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when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 8:42:35 AM

passionflower2

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

hi advice would really be appreciated please.Ive been with my master over a year, until recently. He told me he wanted to have another sub as we dont live close and he gets frustrated!.
At the beginning of our relationship we both agreed we didnt ever want another, now he expected me to just accept this, but i cant, he says its my fault, but its his views that have changed.
My submission is too special to allow myself to feel 2nd best , so ive walked away, but miss him terribly.
What would you do if placed in this situation,weve been togeather over a year and im devastated, but cant accept what hes asking x

Post #: 1

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 8:52:54 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

What would you do if placed in this situation

What I woudl do if placed in this situation?

Accept it.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 2

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 8:56:02 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Hugs, and let me pass you some ice cream.

This is one of those things that you have to do what's best for you. And if you need someone that only has you then that's what you need. Just focus on taking care of yourself right now and know you will start to feel better.
hugs

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 3

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 8:59:06 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

Long distance relationship rarely work out. It might be time for both of you to move on.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 4

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 9:02:47 AM

sakidorei

Posts: 65
Status: offline

~soft smile~ then you live with the missing Him and one day ... you find you can move forward and walk again ... and not cry at everything that reminds you of Him and you can serve again ... one day.

i could give you a whole list of platitudes or i could give you a whole list of lectures on obligations in service and expectations that change ... we all change incidently. i am not the same woman now that i was at 19 or at 29 or even last week in some ways. You stated that you can't live with His decision ... so now you live with yours. It's not easy but ... it IS your choice.

i am unsure if you are here looking for another way to look at the situation or if you are here to share your pain or (hopefully not) you are here to vent about your former Master's bad form in changing His mind ... . You stated categorically that you CAN NOT live with the situation ... so ... you've choosen not to.

i can share with you what i would do as a slave in the above situation but each of us are different, our understanding of the lifestyle and ourselves and our convictions are different ... so i am not sure what anyone else would do in a situation that you've already decided that you can't live with would make a difference to you.

Personally ... i wouldn't feel second best. If i can't be with my Master all the time ... i damn sure want His day to day needs met anyway. Do i WISH i were the one meeting them? Yes! Would i work to make that so? Yes! But in the meantime would i wish for the man who is the center of my world to go lacking in basic desires and pleasures because of my or His limitations? No. i love Him enough to want Him pleased ... He deserves it. Would i feel second best? No ... i know what my place in His heart is ... and frankly i think my Master cares for me more because He knows that i wouldn't ask that His needs be unmet because i can't be the one to meet them all. But honestly ... that's my convictions on slavery and yours are your own and obviously different from mine.

If you are asking for help in changing your perspective ... then i'd be happy to try to give you some alternative views or convictions and you can see if they fit. But otherwise ... take this as a learning experience ... cherish what you had ... grow from it ... and be content that you did what you know you needed to do for you. For me ... doing as He needs is what i most need to do for me ... we can only decide that for ourselves.

i wish you peace!

~saki
Property of Master D.

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 5

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 9:11:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Yo know it honestly does suck when someone says "I know when we got together a year ago, I said I wanted X and would be fulfilled in X, but now, I just am not. I've grown into a different person and now I need Y."

The issue then becomes, is Y still compatible enough for YOU to flex into and form a new solid relationship together? Or is Y too much of a change and means the relationship needs to end? The only good part about this sort of change is that it's an internally expressed one and not like a bus running him down or some disease taking over his body that he has no control over.

It sucks, it's awful, it's not fair- but that's what it is. And you made your choice.

However, the issue with him blaming you- that's totally different. What exactly did he say and how did he conclude this was your fault?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sakidorei)

Post #: 6

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 9:14:16 AM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

