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Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 2:31:06 AM

meatcleaver

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A couple of evenings ago I went on a blind date to make the numbers up, my friend's partner having a friend visiting them. I had been told that she was a certain age (39, which is young to me), single, euccessful and had never had been in a long relationship, mainly due to her career but was very sociable and friendly and they were sure I would enjoy the evening. So we all went out for a meal together and by the early hours when it was time to get a taxi, I had been on my own with this woman for several hours. I did the text book thing and listened to her so I wouldn't later be accused of being a self absorbed male in love with his own ego. The first third of our time alone she spent telling me about her life story, the second third she spent telling me about all the dumbass men she had met, her sidappointment at not having had a child and the likelyhood she won't and the last third was spent telling me about the man she was looking for. By the time I put her into a taxi I was wondering where the nearest bar was where I could have nothing but male company and enjoy a good stiff drink and a smoke.

This morning she phoned me up and said she thought I was rude for not phoning her up and asking her if she had enjoyed the evening. I was gob smacked. After listening to her lecture me for five minutes I asked her why she bothered to phone me up because I was obviously not her mister perfect (Thank God!) and that I don't believe her mister perfect has been born yet. She asked me what I meant by that with an air of indignation. I told her I thought she had set her bar too high and no man is going to fit her profile, not even Jesus Christ himself. I told her if a man fitted the profile of what she was looking for, no doubt he would be looking for a younger and less demanding woman than what she is

What is it with these women around forty? Younger women don't seem to have this problem and older women don't. Women around forty should be avoided like the plague from my experience, they are all fucked in the head, unrealistically demanding, too high an opinion of themselves and what they have to offer.

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 2:57:31 AM

ownedgirlie

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I think by the time many women hit forty, they've been put through the ringer so many times they become cynical and bitter. Not all of us (I'm going on 42) but many. Most of the 40-somethings I know have been divorced and had their share of hard knocks and feel like it's about time they are taken care of and treated worth a damn after having taken care of husband and kids and putting themselves last all the time.

I've seen all too many bitter divorces, and I'm currently in the divorce from hell myself. But I said from the start, I refuse to turn bitter and cynical - you miss out on life too much that way.

So, my take is, 20's & 30's are hopeful and happy, 40s are bitter and pissed, 50s and up realize that happiness can be found in any situation, since it comes from within. They've been to hell and back and realize you really do survive it and life really is good.

I could be way off, but that's my 3am gross general assessment!! Most of my friends are in their upper 40s and 50s. I'm a young 40 but far from bitter, although it's taken a lot of work to avoid that.

Good luck on the next date :)

(in reply to meatcleaver)

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 3:02:39 AM

LadyEllen

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the poor woman, alone with MC for several hours....

sounds to me like she never picked up on a universal truth - all men are dumbasses in their own peculiar way

E

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 3:39:24 AM

lusciouslips19

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I am 45 and still a hopeful romantic. usually its me running from a second date. Most know by my cues not to call me again. If someone doesnt contact me to say thank you for my time, I may e-mail him to tell him he was rude, but certainly not a phonecall and I know he doesnt want a second date and neither do I. Those were already dud dates where the man showed up suppose to take me to dinner but he 'already ate" Or some equally bad ungentlemanly behavior. It is definately bad precedent to be on a date spending the whole time whining. Sounds like what this woman did. Bad form. As a seperated and divorcing woman there is nothing worse than a woman or man whining about their ex. Your date should take an interest in you and not be so self absorbed. your date thought she was the center of the universe and should know that the only person standing in her way is herself.

That being said, i was a innocent when I left my marriage3 years ago and was jaded by the available men out there. So many men lie. About their age, what they look like and even lie about being single when they are married. Even in forums where they shouldnt be lieing. So many users and game players. This has made me a tough nut to crack. My bullshit o meter is on.

That doesnt mean I am not open. I just recently started dating someone very nice. He is smart, funny and honest. It was very refreshing, He at this point in his life was open to relationship. Many men lie about that to get sex but are just as committment phobic as when I was younger. Many men are still dogs at any age. We have to be open enough to let the good ones into our hearts.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 4:08:31 AM

SugarMyChurro

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Ouch! MeatCleaver shoots himself in the dick!

Let's face it, it's probably the hormones. People are their nervous systems, try as they might to assert otherwise. That clock is ticking for a woman of those precise years. She may very well not be herself at that time.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 4:26:36 AM

meatcleaver

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Maybe I'm getting old SMC. She was a tasty piece, nice chasis and superstructure and good looking, until she spoilt it by bitching at the world or at least the male half. If I was younger I might have been up for the challenge but I've been through all that sort of thing and I now want an easy life in my dotage. Actually I think I was a little old for her profile but she had an air of desperation that I might have been able to make her move on that. Rationally she had nothing to be desperate about but you are probably right about the hormones.

