quote:

ORIGINAL: BringerOfTears

I am fairly well known here under another name and my posts generally elicit positive responses so I am not a fake/poser/wannabee but I want to ask a question anonymously.
 
SO, my question is how to Doms who are very talented/skilled/desirable look at casual/part time/secondary relationships?  Please, for the sake of the thread, forgive my arrogance and just assume for the sake of this discussion that the arrogance is justified.
 
How do you keep from having them fall for you?
 
I realize that if I am  open and honest about what I want it is their choice to enter into something HOWEVER, I know from experience that many will believe they can remain detached or accepting of being secondary but hearts get broken and feelings get hurt and I can’t enter into something if I think that might happen.
 
I have a specific reason for wanting a secondary/part time partner but I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, I don’t want drama, I just want some honest fun that doesn’t involve any possibility of a “real” future.
 
Thoughts?

[Mod Note:  font reduced]

quote:

ORIGINAL: BringerOfTears
 
How do you keep from having them fall for you?
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: BringerOfTears
 
How do you keep from having them fall for you?
 

You can't, of course. As others have said, you can reduce the odds, but there really are some things a dominant cannot control. (Gasp!)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

This is such an interesting post for me because it's like the other side of the echo....the other side of my need for commitment.
Reading through the posts I have been agreeing with things that others have said.
Particularly I recognized Stephann's thoughts:~ there's a bit of a double standard in the community that goes something like dominants may have as many partners to whatever degree of intimacy they want, while submissives are expected to be monogamous and utterly committed to their dominants (and expect that their dominant will not reciprocate.)~ I entirely recognise that as a submissive. Perhaps there is something in the submissive stance that digs into emotionality more so than in the dominant stance. As I switch I am able to see it from both sides. I am far more detached as a domme and am usually quite casual and detached with girls who want to submit to me. It feels like it goes with the territory but I do wonder if their emotions are becoming involved. I also picked dup on on Kana's point that: ~The problem is that BDSM interaction can provoke deep reaction between the two parties..~ I am still flashing back to my 'love affair' with a dom a month ago, I catch the scent of him in the air, remember the taste of him and the sting and the pain and I just wonder, just wonder if he felt connected to me in anywhere near that way. Then again relationships change over time and the changes happen in a more accelerated fashion in bdsm than in vanilla I think. I honestly believe that this is so and there fore to BossyShoeBitch I say I absolutely agree: chemistry is a very powerful thing. and chemistry I believe is always two sided. My life is a paradox and this is the paradox as far as I have insight into it at the moment. I am offended by others' casuality, (yes I do mean the term casuality) but and however I need it myself as to be otherwise has me feeling trapped. I need I suppose simultaneous commitments……… Whew, feel better, for having processed all that in the moment........
ed. to add and yes, MistressDolly, my life is ~emotionally mature and .......is occupied with obligations, responsibilities and other priorities~ but those still don't stop me from falling head over heels (like that a lot) on so many levels once a sadistic b'std has his gaze upon me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

Making it free and flowy as the OP describes. Or perhaps not. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

fast reply-
How to keep a submissive from falling for you?

If you want a girl to call you Fuckbuddy #5, you were born with the only piece of equipment you need....if you want her to call you Owner, you have you act like one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

fast reply-
How to keep a submissive from falling for you?

Be careful what you ask for- isn't part of the thrill of Domination being adored, respected, revered? It isn't called Cock SortaLike...its called Cock Worship. As I mentioned in another thread, it is the intense emotional communion and feelings that we crave. What is casual about the ownership of another person?

(Chapter 31...In Which O Adds Sir Stephan To Her Hot List)

The only community that has consistantly acheived what you describe is the Swing community- and they have a lot of elaborate rules about how to keep those safeguards in place. There are plenty of swingers in the BDSM world, who simply scene and spank and fuck in brief terrific erotic anonymous encounters.
But all pleasurable things come with costs- in the Swing parties, yes, you can fuck a girl with only a hello, and she will scream out in orgasm and not complain when you pull out, turn around and walk away without so much as a word- but just don't expect her to remember your name 20 minutes later when you run into her at the punchbowl....because you are, quite literally, a dildo- a fleshy penis-like device she used to get an orgasm.

(Don't get Me wrong- I don't mind being a dildo on occasion- I am, after all, a rutting pig of a Man....I just don't pretend it means anything more than a good rut)

If you want a girl to call you Fuckbuddy #5, you were born with the only piece of equipment you need....if you want her to call you Owner, you have you act like one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Yep.  To echo and add to a few thoughts, there's a bit of a double standard in the community that goes something like dominants may have as many partners to whatever degree of intimacy they want, while submissives are expected to be monogamous and utterly committed to their dominants (and expect that their dominant will not reciprocate.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

~FR~

there to have fun, and enhance both your and the other person(s) life. You can care for your part time partner but you should never allow yourself to fall in love with them or fantasize that you will ever be more then what you are. Whish is a little extra on the side once in a while. If you can't handle being in that position then you should never agree to it to begin with. Pretty simple if you ask me.