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ORIGINAL: MystressDream

I agree that service is anything that makes my life easier.  Whether that is domestic service (cleaning, yardwork, cooking, etc.), personal service (running my bath, giving me massages, etc.), sexual service (kind of self explanatory, but not "sexual worship"), or financial service (working an outside job to help pay the living expenses in a 24/7 live-in relationship).
 
Service, to me, doesn't include any BDSM at all.  That is a seperate thing, IMO. 
 
I have met service oriented submissives who get all of their pleasure just by performing the services mentioned above.  They are not masochists, and are not into the BDSM activities at all.

I have heard of the "service subs" of which you speak.  I greatly enjoy serving my Mistress in many different ways and some might consider me a "service sub" because it's an important part of the D/s dynamic for me.  Yet, a full relationship that goes beyond just service is also essential to me.  I couldn't serve just anyone, only a woman who was my loving Mistress. 

I tend to stop and help those who are in need whenever I can (like those who've run out of gas or are stranded without water in the wilderness); that's simply part of my nature.  But I'm also not one who'd volunteer (or beg for that matter) to cut a woman's grass I barely know and receive satisfaction or pleasure from hearing her praise me for a job well done.  I guess to each their own.

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ORIGINAL: MsSaskia

I'm constantly getting calls and emails from people who insist they just want to serve me and make me happy.  I ask them what they're good at, and they say they like golden showers and being tied up and getting crossdressed.  I ask them how they figure that's serving me, and they respond that they'd let me do whatever I want do to to them:  I can pee on them any way I want to if they're into GS, or I can use any kind of rope I want if they're into bondage or I can put them in any number of outfits if they're crossdressers.  Gosh?  All that just for ME?  Are you sure?  Give me a minute to clear my schedule for you!

There's the person who wants to serve me and make me happy to my heart's content with truly devoted oral worship, but it has to be Tuesday at 2:45pm and he has to be out of there at 3:15 and he can't have marks because of the wife and it can't be a professional session because dammit, it has to mean something!  He's a serious guy wanting a serious, one-time-only relationship! How dare I cheapen it with talk of filthy lucre?  ::cough::

The ones that are slightly more clued in will say they want to clean house for me.  Do they have any cleaning training or experience?  Well, NO, but they're willing to let me beat them if they mess up while I'm teaching them, and they're willing to be all dressed up (or naked or whatever) while they're making life easier for me and making my environs sparkle.  After they prance around with a feather duster, menacing everything within a 3-foot range, I can punish them with a spanking that'll make their fanny cheeks all pink, like a virgin's blush.  Not too much, though.  They'll let me know when enough's enough with the punishing.

And then there are the ones who have a bit more experience and want to be a live-in and not have to work outside the home and they'll keep it spotless and orderly and tidy and all my shoes will shine and all the buttplugs will be sterilized and then maybe I can help them get their final surgery because they want to give up their manhood JUST FOR ME and and and.  No thanks.  I'm not here to be anybody's sugar mama.

Every thousand or so contacts will turn up someone who understands that service does not mean the dominant giving the submissive everything they ever dreamed of right away.  They get that a Ds service relationship is not a zipless fuck (a la "Fear of Flying") and that a valuable service submissive has to be available on a continuing, regular basis, have a skills set that they are prepared to add to, and do not expect to be handed the keys to the kingdom and allowed unsupervised run of the dominant's personal property and space and documents and sometimes family, just because they get really horny when they think about scrubbing a floor with a mop with a dildo handle while Fetish Barbie stands over them and gives them a verbal handjob. 

Goodness, I seem bitter.  Maybe because I've had at least a couple of "please please please give me the opportunity to serve you I promise you won't be sorry" types a chance and they've used it to damage my property, destroy my landscaping, leave full plates of food in top shelves of the cabinets for me to find a week later by following my nose, or nastily letting it "slip" after the fact that while they were upstairs supposedly cleaning the bathroom, they actually snuck into my bedroom and went through my dirty clothes and all my drawers to sniff and paw all my underwear.  "I've been bad, Mistress, so you should punish me.  I suggest some paddling first, then a caning, and then you should finish off with the strapon."  Ixnay on the alkers-stay. 

I'd dearly love to have a service slave that can competently manage a household day to day, help plan and coordinate a dinner party, keep track of things that need doing on, say, a quarterly basis, know precisely how I like my tea and how I like my sweaters hung up or folded and that if I say I have a cravings for Popeyes and Dairy Queen within an hour of each other, move quickly and duck often.  Competence is great, excellence is rewarded to the best of my ability. 

I have some lovely part-time service slaves that do a great job when they've got the time, like coming by to clean cat boxes or rake the yard or give me a pedicure or a massage, but I'd really love someday to have one or two live-ins that can do more for me on a daily basis.  I think I'm ready for some deep-down spoiling. 

