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Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:12:41 PM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

OK. I have no idea what kind of reactions I'm going to get from this one, but here goes.

As it has been a bit challenging to meet and get to know Women with more Domme interests (it's just tough to blurt out, and I have been burned trying to "ease" into the conversation), I have considered a Pro-Domme. However, I do wish to get to know Someone, actually like being around them (hopefully with some things in common) before the subject of any play/use even comes up.

That getting to know One, seems to be out of line with my understanding, or lack of understanding, of how professional Dominaion would work. Being able to talk and laugh with Someone before taking any sort of next step would seem to be important for B/both parties for B/both to be excited, and enjoy, the experiences.

I'm obviously not in-the-know on this at this point, so thoughts A/anybody?

Post #: 1

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:16:59 PM

neloangelo1227

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline

I'm a little confused. Are you saying that you want to approach a pro Domme with the assumption you'll end up playing together, because you can't find women with Domme interests who aren't pro Dommes? Or, are you saying that the Dommes you've met haven't worked out, so you're considering pro Dommes? Or are you just confused as to how pro Dommes get any enjoyment out of scenes with people they don't know?

Either way, I think that it would depend on the pro Domme in question. Some are probably open to finding friends who they might play with later, but if you're clearly getting to know them with the expectation of play at some point in the future, they'll probably be reluctant to give you a "freebie".

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 2

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:26:17 PM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm saying the Women I have met have not been very interested in Domme types of play, so I have thought about Pro-Dommes. But feel there needs to be a connection before any kind of professional services from a Domme would really do it for me. Seems like a vicious circle

(in reply to neloangelo1227)

Post #: 3

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:27:41 PM

ItzKat

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I am not sure about how it would work, but I would imagine that once you contact a Pro there is some sort of interview involved. Maybe this is not enough for you to get to know them but you would have to call to find out.

Have you tried local BDSM groups or munches? This can be a great place to meet and share with like minded folks. You would also most likely get some first hand recommendations.

_____________________________

~Kat

That which does not kill us... can really mess up our hair!

(in reply to neloangelo1227)

Post #: 4

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:27:43 PM

mefisto69

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline

a Pro Domme is just that.....a professional. She will screen you in conversation, 'might' have a personal meet before play, but - there will be no other emotional transaction beyond you handing her the fee.
i strogly recommend you try to find munches and fetish events in your area and meet people R/t. it might not hurt to put up addys on other sites as well.......get yourself out there - especially if you want to get to 'know' who you are playing with.

(in reply to neloangelo1227)

Post #: 5

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:30:44 PM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Just before I turned pro I told a couple of my male friends that I was thinking about it. They became my first clients.

Diane

(in reply to mefisto69)

Post #: 6

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:36:45 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

You put your money on the table you will get the pro-domme connection you require. I would not expect any pro to waste their time on making a connection with you - unless you pay them for it - it is their job after all. You would not expect your mechanic to work for free. There are tons of ads for pro-dommes - browse them and see who you like - pay the money and if you like them become a regular client.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

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Post #: 7

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:41:31 PM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB269

Just before I turned pro I told a couple of my male friends that I was thinking about it. They became my first clients.

Diane

ah, but You do seem to be very rare in nature as much as You are lovely. *ws*

(in reply to DianeB269)

Post #: 8

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 4:56:11 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

I'm curious what you mean by hanging out and getting to know someone. I talk to my clients before we meet for a session, and ask them about their fantasies, what their D/s interests are, and get a general idea of how they want the session to progress. That can all be covered in a phone conversation or even email.

If I were friends with someone and they decided they wanted to try a session with me, I would be upset if they thought they were entitled to a freebie or a discount because they were my friend. And I would be very insulted if I found out they were only interested in my friendship because they wanted to get a discount on my professional services.

To be perfectly blunt my clients don't come to me because they want a new buddy. They come to me because they want me to dominate them. If anything it helps to keep a bit of distance - especially to the Goddess worshipper types who want to see me in an aura of awe and reverence. I do have regular clients, and over the months that we session together we have built up a rapport, butthat was in the context of having multiple sessions.

Think of it like dating - on the first date you don't really know the girl all that well, you don't even know if you're going to want a second date...but you still pay for dinner, right? Well at least I would hope so...I'm old fashioned like that...a guy who doesn't want to take me out loses my interest kinda quickly. I'm not a feminazi and don't expect to be treated like one

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 9

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 5:06:59 PM

solvr70

Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I'm curious what you mean by hanging out and getting to know someone. I talk to my clients before we meet for a session, and ask them about their fantasies, what their D/s interests are, and get a general idea of how they want the session to progress. That can all be covered in a phone conversation or even email.

If I were friends with someone and they decided they wanted to try a session with me, I would be upset if they thought they were entitled to a freebie or a discount because they were my friend. And I would be very insulted if I found out they were only interested in my friendship because they wanted to get a discount on my professional services.