I think long distance relationships have a chance of working out if both parties have realistic attitudes towards it. The real part is that you may always want to be with that person but due to location or financial circumstances, that would be difficult. In my opinon, i feel it is a shame that after you had both discussed it and agreed not to add another to your relationshp, then he changes his ideas is a bit F****d up. That is one of the main things i normally discuss when I have interest in someone, just to make sure that no surprises will arise later on. So yeah...he gets frustrated...that sucks but I hope he knew times like those would happen. He has the choice...both of yu have the choice of ending the relationship if your needs are not being met after a lengthy discussion. It sucks, I know but everone needs to be happy and satisfied in their relationship, as long as they are being realistic with their needs and wants. I don't think you were in the wrong and nothign is your fault and can certainly understand why you would leave. Missing him is also the other downside of it, but if he was very insistent on adding a closer partner (to make up for the time you were not together) and is aware of how you feel about the issue (and it is something you can not work around), it is your full right to leave. Good luck and I hope you fimd happiness in whatever you choose to do.
oh and when I was in a similar situation years ago, I thought about it and realized that it sjust something I can't work around...I left. It sucked, took me a whle to get over it but in the end i'm sure he found what worked for him and....i'm still searching for something that will work for me.

(in reply to sakidorei)

Post #: 7

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 9:50:26 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

What would you do if placed in this situation

It would depend on how I felt about him and how I perceived the other person. If I found her to a threat to the relationship I would admit that to my Dom. I don't know if I would try to work through it or not. Since he broke the agreement I wouldn't feel too bad about bailing on the relationship. A person's word is important to me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 8

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 10:07:08 AM

waitsilent

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline

Ohhh I would be very hurt by this!
He said one thing.. time passed, he changed his mind. Well of course things change. but.. he is not being fair to blame you for HIS change of mind.

You WILL recover! I've been burned by changed minds in the past.. it hurts.. OUCH!
You've learned something from this.. perhaps some good along with the bad.
Grow, slowly move on and
GOOD LUCK!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 9

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 10:11:34 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I'd have walked also. Especially from that comment that it's your fault you live so far away. You live the same distance away now that you did in the beginning.

I wouldn't fault him for saying that although he had tried, he can't handle a LDR. I do blame him trying to guilt you into accepting something he knew upfront you wouldn't do. That's unacceptable and shows a weakness that I don't like in my loved ones.

Rent teary movies, eat chocolate, go shopping with your friends. This too will pass.

(in reply to waitsilent)

Post #: 10

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 11:07:02 AM

passionflower2

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

thank you for all your replies... the issue is she lives further away than i do ! so his excuse is rediculous really. id never call him, he taught me well, but maybe this is for the best. xx

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 11

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 11:16:09 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I am wired for poly but would have difficulty in the adjustment from a monogamous mindset, would be shocked he just decided to be poly one day without bringing it up until he was frustrated enough to be ready to look, and would absolutely not accept blame for his decision. I don't know what's in his mind, of course, but if he could not address your concerns and help you through it gracefully, I wish you well in your recovery process and in the perfect revenge of livng well without him.

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 12

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 11:18:24 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

You made your choice about this, so it doesn't matter what the rest of us would do, although I understand the need to seek like minds and comfort.

I've seen a few people state that he blamed you because you live too far. But your OP said the distance is frustrating - seems to me as though he blamed the miles between you, and not you directly.

There are a lot of things my Master has changed his views on in our three years. Some have been wonderful changes, others have been very difficult. My personal commitment to him was not, "As long as you remain exactly who you were at the time you took ownership of me and make no major changes." That being said, I do understand the difficulty of accepting such a major change.

Since you asked what we would do, I will say I would accept it. He didn't spring another girl on you, he told you of his desire - perhaps it was in preparation to help you through the adjustment, perhaps not. I do not know why you automatically assumed you would be "second best," though. Wouldn't the newcomer be more prone to such a place? Or did he communicate this to you, by specifically telling you that your place would be behind hers?

In any case, this was something you realized you could not accept for yourself, and I'm sure it is quite painful for you. I sincerely wish you the best in your healing through this difficulty.

Edited to add, I just saw the part where you said he said it was your fault. I would struggle with that, also. I mis-read at first, and thought he said it wasn't your fault. I would be very interested to know why he thinks this.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 11/10/2007 11:24:52 AM >

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 13

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/10/2007 11:23:10 AM

downkitty

Posts: 224
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

There's really much too little information to go on. Was it always intended to be a long distance relationship with infrequent visits indefinately, and now he's changing the game? Were the initial plans for you to move to him, and you have balked on that, leaving him frustrated and looking for another more serious partner? Those are two very different scenarios.

