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julietsierra -> RE: The difference between being a slave versus being a submissive (11/11/2007 9:58:09 AM)
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Ok, so that all being said...
To the OP:
Some of the answers you got here are right on target. The differences ARE between the people involved in the relationship. It DOES depend on how he's setting this up and if you are in accordance with his ideas.
For some, the differences between submission and slavery lie in obedience.
For some, the differences between submission and slavery lie in the closeness of the submissive/slave and the dominant/Master.
For some, slavery means doing exactly what people are accusing your Master of - doing the service work around the house.
And for some, the differences between submission and slavery are all of that and more.
It largely depends on how your Master wants things and what you're willing to accept/work with/feel at home with.
I was not...I repeat... NOT comfortable with the word "slave" when it came to my relationship with my Master. I fought it long and hard. I wanted no part of it. The reasons were because of some baggage I was carrying, but also because his initial explanations of his perceptions of slavery and submission left me with a bad taste in my mouth regarding slavery. No way in hell did I want to be his slave if his slave meant what he initially told me.
As I came to understand the realities of our relationship however, I recognized that I could fight it all I wanted, but in the end, I was still obedient. I still would do everything he said without question, other than to ask for clarification of specifics. I still would keep my own counsel until I could figure things out for myself and then, only ask him things if I couldn't do it. I could call myself a submissive till the cows came home, but in the end, slave or submissive, I still belonged to him body, soul, mind and eventually, heart. I was his.
Even so, I still needed clarification from him as to how I fit his views and what my status in his life was due to those views. When I asked that and received the information I needed, I no longer had any problems with the word "slave." In his mind, I'm submissive. I'm his slave. I'm his friend. I'm his lover. I'm his confidante. And he loves me.
From that point on, the addition of other people in our lives wasn't so threatening. Not saying I haven't had problems with it, but it wasn't SO threatening. I learn a little more each day and come to see that other people don't impact my relationship with him even if they may have impact on my life in other ways. And in our relationship, I get to choose how they impact on my life.
And what's more, for that other person, I don't impact his relationship with her either, even if I do have an impact on her. Just like me, she gets to choose what that impact will be. We are choosing to discover what we like about each other. We talk online and we talk on the phone. We've met once. It was difficult, but despite our misgivings about the night, we found out that our imaginations about each other were much worse than the reality of each other. We're now planning a trip to go shopping for the day - just the two of us.
Both of us (her and me) have concerns. Both of us have periods of doubt and fear and all sorts of other emotions we don't like. But along with that, in the short time we've known each other, both of us have become supports for the other. God forbid if both of us are feeling our fears at the same time!! We were just talking about how simple it would have been to say the things that would have enabled the other to feed that fear in bad ways and how it crossed both our minds (and how we didn't like that it did), but how, in the end, we chose to be supportive, not destructive, and how those two separate incidents have (we think) set the stage for a friendship neither of us expected, contemplated or wanted. And how glad we are that it has. Today.
I can only give you my experiences with this whole "slave vs submissive" thing. I have no idea if it is something that is done in a way that your Master envisions things in his household. It's how it works here though. And fortunately for us - the three of us - even when we don't want to admit it, his views of slavery and submission work for us all.
juliet
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