day, as we planned together, I gave her a collar.

What do I have to offer that is different then others? Nothing probably. I have a style both Phoenix and I are comfortable with, and are happy with. We had to work hard to find that style, and got to grow together. If someone comes along who desires our kind of relationship, then so be it, we are poly. I am a dom who has earned the title of dom with only two women, and personally don't feel like I am a "Master" by any means. I have been told by one other woman that I earned the title of "Sir" with her. How I did that I don't know.

In general the older generation I think has learned their ways of doing things, and likes their ways. The younger generation seams to think we know better, and do things our own ways. This probably is not a great idea not to learn from those who came before us, but does lead the way for a lot of new and creative thinking. There is always something new to learn and somewhere to grow. The best I can say for the younger generation is that with all the arrogance of "we know best" we do get to paint our relationships any way we dream them with no one to tell us we are wrong, because we aren't listening to those people anyhow. Obviously this does not apply to all the younger people, just some around here I have met while searching for our path.

~Ki

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 10:35:53 PM

Lordandmaster

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When I was a young dom I really enjoyed coming all over the face of a pretentious and self-satisfied older woman who thought she knew all there was to know in the world. Or tying her up and hitting her G-spot through her ass and making her squirt all over the bed linen.

Rock her to her foundations, and THEN see who does all the smug and world-weary commentary. It's really hard for her to make sarcastic comments with my dick lodged in her mouth, isn't it...

Edited to add: Does that answer your question?

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 11/5/2007 10:38:15 PM >

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/5/2007 11:05:55 PM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Because they are ones wondering the most it seems. So, care to share what your motivations were and did you find they changed after awhile? I know mine did.

As mentioned elsewhere, I don't recognise the wondering. I don't know if my motivation changed over time. Somewhere in my middle twenties I figured (by experience with a vanilla girlfriend) that I'm interested in BDSM. Being tied was big fun, tying was fun, but something was missing. When I realised that it was teasing/hurting/controlling which was missing, I got the message and started looking for information. That hasn't changed.

What has changed is the way I practice BDSM. Initially, we set out in a 24/7 kind of way, but it doesn't work for us at the moment. I'm more a sadist than a Dominant, and she goes to deep in submitting than is currently good for her, so after a year or two we switched toward more of a play relationship.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/6/2007 5:55:18 AM

TheChauvinist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

*gives LotusSong a backhoe* you can dig yourself deeper and faster with this...

She really needs no help, Chelly. The "ole dog" is rather spry for her age and it seems the experience of digging this hole over and over works for her.

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RE: Motivations of Young Dom/mes - 11/6/2007 8:34:30 AM

LightHeartedMaam

Posts: 296
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

When I was a young dom I really enjoyed coming all over the face of a pretentious and self-satisfied older woman who thought she knew all there was to know in the world. Or tying her up and hitting her G-spot through her ass and making her squirt all over the bed linen.

Rock her to her foundations, and THEN see who does all the smug and world-weary commentary. It's really hard for her to make sarcastic comments with my dick lodged in her mouth, isn't it...

Edited to add: Does that answer your question?

She uses sign language in that case :)

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