How often do you visit him? Have you ever considered moving closer to him? Did he talk with you about this before he got to the point of wanting another girl, or was the first communication, "I need another."? Was there ever any real discussion about any of this before it got to the "too little, too late" stage?

Respectfully,

Amy

_____________________________

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly." R. Bach in "Illusions"

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 14

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/11/2007 2:34:01 PM

missCurvacious

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline

I dont have all the answers that is for sure but I can tell you as humans we are creatures who learn to adapt...wither you adapt to living life without him or you adapt to his needs, we all adjust. Its not easy and it hurts, you will have moments were you think your gunna die without him and other moments where you feel he has broken your spirit with his needs but it in no way makes you second best. I know if he thought less of you then you are your relationship would not have lasted this long and it wouldnt be his collar on your neck. I guess what I'm sayign is either way you go you have to maintain true to yourself, for submissives this one becomes difficult because staying true to yourself can mean giving into his needs and just trusting that everything will be ok, while on the other hand this might be just a learning experiance were you take away some great memories and learn alot of life lessons which help you to set limits in your next relationship....either way I just wish you peace

(in reply to downkitty)

Post #: 15

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/11/2007 3:26:58 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would walk, but that is just me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 16

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/11/2007 7:26:56 PM

sweetdemure

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline

Well if you want my opinion sounds like he has already found another .....and he wants to break it to you slowly ....and besides if he is changing the rules after a year that is also a red flag ....dont be foolish girl!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 17

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/12/2007 6:23:50 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

As a Mistress I would not expect a submissive/slave to just "accept" a huge change in a relationship like this. I would have to realize that my partner may not agree and could very well walk out the door. Unfortunately this does happen quite a bit in long distance relationships, people want something closer.

My advice is take time for yourself to get balanced on your feet then go out there and find another Master. Only this time look closer to home, go to some munches and really get to know someone. Do not let subfrenzy get a grip on you, it is a subs worst enemy (other than predatory Dom/mes) and you will meet the right one for you.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to passionflower2)

Post #: 18

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/12/2007 6:36:48 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Move on. That simple.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 19

RE: when master changes his plans - 11/12/2007 6:58:06 AM

MasterofScyn

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

During the 3 yrs of meeting and being with Master, I was still with my ex at the time. Master and I lived about 40 mins away from eachother. It got the point to where he needed another to meet his needs. Ironicly she lived further out than I did, but she was free to meet him whenever he needed her, where I was not.

Even though I was with my ex still, it drove me insane to know that Master was with another. It wasn't really fair to this other because his thoughts were always of me. But I know it was what he needed, I put Master through alot in those 3 yrs. And when I told him that I found a window to leave my ex, that I was going to take it to live with Master he left this other one in a heartbeat. (It wasn't working out with her anyway, she umm.. well.. wasn't all there in the head, also was caught lieing to many times.)

With all that, perhaps if you decide that you really do love him, want to be with him, after a year of knowing him, perhaps you can move closer.... or in with him... and perhaps he won't need this other anymore, you'll be availible to him at all times. For me it was my situation of chosing between my ex and Master. Ex didn't deserve what I did to him, but after 3 yrs of Master putting up with my pushing and pulling him around, he never gave up on me. He proved to me that the grass wouldn't be greener on this side type thing.

So if you truly want to be with this Master, and if he hasn't totally given up on you and you can understand his reasoning and forgive him on this choice of his. It is up to you to change things around. I don't know your situation, don't know how hard it would be for you to move closer. If you can't and he's not willing or able to help you move, perhaps it is better that you leave him. I had to understand that I couldn't be there for Master, I had to understand that he was dealing with alot as well, sharing me with my ex, not being able to spend the time he wanted to spend with me. Not being able to do exactly what he wanted with me, he needed another sub... But I made the change to get him back. It was harder than I expected it to be, in the end it was the best move I had ever made.

Again, I don't know the full story here, if you want him back and to be yours, you got to talk to him and find out what you and him can do to make things change. Hopefully he'll be there to help you. If not, then well, it is for the best that you move on and find a Master that is closer or more willing to accept the situation your in.

Scyn ~

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 11/12/2007 7:11:11 AM >

(in reply to sweetdemure)

Post #: 20

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