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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 8/6/2005 3:28:17 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

First age or lack of it doesn’t mean that some bright people cant be successful in business. I have a wide variety of friends and contacts about the world. I certainly know a few sons of friends who own their own houses or apartment buildings, simply because either they got into the Internet early and build large web business or an several cases the sones got involved in network marketing and build awesome businesses. I personally know one man who built a multimillion-dollar business before he turned 26. So ok these are exceptional people but I do object the concept that some one at the age of 24 has either bought his own home because it was dirt cheep (implying that its run down ready for demolition) or he is making money from illegal means.

However I do agree that what does count is MATURITY. Maturity does not equate with age and neither does life experience. I know plenty of mature people in their 20’s who have good life experience. Conversely, I know many older adults, some into the 60’s, who are still immature and have little life or street experience.

First off, I was being sarcastic and I have no idea how you've concluded that I implied the house was ready for demolition. And making money from illegal means???? I don't see that suggestion in any of my posts, either - only yours!

I was thinking along the lines that "owning" was in conjunction with a bank etc - which would qualify him as learning life's responsibilities. That or, and this would've been priceless, he got a giant leg up from his parents....

I own my place, too, and by that I mean 100% ownership. And that's also the only way I'd own my slave - but I didn't learn about responsibility by aiming for slave ownership first....

You make a valid point with "MATURITY" in regards to the OP - pity you then watered it down with minority examples to such a meaningless statement....

Focus50.

(in reply to IronBear)

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 8/6/2005 8:13:38 PM

Zenar

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

In all honesty I really hope the OP is reading all of this. I know where Focus50 is coming from. I also know I first found my dominance far younger than 19. Dominant means just that, powerfull, controling, it has absolutely nothing to do with responcibility. For that very reason responcibility is so very important to gain or dominance becomes some thing self destructive. Now if I were young again these are the top 10 things I wish I had known back then that I know now.

1) NO YOU ARE NOT INSANE!
2) Yes there realy are women that want what you think can only happen in your deepest darkest depraved fantasy! No I am serious! It really does happen! They actually want it too!!!!
3) Always respect your elders, they have been where you are now. Just dont let them live their life through you.
4) Dont always believe your elders, they dont want to admit their own past mistakes, and they are jealous that you are young and just starting out.
5) Dont let your dreams die BUT keep your feet on the ground. You are most likely not going to be a rock star, but this does not mean you have to settle for working at McDonnalds!
6) You are young enough that if you go off chasing some thing (job, girl, what ever) you can fall on your face, come up flat broke, loose every thing that you own, and it wont matter at all because your too damn young to really have any thing to loose. Go for it now!!!!
7) Never EVER think you can get over falling in love with some one. You will ALWAYS love them, it just kind of fades over time.
8) While you are wondering if what you are doing is the honorable thing or not, she is wondering when is the next time you are going to do her, she is just too shy to say it. I am DEAD serious on this one!
9) That really good looking prissy girl that for some reason just grinds on your nerves that for some unknown reason you just hate her? Every man had her in their life. Smack her on the ass just once! Just trust me on this one. She deserves it.
10) When you have some one tell you that you are not good enough, I dont care what it is. Tell them to find some one that is good enough and walk away. If this is a job, they are using this for two reasons. One, that they will NEVER pay you what you are worth. Two, they will give that as your reference to make sure that you will NEVER leave. Welcome to the real Modern Slavery.

Good Luck!

(in reply to Focus50)

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 8/9/2005 1:36:46 PM

TheLioness

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Oy .. okay, hold onto your hats cats and kittens, an oldster weighing in.

The best dominants I know, the ones I respect, male or female, have three things going for them above all:

They are in utter and complete control of themselves at all times in ALL aspects of their lives which also means they're humble when it's appropriate, cop to errors, foibles and bad habits but always do what they can to make it right and move on;

they never EVER believe they've "arrived" at BDSM enlightenment completely, and are always open to new thinking and new ways, perfectly willing to learn from all quarters be it young, old, new or ancient, submissive, dominant or switch;

and finally .. here it comes ... they spent time with a mentor, a real live breathing human being who they either started out as bottoms to to learn the ropes (the fastest and smartest way imo), which used to be the ONLY way anyone trusted you knew what the hell you were doing, or were allowed to tag along in some capacity, or took instruction with a respected and known professional, or were lucky enough to find a skilled submissive who recognized their natural talents and had the patience to gently guide them along (this is a much longer trial and error way of learning). As long as the proper personality is there, great things can happen on your own, but it takes the active mentorship of somebody who has real life experience to help you really put some polish on it.

Anyone who believes they have nothing to learn from somebody with different or greater experience is a fool, I don't care if your 19 or 50. The only thing that comes close to replacing guided one-on-one experience without seeking a professional is your local BDSM club. Join it, attend the classes, visit the play parties as an observer, then find yourself a nice, playful masochist or switch with submissive tendencies willing to guide you in scenes where there's tons of feedback and never, EVER imagine you've learned "enough". Your biggest challenge IS your age, but it's not one you can't overcome with a persona that oozes authority, self-confidence and self-control, and above all, the humble understanding that you will, time and again, act like a human and get it completely wrong sometimes.

Good luck,

Domina Katrina

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When you are aware of your pain and suffering, it helps you develop your capacity for empathy, the capacity which allows you to relate to other people’s feelings and sufferings. This enhances your capacity for compassion towards others. Dalai Lama

(in reply to imtempting)

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Post #: 23

RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 8/9/2005 3:27:40 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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Don't be in such a hurry to find someone that you are too busy when the right one comes along...

