RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (Full Version)

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petdave -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 6:12:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:


petdave wrote: Hell, compared to never being of interest to anyone, i'd be okay with that.

But they're not interested in you!  That's the whole point!  They just want something to fuck and they're mailing you because you have the right orifices.  Likewise, the masses of guys who bombard the Dommes with mail aren't interested in the woman they're contacting.  They just want a pussy, a pair of tits and a collection of inanimate objects -- take your pick from whips, strap-ons, chastity devices, boots, whatever.  Do you see the difference between that and being interested in somebody?


i do understand the difference between superficial interest and personal interest. i still think that Women, generally speaking, are too jaded about "only being wanted for My body", and will miss it when it's gone. Compared to "I'm not interested in you, but I like the things your money can buy me", i'd say it's downright romantic. Do you see that from a baseline of not being physically wanted for anything, ever, having people lining up to scene with you doesn't seem like the worst fate in the world, even if they're not truly madly deeply in love with every aspect of your being?



Qithoras -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 6:17:21 AM)

Depends on the degree. Minor differences are bearable, something major however is ridiculus.

I don't hold religiously to my list of "what I'm looking for", I use it as a rough guide.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 8:22:23 AM)

Let me put this spin on it, Petdave---dominants rarely if ever seek to be objectified.  If we wanted that, we would be submissives!



BoiJen -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 10:35:35 AM)

ahh...I really have been avoiding this thread. And I can't help myself after reading petdave's last post. No offense dude this is just something I feel I can respond to without going "crazy" over the issue.

Bodies go as quickly as money. Just ask the random number of women who are disfigured everyday in horrid accidents. I bet there's a comparable number of men who loose a ton of money in the stock market daily. OR how about the women who get told from their partners that they're no longer attractive to them? Men are just as shallow as women. It just manifests itself differently.

Men make more money than women do in the exact same jobs. Hell partnered and out gay men make more money than married straight wmen in the exact same positions doing the exact same quality of job. Men sometimes have money and women sometimes have the looks.

I guess the biggest point of this thread goes around to "I know I'm not what You're looking for...but I'm the exception..I have to be..." right along with everyother "submissive" male and female who persues a person who has readily and steadfastly stated their disinterest. True desperation is NOT attractive. Ever...at all. I promise.

Women...no matter what role they have in this wonderful little world of BDSM...are attracted to personal power. Women on the s-type end are attracted to the type of personal power that shows strength enough to "control" another. And women on the D-type end of things are attracted to the personal power and in owning that personal power. And desperation is a distinct lack of personal power.

Not to mention the sheer arrogance in believing that YOU would be the exception to the rules.

Me? well I wasn't the exception at all. She likes masculine females and fem males. Strength of personality and drive to please catches Her attention. And I was an arrogant fuck. I still am. I just HER arrogant fuck now. I fit Her qualifications. All of them. And really if I hadn't I wouldn't be here.

And I can say this for anyone I've interacted with...I fit their qualifications. I don't seek people who seek things I can't do. As friends extended family lovers or co-workers. I just don't and I really really wish that some of the people on this site would wake up to the same realization I've already known...there are no expections to the rules. Otherwise they wouldn't be rules.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 11:18:35 AM)

BoiJen is so smart. :)

and cute too, but smarts are better!



petdave -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 7:01:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

ahh...I really have been avoiding this thread. And I can't help myself after reading petdave's last post. No offense dude


S'ok. My allure is irresistable... happens all the time.


quote:


Not to mention the sheer arrogance in believing that YOU would be the exception to the rules.

Me? well I wasn't the exception at all. She likes masculine females and fem males. Strength of personality and drive to please catches Her attention. And I was an arrogant fuck. I still am. I just HER arrogant fuck now. I fit Her qualifications. All of them. And really if I hadn't I wouldn't be here.

And I can say this for anyone I've interacted with...I fit their qualifications. I don't seek people who seek things I can't do. As friends extended family lovers or co-workers. I just don't and I really really wish that some of the people on this site would wake up to the same realization I've already known...there are no expections to the rules. Otherwise they wouldn't be rules.


So what would you do if you were fundamentally "outside" in a way that you could not change? (boldfaced because of course any subbie worthy of her own cheering section WOULD change, no matter what or how, but let's assume for a moment that You're not perfect). i assume Hara-Kiri is the only honorable answer?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 7:29:07 PM)

Um, NO, your option is to FIND SOMEONE ELSE.



petdave -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 8:28:41 PM)

Sorry, i guess i should have clarified that by "fundamentally outside", i meant that THERE IS NO ONE ELSE, but i thought it was self-explanatory. 



BoiJen -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 8:40:14 PM)

Me? Myself...what would I do if MsK woke up one day and said I don't fit anymore..at all and there was nothing I could do to change that?

