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Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 6:34:00 AM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

I was recently serving a professional Mistress on a regular basis. However, she has informed that she no longer wants to continue to see me.

I have asked her for her reasoning, as she had informed before that she enjoyed our sessions and the repoire that we shared. She has been reluctant to provide her reasoning although she is still in the business.

I know that I am not owed a decision, as it is her business and she chooses her clients, but it is still difficult to part ways without knowing her justification. I mean, given the way she felt about our repoire, wouldn't it be common courtesy to provide some sort of reason?

Just wanted some input from people who may have faced similar circumstances. Also, it is nice to have a forum just to vent about these things.

Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 7:13:46 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
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Maybe she thinks it's time for you to move on or you were getting too pushy.

Diane

< Message edited by DianeB269 -- 11/11/2007 7:15:24 AM >

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 2

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 7:28:30 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

It's hard to say, really, without knowing the situation. Reasons might include her feeling too close to you, an issue involving your wife/SO that you're unaware of, your being too attached/addicted to her, or her reaching a plateau with where she can take you. She is under no obligation to tell you anything, and by her not telling you, it leaves me personally with the feeling that there's more to this than meets the eye. I would however, consider it serious whatever the reason -- it's extremely rare that a pro dom will deliberately take rent money out of their pocket.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 11/11/2007 7:30:30 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 3

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 7:56:07 AM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
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See, I coundn't be more specific because she didn't give me any reasoning. She was on a bit of a sabbatical and then when she returned, I inquired about sessioning and she told me she was uncomfortable seeing me. I tried to think of any potential reason, but it still eludes me.

As far as being too pushy, well, all of of our communication was session related and when we did session, the seemed to be good chemistry. It's tough, because it's hard to find someone that you really want to serve. Not having a reason for her decision really makes the situation that much more difficult.

Thanks for the input.

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 4

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 8:18:12 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

mark > ever ask for the relationship to move foreward ?ask to see her outside of being a pro, like no compensation ?ever ask for some request's perhaps ones she did not wish to do ?what about showing up when not wanted or following her ?for some reason she felt uncomfortable , if you can not find that answer within yourself looking back , then you may write her respectfuly asking her.An example would be" Dear ____ - I understand you do not wish to see me any further on a Pro level .I regert if i did anything to make you uncofortable yet also wish to learn from this experiance and grow . could you please inform me as to what actions i did to make you feel this way so i may not repeat them .Wishing you all the best in your future ___ ."
You obviously care and wish to know and in the end she would be the only person besides yourself to give those real answers .Sure we can try and help and advise but none of us were there .

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 5

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 8:26:40 AM

SolangeRichards

Posts: 170
Joined: 5/8/2005
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Actually, she gave you the reason she wanted to stop sessioning with you. You made her uncomfortable...

Continuing to pursue her for an explanation of exactly why she is uncomfortable really won't do anything to alleviate that. If anything, it actually could change that "uncomfortable" thing into an "afraid of" situation.

You had a professional relationship with her and that's over, at her request. Picking at it like it is an affair gone wrong won't really do anything for anyone at this point.

There are plenty of other professionals out there.

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 6

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 9:00:35 AM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

That's exactly the point that I'm trying to understand. She says she feels uncomfortable sessioning with me, but when I tried to ask her why, she was evasive.

I posted this more to vent about the situation and to see if others have experienced the same type of situation. I understand that the situation has two sides but I tried to understand her reasoning.

I have not pursued it much further with her as she told me to respect her decision. However, it is difficult to respect a decision that you do not understand.

< Message edited by Markoserve -- 11/11/2007 9:02:21 AM >

(in reply to SolangeRichards)

Post #: 7

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 9:51:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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We don't all get closure for every situation. It would be nice, but there you have it.

You mention that she went on a sabbatical, a thing that IMO any sensible pro should do from time to time. It's phenomenally easy to get burned out. It seems that during that time she reassessed her relationships and decided yours was over. It could be that she was thinking about it for some time, who knows? Regardless of her reason, she is not comfortable playing with you. This is not a situation you can fix, or she probably would have taken that approach.

You say "it is difficult to respect a decision that you do not understand." For me, that is a very telling statement that you might want to think about. Or ot. Either way, leave this lady alone. Dominant women, especially professionals, network, and if you get labeled as a stalker, you might have a hard time finding other women to take you on.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 8

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 10:21:50 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Mark,

I found your post very interesting. We all get 'red flags' or 'alarm bells' that signal to us when something isn't quite right for us. Sometimes they're unfounded, based on baggage we all carry from previous relationships. Sometimes they're dead on.

