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Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 10:39:54 AM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, everyone.

I've been reading the forums here for a bit and have finally decided to post something. :)

I'm an author, primarily of erotic and romantic fiction. I don't write BDSM fiction, generally, but I am embarking on a new novel. I've been exploring D/S for a while now and while my past work hasn't been emphatically kinky, I have several projects I'm working on that feature definite D/S relationships. Because my particular interest is in male submission, that's the underlying theme of the stories. One is a novella, as yet uncontracted. The other is a novel which is under contract but isn't due to my publisher for a long time, so I have plenty of time to get the details right.

I absolutely don't want to write a book filled with cliches. I want this to be a realistic portrayal of a growing D/S relationship and a woman's discovery that what she really wants is NOT submission (which she thinks, at first) but dominance. And what it means to her -- not wielding a whip, necessarily. I want to write her story in a way that doesn't treat D/S like something weird or out there or crazy, because my audience is women who will be used to reading BDSM stories that are really just over the top. BDSM is pretty popular in erotic romance right now, and I find much of it seems to be written by people who don't actually practice anything they're writing about. It's all what I think of as fantasy BDSM -- extreme situations that are just shocking or titillating enough to be thrilling but don't necessarily explain how it *feels* beyond the sexual aspect.

Not that I don't want to write a sexy, thrilling book. ;) It is erotic fiction, after all! But I would like it to be based more on the emotional fulfillment rather than the number of toys and types of outfits.

Part of the book is about the man my heroine eventually ends up with -- he's in a temporary relationship with a mistress who he interacts with via letters. It's something set up between them in advance. She sends the letters; he complies with the instructions. It's based a lot on trust and the knowledge she can't check to see if he's obeyed, only he knows if he hasn't. They never actually meet face to face. She's probably a professional, so it's not a personal relationship.

What I need help with is what sorts of letters would she send? How can I portray this realistically -- what would you do if you had a long-distance or rather non face to face relationship? I know it makes a difference if she is doing this as a job, not for her own personal pleasure.

Any discussion is welcome.

I appreciate the chance to talk with all of you. I'm not living a D/S lifestyle...yet. :) And I'm not sure exactly where I want to go with that. So this will be a personal learning experience for me, as well.

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share their thoughts and experiences. I won't use anyone's names or information without permission, btw.

M
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 10:49:30 AM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		There are many writers here on CM.  Some are even published! lol

I wish you well in your research and hope that you can present our lifestyle in a way that even we would be pleased with.  My suggestion to you would be to read the boards here.  Some may welcome your request, some may not.  I don't know.  Just be prepared for things to go either way.

I don't want to try to speak for other people.  As a writer myself, I like to write what I know.  If I don't know something, it is very difficult to create a character with emotional depth because there is always something I might have missed. hehe... would you be willing to research in depth? hehe... sorry... I had to ask!

Good luck to you!

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:11:44 AM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottLicks

I don't want to try to speak for other people.  As a writer myself, I like to write what I know.  If I don't know something, it is very difficult to create a character with emotional depth because there is always something I might have missed. hehe... would you be willing to research in depth? hehe... sorry... I had to ask!

Good luck to you!


LOL! Well let's just say it's most certainly something I am interested in exploring at the moment...I'm married. We have an established relationship. It's tricky to mix things up. ;)

M

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:25:32 AM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouswriter


quote:

ORIGINAL: HottLicks

I don't want to try to speak for other people.  As a writer myself, I like to write what I know.  If I don't know something, it is very difficult to create a character with emotional depth because there is always something I might have missed. hehe... would you be willing to research in depth? hehe... sorry... I had to ask!

Good luck to you!


LOL! Well let's just say it's most certainly something I am interested in exploring at the moment...I'm married. We have an established relationship. It's tricky to mix things up. ;)

M


LOL... I am sure it would be! lol... I do hope you get the information you seek here, but as I said... the boards will bring a lot of enlightenment to you about many things.  You might consider working with a mistress as advisor to you on this, that way you get first hand reactions to what you have in your writing.  (I am not offering to do this! lol Yikes...  I don't want to make it sound as if I am.)

