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Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sexual ... - 11/11/2007 10:18:21 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Is there a difference between having sex, and in assisting someone in acting out their fantasies
without engaging in sex?
Bill Maher just asked this question because of an escort service that helps men act out
their fantasies with no touching allowed.
This made me think of Professional Dominants, in similar situations.
What is the difference between helping someone act out their fantasies and engaging in sexual acts?

IF there is no difference, would you be upset if your partner was secretly going to a Professional
Dominant and having encounters, even though they did not have sex?

Seriously, what do you think the difference is?


< Message edited by MzMia -- 11/11/2007 10:19:28 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:23:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's not about the sex to me, it's the secrets.  I don't care if they never physically touch at all- if it's being hidden, then it's a problem.

The fact that our society says "It's ok to scrap plaque out of arteries as a way to help someone but no way should her hands be on your penis" is just totally ridiculous.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:23:51 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		to me there is because there's a few fantasies I have that have nothing to do with sex acts. The said helper can fufil these fantasies and fufilling these things has nothing to do with his dick. Not all fantasies involve sex acts.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Is there a difference between having sex, and in assisting someone in acting out their fantasies
without engaging in sex?

What is the difference between helping someone act out their fantasies and engaging in sexual acts?



(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:25:00 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Just curious, how would they help someone act out their fantasies without touching?  Internet?  Mere conversation?  When you say "sex" do you mean intercourse?

I think it's rather common to find people that bdsm and/or d/s isn't actually sexual for them so I would guess they are actually helping someone act out their fantasies without sex often.  I personally had a play partner who didn't engage in actual intercourse in a casual relationship.  However, that didn't change the fact that it was still very much sex to me. 

If my monogamous partner was engaging in behavior that was sexual to them even without actual intercourse without my knowlege would that still be cheating?  Yes.  Whether they get to first base or home plate the intent is the same and I would be very worried for our relationship that they felt the need to seek out others.   However,  while I'm not poly, I can't say I wouldn't say no others if we discussed it at length and agreed to the perameters.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/11/2007 10:30:13 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:26:23 PM   
downkitty


Posts: 224
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know.

All my fantasies involve sex of some sort.  Maybe I'm a perv? :(

Respectfully,

Amy



_____________________________

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly." R. Bach in "Illusions"

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:26:50 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Exactly. My relationship is not s upposed to have secrets , and things hidden on behalf of either of us, so to find out it did, well it require some serious talking and serious thinking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not about the sex to me, it's the secrets.  I don't care if they never physically touch at all- if it's being hidden, then it's a problem.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:27:03 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Is there a difference between having sex, and in assisting someone in acting out their fantasies
without engaging in sex?
Bill Maher just asked this question because of an escort service that helps men act out
their fantasies with no touching allowed.
This made me think of Professional Dominants, in similar situations.
What is the difference between helping someone act out their fantasies and engaging in sexual acts?

IF there is no difference, would you be upset if your partner was secretly going to a Professional
Dominant and having encounters, even though they did not have sex?

Seriously, what do you think the difference is?


It's not always about sex; sometimes it's about something much more deeper than that.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:30:19 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I understand fantasies are not always about sex.
BUT, we are talking about an "escort service" where the women help the clients
act out their fantasies, but do not have sexual intercourse.
 
Are they crossing the line?
Is there no line to cross?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:31:44 PM   
downkitty


Posts: 224
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

It's not always about sex; sometimes it's about something much more deeper than that.


Oh snap! I'm a perv AND shallow!

Respectfully,

Amy

P.S.  This is me teasing and being silly. I didn't perceive anything negative in the comment.



_____________________________

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly." R. Bach in "Illusions"

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:32:03 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I understand fantasies are not always about sex.
BUT, we are talking about an "escort service" where the women help the clients
act out their fantasies, but do not have sexual intercourse.
 
Are they crossing the line?
Is there no line to cross?


Again my question is how do they do it?  By directing them who to seek out?  By just talking?  An inperson phone sex type thing?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:33:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I understand fantasies are not always about sex.
BUT, we are talking about an "escort service" where the women help the clients
act out their fantasies, but do not have sexual intercourse.
 
Are they crossing the line?
Is there no line to cross?

Suppose their fantasies do not involve sex?

Just because you are using the term 'escort service' does not mean that it automatically MUST include sexual encounters.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:33:09 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Oh they are in hotel rooms, etc.
This is person to person contact--in person and alone.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:34:28 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: downkitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

It's not always about sex; sometimes it's about something much more deeper than that.


Oh snap! I'm a perv AND shallow!

Respectfully,

Amy

P.S.  This is me teasing and being silly. I didn't perceive anything negative in the comment.



LMAO
I can keep a secret if you can

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to downkitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:35:45 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Oh they are in hotel rooms, etc.
This is person to person contact--in person and alone.

It still does not mean that they have to have sexual contact

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:37:39 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		If the person going to the service is lying to their partner about what they were doing and where they were going, or were never questiond about the gaps in availible time, however simply never said is it ok if I go or hey btw........... what do you think, yes they're crossing a line in my book.

Why some might ask? Because in my eyes play time with others even non sexual should never be a hidden thing from your partner
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I understand fantasies are not always about sex.
BUT, we are talking about an "escort service" where the women help the clients
act out their fantasies, but do not have sexual intercourse.
 
Are they crossing the line?
Is there no line to cross?

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:38:31 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Oh they are in hotel rooms, etc.
This is person to person contact--in person and alone.


So basically one person is self masturbating to the tune of the others communication/commands/suggestions/actions without physical contact?  Yeah, it's still sexual to my partner, so if they are hiding it, it's a problem.  Besides, communicating the desire to see someone else and the needs that aren't being met  is what's important to the relationship.

It's like phone sex but in person...lol...either would be an issue to me if it's hidden.  I wonder if anyone actually pays for this?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/11/2007 10:39:58 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:38:34 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Did I say they had sexual contact?
 
My question is, what is the difference?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:43:04 PM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		i have a fantasy to walk into Tiffany's and point to some exquisite piece of jewellry - if some one wants to assist me with that - yes please.

if the fantasy you fulfill gives sexual gratification, like any fetish, it's a form of sex for that person and becomes an act of sex.

The questions asked were

What is the difference between helping someone act out their fantasies and engaging in sexual acts?
 
As explained above depends on the fantasies, if the outcome for the someone being helped is sexual gratification, to me there's no difference.

IF there is no difference, would you be upset if your partner was secretly going to a Professional
Dominant and having encounters, even though they did not have sex?

I'd be upset if my partner was secretly doing anything that may jeopardise 'us'. 
Doing something that to them has value, without letting me know that it's important to them. 
yes i'd be upset.

Seriously, what do you think the difference is?
LuckyAlbatross covered it brilliantly - it's the secretly that blows it.
 
i've just run out of my 2c worth!


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:46:44 PM   
MsPleasure


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		I don't engage in intercourse with any subs.  But touching is involved in the form of spankings, strap, etc

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Acting on Fantasies without engaging in Sex Vs. Sex... - 11/11/2007 10:47:12 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		define "sex" ? I have had tantric sex where i was never touched at all to intercourse .is mutual masterbation sex ?or sexual ?I have had women come from me whipping her , did i have sex with her cuz she achived orgazam ?What about a woman incerting a remote vibe and handing me the  controler and from across the room i work the remote , did i have sex with her ?
Maybe its all where one draws the defined lines of what is sex and what is sexual ?

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 20
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