I'd ask Her what She wants of me in that moment and wants for me in my life. As Her view of Dominance is inclusive of my personal goals and Her goals to better who I am as a person. And if what She told me was along the lines of "It's not My job to tell you that anymore...go be you." That's exactly what I would do. I would be me. And I would do all the things I did before I met Her...well not all. I'd do the things that I know feed who I am and my personal goals and I would thank Her for the lessons She's taught me.

And then I'd go looking for the woman I was meant to serve. However, given that MsK shows no signs of doing just that...and that it seems given our current interest within one another...energy flow..companion...friendship...god we have a GREAT friendship...and all those other things we have going...I don't think any of that is gonna happen. And if, on that fateful day that we met, She had no interest...well I'da known...and I wouldn't have told Her that I'd change Her life that day either. But I did. And I have...as She has mine.

I know...romantic sorta...in that way that isn't fluffy and relationship based...but romantic in the sound and idea. Romantic love? No. Just a Lady and Her lil boi.



SweetDommes -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/19/2007 11:21:08 PM)

but the flaw with that scenario, dave, is that there is always someone else ... there are how many people on this planet?  Hell, how many people are on the website?  There are always others that would mesh with some of the morons who message us better than we do.



DMFParadox -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/20/2007 12:23:20 AM)

Dave, I don't care if you're a dom, a sub, or a fvcking lamp.  Never present this perspective to women.  They don't get it.  They have a vested, 100,000 year-old interest in NOT getting it.  Get it?  The ones that do don't matter anyway, because they already get it and you still haven't changed anything by saying it.  Besides, they're right.  If for absolutely the wrong reasons.  beeble is presenting a view that I consider equally ignorant, but at least he picked a hill he can gracefully die on without looking like a sap to every woman, just maybe half of them.

Learn about social proof.  If you can't, learn about its modern-day substitute, currency.  In the meantime, ignore the complaints of the women with overstuffed inboxes as they would ignore your complaints of an understuffed one.  Or if you must poke, at least do it right.
quote:


::Ahem:: "If you are female, and you recieve this letter:

'you are my slut/Mistris an I willd do make you suck me/willd suck you toes for pleasurez'

Then you must respond within five minutes.  Or you're a lazy twit and the entire male population hates you.  Especially if the man is 20 years out of your age category, fat, homeless, smells bad and still won't actually take the time to meet you in person if you reply.  Because we all really DO only want you for your body."

See that?  It shows I understand their pain, whilst still ridiculing them for their stance that men with sex drives that overrule common sense are a pain.  Instead of the truth, of course, that the only reason that their mother spawned a girl is to meet other humans with sperm and spawn yet again, and that if common sense actually ruled men, we wouldn't go near the drama-inducing and emotionally retarded creatures no matter how cute they are, and that they should just deal with the fact that men are stupid too and shut the hell up.

Heh.  I just thought of a paradox, always a good moment for me: "The most senseless people are often the ones with an overabundance of common sense."

D



BoiJen -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/20/2007 6:00:06 AM)

Emotionally retarded coming from the sex that can't let go of Mommy? wow. Men are just as drama inducing as women are. I promise. You just do it differently. Cuz if you weren't...you wouldn't have posted such an inflamatory message...it's as much shit stirring and drama inducing as a woman who choose to turn the station from the big game in a bar packed full of guys.

And to burst your bubble Mr. I'm smart cuz I know what "Paradox" means...you didn't do a damn thing there gracefully. Nobody is fooled. We all truely understand that you're full of shit and rying to make yourself feel good about it too.

And about that comment to make more babies. They do it when they have boys too. You're not special...other than needing the driver of the short bus to buckle you in and to secure your helmet.

Ugh...the morning rant after being drunk...wait I'm still a little bit there.

PS It's not about the sex drive. Women peak later in life than men...mostly...and I don't seem to ahve a problem having as much sex as I want...and I want LOTS...trust me...I'ma fratboi. So maybe if you learned some tact and got off the bus of "I hate women because I can't get laid," you might actually get some.



simplyserves -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/20/2007 10:30:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

The title of this thread has been the recurrent theme in my inbox these past few days.

Each author had their own "exception" to my rules -- age, marital status, what they were seeking.

...

For the guys -- can you give me some insight as to why this happens?  Why would you write to someone and waste their time if you know full well that you don't qualify for what they seek?  Are you just looking for jollies or is there some hidden "thing" in your sending this sort of email?


I've done this a few times and I generally do it in two situations.

When I meet many of the requirements but fall short of or exceed a few.  I do feel I have a lot to offer as a submissive and that I can make up for any shortcomings. That said, I don't ever do it with the intention of wasting someone time.  If I don't meet a persons requirements then I will only message them if I can offer them something of value - I don't approach them for play.  Conversely I also practice this when a person messages me.  The best relationships I've been in have been outside of what I was looking for and often outside of what they were looking for.

In rare cases I might message someone even if I don't match a fair number of their requirements.    I've only done this when offering something very different then what their requirements are regarding and only if there is some indication that they are looking for what I am offering.  For instance, if a person's profile states they're looking for a play partner who is short or thin or under 30, none of which I am, and I'm offering domestic service and they have NSA housecleaning as one of their interests, then I might introduce myself.