To be perfectly blunt my clients don't come to me because they want a new buddy. They come to me because they want me to dominate them. If anything it helps to keep a bit of distance - especially to the Goddess worshipper types who want to see me in an aura of awe and reverence. I do have regular clients, and over the months that we session together we have built up a rapport, butthat was in the context of having multiple sessions.

Think of it like dating - on the first date you don't really know the girl all that well, you don't even know if you're going to want a second date...but you still pay for dinner, right? Well at least I would hope so...I'm old fashioned like that...a guy who doesn't want to take me out loses my interest kinda quickly. I'm not a feminazi and don't expect to be treated like one

agreed. i'm not talking about any sort of freebie or discount or anything. did not mean to imply anything like that at all. just getting to know One a bit. perhaps as You describe. but having never been-there-done-that i would hate for it to be cold and impersonal

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 10

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 5:17:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Xoxi has it right, professionals screen their clients, but it takes time to get to know another person. It's also important for a professional to maintain a distance between herself and the people she sees.

Pro dominants are not looking to make friends. It's great when you get to like a client, but honestly, the relationship usually begins and ends at the studio door.

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(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 11

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 6:28:20 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

As several people have already indicated, spending (unpaid) time first getting to know your pro domme isn't part of the services we offer. We don't have the luxury of time to spend, and there are also a lot of people that get fixated on us and get very invasive about asking personal questions. We maintain clear boundaries for very good reasons. We can be very warm and friendly in sessions when it's called for, but the kinds of connections you get in dating are not going to happen prior to scheduling your first session.

Most pro dommes I know are happy to go the extra mile to keep a good client. As a mentor of mine says, we want your business, not your money. I've made friends with a handful of my own clients and will spend time with them off the clock now and then, going shopping or chatting on the phone or having dinner or inviting them to events. Not every client gets that, and the ones that we're most comfortable with are the ones who are the least invasive and pushy about asking for extras, as well as being steady client. When clients push to become a personal slave, or only see us for a few sessions with the hope of becoming a personal slave, those professional relationships usually end fairly quickly and time spent outside sessions is unlikely to happen.

There are also submissives who make the rounds with pro dommes, claiming they want to have a connection before playing professionally. They like to flirt and feel like they're special, but they see every pro domme in a town and tell each one that does a free interview or two that the spark just isn't there. They've gotten hours and hours of our time that we could've been spending with paying clients and we've basically been exploited under false pretenses. Be aware of that dynamic when you approach pro dommes asking for something outside of what we offer.

If you take the time to research a professional (as others have suggested here), reading her reviews and taking time to read what she writes on her own sites as well as on various boards, you're sure to get a good session with someone who is excellent at what they do and can read you like a large-print book. You're not going to get the same connection you'd get with a girlfriend, but if you just want a good scene with someone who'll understand your fetish and be equipped to do a scene incorporating it, you'll be in good hands.

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 12

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 6:34:56 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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some of those things take a long time to develope

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 13

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 6:38:09 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

Way back when I did that sort of thing, that would be my absolute hands down favorite kind of client, the one who would end up invited to parties and played with just for fun.

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 14

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 6:55:23 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Just to support MsSaskia, I've been a long time friend of hers, and I can verify that she lives by what's she says. I've never been a client of hers (never really needed to be) and frankly, sometimes I think getting into a professional relationship with her like that would put a "wonk" on both sides of the equasion. It would either fuck up our friendship, or it would seriously impede her in doing her thing...

I've been lucky enough to know several Pro-Dommes in the Denver area, and still count them as good friends. And what MsSaskia says about keeping boundries intact seems to be S.O.P. for all.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 15

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 7:08:22 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: solvr70

OK. I have no idea what kind of reactions I'm going to get from this one, but here goes.

As it has been a bit challenging to meet and get to know Women with more Domme interests (it's just tough to blurt out, and I have been burned trying to "ease" into the conversation), I have considered a Pro-Domme. However, I do wish to get to know Someone, actually like being around them (hopefully with some things in common) before the subject of any play/use even comes up.

That getting to know One, seems to be out of line with my understanding, or lack of understanding, of how professional Dominaion would work. Being able to talk and laugh with Someone before taking any sort of next step would seem to be important for B/both parties for B/both to be excited, and enjoy, the experiences.

I'm obviously not in-the-know on this at this point, so thoughts A/anybody?

I can't speak for others, but for myself it depends entirely on what sort of talks and for how long you mean.

On the pro side of things I'm more than willing to talk to someone for free on a just getting familiar with each other basis, but we won't ever speak of BDSM details. -Generalities, yes, but not specifics as this often turns into "giving the milk away for free". If a sub/slave just wants to be friendly so that they can see if they feel I'm a safe person to deal with and whatnot, then that's fine.

As a sub, you just have to remember we -both dominas both pro and non- get a lot of male subs that want to "get to know us better" but really are just angling for dirty talk and some are quite slick about their approach. So we're wary until someone has proved themselves a non-wanker.

