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Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 4:17:10 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
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What do you consider submissive service versus just being a nice human being or a good friend?
 
Let me tell you what started this train of thought. And how this boiled over into a couple of conversations i've recently had with some subbie friends.
 
I have a wonderful new bird, (Jewel got her for me, THANK YOU, i love her) a miniature parrot called a parrotlet. All the attitude of a parrot, just not the size. And she is bossy, demanding, absolutely insists on having her way, period.
 
I put the paper in the bottom of her cage printed side up, i got it, screeching, banging, generally having a fit until i turned it white side up. I gave her a slice of banana, she threw it at my head. Noodles without spaghetti sauce, i got one of those tossed at me too.
 
Just do exactly as she says, when she wants, how she wants, and she is the sweetest loving little thing. As long as she gets her way.
 
So now Scooter and Jewel are calling me the bird's subbie. 
 
So, i think i take care of her because i am a good pet owner, i want her to be happy, warm, comfortable. I do not feel like i am being her subbie. Just a responsible human being and a good bird friend.
 
It is no different to me than when our neighbor was working so hard her bags of mulch sat next to her flower beds for a week. I was not doing her a submissive service when i walked over there and put the mulch on her flower beds, i was just being a good friend and neighbor.
 
Yesterday Jewel's daughter brought a friend from work here for lunch, so i made two plates and fed them home made cup cakes. I really did not feel that was a subbie service. That is just what i do. A mom thing, or perhaps a southern thing, you come to my house, i feed you, and feed you.
 
When i raced a lot, i always did the cooking for my two riding partners, helped clean their gear, made them take their vitamins, covered them up when they fell asleep, bandaged their boo boos. I was being a good friend. After all they did all the driving, the loading and unloading of the bikes, plus they pitted for me.
 
Now i've talked to a lot of subbies whose Masters understand, this is what my girl does, my pair understands, i am not submitting to these folks, (well except for the bird, lol) i am just being me. Being a mom, a friend, a good neighbor, a gracious host.
 
I could no more quit being this way than i could command the sun to rise, it is an integral part of who i am.
 
But i've recently talked to a couple of subbies whose owners resent this type of thing, claiming they are providing a submissive type service. I just do not see it that way.
 
So folks, let me have it. Do you think doing those types of things are a submissive type service? Or just a normal caring human beings type of thing. 

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 4:20:16 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I don't know twice, I just don't view service and submission as the same thing.  There are things I do for and to Darcy that I wouldn't do for and to others, but that's not a service to me.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 4:25:58 AM   
Twicehappy2x


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I don't know twice, I just don't view service and submission as the same thing.  There are things I do for and to Darcy that I wouldn't do for and to others, but that's not a service to me.
the.dark.

 
Perhaps that is what i am getting at, yes, some of the stuff i do for others is a kind of a service. But i just do not view it as a submissive type service. I am not submitting to them, just lending a hand, or really just being me.
 
If my neighbor had said, twice, get over here and mulch my flower bed, i'd have laughed my ass off and said do it yourself!
 
But i saw the need and just did it to lend a hand, to make her happy and to save her flowers from drying out.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 4:40:21 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I don't see 'service' as strictly a submissive trait, whereas some people seem to see the word 'service' and automatically equate submissive - last time I suggested that dominants actually give a service, I was accused or wanting everyone to be switches... which seems completely illogical to me.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 4:54:36 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like you're a nurturer, twice. Whether that's tied to your submission I can't say, but it sure makes for happy (and loving) friends and neighbors.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 5:33:59 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm. Let me see if I can give you an example. We have to buy food for us to eat thats just something that has to be done and shopping for them is a necessary evil which I do. While there shopping I may help someone reach for something they cant reach or show them where something is if they cant find it...thats being nice etc..When I get home and Master finds out that I bought his favorite brand of dill pickles or his favorite cheese ( Limburger) then thats being submissive and tending to Masters desires..and trust me that limburger cheese is beyond nasty smelling and I triple bag the stuff so it doesnt stink up the car so bad!

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 6:33:47 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		It is really a matter of how you and the person you are doing something for view and value it.

