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RE: What are words for? - 11/14/2007 11:16:58 PM

laurell3

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Actually caro, you're not the one off topic at all. You stated what works for you.
I believe the original OP was just "what do you use for safewords?"

The question I have for those of you who do not use any type of safe word is this. Let's not call it a safeword at all. Let's call it communication. Let's assume you are in a situation where your face cannot be seen, you are gagged and you realize your breath is restricted to the point that you are unable to breathe at all and you believe it is contrary to your Master/Owner/Dom's intent with the scene and he may not know. Is it appropriate to communicate this to your Dom/me?

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Post #: 321

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 12:34:57 AM

MidnightMaiden

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quote:

The question I have for those of you who do not use any type of safe word is this. Let's not call it a safeword at all. Let's call it communication. Let's assume you are in a situation where your face cannot be seen, you are gagged and you realize your breath is restricted to the point that you are unable to breathe at all and you believe it is contrary to your Master/Owner/Dom's intent with the scene and he may not know. Is it appropriate to communicate this to your Dom/me?

Of course but how would I signal him? Thrash about, kick, stamp my feet, wave my arms... I do all that anyway, how would he know the difference unless we both learn and remember a complex form of sign language. If I didn't trust Master enough to keep an eye on my breathing (which would be readily apparent from the heaving of my chest whether he can see my face or not) then I wouldn't be wearing his collar.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 322

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 12:36:20 AM

laurell3

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The question implies he may not know. It's not a matter of integrity on his part, but merely a question of whether it's acceptable to tell him.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/15/2007 12:38:42 AM >

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 323

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 12:39:59 AM

MidnightMaiden

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I understand that but I am gagged, right? So I can't verbally tell him anything. Physical waving and thrashing is part of our normal play, so that won't signal it.... what other signal could I use to let him know I was in trouble? The way I read the question I have no means of communication, or am I missing something? Seems my only choice is to rely on his watchfulness, and I can't conceive of a possibility where he would not notice, unless he left the room... so how would I communicate to him then?

Sorry edited to add a bit more :)

< Message edited by MidnightMaiden -- 11/15/2007 12:43:04 AM >

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 324

RE: Safe words - 11/15/2007 12:43:58 AM

briska

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Joined: 7/12/2006
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Direct response to the OP-

"No, Seriously - that hurts!" usually. More often than not, Sir will talk to me in japanese during a scene to constantly make sure I'm okay, but every once in a while I throw this one out there. ;)

Also, non-verbally a big RED is when i start to fall into my bonds - putting all my weight on the rope/cuffs rather than standing on my own. It's kind of like my body saying "Ok, I'm in subspace now, and my knees just buckled so you should probably take me down..." Of course, Sir and I have been together for a couple of years now, so (yes, roll your eyes if you must) He can see and has taken me down/stopped playing when this happens.

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Post #: 325

RE: Safe words - 11/15/2007 1:35:22 AM

Lordandmaster

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Back in the old days, when I bothered with safewords, I would let it be "Sir, please just fuck me in the ass instead." Then I decided, fuck it, the whole thing is artificial. "No" is your safeword. Say "no," and everything stops immediately, and that'll be the end of the relationship, too.

(in reply to tinkatoy)

Post #: 326

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 4:44:05 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

why is it I keep hearing a train in the distance... should I safeword... do you think it will stop?

/sigh

Misst and I tried once already... all it seemed to do is make the train go faster

Oh well...

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Post #: 327

RE: Safe words - 11/15/2007 4:49:34 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Back in the old days, when I bothered with safewords, I would let it be "Sir, please just fuck me in the ass instead." Then I decided, fuck it, the whole thing is artificial. "No" is your safeword. Say "no," and everything stops immediately, and that'll be the end of the relationship, too.

LMAO Now that is something that I can relate to.

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Post #: 328

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 5:23:20 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

I understand that but I am gagged, right? So I can't verbally tell him anything. Physical waving and thrashing is part of our normal play, so that won't signal it.... what other signal could I use to let him know I was in trouble? Sorry edited to add a bit more :)

Many folks utilize a rubber ball (dropped when something requires attention) or bell (rung when something requires attention) or other such method.

John

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(in reply to MidnightMaiden)

Post #: 329

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 5:56:01 AM

chellekitty

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sorry i wasn't online to let ya'll know of your collarme message board safeword...

yellow - the red (sorry, i can't help what color the programers made it) "X" at the top corner of your screen..

red - the power button on your computer....

i have let ya'll know this in the past...but apparently no one remembers...my bad? i guess thats why i am just a lowly slave *eyeroll*

chelle

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Post #: 330

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 6:52:05 AM

MidnightMaiden

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Joined: 10/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
Many folks utilize a rubber ball (dropped when something requires attention) or bell (rung when something requires attention) or other such method.

Oh I did not know that, thank you :) Hmmmm but I would drop the ball/bell without being in distress (I clench and open hands as part of working through pain). I suppose they could be not in my hands but within reach... I assumed for the purpose of this exercise that I would bound also (face not visible implied to me being hogtied or similar). Quite the question!

