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RE: red flag, red flag - 11/14/2007 8:36:41 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

a longtime Master (30+) years taught me to take my photo driver's license on first meet...offer mine, then ask for his...I don't have a photo-graphic memory...I am not some psycho stalker wanting an address or dl #---but the face, d.o.b.--he should be willing to show he is who he says he is...

When I first began dating again after my divorce, I made a lot of mistakes but I learned from them pretty quickly. On one particular date, I met a "Master" at a public restaurant. After we finished, he stated "Let's go!". I asked him where we were going. "To your house" was his reply. At that point I asked to see his driver's license. He became very indignant and began to tell me how much money he had, what an expensive neighborhood he lived in, and how EVERYONE knew him. I simply looked at him and said "But I don't know you." I swear his face was turning red as he pulled it out, muttering something about he had never been asked this before. Well, I wasn't about to take him to my house after that. I was foolish enough to suggest we go to his house, but I at least had the sense to follow him in my car and call my best friend with all the details, including when to call and check on me and what the "password" would be if everything was ok. He turned out to be a jerk and I left by myself that evening. Big suprise. Turned out he was still in the middle of a divorce, living in the same house as his wife. All her things were still there!! I have the feeling that he was 'smuggling' me in while she was away.
The only thing that makes me laugh when I look back on that date is when we were sitting down talking. I had told him I was a light smoker (which I was). He made a comment about it and pointed out that I had smoked almost a whole pack since we had started talking. Well, when you're not sure if someone is about to bump you off, I guess you get kinda nervous. LOL Kidding! Just Kidding! He did make me nervous enough to leave by myself though.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

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Post #: 41

RE: red flag, red flag - 11/14/2007 9:19:07 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I would never give out that information online, to anyone I hadn't met.
Are you kidding?
I do however tend to follow certain protocols in meetings. If they come to me I meet them in a very public place like a hotel cafe or a starbucks (I wonder how many BDSM trysts have begun at starbucks? I'm betting lots). I make sure they have a place to stay that they choose, that they feel safe and secure. At that point I am willing to show a drivers license, but not until then.If they are new I tell them to have back up calls lined up, people who know where they are staying, all the usual jazz. The point is I want them to feel safe.
Doing any BDSM meeting can be touchy, but for a submissive meeting a prospective dominant she likes she is already going to be nervous, I try and help set things at ease.
If I go to them I do the same but I won't tell them where I am staying until I meet them.Often I will make the call upon arrival.
I'm never worried for me, but again she picks the spot, she gets to choose where she is comfortable.
With all that said I will tell people what I do for a living (just not where), the neighborhood I live in, marital status etc...
Its part of the I have nothing to hide deal.
And just as a final aside, there are as many people out there scamming men as women.

(in reply to liminalRapture)

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Post #: 42

RE: red flag, red flag - 11/15/2007 6:46:32 AM

liminalRapture

Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
I would never give out that information online, to anyone I hadn't met.
Are you kidding?

For the record, the only info I gave him was my first name and my cell the day we were meeting up. Up till then, I thought it paranoid to refuse to give out my cell if we were planning a meet because you can't get my address from it. He got where I worked in conversation on the date--there are about 1700 employees at my job, so I didn't think too much of it and it was just part of the conversation. I'm the only one with my first name, though.

quote:

And just as a final aside, there are as many people out there scamming men as women.

I think there are 10 times as many people scamming men than women. No woman I know has ever been asked for money or the like. I expect there is far more financial danger to men here, but I do believe there is more reason for women to feel physically threatened.

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Post #: 43

RE: red flag, red flag - 11/15/2007 4:43:22 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I've tried every way possible none of them work.
I must have talked to lots of subs.
And played with quite a few.
However the only way I can see 24/7 power exchange working is slowly with someone that you have a vanilla relationship with first.
If someone isn't prepared to give this time then I am very suspicious about their motives. I wouldn't ask for specific information until after I have met them but general information is part of the getting to know someone process.
I have rarely dated anyone I didn't know as a friend first. When I did it was usually disasterous. I have found out that quite a few of my acquaintances are into BDSM but they are not right for me as a partner.
So as I say it's just seems impossible for me but I am not ready to give up yet.

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Post #: 44

RE: red flag, red flag - 11/15/2007 4:57:38 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Obedient1nPA

i asked one about his info as far as full name,address,phone numbers to be reached at, employment status, living status etc...and i was told that i was being disrespectful and doubting him......i am like hmmm time for me to move...

I would probably answer thusly:

"Tell me why you wish to know, and let me consider it. I do nothing without giving it at least a bit of thought. Give your answer some thought as well."

And depending on the reasons given, I might answer. It really does depend:

- i simply wish to know more about You...might be honest, but it's hardly enough
motivation to start asking for a slough of personal data

- i ask because i wish to commit to You and want to be able to reach You when i need You...with "and here is my info" tacked on, more than fair, if you're ready to take the submissive on those terms!

Since the OP never bothered to return to the thread she started, there is little point to what else I would add, which would be to ask: so, are you going to post that information about yourself up here? If not, is there a privacy issue? Do you not trust us? And of course...does that give you more perspective?

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~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

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Post #: 45

RE: red flag, red flag - 11/16/2007 10:47:45 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
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i guess even i would not give out my full name nor my address nor my phone number to anyone right off the bat. i would like to get to know them, talk online for a bit before taking that next step. It all depends on the person though.

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Post #: 46