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being trained - 8/7/2005 9:36:11 AM

chinewbiesub

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if someone is being tained in the lifestyle to be a better submissive. and she gave the trainer full permission to do what they felt was needed in training. and sexual came about is it appropiate for some sexual contact.

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 9:44:09 AM

LadyJulieAnn

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It's appropriate if it works for them both. I have never seen the value of training a sub sexually if there is no future relationship with that person, however. The sub would simply learn what pleases that particular dominant, which may not be appropriate for another person.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 9:46:03 AM

MemphisDsCouple

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And this illustrates very well one of the big problems with trainers, mentors, protectors and so on.

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 9:58:52 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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Ahh...the old is it ok for a trainer to fuck me? question...

That question can only be answered by the trainee in question. Is it ok for him to fuck you? If it is, it is...if it isn't, well, you had better damn well say so.

Sexual training is as valid as any other form of training, but is only appropriate when it is part of the training package.

Taggard

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(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 10:05:46 AM

MstrHellsFury

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sorry to say but I'm beginning to hate this area of the lifestyle as practiced by so many today...as with all things here this is just MHO...whenever I mentored or trained any submissive...sex wasn't part of that training...after all I know how and where and in what holes..hands..eyes..ears..etc..to stick it...training and or mentoring is about gaining deeper insight into yourself and the ways in which you adapt to the lifestyle...some are more tolorant..some less...some have higher thresholds..some less...some realize this is exactly the place in life they've sought for so long...others realize ..hey this isn't all I thought it would be...did I miss that sex was a requirement somewhere along the way...I think not...unless being trained for my own useage..there's no need to have anyone come expecting sex...they should be expecting lessions of my perception of the BDSM lifestyle...as a side note on this...how can one teach to come on command..if you don't have the control and self discipline to get that result without touch...the spoken work and the brain...connect them right and physical belly bumping..although great...is just secondary to all the other benifits of sensory outputs.....like I say this is just my opinion...

Fury

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 10:29:11 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury
...whenever I mentored or trained any submissive...sex wasn't part of that training...after all I know how and where and in what holes..hands..eyes..ears..etc..to stick it...

I think there is a lot of difference between training and mentoring. Sexual training has been part of this kink for as long as this has been a kink, if in nothing more than, don't use your teeth when you do that, bitch. *smile*

On the other hand, if there is somthing that can be sexually pleasureable involving sticking something in the ears, maybe I need some training myself!

Taggard

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A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 10:38:00 AM

MstrHellsFury

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as you can see I differeniated between the two...and I do understand sexual training is needed to achieve the maxium amount of pleasure for you...I simply stated I don't do the sex bit unless they are to be mine...hope that clears it up just a hair...

Fury

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 10:56:00 AM

Fidelity

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The question here is the age old Is this what I signed up for,or does it sort of feel like a bait and switch to me now that he wants sex?

If it feels like a betrayal,it probably is. If not,do as you see fit.

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 11:00:28 AM

KarbonCopy

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I honestly dont see a problem with it.

Its really a matter that concerns the two parties involved. If they're good enough friends to be able to enjoy a sexual side of their training then so be it. If they're both okay with it, and enjoy eachother's company then why not, we've all heard the term "Fuck buddies" , I mean isnt that really just the same thing?

Only this time, you have a mentor and a trainer as well. So yes, I think fine, go for it if its okay with you, but if you are being even slightly pressured into it, then thats wrong.

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 12:29:38 PM

Kinkypupper

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Perhaps you need to first define who YOU are as a submissive who they are as a "trainer" and their credentials. And what "type" of training you are talking about.

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(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 12:30:07 PM

nella

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BDSM and D/s is not aboute sex, but that said, i belive some sexual training can be valid, for exmaple how to take anal sex, as many Dom`s like, different positions, even oral, i dont say it should be a part of every trainer/studet realitnsip, but definitly have some value somtimes.

(in reply to KarbonCopy)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 12:38:20 PM

gentlesurrender

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i had a mentor when i first separated from my husband/dom, who provided a certain amount of control and some protocol training of expectations of behaviour. It was never sexual, in fact we never really played, the odd slap on the thighs if i was out of order.

unfortunately his slave, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer and died 4 months later.

just be christmas last year another dominant friend asked me if i would like him to mentor me. After 3 months with him, things within the relationship changed and we moved from a non-sexual basis to one that included it, i stopped calling my mentor and used the term my surrogate dominant. As he was more like a substitute until i found a dominant of my own.

its up to the submissive how far she wants the relationship to go, be it intimate or not, its realising that if it does become intimate, there is probabl no future in the relationship coming anymore stable than it is. Most mentors dont want commitment.

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(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 1:10:20 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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As a responsible adult we get to decide who we want to have sex with for whatever reasons we want to have sex with them.

Sexual training gets a bit overblown in the scene and usually just means "give me more pussy/oral" but if you want it, enjoy it.

If you don't feel good about it, don't do it.