If you don't trust your top to pay attention to your breathing in a dangerous scene what on earth are you doing letting him tie you up like that for? (I honestly can't imagine a scenario where my Master would not notice, not make it his priority in a scene that dangerous, I am a heavy breather he would know within seconds if I stopped). But that wasn't the question I know, even if it keeps coming back to that for me, the original point was whether you should signal him or not to let him know your distress, but its kinda moot unless you have a viable method to signal him with.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 331

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 7:06:19 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
Many folks utilize a rubber ball (dropped when something requires attention) or bell (rung when something requires attention) or other such method.

Oh I did not know that, thank you :) Hmmmm but I would drop the ball/bell without being in distress (I clench and open hands as part of working through pain). I suppose they could be not in my hands but within reach... I assumed for the purpose of this exercise that I would bound also (face not visible implied to me being hogtied or similar). Quite the question!

If you don't trust your top to pay attention to your breathing in a dangerous scene what on earth are you doing letting him tie you up like that for? (I honestly can't imagine a scenario where my Master would not notice, not make it his priority in a scene that dangerous, I am a heavy breather he would know within seconds if I stopped). But that wasn't the question I know, even if it keeps coming back to that for me, the original point was whether you should signal him or not to let him know your distress, but its kinda moot unless you have a viable method to signal him with.

We have talked about having "taps"

My Daddy teaches women's self defense as a mock assailant, and they have a system of safety taps in place in case they get into trouble

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(in reply to MidnightMaiden)

Post #: 332

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 7:14:06 AM

IrishMist

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~~ FR ~~

/sigh

Let’s try this.

Leaving my own personal thoughts about safe words out; and using the pretense that I am speaking with those who are brand new to the concept of BDSM , this would be my advice.

A safe word is a wonderful tool to have. When used with a partner who is honest, and shows a willingness to help you evolve. If you are going to play with someone for the first time; HAVE A SAFE WORD that will stop play if things become too intense for you.

However; you must also realize that not everyone is going to care about what you want. Not everyone is honest, safe, and wants to keep you safe. In these cases, a safe word will mean NOTHING because they will continue no matter what you say, how you act, if you are injured, hurt…etc. That is why it is important that you only play with someone WHO YOU KNOW AND TRUST with your life.

Now, for some, playing in a dungeon or at a play party with others present, it might not be that important that you get to know the person because there are others present. However, if you plan to be alone with someone… remember that you are placing your own life in the hands of this person.

This whole thread has gone on and on with the same people saying the same thing…and yet, the only thing that they are saying is pretty much what I just said above. I find it amusing that everyone is arguing about this; yet saying the same thing.

edited for spelling

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Post #: 333

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 7:20:55 AM

juliaoceania

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Not everyone has said the same thing... some people have said things not at all in keeping with your post whatsoever. Those people were being judgmental about how other people live with no knowledge of it...

My view, in case anyone got lost in my replies is below:

Have a safeword, don't have one... live your own life and let others live theirs. Common sense ain't so common.. so I suppose I can understand this mad rush to protect people from their lack of knowledge and let them know a word will not completely protect them... to me that is a big gigantic "Duh"

edited to add the word "completely"

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/15/2007 7:22:41 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 334

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 7:22:19 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Not everyone has said the same thing... some people have said things not at all in keeping with your post whatsoever. Those people were being judgmental about how other people live with no knowledge of it...

My view, in case anyone got lost in my replies is below:

Have a safeword, don't have one... live your own life and let others live theirs. Common sense ain't so common.. so I suppose I can understand this mad rush to protect people from their lack of knowledge and let them know a word will not protect them... to me that is a big gigantic "Duh"

LMAO... that I do agree with

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Post #: 335

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 7:48:55 AM

CreativeDominant

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I've played with those who use safewords and those who don't. I always check the condition of the submissive I am playing with and I do so without waiting for a safeword. I still give the submissive one to use because that is what I like to do. Like Archer...I do not see where the submissive using her safeword makes them the one commanding me...I gave her the damn word to use in the first place and the order to use it if necessary.

Those who choose to play without them...if it makes you happy to do so, then do so. Bad things can happen.
Those who choose to play only with a safeword in place...if it makes you happy to do, then do so. Even with a safeword in place, bad things can still happen.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 336

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 8:06:35 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

Even with a safeword in place, bad things can still happen.

Bingo

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Post #: 337

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 8:12:15 AM

mnottertail

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It's only words;
and words are all I have;
to take your heart.....
aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

maurice bee gee

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 338

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 8:15:18 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

It's only words;
and words are all I have;
to take your heart.....
aaaawwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

maurice bee gee

LOL Ron.... sing it baby

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Post #: 339

RE: What are words for? - 11/15/2007 8:17:03 AM

mnottertail

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The very thought of it makes you wet, don't it baby?

RonnieHeartthrob

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 340

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