Lily

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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 9/24/2005 3:59:25 AM

SirFire4Her

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline

I got some really good advise from this post , thankyou DomEP

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 9/24/2005 10:01:28 AM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

quote:

Hello A/all. I am an up and coming Dom and I was wondering if Y/yall have any tips or advice for a new Dom.

Some basic ideas:

1. Thou shalt be in control of thine own life before trying to run someone else's.

2. Thou shalt understand the difference between Domination and abuse. submissives and slaves are people, too.

3. Utter not from Thine mouth falsehoods, half-truths, or deceptions, lest Thine days upon the land be very lonely.

4. Thou shalt always remember to be thankful for Thine slave... for without her, you would be only a Dom unto Thyself.

(in reply to DomEP)

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 9/25/2005 6:29:55 PM

SirSix72

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
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This is an essay about the what I have experienced in real time this is meant for lifestylers whether it be BDSM or The Gorean subset. I have spent much time gathering information on what I see others portray themselves as.
I have been in this lifestyle for over 11 years and I have seen many that think that this lifestyle is something they can choose it to be. For many souls out there they are looking for a connection with the "one" that they can "submit" to. I find it interesting that this almost sounds like many vanilla dating sites that I have browsed in my boredom. What these women or men are saying is that they must find the love of their lives in order to "submit" themselves to whatever their significate other desires. This is strongly disagree with for a lot of reasons that I will detail for those of you that take the time to read this.
If you find the love of your life how willing are you to explore the darkest side this lifestyle is meant to offer to those few that are truly what they claim to be. Would not love stand in the way of doing things whether with others or in groups provoke jealousy? I have seen this happen far too many times in the past years that I have been a Master. A supposed "slave" or "sub" falls in love with a Master and He decides that it is now time to grow emotionaly and find others whether they are "slaves' or "subs" to join this experience with them in a setting that is unlike those of the popular vanilla culture. Where you can only have one partner or just be dating.
This kind of love that im speaking about is the closed love of the vanilla generation that most of us were raised in. The famous vanilla saying "I can be the only one". This lifestyle is about love but an open love. One that can over come any experience that the Master so decides. This my freinds is the vanilla generation seeping into our lifestyle. How long will we tolerate vanilla's telling us what they veiw this culture as. They take from it what they consider as romantic and apply it to themselves thinking this is the way that it should be. I know it would be impossible to screen all those that are interested in the lifestyle but I believ that we a culture retain the right to set the record straight and send these vanilla players back to the generation that they are so deeply set in.
I bet that most of you reading this probably think that I dont respect limits but what you dont understand what limits are. There are two different types of limits. Limit one is a soft limit, this applies to the things that society has based out of the norm for the population. This would include such things as I describe in the above paragraph "closed love". The second limit is a Hard Limit, this would include such things as a medical inability to perform such acts or the fact that some things are just plain unhealthy such as scat. This limit is always one that will stay respected and held above all others because of the possibility of serious trama that or the possibility of playing in human waste could potentialy harm a person's physical well being.
It would seem that those that have found an attraction to this lifestyle are trying to make it socially acceptable. Let us remember that the activities that we all share in this lifestyle are "taboo". So now the kinky people in society have invaded this lifestlye and with them they bring in the emotional draw backs of being vanilla. The things that are taboo in society whether it be the occasional three-some or a poly setting has now become unacceptable by those whom have ventured into a lifestlye that dosent have a socially acceptable background.
Now we have submissives that are stating that they have limits which are really hidden emotional difficulties.Maybe they experienced this in a former vanilla relationship where they were cheated on. I have seen this many times my 11 year journey into this lifestyle. So they decide to make this lifestlye romantic and hide their fears within the precept that they have limits that should be respected. When in all actuality these limits are nothing more than what they are hidden agendas. These limits are soft limits and are meant to be conquered with the guidence of their Master.
This kind of action are unlike those that are lifestylers and true to what this has brought to us that are real and take what and whom we are seriously. This kind of actions and words that I see written are just another kinky vanilla that has become a bottom topper and has decided that the only time that they can truly submit is when they are in a scene. After that scene then they regain control over their former vanilla-selves without the thought that what they all experienced as a group has affected more than just the immediate couple they were performing with. What about the emotional stress that you put ont heother person that you were playing with either as a couple or one on one.
The creed as a Dominant takes on as an oath is to respect whom they play with as well as protect them from physical harm. This isnt an opportunity for the bottom to find a excuse in the creed for them to say "no" what you want to do will severely impede my emotional well being. I have had this one played on me many times in the past with all sorts of wanna be's. This is a limit for submissive I know but limits are meant to be pushed and over come. This provides emotional growth in the relationship. To know that you can conquer what you fear with your Master's guidence and help.
All of these thing are just people whom have taken on this lifestyle and it would seem that now the submissive's are running the show. They all have certain things that as a Master we must be in order to sway them into submission. How absurd this has become. Now we have a generation of submissive stating what they want and if it isnt met then we as Master's cant recieve their "precious gift" ! Now who is in charge them or the Master's. When I read these things I try and remain hopeful that eventually this new movement into the S & m culture will churn out a few that are truly searching to give themselves to the pleasures and personal growth that this lifestlye brings.

Master Six

(in reply to DomEP)

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RE: Up and coming Dom seeking advice - 9/25/2005 6:32:32 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Keep it "Up" and "cumming"

and you'll do fine, otherwise...learn how to sub!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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Post #: 28