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Padriag -> RE: What's It about for you? (11/9/2007 11:36:43 PM)
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What's it about for me? Interesting question. Alright, I'll be blunt honest. Its a means to an end, a method of getting my way.
I could say its about finding a submissive woman who appreciates me for who I am, but frankly I don't have to confine myself to within the "lifestyle" for that... the world's full of submissive women who are looking for a "strong" man. A little charm, a little confidence, a little leadership, make them feel good about being with you...
I could say its about love, a magical connection, the yin to my yang, growing together, but if I did I'd be bullshitting you. Truth is I don't have to look within the lifestyle for that either. Oh I want a special kind of connection with someone, but experience has taught me that the odds of finding it are no better for me within the lifestyle than they are outside it. What I want is rare anywhere I look and there's just no sense limiting myself. Might be the next profile I contact, could have been that pretty brunette in Lowes the other day buying lamps for her college room, just never can tell.
I could say it was about fantastic sex... but that's not it either, I can get fantastic sex in a lot of places... and some of them I don't even have to try hard.
I could say its about having a girlfriend who doesn't moan and complain, doesn't argue with me over silly things, doesn't try to run my life... but again, I've never particularly had a problem with that.
I could say its about the kink, the fetish play, but as long I'm being honest... its fun, but I can take it or leave it... all of it. Its like a garnish to a meal, it adds to it, you like it, but it isn't what makes the meal. I enjoy fetish play, and when I'm in the mood I can come up with some damn kinky stuff, crawl around inside a submissive's head and leave her spinning. Then again, there are some adventerous ladies out there with the most unusual proclivities once you get them in private... it can be fun scratching someone's itch, and then showing them one or two new ones. Either way it isn't what I'm really after.
Which brings us round too it. The one thing that this lifestyle offers me, or at least makes it a bit easier to come by, is someone who's happy for me to be in control, for me to be in charge. That's it, that's the only thing this "lifestyle" really has to offer me that I can't get elsewhere, or at least not to the same degree or the same ready made selection. Everything else I can acquire just about anywhere, or at least have the same odds of coming by it. The great sex, the intimate connection, the shared life, the honesty... its out there, you just have to have eyes to see it. That and hope you're tastes haven't gotten so rarified that you painted yourself into a corner (some days I really do wonder).
I can't say I'm all that satisfied with the results of my search within and exploration of this lifestyle. When I first started down my own path in this style of life, I had some hopes and expectations and a few illusions. Most of those are gone now, time changes things, me along with it.
I live my life in charge, at work, at home, where ever I find myself. That's mostly because I figure I'm the only guy competent enough to run my life well enough to suit me. I'd still like to find someone who would be a good companion to me, who can keep up with me, and who understands that I'm going to be the one in charge... its my way or the highway. I'd still like to find one person who can be everything I want, I had that once and I'd like to have it again. One of the illusions that got shattered along the way was the one where that was likely or even probable... fact is it isn't. So I compromise and adapt... if it takes two or three to fill that void in my life, so be it. And that too, this lifestyle has somewhat better odds of offering me. If she, or they, need me to be "Daddy" or "Master" or sadistic or a teacher or a safe place... I can be any or all of those things, I've a complicated old soul (well, if I believed in souls, apparently there's just no end to my hypocrisy).
That's it... that's all this is to me... a means to an end. May not be romantic or idealistic... but then again, neither am I anymore. I am, however, a man who tends to get what he wants... sooner or later.
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