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Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 10:35:54 AM   
RavenofPK


Posts: 320
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings folks,

About six or so years ago, I started hearing the term "doormat" being tossed about in negative referrence to a submissive/slave's status. I've never quite understood what all the hub bub was about. Just what the hell *is* a doormat? And why would anyone think that being so enslaved to another human being make them a possible doormat? I have asked this question several times before to other people and in other forums, and have yet to get an answer that is acceptable or even reasonable. So what is a doormat, in your opinion?

Raven

Editor's NOTE: 1) Yes, I know a doormat is an item used to wipe one's feet upon......usually made of rubber, or cloth, flat, and lays outside the front door of a house.........so save the smartassed responses of definition. I am pretty sure you know what I am referring to in my question in THIS post.

2) Note where this post is located, in the "Ask the Slave/Submissive section. Free people need not apply.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 11:03:11 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		As far as how I've seen it used, a doormat is someone with no self-esteem or self-respect. They perform acts that many would categorize as distasteful, not because they know doing so will please their owner, but because they think they deserve to be treated in such a manner. You can see it in some of the profiles here. When describing themselves, adjectives like worthless, useless, pathetic, pitiful and the like are fairly common.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 1:18:56 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK
Just what the hell *is* a doormat?

Most often the term doormat is used in the negative sense of "I'm not one of those!" but rarely explains what "those" is. Often they mean something bad, lack of sense of self, lack of ability, lack of good sense.

I find it amusing when it gets over applied, or used as a way to make someone feel better about what they do. I am absolutely a doormat for the Owner.

quote:

2) Note where this post is located, in the "Ask the Slave/Submissive section. Free people need not apply.

This is a public forum, expect anyone and everyone to answer. This is the "ask the slave/submissive" section, not the "only owned slaves respond" section.


(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 1:20:26 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline 		Yeah... what she said!

I would also add that many 'doormats' don't seem to want to interact with a dominant as a real person. Instead, they try to interact with that dominant according to some unspoken fantasy script about what a fierce dominant will do to them.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 2:17:29 PM   
BlouLady


Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's like the line between bdsm and abuse. A doormat does things he/she doesn't want to do for a period of time in which it becomes clear the situation isn't going to change, feeling unable to excape because of emotional or physical fears,allowing people to use them in ways that are inappropriate. Allowing others to "walk" on them.

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 6:43:49 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For Instance,
I can be my own person and have a lot going for me. I fall for X. On the surface X seems like a good person. Takes care of me...and I submit to X. As time goes on X makes certain demands of me. Starts small by telling me I am not doing this or that correctly. So, because I am in love with X by this time I try to modify my behavior to suit X. Of course it does suit X but only for a brief period of time. I make more mistakes that are shown to me.
It turns into a vicious cycle. I start thinking I cannot do anything right. Yet I still strive to please because I want X to have a perfect sub. Never realizing I will never be that person.
We get deeper and deeper emotionally attached. Eventually X tells me to do something unsavory. Something that affects innocent people and perhaps even harms them.
Something I never would have done if ordered to the day I met X.

I'm now a doormat. No self esteem and no self respect as Stef said.

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 7:13:29 PM   
nenakajira


Posts: 221
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK
Just what the hell *is* a doormat?

Most often the term doormat is used in the negative sense of "I'm not one of those!" but rarely explains what "those" is. Often they mean something bad, lack of sense of self, lack of ability, lack of good sense.

I find it amusing when it gets over applied, or used as a way to make someone feel better about what they do. I am absolutely a doormat for the Owner.

quote:

2) Note where this post is located, in the "Ask the Slave/Submissive section. Free people need not apply.

This is a public forum, expect anyone and everyone to answer. This is the "ask the slave/submissive" section, not the "only owned slaves respond" section.




Ermm.. wow.. I love the language barrier between our old forums and this one.. lol. "Free people" in the Gorean sense means Dom/mes :) Or, well, those that are not seeking the submissive path.. or.. okay, none of those really apply but you get the idea.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 8:19:21 PM   
mossy


Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

And why would anyone think that being so enslaved to another human being make them a possible doormat?


This was i think the crux of the problem with the question in general. It is not the enslavement....but the treatment....by the One doing the enslaving. That would cause me to feel, like a piece of material left outside the door entrance, totally ignored, only good to have dirt wiped upon me.

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

(in reply to nenakajira)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 9:07:15 PM   
quietlilone


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I think thus far the definition of doormat has been fitting. I'd like to add a bit more. IMO, if the sub is doing everything and anything without question or thought to what is being asked, and/or can show no other mentality when around other adults but that of "yes Sir, no Sir, I'll do whatever you ask Sir" This may place them in the doormat bin with some. I have come to find that when a Dom is looking for a sub they are not looking for someone who will just bow down, comply, and be silent 100% of the time. They look for ppl with intellect, that can actually carry on conversations, and have opinions to express. Ppl who question items that may not be safe or against their own personal limits, but in the same reguard have the understanding of roles in the relationship and maintain those roles.

(in reply to mossy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 9:29:58 PM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		One person's doormat is another's delight.

When used negatively it usually means "someone who will do things I am too prissy to."

Which always interested me......but then again you CAN be whatever you want to in fantasy land. Even an UBERSLAVE-who calls all of the shots.