But ultimately, what it comes down to for me, is that in your case, from the things you said in your OP, you aren't looking for a professional exchange with someone you feel comfortable with and trust... you sound like what you really want is to find friend who is a domina and then be able to session with her if/when you desire it.

While I'm happy to be helpful and friendly to a sub who is new to me (I mean, why wouldn't I unless they gave me a reason?), why would I volunteer to spend chunks of time for free with someone who may or may not ever decide to session with me? This is a business I'm running... that I love what I do makes it no less a business. Look at it this way: How many lawyers, therapists, personal trainers, etc are going to sit around chatting with you in person or on the phone for hours in case you may, one day, decide to pay them for their time? Meanwhile, those hours could've been devoted to othe clients, running errands, working on various business details, whatever.

Those I hang out with and devote my non-working hours to for free are my friends and/or personal submissives, outside of my pro-domination.

I think you'd do best to decide which you actually want and pursue it honestly from that direction. Look into seeing someone professionally and treating it as such or pursuing personal relationships with dominant females and seeing what happens naturally. A mix of the two *can* happen, but that tends to be because the domina in question decides she'd like it so...

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 16

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 9:54:17 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Just to support MsSaskia, I've been a long time friend of hers, and I can verify that she lives by what's she says. I've never been a client of hers (never really needed to be) and frankly, sometimes I think getting into a professional relationship with her like that would put a "wonk" on both sides of the equasion. It would either fuck up our friendship, or it would seriously impede her in doing her thing...

I've been lucky enough to know several Pro-Dommes in the Denver area, and still count them as good friends. And what MsSaskia says about keeping boundries intact seems to be S.O.P. for all.

There are people I've been friends with in the lifestyle scene for years that I could never imagine (or accept) as client. You're definitely one of them. When I've made friends with people in the lifestyle leather scene, it's because I admire them and feel it's mutual and I know I have a lot to learn from them. If one of them wants to play with me, I'm happy to consider it, but I also bear in mind whether I have the energy for it and would be able to really give them the type of scene they need. What ends up happening with friends of mine, especially those who are known as dominants or tops, that want to bottom to me is that we treat it as a therapeutic session, like a deep tissue massage, and keep our boundaries very clear that way. They understand that I don't have an endless amount of energy on tap to provide free sessions to all my scene friends so they don't ask frivolously, and I understand that they're only asking me because they know I'll respect their limits and take them where they need to go. They're always willing to reciprocate the energy in some way (just by being good friends and not in material ways), and they know I won't blow their cover as well-known dominants. It's always part of an ongoing friendship, though, and not something any of my close friends ever presume on. I love being able to give that to them now and then, though. Anytime you're ever in that boat, I'm happy to oblige. Not that you have a cover to blow, O Switch Extraordinaire!

Where were we? Schmooch! Nice to see you here!

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 17

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 10:13:20 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I'm thinkin' you're not looking in the right places to find Female Dominants...or your approach is less than appealing. Try getting out into your local community...even if than means an hour's drive. Might be worth it.

Master Fire

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(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 18

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/12/2007 10:29:06 PM

PassionateTulip

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline

I have considered becoming a Pro Domme for a while now, and I know of several people who are Pro. Many Pro Dommes have regular clients and have good standing relationships (friendly, rather than romantic, or otherwise) with them. I personally believe that friendship *can* enhance *some* of these types of situations and it is nice to get to know someone you will play with. Many Pro's however only see such things as a business transaction. It merely depends on the person. For example, I used to be a cashier in a store. I enjoyed helping customers because it helped me learn new things as well as allowed me to teach and guide. I got things out of it, and was able to have some regular customers who would come to me for assistance when they came by. I got paid by the hour, by my boss. It mattered not if I truly got involved in a situation or just pointed them to an isle and said "you should find what you need in there somewhere" but I gained from going further. Kind of a Do-what-you-love and Love-what-you-do thing. For myself, I could get to know a person online, over the phone, etc for example, and only charge for "play" or "preparation" time... still enjoying getting to know another human being for the sake of getting to know them.

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 19

RE: Pro-Dommes as friends first - 11/13/2007 1:40:05 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Do you hang out in garages feeling out mechanics to work on your car before you take the car in?
Do you check out the doctor's lounges at hospitals seeking out a doctor that you're going to see?
Come tax time, do you take 3 or 4 folks out from H&R Block to figure out who you click with before getting your taxes prepped?

Sorry, bad idea. Either you're going to take the plunge on the lifestyle side, go through the courting and dating and friend process then hook up for play, or you're going to research a professional, establish a connection through a phone interview or application process and move forward as she proscribes. Most established professionals working in a legitimate business will not "court you" to get your business. Either you want to pay for a session or you don't. PLEASE do not waste a businesswoman's time with this "wanting to be friends" stuff. Go to a munch and make friends.....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to solvr70)

Post #: 20

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