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Level -> RE: Advice on Dealing with Difficult People (11/11/2007 7:22:57 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub
i'll give a brief synopsis of the incident for clarity's sake, but it's not my intention to hold my sister in law up to ridicule.
Two years ago i was having my hair done when my black, gay stylist told me he had no New Years' Eve plans. i didn't hesitate to invite him to join me at my brother's for a small party.
Just to be on the safe side, i called my brother and told me my escort would be a gay black man. He said thanks for the heads up, and please pick up more crackers on the way over.
About an hour later my sister in law called, in rather a dizzy, telling me i could not "bring a stranger to her house". i lost it; told her if my date were some nice straight white man we wouldn't be discussing this and even called her a bigot and homophobe.
All hell broke lose. i even arranged for mediated discussion about a month later, but no joy. (Part of what annoys me is she attends Mass regularly and looks down on me for not doing so.)
In the end it was my fault; first for not checking before issuing the invitation, and second for name calling and raising my voice.
pinksugarsub
Well, she does indeed sound like a bigot and homophobe, and I find both things distateful. I also agree with you, that some fault lays with you for the invitation and name-calling....however, you did apologize. She has taken this into a death-grip, and won't let go, which is her responsibility.
Sometimes, when you point out a flaw in another, and they aren't mature enough to admit it, even to themselves.... the only way to avoid seeing the truth is to continue to blame you. This leaves them off the hook. But, she knows what she is, whether she admits it or not, and that pains her every time she thinks of you, I imagine.
There may not be a good way around this.
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