Which reminds me, women and PMT and how nice it is not having to put up with that every month!

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 4:40:14 AM

pahunkboy

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1. she views dating as a business deal.
2. she views herself as a failure hence all people are failures.
3. she/ NEVER discuss how awful men/woman are. It only sets up the failure. It is like saying look at me- feel bad for me, let me control you. PROVE to me you are not the boggieman. Then when the illusion fails the self fullfilling profacy comes true.

She might have done you both a favor by cutting now rather then a year later.

In the past I was so against prositution. but- with that payment is renderred and it is over. With alot of dating the payment is murky. it is trade of sorts.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 7

RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 6:21:42 AM

juliaoceania

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MC,

I am 39. I have a well developed sense of self. I deserve the very best that I can get for myself in a mate. I love me. While it is wonderful to be loved, the love that I have for myself has become enough.

Your date sounds like a nightmare, and I would never behave this way on a date. I am more interested in getting information as to whether or not the person is someone that is worthwhile, and would not spend the entire night spilling the beans about myself... it goes with that entire concept of I deserve the best, and I listened up when someone talks to me to make sure I got it.

She was not for you, it does not mean that she will never find a mate. You are a rather demanding individual when it comes to whom you would want to settle down with, why shouldn't she be demanding as well? Perhaps she has become that demanding at 40 because being a doormat didn't work well for her? Maybe the demandingness that you see is just her ticket to finding the love and respect that we all deserve to have? Just a thought.

My 40ish female friends do not usually have much trouble finding men willing to have relationships with them, or they are already married. They have become more "demanding" I suppose... like they do not want to be with people that drink too much, spend too much, or take them for granted... in essense they do not want to raise a man that acts like a baby. As I approach 40 I have become more sure of myself and what I want. If I am not satisfied in the relationship I will vocalize what will make me so, and if that is not able to be worked out, well then perhaps it is the wrong relationship.

As far as a man that would think he was getting a better deal by trading me in for a younger model... he should go and do that! I would not want such a man. I want a man that wants someone his own age, with similar experiences, intellectual capacity, and who is not afraid of the fact that he is getting older too. I want someone that accepts himself at his own age to the extent that he accepts that I am aging too... and he finds beauty in my lines.... I am lucky, I found that.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/9/2007 6:22:34 AM >

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 6:29:10 AM

Hekaron

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Now compare your situation with this: on matchmaking sites, the proportions M/F are about ten to one, lifestyle or vanilla. What would be the chances for a lady -which you describe as quite attractive- of NOT being plucked from the market within a week? The same, I think, applies to the real life dating scene.

I know, for a lady of a certain age, the chances for finding a suitable, socially and intellectually endowed partner may seem the other way round. But still, in this world: we chase, the ladies chose. If there seems to be a lot of choice, one may tend to become picky and if you think you're in the sought-after category, maybe even more so. With age comes the awareness of reality. Hence the changed attitude you noticed in the fiftysomethings.

Back to you: it seems you bumped into a problem case. Looking around on this site only, you can spot them everywhere. Gorgeous ladies, looking great, seemingly with all the right qualities and interests and yet, four years later they're still there with exactly the same profile. In the (blind) dating scene, it might be just the same: the problem cases aren't represented in such vast numbers, but the time factor gives them such extended exposure that it makes your chances of walking into them disproportionate.

Yet this is all statistics. I've met quite a few ladies aged around fourty, who are really nice to be with, educated and emotionally available, looking between OK and great. They're just not in a hurry to match up (again). They adhere to their standards, just like you probably. Only when Mr. Right happens to walk by, their interest is awakened. Read the profiles, they often say just that: 'Not looking, but willing to be found should the right person walk into my life'. Again, you have to translate this to the live dating scene, only there people are not walking around with a profile and list of preferences printed on their backs.

Did it cross your mind to be assertive but nonjudgemental, confront her with your appreciation of her behaviour in a nice way and ask her what is really eating her? Showing genuine interest in a person that's being a pain in the ass can be a great opening towards real communication. Works for me big time in therapeutic settings.

Fifty: old? Duh!

Happy hunting,

Ron

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 7:14:17 AM

RCdc

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awww... mc...reads like you take it far to personally ( hey MC - couldn't resist...)

the.dark.

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 7:53:46 AM

thornhappy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Maybe I'm getting old SMC. She was a tasty piece, nice chasis and superstructure and good looking, until she spoilt it by bitching at the world or at least the male half. If I was younger I might have been up for the challenge but I've been through all that sort of thing and I now want an easy life in my dotage. Actually I think I was a little old for her profile but she had an air of desperation that I might have been able to make her move on that. Rationally she had nothing to be desperate about but you are probably right about the hormones.

Which reminds me, women and PMT and how nice it is not having to put up with that every month!

Oh yeah, all of us sprout fangs and breath fire near our menstrual periods. Uh huh. Every one of us. Without fail.