I've learned to always pay attention to the red flags and cut someone off if I'm feeling uncomfortable.

It really doesn't matter why I'm uncomfortable, in fact, I don't even bother to analyze why I'm feeling uncomfortable anymore - I just end it and move on.

It's a waste of time and personal energy to be over-analytical.

I would suggest that instead of focusing on why or what made her uncomfortable, you try another relationship with someone who is comfortable around you.

I know that sounds overly simplistic but there it is.

This might sound hard to believe, but I maintained a long term, 6 year relationship with a sub who just had something about him that made Me uncomfortable.

He was right for Me in so many ways, but there was just this unnamed something in his persona that every once in awhile would make me look at him and wonder in the dark catacombs of My mind whether I really knew, or should continue to trust this man the way I did.

Eventually, the relationship ended over other aspects that were not fulfilling for Me, so, in the end, if I had listened to My inner self and just ended it because he made Me uncomfortable, I'd have saved about 6 years of wasted time. Tiny and rare though the feeling was, it was still there, a nagging little sum'pn sump'n that wouldn't ever entirely go away.

We never really know who and what we're dealing with when it comes to that significant other.

Accept that she just wasn't right for you, or she'd have felt comfortable with you, and just move on.

Save yourself some agony and find that One who wants to be wtih you.

All the best,

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 9

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 11:02:54 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

It's hard to say, really, without knowing the situation. Reasons might include her feeling too close to you, an issue involving your wife/SO that you're unaware of, your being too attached/addicted to her, or her reaching a plateau with where she can take you. She is under no obligation to tell you anything, and by her not telling you, it leaves me personally with the feeling that there's more to this than meets the eye. I would however, consider it serious whatever the reason -- it's extremely rare that a pro dom will deliberately take rent money out of their pocket.

And it is also quite common for pro Dommes to turn away paying slaves/subs too, the rent is always paid as are all other overheads.

Some lifestyle/Pro dommes like Myself play for pay, and play for play too, and sometimes we tire of subs just as non pro Dommes do, maybe it had run its course.

I do agree a reason is important so that the sub can move on, and yes, have closure.

< Message edited by MistressRouge -- 11/11/2007 11:05:31 AM >

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(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 10

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 11:51:25 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

If she has plenty of clients, or has decided to reduce the number of sessions she does, you may be one of the ones just on the bubble that didn't seem worth the money to her. Good pro dommes build a clientele and eventually have the luxury to pick and choose.

Your attachment to her and the fact that you are still thinking of her and even writing about it though might point that you were getting too close for comfort and she didn't want you hooked on her. That kind of attachment is scary and unwanted. Maybe take a close look at how you behaved toward her and if you sent any signals that you might have thought were sweet and affectionate and she might have taken them to mean you were getting creepily attached. I think to some degree pros want subs to be reliant on them - repeat business is a good thing. But when that attachment gets too strong, then it's not worth it.

Have you took a good, hard look at yourself also? Hygeine, etc? Are you too pushy? Have any other pros turned you away?

Also, bring your question over to the forums at www.maxfisch.com - the pros there may be more forthcoming about reasons they choose to stop seeing clients.

Akasha

_____________________________

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(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 11

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 3:44:40 PM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

When she went on the sabbatical, she provided me with a reason eventhough I never asked for it. At the time, she thanked me for respecting her decision to go on a sabbatical and informed me to contact her after a period of time.

When I contacted her, she informed that she is no longer comfortable seeing me. I asked her why and she was evasive and simply told me respect her decision.

As far as anything I could have done, well, she did see me for quite a few sessions and informed me that she enjoyed our time together. I obviously enjoyed her domination style and was taken back by her decision. It just seems perplexing to me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/11/2007 9:53:44 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Markoserve

That's exactly the point that I'm trying to understand. She says she feels uncomfortable sessioning with me, but when I tried to ask her why, she was evasive.

I posted this more to vent about the situation and to see if others have experienced the same type of situation. I understand that the situation has two sides but I tried to understand her reasoning.

I have not pursued it much further with her as she told me to respect her decision. However, it is difficult to respect a decision that you do not understand.

