Why do submissives disappear??? (Full Version)

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Blaakmaan -> Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 4:47:48 PM)

Greetings, submissives:

I have a quick question.

I haven't been here all that long, but I have experienced, on a few occasions, instances where a submissive sent me an unsolicited message (making first contact), and then, after I replied, just disappeared without a trace.

Now, I can't believe that anything in particular about my response (no profanity or extreme language--and I am a reasonably skilled at writing the King's English) drove the submissives away screaming into the night...!

So, I don't understand.  Why do some submissives do this?

And, do Dominants behave the same way?

Thanks to all!



liminalRapture -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 4:52:22 PM)

Doms absolutely behave the same way!  I don't have a picture, so I don't get the kind of volume that other women get, but I think when you are inundated with requests and you are clear with what you are looking for, people move on when they don't find it.  (I try to send an e-mail saying "I'm not interested" with a nice reason--but at least half the time, people argue with you.  Someone who is 65 literally sent me 2 e-mails after I said "I'm looking for someone closer to my age."  It gets to the point where you don't want to send any explanation they could argue with.)



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 4:55:13 PM)

Why do fish nibble but not bite?



KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 4:55:28 PM)

Perhaps she got contacted by another and found her happily ever after?  Maybe something happened and has kept her away from the computer?  Ya never know...This kinda of thing happens quite more often than you think.  I myself, have only had a small handfull of Dominants contact me and then never have another word to say.  I dont dwell on it.  I just look past it, move on, and wish them well. 

Perhaps its for the best that they dont stick around?



IdiotMale -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 5:04:18 PM)

As it is in the vanilla world,so to is in the BDSM world.Both subs and doms/dommes sometimes just disappear. Sometimes people just lose interest or discover what they found wasn't what they thought it was...Such is life. I've done it, have had it done to me and I suspect most on here have disappeared at least once in their lives.You thought you wanted a piece of fruit,but at the last second decided on the chocoloate and rightly or  wrongly you never explained why to the fruit...shit happens.



loverly -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 5:10:30 PM)

hummmmmm i was wondering the same thing about Dominants just recently.... everything seems to be going along sooo good. Perfect! GREAT!!! ....... and then POOF! no where to be found.. no answering their phone calls... messages... then.. after a bit there they are again!! on collarme.. searching.. ONE thing is for sure.... Honesty and being open with one another surrrre seems to mean different things to different people... makes a girl go hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!  for me? its just a sure sign to be thankful that one.. the faker didnt get to me too bad and two.. the faker is gone out of my life! with little or no hassle.... or hurt.... thankgoodness i say!



sylkenkitten -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 5:16:59 PM)

..curiosity ... draws.. satisfaction sometimes.. kills.. I have no answer in all honesty.. sometimes you get messages that you simply will not respond to..and others you take the time to reply to with something more then one line... or 'hello' .. and in the end you receive nothing back..

I've actually experienced the 'everythings going great' then 'poof' in the real world a few times.. which made me perhaps even more .. hesitant.. here.. ~soft smile and shrug~ .. it's a sad fact of the online communication media... many feel they have no responsibilities when they are here... that common curtesies need not be extended... though I'll fully admit that if you send me a message that has webspeak in it, and because I've indicated in my profile I don't like it, that I won't bother responding, I figure the person didn't really bother reading my profile, they just are trying to either a)see if I'll cyber on cam or b)see if I'll meet them for a fuck ~laughs~



Shawn1066 -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 5:23:29 PM)

I get messages from needy Dom/mes(Yes, Doms too...even though my straightness is very declared) every few days.  Some claim that they just want to "chat" but then when they realize I'm owned(usually after I mention it) they vanish in th night. They're pathetic, and they annoy the crap out of me when it's VERY clear that I'm owned. If I mentioned my Owner any more in my profile, it'd be HER profile...

Well I guess it -is- technically her profile, but you get what I mean. :-p



WyckedIndulgence -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 5:53:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I haven't been here all that long, but I have experienced, on a few occasions, instances where a submissive sent me an unsolicited message (making first contact), and then, after I replied, just disappeared without a trace.

So, I don't understand.  Why do some submissives do this?

And, do Dominants behave the same way?

Thanks to all!


Consider yourself fortunate that it's happened early on and you didn't invest much time before they disappeared. I have found through personal experience when I fail to entice them with wanking fodder, refuse to view them on web cam or don't take them up on their most generous offer of a phone number to call before we've barely introduced ourselves, they quickly loose interest and move on in hopes of finding someone who will. Good for me because not a lot of time has been spent in getting to know these types before they vanish. 
It's rude behavior at best and speaks volumes of their character and integrity. Not someone I'd really want to know much less have in service to me.
 