Funny, the evening of listening to her tell her life story sounds exactly what I used to experience with an ex-boyfriend I'd see once in a great while. He'd talk my ear off.

For the record, I've never heard my ovaries ticking, have led a successful professional life, and wouldn't spend the evening talking someone's ear off. Never believed in the perfidy of men. And wasn't into hard core specs.

And I'm 48. Perhaps you should rethink your theories.

thornhappy

(in reply to meatcleaver)

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:10:00 AM

popeye1250

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Yup, I've been out with a few women like that.
They seem to be the "angry" type.
One an M.D. who spent a lot of years in school and didn't seem to realise that everything is a trade-off.
I think it's the "want it all" society we live in or that "some" people live in.

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:21:58 AM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

awww... mc...reads like you take it far to personally ( hey MC - couldn't resist...)

the.dark.

I find it all quite funny. I only went on the date as a favour for friends and when I first saw her I was thinking it wasn't a bad idea. The phone call I had this morning that prompted me to make the post I found hiliraious.

As for women of a certain age, this woman reminded me of my ex-wife's work in the City, how all her female career colleagues around that age were looking for mister perfect and someone to keep them in a manner they had become accustomed. Yet all their male colleagues they had their eyes on were looking at younger, less demanding women.

As for myself, I've been single for five years and loving every minute of it and don't intend to end my stay in Utopia.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 11/9/2007 8:46:14 AM >

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:47:49 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

So, my take is, 20's & 30's are hopeful and happy, 40s are bitter and pissed, 50s and up realize that happiness can be found in any situation, since it comes from within. They've been to hell and back and realize you really do survive it and life really is good.

Oh mannnnnn. If I'm going to be bitter and pissed for 7 more years, I'm going to need LOTS more alcohol. LOTS.

Cali

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:47:57 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

awww... mc...reads like you take it far to personally ( hey MC - couldn't resist...)

the.dark.

I find it all quite funny. I only went on the date as a favour for friends and when I first saw her I was thinking it wasn't a bad idea. The phone call I had this morning that prompted me to make the post I found hiliraious.

As for women of a certain age, this woman reminded me of my ex-wife's work in the City, how all her female career colleagues around that age were looking for mister perfect and someone to keep them in a manner they had become accustomed. Yet all their male colleagues they had their eyes on were looking at younger, less demanding women.

As for myself, I've been single for five years and loving every minute of it and don't intend to end my stay in Utopia.

Ach mc... you should come on a blind(ish) lunch-date with me - I'm on the right side of those women of a certain age your talking about - it'll give you a different perspective...

the.dark.

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:48:05 AM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Maybe I'm getting old SMC. She was a tasty piece, nice chasis and superstructure and good looking, until she spoilt it by bitching at the world or at least the male half. If I was younger I might have been up for the challenge but I've been through all that sort of thing and I now want an easy life in my dotage. Actually I think I was a little old for her profile but she had an air of desperation that I might have been able to make her move on that. Rationally she had nothing to be desperate about but you are probably right about the hormones.

Which reminds me, women and PMT and how nice it is not having to put up with that every month!

Oh yeah, all of us sprout fangs and breath fire near our menstrual periods. Uh huh. Every one of us. Without fail.

Have you ever been attacked with kitchen knife when a woman has PMT?

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 8:52:39 AM

pahunkboy

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I should offer to do a practice date. to the OP= you know how folks will do a practice job interview- if you are rusty maybe sharpen your skills.

for what it is worth everyone is messed up.

IMO it takes 4 dates to know a person. ppl function at differnet levels per the hour per then day ect.

im not sure what you wear supposed to say during the phone call. i was told to give the guy 2 weeks to phone. if you dont hear w/in 2 weeks- he is not interested. [or you are on the B list]

to daters never go into dirty laundry the 1st date.

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 9:07:09 AM

missturbation

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Have you ever been attacked with kitchen knife when a woman has PMT?

Hey, i object.
I have never been suffering from pmt when i have tried to stab someone with a kitchen knife

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RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 9:07:58 AM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
the poor woman, alone with MC for several hours....

sounds to me like she never picked up on a universal truth - all men are dumbasses in their own peculiar way

Ouch! You have no pity for MC at all, do you LadyEllen?

And you being a dominant, MC. Why did not you dominate your blind date? It seems to me that she was begging to be dominated and for a flogging.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 19

RE: Blind dates and women of a certain age. - 11/9/2007 9:37:41 AM

slaverosebeauty

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I think women who are in their 40s and are single [still] may have a bit of a chip on their shoulder, and if they are wanting children, they can hear their clock going 'tick-tick-tick' and it might make them a bit neurotic, or a bit depressed. Sounds like you were a gentleman and were polite, so kudos to you. As for her having a fit the following day, sounds like she has some issues she didn't share with you, lol.

Blind dates SUCK regardless of your age.

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