Some people can view any type of help they give as them providing submissive service. Some people can't.

How much does it matter?

Does it matter to me if Fox sees taking me to the grocery store or driving me to work as him being nice or him being my slave? Not really though at the base since he can't say "no" to these chores it is definitely not vanilla or mundane.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 6:41:43 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If he tells me to do something, that's submissive service because I consent to doing what he tells me to.

If I call a friend who spent the night in the ER when her son broke his arm, and offer to go to the grocery store for her, that's being a friend.

When my son has friends sleep over and I make brownies for them, and pancakes for breakfast, it isn't because I do what he tells me to. It's because I want his friends to be comfortable here so that they hang out here and not on the street. I choose to do things for people I like and love and have accepted responsibility for, I don't do things that others order me to because I haven't consented to take their orders.

I submit to the one who dominates me, and not to anyone else.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 6:46:18 AM   
enchainee


Posts: 15
Status: offline 		Service and being a generous caring person can be the same thing. Wrap it in kink if  thats your kink.

(meant in general, not to any person)

< Message edited by enchainee -- 11/7/2007 6:47:52 AM >

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 6:55:18 AM   
TheHousewife


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		For me personally, I think it is just in my nature to serve. I think this results in my being a submissive. I do see the two as enterwined, but when I am being of service or nurturing someone other than my partner I guess I don't really see it as service. This post has really made me stop and think! I never considered myself a service submissive, but when I step back and look at all the things I do daily to please my husband (he does not consider himself a Dom or my Master except in the bedroom) I guess I do serve him on a constant basis. I try to do things to please him, make him comfortable, make him happy, and I do see that I do the same for all the people in my life that I care about...hmmmm....I am going to have to think about this a little harder. Great Topic Twice!! I am new here, this was a great topic for my first post!

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 7:08:07 AM   
Jasmyn


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From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
But i've recently talked to a couple of subbies whose owners resent this type of thing, claiming they are providing a submissive type service. I just do not see it that way. 
 


Twice I don't see it that way either... 








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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 7:09:32 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Status: offline 		Do you buy a can of air freshener with that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisteriaV

( Limburger)

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 7:31:14 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		twice, I don't look at it that way either.  I've mentioned that I am a health care provider.  Being a health care provider is service-oriented even though I make the main decisions as to what is wrong with the person, how they need to be treated and do the treatments including electric muscle stim., ultrasound, massage, adjustment, etc.  These are all services I am providing but they came from my mind as to how they are delivered based on what I think is wrong.  Not submissive but not entirely dominant either.  I give them instructions to follow at home and I direct their care.  Controlling but not necessarily dominant as they have the right to choose which of my instructions and exercises to follow and which not to.  They also have the right to refuse a certain method of delivering care such as the electric muscle stim and then it is up to me to find something else that works and makes them comfortable being treated by me.

I love to find the things that make my family and my friends happy and not just those things that come from having the money to get them something but the things that come from thinking about what they will enjoy and then doing that for/with them.  When my friend comes here to teach classes, I always help him and I make sure to take him to a different restaurant each time he is here as the place he lives does not have the choice that Denver does.  I have a um that has the same eclectic taste in music that I do so I love to pull off differing songs from various artists and then burning a CD for her as she doesn't have that capability.  There are other examples but again, I do not see this as providing services for people dominant to me, I see it as providing services for people I care about...services that I choose to do and could just as easily not choose to do and not be thought less of.

For it to be submission...in my opinion...there has to be an understanding that these services are expected as part of your submission and that, in some instances, failure to provide these services willingly and with good nature will result in correction.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 8:14:15 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If he tells me to do something, that's submissive service because I consent to doing what he tells me to.

If I call a friend who spent the night in the ER when her son broke his arm, and offer to go to the grocery store for her, that's being a friend.

When my son has friends sleep over and I make brownies for them, and pancakes for breakfast, it isn't because I do what he tells me to. It's because I want his friends to be comfortable here so that they hang out here and not on the street. I choose to do things for people I like and love and have accepted responsibility for, I don't do things that others order me to because I haven't consented to take their orders.