By the same token, my profile is very clear on what I require before I will respond to initial contact. Those who fail to follow through with my request of a photo or have one in the profile are ignored and know when their email has been deleted w/out opening. Those who are genuinely interested will quickly follow up with said photo.
 
When the basic criteria has been met and I feel we are not a good match, common courtesy always prevails with a simple thanks but I'm not interested and a kind word as they continue their search. Many are pleasantly surprised and thankful for at least a reply.
 
 
~ Mz P



SimplyMichael -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 6:37:31 PM)

She saw my profile...



Celeste43 -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 7:28:54 PM)

They just didn't feel that click they were looking for. Or they are actually men pretending and their wives (or mothers) came into the room.

Does it matter? By doing so, you learn that they aren't the right one, and you go on learning and looking for someone better suited to you.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 9:36:58 PM)

Poof the majic dragon lived by the sea...~sorry ,this just had to be said~..[&:]..Tempting



MrSpectacular -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 9:52:50 PM)

That seems to be just the way it is around here - you think things are going well and you may possibly be making a connection - then it ends - sometimes for no explanation that seems logical - it is just the way it is. Move on and try to stay true to yourself



Aceton -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 10:06:24 PM)

Yes, dissapearing is an act that knows no social, religious, gender, or racial bounds. At any time, anyone online may suddenly dissapear. This is why the use of the collar has gained prevalence in BDSM society, and why the collar is often locked with a key or combination lock. Some wily subs have been known to slip less secure collars and run about the neighbourhood causing mayem.

Moral of the story: People are weird online. Wait until you can tie them up in person before getting too attached.



BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/12/2007 10:42:49 PM)

Some people have lives outside of the computer, working 40+ hours a week and haven't been able to login for way too long.

Also, if you were a female sub on here, getting contacted by hundreds of men, and you found the one you wanted and were packing your bags to go be with him -- wouldn't alerting all the people you're not going after be the LAST thing on your mind?



Blaakmaan -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 1:23:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why do fish nibble but not bite?


Interesting philosophical question.

I don't know.

But, are we fish?



Blaakmaan -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 1:29:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IdiotMale

As it is in the vanilla world,so to is in the BDSM world.Both subs and doms/dommes sometimes just disappear. Sometimes people just lose interest or discover what they found wasn't what they thought it was...Such is life. I've done it, have had it done to me and I suspect most on here have disappeared at least once in their lives.You thought you wanted a piece of fruit,but at the last second decided on the chocoloate and rightly or  wrongly you never explained why to the fruit...shit happens.


Actually, that's kind of my point...  Except, in the reverse!

I've been on personals sites in the vanilla world (Yahoo Personals, Black People Meet, etc.), and in my experience that doesn't happen on vanilla sites.  At least, not to this extent.

If this "phenomenon" was the same thing as happened on vanilla sites, I wouldn't be surprised by it.  I would have expected it.

But, in my experience, if  a woman contacts me on a vanilla site, and I respond in a moderately civilized and intelligent way (as I always do, of course!), she'll write back and continue the conversation.  Why else would she have bothered to contact me in the first place?

Here, though, it's something else...

Baffles me!



Blaakmaan -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 1:39:15 AM)

Well, I guess it only matters for two reasons.

First, even to the thicker-skinned amongst us, I think it's at least mildly hurtful.

Second, it matters because it makes everything around here feel so damned crazy!

If people appear, drop you a message, and then, after you've taken the time to respond to their message, disappear at the drop of a hat (or at the click of a mouse, whichever is faster), then how can you trust that anyone is going to remain long enough to justify investing some of your time and energy into getting to know them???

It's scary to think that you would actually put some of your "self" into getting to know someone, and then they just go "poof" into cyberspace!!!



Blaakmaan -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 1:41:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrainSlugs83

Some people have lives outside of the computer, working 40+ hours a week and haven't been able to login for way too long.

Also, if you were a female sub on here, getting contacted by hundreds of men, and you found the one you wanted and were packing your bags to go be with him -- wouldn't alerting all the people you're not going after be the LAST thing on your mind?


So many men, so little time...



Kellendra -> RE: Why do submissives disappear??? (11/13/2007 2:10:37 AM)

I have  a few friendships with Male Dom's that contacted me when i first joined  this site (was adamant friendship was all I was after) am still in regular contact with most of them. I guess people get busy with life or get bored...... or hit by a bus....who knows.
People have their reasons for what they do....and sometimes they are just bad mannered.
Cest la vive.

I wish you better luck in the future.



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