simplyserves
Posts: 22
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
Greetings, submissives:
I have a quick question.
I haven't been here all that long, but I have experienced, on a few occasions, instances where a submissive sent me an unsolicited message (making first contact), and then, after I replied, just disappeared without a trace.
Now, I can't believe that anything in particular about my response (no profanity or extreme language--and I am a reasonably skilled at writing the King's English) drove the submissives away screaming into the night...!
So, I don't understand. Why do some submissives do this?
And, do Dominants behave the same way?
Thanks to all!
Some people are flaky. Being online only exaggerates that problem. I don't think it quite explains it though.
A lot of people have deeper issues regarding D/s then might be apparent. For many asserting this side of themselves is difficult in ways they don't appreciate and most likely this is the case for the vast majority of us to some extent. Being able to disappear and sometimes exercising that ability is a way to control their environment while not inviting confrontation and having to deal directly with their motivations. Since you're new to the site what you may find and that it's even more frustrating, is sometimes they don't disappear but just have a sudden unexpected melt down for possibly the same reasons.
I don't really buy that it's just because they weren't interested or that they're too busy, as the convenient assumption would go. If they contacted you it shows at least passing interest, and it would be hard to imagine your reply to them changing their initial opinion so quickly. They may not respond because it's easier then confronting you or because their interest wasn't sincere. It may seem silly, especially if you're thinking that a simple "I'm not interested" would suffice, but this is why I prefaced this with the underlying passive aggression some people exhibit when dealing with D/s dynamics, especially online.
Of course, this shouldn't imply that they're wrong in assuming it would be difficult. Would a simple "I'm not interested" really suffice after you've spent your time replying to them? Wouldn't you expect more of a reason? So it might be that they don't have a good reason to give you. So that begs the question, why don't they?
The fish nibbling is a good analogy. They might contact you because the idea excites them but beyond that they haven't really thought it through so a bigger bite isn't on the menu or perhaps they've built a fantasy and your response didn't play into it. If their motivation was only some quick self gratification then returning the curtesy or a response has no meaning to them. In this case it would be your message that drove them away, because they were hoping for some profanity or cheap thrills. This of course can only result in a masturbatory thread of emails which may or may not interest you in the first place.
In either case it probably doesn't reflect negatively on you.
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