I submit to the one who dominates me, and not to anyone else.


I enjoyed and echo this post.

From a theoretical standpoint and as many have mentioned on here in other threads most people do things for others. To me the difference is not if you do that or go out of your way to do that but for me being a submissive is doing, agreeing and understanding to serve another not just when you want or think you should but how and when your dominant wants you to.

So it is to be submissive and serve not on your own terms, feelings and time table but another. To me that is what separates a person who does submissive acts with a person who is submissive.

I do things for others all the time and truly enjoy/feel the need to do them but they do not compare to the level or emotion I get for serving my Master. To me that is where the domination aspect of the relationship is vital as that level requires that part of the equation.


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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 8:25:44 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

 
But i've recently talked to a couple of subbies whose owners resent this type of thing, claiming they are providing a submissive type service. I just do not see it that way.


I wonder if these owners have a different view of things when they bring in the Johnson file and lay it on the corner of their employer's desk, or bring lunch for the hard working folks in the shipping department, or walk an order over to the customer service department, or anything else that they say resembles submissive service.... except when they do it.
 
John

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 8:38:44 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		Say my sub and I are going to watch a movie.  He's already on the floor by the couch, I've gotten up to use the restroom or something.  On my way back, I snag myself a Coke and ask - "Hey, do you want one as well?"  That's not me being submissive to him, though it is service of a sort.  I don't want to go sit down, get comfortable, and then have him leap up to get us both Cokes.  I want to watch my movie, and I want him where he is right now.  Not in 2 minutes.  I really can't see that decreasing my dominance somehow.

Now, if I'm up and he says, "Get me a Coke while you're up." then that ends badly for him.  Altnerately, if we're both sitting and a Coke must be fetched, it's only going to be me getting one if he's restrained too tightly to move.  It's all in the attitude.

Submission is giving of your will to another person, where their will becomes your own.  Service can be a number of things - though it can be something you do as an act of submission, it can also be something you do as a nurturer (Dominant or submissive), as a friend, or a family member, or whatever.  When those who belong to me are sick, I'm not snapping orders at them - I'm taking care of them too.  Being a caring human being isn't restricted to the submissive ranks, nor does it mean I'm a switch.



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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 9:07:05 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

time I suggested that dominants actually give a service, I was accused or wanting everyone to be switches... which seems completely illogical to me.

 
Lol, well not to start another fire but yes, i too believe dominants are providing a service.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 9:09:29 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Service from a sub-my sub.......is something that no one else in the world either would, or could do for me. Things reserved for our deeper intimacies.

That's what makes it special.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 9:11:47 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

It sounds like you're a nurturer, twice. Whether that's tied to your submission I can't say, but it sure makes for happy (and loving) friends and neighbors.


Lol, thank you. I think so as well. Think about it, we live in small town USA. Most folks leave their doors unlocked at least during the day, kids ride their bikes to school and do not chain them up, our jail has eleven cells, most of which are empty, yet our lifestyle is totally accepted here, even my our neighbor who is a preacher. She just brought me a jar of cashew butter for my bird to try.
 
I think all of us as group doing all the little neighborly things has made the difference between us being accepted or drummed out of our neighborhood.

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RE: Submissive service or not? - 11/7/2007 9:32:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Master is a very gracious host, and a good friend, without submitting or personally serving anyone.
 
this slave sees a difference between being polite and gracious, and actively seeking and providing submissive service to a Dominant other than one's Master.
 
if this slave came to your home as a guest, she wouldn't just automatically start using honorifics like "Master" or "Mistress" or whatever is exclusive to the relationship the three of you have and set about pro actively seeking out ways in which to serve them...UNLESS that was something we specifically discussed and set parameters on, before this slave ever showed up.  she would consider that rude and  presumptuous, and would HOPE to be called out on it.
 
as well, if you cooked a meal, plated it up and brought it to the table, this slave wouldn't assume you were submitting to her, but doing your duties as Scooter and Jewel's slave...being a pleasing and gracious host to a guest in their home.

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