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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/13/2007 2:17:37 PM

Viridana

Posts: 754
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Being monogamous doesn't make you any less of a submissive/slave/bottom/dominant/switch/person. It's just the way many of us are wired. And of course there are partners to be found who would be compatible with you in that area. Just be patient.

You are the only one who can evaluate whether non-monogamy or poly is detrimental to your caracter and/or mental health. I'd advise lots and lots of honest communication.

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/13/2007 8:08:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

i ant bring myself to a threesome for the sake of my master, yet i feel like im holding back sometihng he requires, but i cant , it hurts too much, its a strange question, give in ? or be hurt?

If you read your own posting you will find your answer..You cannot handle poly or threesomes..If your Master is telling you that he feels you are holding him back or pulling that passive aggressive manipulative guilt thing upon you, then possibly you are not a good match..no matter the love or respect you have for him..either way someone gets hurt or feels resentment..to me that is TOXIC...you either communicate and come to some kind of understanding that works for the both of you ...or......................................Tempting

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/13/2007 10:01:34 PM

frustratinggirl

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/13/2007
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and what if one master chooses not to indulge in one of his desires fo your sake?

I am more intersted now if this is ethical for a sub to put limits against the nature of her master ,can he be a truly honest and happy person with such limitations, even if he decides to? his sacrfice may mean he is not able to be his natural self, and if the sub truly cares abouthis well being she must allow him to be his natural self no?

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/13/2007 11:05:55 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Ideally two people who were so incompatible in this area wouldn't get together, because of the very either suppress what you want your desires, or be subjected to something that makes you unhappy issue.

quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

and what if one master chooses not to indulge in one of his desires fo your sake?

I am more intersted now if this is ethical for a sub to put limits against the nature of her master ,can he be a truly honest and happy person with such limitations, even if he decides to? his sacrfice may mean he is not able to be his natural self, and if the sub truly cares abouthis well being she must allow him to be his natural self no?

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Post #: 24

RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/13/2007 11:07:45 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

why am i considered vanilla if i know in my heart I hate sharing my partner. Are there masters out there who are happy with one sole property and have no need to have another? am i in a search that cannot exist?

i sure hope not because i am searching for the same thing. To me -- Y/your needs and wants may be different -- the primary attraction of D/s is the level of intimacy between Dom and submissive that i doubt vanilla ppl achieve.

i'm not willing to consider 3ways, bisexuality, or the occassional play partner who may or may not also be f**kmeat. i want N/no O/one but U/us.

pinksugarsub

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/14/2007 2:05:55 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

and what if one master chooses not to indulge in one of his desires fo your sake?

I am more intersted now if this is ethical for a sub to put limits against the nature of her master ,can he be a truly honest and happy person with such limitations, even if he decides to? his sacrfice may mean he is not able to be his natural self, and if the sub truly cares abouthis well being she must allow him to be his natural self no?

What i find amazing is the number of male Dominants who say they are wired for poly and berate a submissive for her insecurity and jealousy...BUT...let that same submissive want more than one partner and He will dump her in a heartbeat! But of course, HE isn't insecure or jealous *smirk*

i subscribe to the ideas of The Ethical Slut. Being open and honest and upfront about ones needs and being secure enough to accept nothing less. Your Master wants more than one. YOU get to decide whether he is your Master. There's nothing wrong with him wanting what he wants. There's nothing wrong with you wanting what you want. Poly should have been discussed before becoming his slave.

my Master has been poly. He came to the conclusion that while He can truly love more than one, He cannot be IN love with more than one and He prefers the in love dynamic. We discussed it. We share the same relationship goals, we share the same goals for our future together, which is monogomous.

Master loves meatloaf and i hate it but we both agree that i will be the one doing the cooking. Relationships only work when there are common goals, not common interests.

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/14/2007 2:33:24 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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They want the submissive to be monogamous while they are not. That is why if you are poly they want monogamy(from you) and are monogamous they want poly(for them)

I respect anyone who is open about what they want from the beginning but not sneaky one sided perferences

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Post #: 27

RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/14/2007 3:59:17 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Being open and honest and upfront about ones needs and being secure enough to accept nothing less. Your Master wants more than one. YOU get to decide whether he is your Master. There's nothing wrong with him wanting what he wants. There's nothing wrong with you wanting what you want. Poly should have been discussed before becoming his slave.

As always, communication......communication......communication.

Personally, I subscribe to "MonogamyPlus(tm)" (sounds better and more correect than "PolyLite(tm)"). Primarily 1 on 1 with some sprinkles of other things. *shrug*

If you've a need to be 100% 1 on 1, you need to lay that out very early and very vehemently. Call it a hard-limit if you need to do so.

There are a lot out there that like/prefer 1 on 1 and if you haven't found the One that matches your vision fully then perhaps your posting of this should be a sign to you that you're wanting to move on and find a better match.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/14/2007 7:12:58 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: frustratinggirl

and what if one master chooses not to indulge in one of his desires fo your sake?

I am more intersted now if this is ethical for a sub to put limits against the nature of her master ,can he be a truly honest and happy person with such limitations, even if he decides to? his sacrfice may mean he is not able to be his natural self, and if the sub truly cares abouthis well being she must allow him to be his natural self no?

By no means.

What would have been ethical would have been for him to tell her first thing, before she got involved, that she would have to magically become a bisexual.

What would have been ethical would have been for him to limit his search for possible subs to bisexual women.

What is unethical is to force her to break her moral code, cause her to suffer with lasting regret knowingly, and poison the relationship beyond repair by manipulating her into doing something she isn't capable of.

An ethical dominant in such a case would talk to her and allow her to decide if she has any interest in doing this, if she wishes to be monogamous with him while he has outside playmates or if she finds anything other than a totally monogamous relationship incompatible in which case they part as friends.

Ethics in such a case dictates communication with manipulation, not trying to have your cake and eat it too.

She isn't stopping him from doing what he wants, but she has the right to say she isn't the right one for him in this case.

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RE: taking care of ones needs - 11/14/2007 9:23:21 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

They do exist. I think they are rare though. Most eventually want some sort of non-monogamous situation. It's pretty much the reason I've stopped looking.

I have had the opposite experience. While not poly I have made it clear in my past I have never been in a monogamous relationship and did not care one way or another when I was looking. I found most male dominants practically scorned me and wrote long manifestos about monogamy being the only way they role.

I think most are about monogamy but sometimes get lost in the theoretical fantasy of multiples.

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Post #: 30