(in reply to quietlilone)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/7/2005 11:24:06 PM   
RavenofPK


Posts: 320
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fidelity


Which always interested me......but then again you CAN be whatever you want to in fantasy land. Even an UBERSLAVE-who calls all of the shots.


Greetings Fidelity,

Interesting you should say that. Seems there is a great lacking in the structure of certain self proclaimed statuses here. It's definately not something I am used to, and I would like to think it's an abhorration. Besides.......it shouldn't matter what type of interaction is being done.......be it offline or online.........the behavior should be the same.

Raven

"Push a Gorean man, and he will push right back. Don't like to be pushed? Then sit down and shut up!"

(in reply to Fidelity)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 1:55:19 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

Seems there is a great lacking in the structure of certain self proclaimed statuses here. It's definately not something I am used to, and I would like to think it's an abhorration. Besides.......it shouldn't matter what type of interaction is being done.......be it offline or online.........the behavior should be the same.


If the new Gorean forum is opened up here, as is being discussed, perhaps it will take care of some of the problem.

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 5:37:45 AM   
tinkJH


Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline 		Some people view dormat as a girl/boy that will do what they are told, when they are told, without question or requard as to why.

Personally, I view it as the girl/boy that has no self respect, no self worth, and no self esteem. Someone that can be "classified" as truely broken and abused.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)


~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 6:43:00 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I feel to relate one to a doormat means to me, that you feel like your feelings are being squashed and stepped on often. You feel no compassion in your direction from your lover, and feel like you always end up feeling like your not only being taken for granted, but you are not loved or thought of as far as your happiness. You feel like that plastic mat out front that serves a purpose, but is rarely considered.

To relate that into a relationship analogy would be to explain what a healthy relationship is.
It's where both people listen to each others desires, pay attention to the other persons emotional status, and care for each others personal feelings and needs. It's the ability to have peace, comfort, love, a companion, a friend, and an incredible lover to fulfill your wildest dreams.
A non-door mat relationship strives to be a joy, blessing, and a positive emotional experience for all parties involved.

A relationship where you feel like someone’s doormat is where one person's needs don't count. The other filling their own self serving needs squashes your heart and hurts you like they just stepped on you and wiped their feet with not one thought of how you felt about it, or if it's hurt you.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 8:22:07 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

IMO, if the sub is doing everything and anything without question or thought to what is being asked, and/or can show no other mentality when around other adults but that of "yes Sir, no Sir, I'll do whatever you ask Sir"


this is what i think

(in reply to quietlilone)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 8:46:49 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK

Interesting you should say that. Seems there is a great lacking in the structure of certain self proclaimed statuses here. It's definately not something I am used to, and I would like to think it's an abhorration. Besides.......it shouldn't matter what type of interaction is being done.......be it offline or online.........the behavior should be the same.


I'm curious what you mean by this.

Do you mean that many of us who take the submissive role in relationships aren't showing respect to those who take the dominant role? Or that there is a lot of crossover in the fora?

If it's the first, many of us, while polite to everyone are either of the belief, or under orders that we should not defer to anyone not known to us or our owners face to face.

If the second, well, think of it this way --you're getting a much wider variety of inputs :)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 9:12:01 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm willing to give Raven the benefit of the doubt on this and allow him to explain himself, but I'm getting serious "One True Way or You're Not Serious" vibes.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 9:23:17 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK

Greetings folks,

About six or so years ago, I started hearing the term "doormat" being tossed about in negative referrence to a submissive/slave's status. I've never quite understood what all the hub bub was about. Just what the hell *is* a doormat? And why would anyone think that being so enslaved to another human being make them a possible doormat? I have asked this question several times before to other people and in other forums, and have yet to get an answer that is acceptable or even reasonable. So what is a doormat, in your opinion?


Greetings Master RavenofPK,
There are many threads on the difference between a slave and a submissive. So what a BDSM submissive would consider to be a negative thing could be viewed entirely differently as qualities of a Gorean kajira. I think that is why the answers do not seem acceptable or reasonable to you. Think of it as cultural differences.

"And why would anyone think that being so enslaved to another human being make them a possible doormat?"

I do not understand this question.

Gorean Masters possess certain principles in common that BDSM owners might not live by. (hope that makes sense, it was hard to put into words)

best wishes
kiss

PS: just wondering but do you allow ninakajira to answer in the Ask a Master forum? and yes I know curiosity is unbecoming in a kajira :)

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/8/2005 10:12:08 PM   
RavenofPK


Posts: 320
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou



PS: just wondering but do you allow ninakajira to answer in the Ask a Master forum? and yes I know curiosity is unbecoming in a kajira :)


Greetings girl,

The answer to that one is simple. When I originally posted the topic of doormats, I was not interested in what Free people had to say on the matter, because I felt they don't have the frame of referrence to accurately respond. No.......not a slam. Simply a statement of fact. So in order to get straight to the heart of the responses, I "requested" a specific "status" group respond. It was a request to a specific topic. Not a blanket request or expectation across the board.

Serve well, and be pleasing.

Raven

(in reply to kisshou)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Wipe your feet. - 8/9/2005 1:44:03 AM   
Fidelity


Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		This is the sort of creature I really look at as being a doormat.

My biggest definition of a doormat is this. She will not take care of the property.

Read this link,and you will see why I have no respect for this type.

http://www.submissiveloving.com/cinderella.html

(in reply to RavenofPK)
Profile   Post #: 20
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