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 2:16:42 PM

MsIncognito

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Can't that be said of any kind of training where there isn't going to be some sort of ongoing relationship (whether it's a romantic one or a service based one) between the trainer and the trainee? I've never understood what was the point of learning how one Dominant wants their coffee prepared and served if you're not going to be doing that on an ongoing basis. Chances are the next Dominant will like things done differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

It's appropriate if it works for them both. I have never seen the value of training a sub sexually if there is no future relationship with that person, however. The sub would simply learn what pleases that particular dominant, which may not be appropriate for another person.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 3:16:57 PM

junecleaver

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Sounds like he just wants to get a little something something. I don't really understand how being trained to give him a blowjob the way he likes it really enhances your submission or teaches you anything about yourself. But in the end that judgment is up to you. Do what you feel is right.

(in reply to MsIncognito)

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RE: being trained - 8/7/2005 5:12:31 PM

LadyJulieAnn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

Can't that be said of any kind of training where there isn't going to be some sort of ongoing relationship (whether it's a romantic one or a service based one) between the trainer and the trainee? I've never understood what was the point of learning how one Dominant wants their coffee prepared and served if you're not going to be doing that on an ongoing basis. Chances are the next Dominant will like things done differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

It's appropriate if it works for them both. I have never seen the value of training a sub sexually if there is no future relationship with that person, however. The sub would simply learn what pleases that particular dominant, which may not be appropriate for another person.

Be well,
Julie

I agree with you, MsIncognito. When a sub tells me he's "been trained in x, y, and z", that's great, but it doesn't really mean much to me other than that he has some experience.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MsIncognito)

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RE: being trained - 8/8/2005 1:27:38 PM

Rover

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Unless you believe that all Dominants desire and expect the same thing of their submissive/slave (in which case you are also likely to believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus), no one can "train" you for the personal expectations and desires of some as yet unknown Master (or Mistress).

Miss Abernathy's Slave Training Manual, Butchmann's Academy and other similar programs (real and imagined) all begin with the same false premise... that each and every Dominant will share the same protocols, expectations, and preferences for their submissive's/slave's behavior, activities, skills, etc. In point of fact, the first step to training is often to "untrain" what someone else has taught previously (and reflects their personal preferences and expectations, not my own).

I know, it's not as exciting as all the erotic novels, but the truth about training is that it's nothing more than teaching our personal preferences and expectations (the "one true way" of being a submissive/slave or Dominant only exists on the internet). Yes, you can learn and be trained in certain skills (such as preparing and serving a "proper" seven course meal), but you don't go to a "trainer" for that (you go to a culinary school) and there is no guarantee that your future Dominant will value that skill once acquired (some prefer pizza and beer).

By in large, "training" is nothing more than a euphemism for "legitimate sounding exploitation and manipulation". Of course, if you enjoy the training just for the activity itself (ie: you understand that it likely has no value to your future Master or Mistress), then there's nothing wrong with consensually participating in your own exploitation and manipulation... we call that role play.

Difference is the informed consent.

John

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/8/2005 1:41:47 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
Miss Abernathy's Slave Training Manual, Butchmann's Academy and other similar programs (real and imagined) all begin with the same false premise... that each and every Dominant will share the same protocols, expectations, and preferences for their submissive's/slave's behavior, activities, skills, etc. In point of fact, the first step to training is often to "untrain" what someone else has taught previously (and reflects their personal preferences and expectations, not my own).

I don't think any of them make the claim that they will train any slave to be absolutely ready from the mold for any dominant.

And personally I would think more highly of a slave if they took an active approach in their training- whether they took classes in painting, martial arts, embroidery, gardening, pony play, ANYTHING, it would impress me that they sought new things to learn and wanted to broaden their skill set. Perhaps the dominant they end up with will have NO use for martial arts, or need to teach them a new skill, but I think, all other things being equal, a person who actively seeks training is a positive thing.

(in reply to Rover)

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RE: being trained - 8/8/2005 2:13:50 PM

stormsfate

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I was taught that:

Mentor - non-sexual relationship
Protector - non-sexual relationship
Trainer - may or may not include sexual intimacy
Dominant/Master/Owner - may or may not include sexual intimacy

I happen to agree with what I was taught and the reasons behind it. Despite the fact that each dominant will naturally prefer different things and it would be impossible to train for another unless the criteria of that person were laid out (i.e. someone wanted their slave trained to bake cakes), but I feel it is possible to teach flexibility, acceptance, how to relax in bondage, what different instruments feel like, serving gracefully, etc.

I have only one regret from the time I spent training...and that is the fact that my owner intensely disliked the fact that I had gone through the process as he would have preferred starting from ground zero.

best regards,
fate

(in reply to chinewbiesub)

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RE: being trained - 8/8/2005 2:23:11 PM

nella

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quote:

Unless you believe that all Dominants desire and expect the same thing of their submissive/slave (in which case you are also likely to believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus

i belive in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.