In either of these cases I read the persons profile carefully and acknowledge as soon as possible where I don't match so that they can ignore the rest of the message if they're so inclined since I tend to write long introductions despite my best efforts.  I never send a second message with out invitation.

My feeling is that a person's profile reflects what they want most when they're writing it or if it's been refined, then what they seek in general, but ideally so.  Even if I meet each and every requirement I would still expect that the reality of serving them will be different then what they've stated so it seems fair to also assume that a profile is an opening for service not a barrier and that's how I approach it.



DMFParadox -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/20/2007 8:13:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Emotionally retarded coming from the sex that can't let go of Mommy? wow. Men are just as drama inducing as women are. I promise. You just do it differently. Cuz if you weren't...you wouldn't have posted such an inflamatory message...it's as much shit stirring and drama inducing as a woman who choose to turn the station from the big game in a bar packed full of guys.

And to burst your bubble Mr. I'm smart cuz I know what "Paradox" means...you didn't do a damn thing there gracefully. Nobody is fooled. We all truely understand that you're full of shit and rying to make yourself feel good about it too.

And about that comment to make more babies. They do it when they have boys too. You're not special...other than needing the driver of the short bus to buckle you in and to secure your helmet.

Ugh...the morning rant after being drunk...wait I'm still a little bit there.

PS It's not about the sex drive. Women peak later in life than men...mostly...and I don't seem to ahve a problem having as much sex as I want...and I want LOTS...trust me...I'ma fratboi. So maybe if you learned some tact and got off the bus of "I hate women because I can't get laid," you might actually get some.



I hate men and women equally, which is to say--not at all.  I do however despise the constant whining about Dommes with foolish admirers, just as I despise the men who complain about Dommes who whine about overstuffed inboxes full of foolish admirers.  Matter of fact, I think I just hate whiners who don't pay attention.  Like you.  Except that I also know exactly where you're coming from and don't hate you at all, I sympathize.  And I also don't hate whiners, they're too much fun to play with.  Like you.

When you work that out--which you might not, you've proven you can jump a gun faster than Wyatt Earp, a talent I admire--the only other point worth mentioning in your splendid attempt at a takedown is this: Of COURSE it's not about the sex drive.  Too right, it goes without saying.  Congrats for saying it anyway.

I really like smart fools with overinflated opinions of themselves.  I'm not being sarcastic or doublethinkish there--I truly enjoy being dressed down in such a spectacularly unsuccessful way, you wouldn't be able to make the mistakes about me you did if you didn't have at least half a brain to overshoot the mark with.  Unfortunately, you didn't burst my bubble, you gave me one.  I'm going to have to go take a cold shower, because in all likelihood I really wouldn't be attracted to you in person.

Mmm, too fun.  If you feel the desire to flame me back though, PM me, we ought to take this off the boards.  I get vicious and might lose my control over polite vocabulary when I'm enjoying myself this much.  You have no idea what pleasure this is for me--or maybe you do, anybody who can regurgitate an old chestnut like a 'short bus' reference has at least a passing familiarity with the game.

Oh yeah, man the hell up about that morning drunk.  Jeez.  I'll bet you $10 bucks I can out-hangover you any day I'm on shore, and if I lose it's ten dollars well spent teaching me I need to be out drinking more to lose to a lightweight like you. 



leatherzack -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/21/2007 6:10:58 AM)

I've written to people i don't match with their criterias ... but not to beg them to consider me as a potential submissive.
I was because i read their profiles, enjoy them and wanted to talk them, although there was sometimes no mention of "friends" in what they are looking for.

I've probably bothered some of them (including Mis Pandora) and i apologize if i did so.

I was not neglecting what they wrote nor wanted to waste their time, just tried to see if i could get a good conversation.



SweetDommes -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/21/2007 6:40:01 AM)

zack, personally, I find that acceptable - and I typically reply politely to those who message me like that.

The ones that I (and I think others) are complaining about, are the ones like the 53 year old that messaged us 3 times the other day, claiming that he was the perfect one for us, and that he had to serve us specifically.  If he had messaged wanting to be friends, to chat, whatever - no big deal ... but we are not having a man old enough to be my father and older than Holly's father as a long term partner, and since we aren't looking for anything but long term partners (and are clear about that in our profile), why did he message 3 freakin times?

The problem people are the ones who message wanting to be considered - not those who just want to be friends or learn about something mentioned on the profile, or compliment us on our zoo, etc.



SweetDommes -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/21/2007 5:34:43 PM)

[sm=banghead.gif] That 53 year old messaged us again ... because "i'm a keeper ... i've been looking for a family unit like YOU describe for a long time" ... sorry, but someone that age is not going to fit in with our family. Why is that so difficult to understand?



ARealizedDestiny -> RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...." (11/21/2007 7:01:08 PM)

all of the above.  dont u worry tho, the doms do that too.  not just the subs



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