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RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 10:45:08 AM   
TheScrivener


Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		In the context of CollarMe, if you want to express interest in a Dominant without making first contact, I would suggest adding them to your favorites list.  As far as I can tell, you'll then show up on their admirer list, at which point they can view you (and hopefully, contact you) at their own speed.

I personally like being contacted, although I can't stand a two line message - a bait message, of sorts.  If you're going to contact me, "Hi there" isn't going to grab my attention.


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"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

- Bill Hicks


(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 12:39:33 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrSpectacular

Pursue or not to Pursue - is that the question
It does not matter either way - if one of the objectives is to meet someone -why wait around until someone contacts you - reminds me of being a teenager again with all of that angst and concern about whether someone likes me or not. Life is too short. Pursue what you desire.



Psssst! MrS. Would you tell Kana that I think he's cute and find out if he likes me? ~giggles~

(in reply to MrSpectacular)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 2:12:11 PM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Scott - I would assume you don't have ovaries

Imagine, once a month, someone decided to grab your balls and squeeze.  Hard.  For three days straight.  Sometimes to the point that you were unable to do anything but lie in bed with a cold damp towel over your face and a heating pad on your stomach (or nuts, rather).

Oh did I mention the blood part yet?  Yeah...I'm just going to skip that.  Suffice it to say that IF you aren't in agonizing pain over your balls being cramped, and decide you're even remotely in the mood to have sex...it's going to be a messy affair. 

And then you get to wash those bloody sheets while you're doubled over in pain from cramped testicles!  Doesn't that just sound swell.

Yeah my ovaries are a curse.  I hate the freaking things - they're irritating and tempestuous and have a serious attitude problem every 28 days or so.  I'd have a doctor take them out if I didn't need them in order to procreate.  Stupid ovaries.

*walks away muttering about stupid ovaries and how much I hate them*

Edited because apparantly my ovaries irritate me so much that "damp" came out as "damn"



xoxi....they make drugs for that.  Why are you suffering babe? 

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 2:43:21 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67
In your current relationship, who did most of the pursuing?

There really wasn't any "pursuit," per se.  He initiated contact with me here on CM and from the first day of chatting there were mutual feelings of admiration and interest...........luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to shootingstar67)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 6:24:06 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		xoxi - lol, exactly what I meant. I didn't mean it as something offensive against women - but an understanding of how rough it is to be one in so many ways. All I was trying to say is - imho, a good man goes after a good woman and spares her the pain of having to go after him. I know some men don't like it, but I really think it's even more uncomfy for a woman to - and even if it wasn't, it's a lovely gesture that a man likes a lady enough to try to win her affections. =)

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 6:26:44 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		PS, I don't not cut mine out for procreation reasons, xoxi, (not interested in that) but if I did, their absence would be as much as a curse for the further hormonal craziness THAT would cause. Poor ladies. Give us a break and hand us a rose or give us a compliment, men, please? :P

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 6:49:23 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

I have always been told that women should not pursue men because men like to persue women. And that if they were interested enough, the man would do the persuing and if not, you could end up just being used for convinence.


I grew up in a household where I was taught that men do the pursuing and the women do the 'getting caught'.  Of course, I was also growing up in a time where women were being taught that they could...indeed...pursue.  Made for some interesting juxtaposition of thought.  When I first came into D/s, I was told that it was up to the dominant to do the pursuing and that the submissive never pursued but showed her interest only after the dominant showed his.  Like the vanilla world though, that has shown itself to not always be true.  I have had submissives pursue me and, just as I learned in the vanilla world, there was nothing askew with them.

quote:

Then there are people you are really interested in who accept your pursuing them, they respond to it and react in a way that keeps you(me) chasing after them. You almost can't help but chase but  deep down you are wondering if you are doing the right thing-if they are not secretly annoyed or uncomfortable or worse....you just end up being used.

I know this is not only a D/s issue but a vanilla one as well. But I wonder these things. I know many here have found what they are seeking and I enjoy their opinions on things like this.

Should the eager (sometimes overeager) to please submissive pursue the (potentially) exploitive, limits pushing,  dom? Or should the submissive wait to be the one pursued?

In your current relationship, who did most of the pursuing?


I think the submissive should do what is most comfortable for her just as I think the dominant should do what is most comfortable for them.  Holding back can keep you from having a relationship with someone you are really interested in but let's face it...for the submissive, there is a chance she will be rejected by a dominant turned off by a submissive doing the pursuit.  For the dominant, there is the chance that this submissive is not interested in his pursuit.  You roll the dice and "ya takes your chances".

Personally, I have usually been the one who has done the pursuing.  I like to know fairly soon though that the object of my pursuit and interest is glad that I did pursue them...it is a nice thing to know.  And yes, I admit to having enough of an ego that it is flattered when I have been pursued by a submissive.

(in reply to shootingstar67)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: When not to pursue - 11/14/2007 7:33:26 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

PS, I don't not cut mine out for procreation reasons, xoxi, (not interested in that) but if I did, their absence would be as much as a curse for the further hormonal craziness THAT would cause. Poor ladies. Give us a break and hand us a rose or give us a compliment, men, please? :P


Amen to that.  When my mom had her hysterectomy I thought the poor woman was going to curl up and die.  I have reeeeeeeeeeally bad menses and my main option to alleviate them (besides OTC pain pills) is to get on birth control.  I've always thought that was kind of sketchy...I'll do it in a monogamous relationship but I really don't like the idea of taking hormones to mess with my body like that.  It is rare, but it *can* cause sterility, and my doctor told me it's highly possible one of my ovaries doesn't work to begin with.

And oh my god there is something just so sweet about a man bringing flowers on a date.  Even sweeter when he brings ice cream

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: When not to pursue - 11/15/2007 8:16:36 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why is it a pain for a woman to come after a man? What happened to  womans equality?  Stop with the  poor little women crap. If your here your supposed to be an adult. If you want the same status as someone else act like it.  

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: When not to pursue - 11/15/2007 10:07:23 AM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		I am not a feminist and I do not appreciate being treated like one any more than a feminist appreciates being treated like a 50's housewife.

Please do not make the assumption that any human with an XX chromosome pair is a feminist.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: When not to pursue - 11/15/2007 12:21:06 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I am not a feminist and I do not appreciate being treated like one any more than a feminist appreciates being treated like a 50's housewife.

Please do not make the assumption that any human with an XX chromosome pair is a feminist.




Whoa. Statements like that just send chills up this old lady's spine.   




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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 71
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