You're not getting it. Pushing someone who is already uncomfortable with you is NOT going to get you an answer. She's being evasive BECAUSE you make her uncomfortable and you leave her no avenue of escape. Telling you she's no longer interested in seeing you is her only out. I really don't see it as your place to push her any further and hope that you've somehow reminded yourself to be a respectful gentleman and seek elsewhere rather than harangue her further.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 13

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/12/2007 4:21:19 AM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

MisPandora,

Due to her evasiveness and lack of comfort, I have not pursued the directly with her. I was simply posting to vent about the issue and share it with others to gain a different perspective.

I understand she is uncomfortable and asked me for some time so that she can reconsider things, and I have obliged. She has told me that I have always treated her well and she enjoyed our sessions, so everything was just a little confusing for me.

Rest assure, I am not harping on the issue with her. I have tried to respect her decision, eventhough I do not see her perspective.

Thanks.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 14

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/12/2007 5:27:38 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

I have a different prospective for you. Are you married or otherwise taken? Maybe her feelings were getting too strong for you. Maybe she wanted more than you are able to offer. Maybe she was getting to close to you but due to her life circumstances she isn't able to persue it so it is better to let you go than to get in to deep. Could this be a possibility?

_____________________________

Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 15

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/12/2007 4:52:36 PM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

I have considered that perspective as well MsIncontrol. I am however divorced with two kids, so I am not taken or committed. Nonetheless, I do not have any intention of pursuing a relationship right now and never made overtures of that nature.

I suppose she may have developed feelings for me and possibly those were feelings that she could not act upon. We are close in age, shared certain interests (outside of BDSM) and had good repoire.

I do recall her asking me certain questions and providing me with certain information that I at times wondered if she shared with other clients. Nonetheless, I chalked it up to her making conversation and never gave it much thought beyond that.

However, even if that is the explanation, I would hope that she could share that much. It is just very perplexing not to have closure on such a situation especially when the decision is so unexpected.

I would like to thank all for their input. I understand that I am only sharing my perspective and no one can really solve anything for me. I do appreciate the opportunity to at least discuss it in a honest and open environment.

(in reply to MsIncontrol)

Post #: 16

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/13/2007 11:14:55 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Mark I dunno if you've read any of my other posts and to restate a point that I've made clear to others...I personally serve a pro. I get some insight. I can't pin point an insight specific for you however I can recall one such instance with the Lady in Charge and what She told me and not the client....

Flat out the guy creeped Her out. The reason why is because while not in any overt manner and in no way did he ever admit to it...he showed certain and sitinct signs of "falling" for Her. They good chemistry to being with and after She noticed these things She simply stopped seeing him. Client gone. and after She simply told him "I don't wish to discuss this...and I don't wish to see you anymore," he called for about a week trying to get a reason from Her. Which only drove Her to not even answer his calls and delete his voicemail without hearing it.

If ANYONE...submissive...Dominant...Professional or otherwise says "I don't want to have x relationship with you anymore." It's over. It's nice to get a reason. However, you're not entitled to it. At all. It only takes one to end a relationship. No matter what the perameters of it are. It's done. Move on. Seek another Professional to see. And leave this woman alone. As a "submissive" it's your job.

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 17

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/13/2007 3:54:46 PM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

Hi BoiJen,

Thanks for the input. See, the reason why I don't believe that she was skeptical and/or suspicious of me is that she never really closed the door.

While she did say that she didn't want to see me, she also informed that she is open to the possibility of reconsidering the issue. I have not asked her for any sort of timeframe though.

I just find the whole thing quite odd. That is why I try to find some sort of reason, but it really does elude me. A lot of the obvious reasons seem not to apply.

Thanks.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 18

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/15/2007 2:21:37 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings mark

your heart is broken and when this happen we all try to find a way back into that person life . find another but take you time and i wish you liuck

mons

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 19

RE: Understanding the Pro domme - 11/24/2007 9:49:26 AM

Markoserve

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

Upon returning from work on Wednesday afternoon, my Mistress had left me a message informing me that after giving everything some thought, she would like me to continue to serve her.

While she always did leave the opportunity open, I am somewhat perplexed by all this. First, she gave me no reason for discontinuing our sessions, and now she says she is ready again.

I would love to see her again and serve her, but I don't want to go through the roller coaster of her indecisiveness. Any recommendations?

(in reply to Markoserve)

Post #: 20

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