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Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 12:11:05 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

Hi all,

Okay, so you've had a first time meeting and are going to be getting together for a second, third, or whatever time, dating essentially while you check each other out and get to know one another better. Unless you're both content to hang out in the bedroom or their apartment/home, you'll be going somewhere together. My questions are this:

1) Who should pay for these outings? Male/female? Both?

2) If you have kids, who should pay for the babysitter?

3) Do you consider it "gentlemanly" that the male dominant be responsible for the
costs of seeing one another in the "getting to know one another," dating stage?
Should a male dom always be responsible for the costs of an evening out?

4) If you're female and dominant or a male submissive/slave, who do you think should be
responsible for dating costs?

Just curious about your thoughts and opinions. I've my own thoughts on the vanilla aspect of this but does it change when lifestylers are involved? Please be completely honest :)

mischie

Post #: 1

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 4:18:22 AM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

I don't think it matters if it is vanilla or if it is a lifestyle date. It's about getting to know to know her better and exploring the chemistry between us.

And I don't think there is a fixed answer to any of the questions. It's something that would be negotiated to each others comfort.

I guess I would start from the assumption that whoever asks the other person out would also first offer to pay the expenses. But after that first offer, we would then talk.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 2

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 4:31:56 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Well i'd assume its the same? Dunno really. Personally i always hated worrying about that crap. Which ever road you decide to take at the time, could lead the other to assume something you dont want them to assume. usually i just expect that i look after myself and i never assume that some one will foot a bill

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 3

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 4:36:21 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

When i was out on a date like this the man paied becouse he had a well paied job and i am on a disability pension, i offerd to pay my share but he refused, and i thinked it was cute and gentlmanly, but then, i am old fahsiond.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 5:25:07 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm one of those people that feel guilty when someone else pays for me. Master and I always had a compromise early on in our relationship. He would pay for the babysitter, and I would pay for dinner, unless dinner was going to be the more expensive. I have of course, since "grown" out of that.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 5

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 5:36:17 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The best response I always have to these questions is- whoever has the most accessible income to do it or whatever the people involved think is best.

Then people have to muck it up with stereotypical expectations, financial hang-ups, unrealistic expectations and all manner of mess.

As usual- whatever the people involved decide works best and happiest for the people involved. I don't think people should worry about the "shoulds"

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 6

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 6:05:32 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

My mother always told me, when I would go on a date in highschool - that even if he was gonna pay, or if I wasnt sure who was going to pay - to always take at least enough money with me to cover my own part of the check. "Just in case".

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 7

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 6:51:54 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I don't think there are any 'shoulds' in this case. It's up to the two individuals to decide what they are most comfortable with. If I ask someone out for the evening I expect to pay since I issued the invitation. If they feel more comfortable paying half I won't quibble about it. If I'm asked out I prefer to pay half as I'm not comfortable with the other person paying the entire bill. While it's nice of them to offer I've seen the charming date turn into the opportunistic bitch really quickly if a second or third date doesn't happen. Until we're more comfortable with each other I prefer to keep things fairly even (but I won't quibble about a few dollars here and there either). Once things are a little more established then I'm OK with the I'll get this one, you get the next one approach and don't really keep track of "Oh, I spent $100 last time and you only spent $50 this time so you have to get the next one too" type of things. At that point I don't worry if things are a little unbalanced in either direction.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 8

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 6:52:11 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

quote:

The best response I always have to these questions is- whoever has the most accessible income to do it or whatever the people involved think is best.

Then people have to muck it up with stereotypical expectations, financial hang-ups, unrealistic expectations and all manner of mess.

As usual- whatever the people involved decide works best and happiest for the people involved. I don't think people should worry about the "shoulds"

Amen to that, i think that sums it up rather nicely.

(in reply to tinkJH)

Post #: 9

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 7:38:22 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

Personally I always pay - it meshes with my cultural framework, and I have the means to do so.

However, there are some "shoulds".

The person who has extended an invitation to hospitality should be prepared to provide for that hospitality.

When someone offers hospitality, it should be accepted gracefully - to refuse is to offer an insult.

I attend grad school in the evenings. There is a wide income gap between myself as a business owner and my classmates - but I would never insult any of them by refusing an offer of hospitality.

There are rules for etiquitte, and they all pretty much boil down to" treat other people with respect, and help them feel comfortable."

(in reply to nella)

Post #: 10

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 8:07:09 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i agree, if you are the one that invite the other party home to you or anywere else you are the host, man or woman, it is your resposibility to provide for the clsts of the visit.