But anyway... good luck!

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:26:58 AM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		I've actually engaged a  bit of "email submission" from time to time.

The sort of things W/we played with included: (a) periods of enforced chastity; (b) wearing certain items under your vanilla clothes (e.g., cock rings); (c) taking and sending photos of yourself in compromising conditions; (d) dietary restrictions; (f) writing assignments, involving (usually playful) Femdom themes (e.g., 1,000 words on why the Female butt should be worshipped by the male, or on the proper way to shine Mistress' boots).

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:31:14 AM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottLicks

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouswriter



LOL! Well let's just say it's most certainly something I am interested in exploring at the moment...I'm married. We have an established relationship. It's tricky to mix things up. ;)

M


LOL... I am sure it would be! lol... I do hope you get the information you seek here, but as I said... the boards will bring a lot of enlightenment to you about many things.  You might consider working with a mistress as advisor to you on this, that way you get first hand reactions to what you have in your writing.  (I am not offering to do this! lol Yikes...  I don't want to make it sound as if I am.)

But anyway... good luck!


Thank you! I'd be happy to hear what a mistress would have to say. ;)

M

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:32:18 AM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

I've actually engaged a  bit of "email submission" from time to time.

The sort of things W/we played with included: (a) periods of enforced chastity; (b) wearing certain items under your vanilla clothes (e.g., cock rings); (c) taking and sending photos of yourself in compromising conditions; (d) dietary restrictions; (f) writing assignments, involving (usually playful) Femdom themes (e.g., 1,000 words on why the Female butt should be worshipped by the male, or on the proper way to shine Mistress' boots).

Regards, ATP


I had thought of the clothes and the written essays (there does have to be a communication between them) but not dietary restrictions! That's a good one, thanks!

M

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 11:48:49 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I've been told that my own published erotica which is focused on Ds and SM relationships is rather realistic even for it's primarily fantasy or science fiction/horror settings.

You can see some of my work at my website under the "Writings" tab.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 12:05:44 PM   
MistressSandra2U


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		Curiouswriter you are a curiosity. I tried viewing your profile and it's no where to be found. Too bad too.

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 12:24:12 PM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I've been told that my own published erotica which is focused on Ds and SM relationships is rather realistic even for it's primarily fantasy or science fiction/horror settings.

You can see some of my work at my website under the "Writings" tab.




I'll check it out. :) When I said fantasy BDSM, I didn't mean fantasy setting -- I love fantasy and sf. I meant more that it was what someone thought BDSM should be -- let's throw in some bondage, some anal, some threeways. Let's not forget the leather and the rubber. A lot of what I read was like a laundry list of what is "supposed" to be kinky.

M

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 12:28:02 PM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSandra2U

Curiouswriter you are a curiosity. I tried viewing your profile and it's no where to be found. Too bad too.



I don't have a profile? I filled out some information for an account...I'll check into it. Thanks for letting me know.

M

(in reply to MistressSandra2U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 12:36:19 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
There are a lot of articles on my web site in the first person POV explaining what it is like to be a dominant woman who lives an otherwise very normal life (which is what I do), and also addresses some of the conflicts that come when being truly in love with someone but also wanting to tie them up, torture them, and be unbelievable cruel - not for his needs, but for mine.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 12:38:18 PM   
curiouswriter


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


There are a lot of articles on my web site in the first person POV explaining what it is like to be a dominant woman who lives an otherwise very normal life (which is what I do), and also addresses some of the conflicts that come when being truly in love with someone but also wanting to tie them up, torture them, and be unbelievable cruel - not for his needs, but for mine.

Akasha



Thank you! I will check it out.

M

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/6/2007 8:31:30 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		I am a published writer though erotica isn't it. I can say that I have a very long distance with mine to whom I am now married (June 2007). We met just as I was about to leave Morocco for a time after living there for 2 years. We were online and on the phone for 8 months before I returned to Morocco to marry. I knew full well that I would not be able to remain in Morocco having my house and affairs here in the US to settle. So, back to online and phone.

He recently, this week, was told he'd be moved to teach at another school there where he would have to live Monday morning through Saturday afternoon. Now we are left with two days per week of communication when we used to have five. This school has no electricity, it is extremely rural, and teachers as well as students live the week there. There is also no cell phone network in this area.

It is not easy by far, however, long before this my Domination was established. There is no worry that he will not act in accordance with what I have set out for him and the way in which he KNOWS I expect him to behave. That being said, until we are living together in March, the distance is something which we both suffer and endure.

Be Well,

EG

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/7/2007 10:19:47 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's just me and my incredibly suspicious nature, but this feels to me like a creative quest to get someone to satiate your kink desires through an email exchange rather than a sincere "research project" for the purpose of authoring a novel.  After all, your title of post is "long distance mistress" and not "assistance needed for novel".  Hmmmmm.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/8/2007 3:01:49 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		curiouswriter, I notice that you are a female Dominant. 

Perhaps go to Ask a Submissive and ask subs what letters/email they have received in real life from women they have never met in person and what was a real turn on (and why).  They might be kind enough to forward you copies of the original

Then perhaps filter the raw material to appeal more to mainstream female than male sexuality (assuming your target readership is female)

Sorry I cannot help more.  I don't do long distance, anonymous, paid or online D/s, so I don't have any suggestions. Perhaps search "online training" or "online Domination" here and see what its proponents have to say about their practices.


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/8/2007 11:58:23 AM   
lipstickbitch


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		W/we participate in a long distance relationship and its the little "TASKS" we give each other that keeps it alive and kicking. The deadlines for tasks, whether they be writing, pictures in sexual/explicit positions/posses, butt plugs under vanilla clothing, performing masturbation in vanilla/work settings...should be sought out.

The possibilies are endless and only bound by someone's imagination. I become fearful by a call alone in a certain tone of his voice when I've missed the deadline; he knows there are ways I can hit the right buttons, vice versa.

You play off each other and you make it work. I'm excited to see what your ending project reads like.

Good luck!


_____________________________

Life is one big book, open it up and explore it

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/8/2007 12:56:56 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouswriter

What I need help with is what sorts of letters would she send? How can I portray this realistically -- what would you do if you had a long-distance or rather non face to face relationship? I know it makes a difference if she is doing this as a job, not for her own personal pleasure.



I'll make a radical proposal: try domming one or more male subs in a LDR yourself.  The best research is first-hand experience.

I guarantee that if you put all this into your profile, and added a provocative picture [not necessary to show your face], you would probably have a half-dozen on-line subs within a fortnight. 

You'll need to do a little research on becoming a FemDom.  I recommend Akasha's website [see her post above] and Elise Sutton's site for starters. 

TO BE CLEAR: I am not suggesting that you deceive anyone.  Put it right in your profile that you want on-line only, and you are looking to dominate them as part of your research for a book.

If all that I've read from Dominas on this Message Board about male subs is accurate, you'll be flooded with applications in spite of your disclaimer.  You'll get your first-hand reserach material, and, if you do it right, the subs will get wank fodder in exchange. 

Quid pro quo.



_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to curiouswriter)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/8/2007 1:21:40 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		My question is: why would your fictional Domme not be able to verify if her sub has complied with her commands or not? This is the 21st century, after all. A webcam costs about $20. A hub for multiple cams runs about $60... so, she could send him a package in the mail for about $140, with enough equipment to keep him under surveilance 24/7... and he'd never know when/if she was watching him. When he is home, he is hers.
 
Just a thought.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Long-distance mistress - 11/8/2007 4:37:34 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

This is the 21st century, after all. A webcam costs about $20. A hub for multiple cams runs about $60... so, she could send him a package in the mail for about $140, with enough equipment to keep him under surveilance 24/7... and he'd never know when/if she was watching him. When he is home, he is hers.
 


D/s meets 1984.  I like the way you think!

_____________________________

Stories: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=334308
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=335720
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=336666
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337911

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 20
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