(in reply to Faramir)

Post #: 11

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 8:58:30 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As other's have already said it depends upon the couple. My dom and I have been together 6 and a half years now. From the very beginning we took turns paying.

For us it doesn't matter. We are working together for a goal. We are a couple. I can hold his atm card just as he holds mine. Credit cards the same.

In the old days the man always paid. Would that still be true of Fem Doms since they are somewhat taking on the male role? For some I'm sure it would for others no.
It really comes down to the individual couples preferences.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 12

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 9:51:08 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I think the Domme/Dom. pays. I think they should in most if not all cases anyway.

HalloweenWhite.

As for baby-sitters, who ever is the parent should pay, I think. You cant really expect the other person to take responsibility for children who arent theirs until the relationship becomes more formalised.

HalloweenWhite.

< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 8/6/2005 9:54:55 AM >

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 13

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 10:03:17 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

I don't mind paying, as long as my date doesn't mind splitting a .99 cent chicken sandwich, small fries, and a water ... from McDonalds.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 14

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 10:29:34 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

For us, it's whoever does the inviting - which is normally us. We also tend to have the most money (with two or three incomes at any give time plus the fact that I'm a nurse and tend to pick up deli workers, gas station attendants, and COs with an ex wife and kids), so we can afford it more than whatever guy we go out with. We do expect them to pay if they invite us out (but that has only happened a couple of times). I never really dated before getting into the lifestyle, neither did Holly - so we had no preconceptions or expectations starting out.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 15

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 10:44:23 AM

Severity

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

Intresting subjects , I must say from My point of view it does depend on the whole situation.
There are times I have paid there are times when others pay.
then again I must say it is not often at all I have to pay and if it gets past just meetings they will always pay in the end *chuckles*

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 16

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 11:01:38 AM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

i live by the concept that there is always enough to share, and luckily there always has been. If i am the hostess then i expect to see that my guest has a meal or snack and drink, even if it has to be fairly creative. However, if i am a guest then i am prepared to pay for my own needs because i'm never quite sure of the customs, personal and cultural, regarding dates. That way i am set to go whichever way things flow. When funds are tight, and that's certainly happened before, i'll suggest something simple like a picnic. It can be made very romantic, or friendly, and is still reasonable. And i've found that people enjoy the goofiness of picnicing in the living room if it rains out. It's also my belief that most will understand the situation when you offer something like that.

As a parent i paid for babysitting services myself until the relationship was very advanced.

For me this approach works whether in a D/s relationship or a vanilla relationship.

_____________________________

Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 17

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 11:30:32 AM

tinkJH

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

When someone offers hospitality, it should be accepted gracefully - to refuse is to offer an insult.

I don't think in all situations it would be an insult. If there are conflicts of dates or times, common interests or if two people didn't get along all too well. I certinly wouldn't make my daughter go to the prom with a guy (or girl) who wasnt her type and she didn't get along with too well just because that person offered and asked to take her.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Faramir)

Post #: 18

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 11:33:33 AM

gentlesurrender

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

i think it all depends on the situation

personally i have paid for dates, my exhusband was on disability benefits and when we lived together they stopped so for over a year i kept him and paid for everything. Since then sometimes i have paid and sometimes i have gone dutch

for the first time this year, i went away for a few days with a Master and his sub and he refused to let me pay for anything and one of his rules of going was for me not to argue with him or show any disrespect in public.

To say i have never felt so overwhelmed by his generosity, his consideration, he made me feel very special for those few days, its a memory i will always cherish.

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to themischievous1)

Post #: 19

RE: Lifestyle "dates" - who pays? :) - 8/6/2005 11:36:28 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

I think the Domme/Dom. pays. I think they should in most if not all cases anyway.

HalloweenWhite.

If I went out with every sub who asked me and paid every time, I'd be broke in short order.

Quite simply...I'm old fashioned. I believe it's appropriate for a man to pay when we go out. That said, I can be understanding that a gent isn't going to be able to afford to go out to a $200 dinner every week, and am quite comfortable balancing more affordable options, as well as inviting said gent over to meal made by my own fair hands.

Before that gets anyone's knickers in a twist...remember that if we're dating and playing, we're playing out of my extensive toy collection that I have invested my own money into over the years - my expectation of a gent taking me out is NOT about the cash.

If it's a femsub, that varies. I've paid, and they've paid, depending on who did the asking or who basically could afford it better.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 20

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