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ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I know I'm not a "male sub" however I posted on this not too terribly long ago...here's the link

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1362053/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1362053

As a boi who serves a Pro...I don't think of the clients as "serving"..."sserving" is not some guy asking to get buttfucked...it's asking to do the dishes. service is done for the Domme's pleasure...entertainment...well being...not mine. It's not what I want when I want it cuz I'm not the one issuing the orders...She is. And it's what She wants the way She wants it when She wants it.

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ORIGINAL: MystressDream
Damn, Saskia...... Have you been reading my mail??   LOL
 
Try finding the whole package out there... a friend, companion, lover and slave all in one.  Someone who wants to serve and please, but will also enjoy the vanilla aspects of our life. 
 
I love the one "houseboy" who was offering services to the Dommes in the Denver area.  He would show up, dress up in his maid outfit, wipe out the microwave and then ask for his spanking to reward him for all his "hard work".  LOL

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ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1

Saskia,

Perfectly stated!!!!!! 

I've been talking to a newbie "submissive" and I place the submissive in quotation marks because, that is what he pictures himself to be. Oh he is so pleading to become My submissive.  Here are some of the comments he's made, "i'll serve you in any way I can because isn't it about serving you to the end means of sex?", "If you don't get anything sexual out of it then what's in it for You as a Mistress?"  "i don't know what i'm into but i want You to try it all with You after i serve You."  When I asked what serving is to him and his understanding of it, he said that, "well whatever My Mistress wants me to do to "get Her off". 

There are more but I think everyone gets My point.  I've tried pointing it out to him that My impression of him is---he wants the sexual kink and possibly to be someone's sex slave at best.  he on the other hand "knows" he's submissive in nature and deed, in all areas. 

he told Me about a lady friend he was cutting the grass for and he did so because he was, sexually attracted to her and she "wasn't giving him any" so he thought if did things for her, "she might give it up".  He also went on to tell Me that most men do what they do for women so they can get "it".  How pathetic is that? 

True he's a "newbie" and is learning about the lifestyle (by reading books and things written on the internet) but his behavior and comments are deplorable to Me. My reasons for continuting to interact with him are purely self centered.  I want to test the waters, put him through My paces.  Maybe that way he can see for himself what he is or is not.  It will save another FemDomme the time and effort and he can go straight to his source to have his true needs met, specifically.

I suggested he seek the services of a ProDomme because what I see in him is the need to have his specific fetish curiosities met.  he was against that because he wants a "true D/s relationship" with someone he can care for."  his quote not mine Ladies...

This post explains it!  I'm cutting and pasting it and sending it to him along with the instructions to read it and then give Me a written report about what it's saying and what if any impact its had on him when it comes to understanding himself and what "serving is" and is not.

Excellent!!!!!!!

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ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
I suggested he seek the services of a ProDomme because what I see in him is the need to have his specific fetish curiosities met.  he was against that because he wants a "true D/s relationship" with someone he can care for."  his quote not mine Ladies...

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ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I swear I just broke a rib laughing at this post.  It's the honest to goodness truth; I've experienced much of this "service" firsthand.  At this stage in my life, I'd rather pay the bonded, professional cleaning service my hard-earned dollars to really do work rather than rely upon some wanker to bugger up my place under the guise of wanting to please me.  Is that the "acceptance" stage? LOL

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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Just thought I'd comment on this long post about the bad service submissives you've experienced. The reason I'm commenting is because I think I come from the opposite direction and it often leaves me wondering.

Recently, I was given the opportunity to be a houseboy for a well known dominant. She and I knew each other for a very long time, so this seemed sort of natural. She kept telling me she was having such trouble finding people who cleaned well. There were the usual complaints about submissives really only showing up to get their fantasies rocked, and that was pretty much it. So, I showed up, and I spent pretty much all day cleaning various areas of the house that she and her female partner desired to be cleaned. I was meticulous, making sure to get everything that needed to be done and to do it right so that she would have no reason to complain. When the day was over, we parted ways, and it appeared that everything was fine.

She then told me that she wouldn't be needing me any further because while I cleaned really well, I took too long. I stated why I took extra long, as quality had been her previous complaint, and I was trying to make sure she got the service she desired. She was convinced that I was probably just too slow and decided not to pursue the houseboy thing any further.

Since then, she's contacted me a few times, indicating how I might be of service to her in other ways, but whenever we communicate directly, she then indicates she's really busy or just gives one word responses to conversations. Finally, I just gave up.

The point is: There are some of us who really try to compensate to be what the dominant desires, but even when we do, we're treated as if we're part of the problem, and then discarded as if we really weren't up to speed on what needed to be done.

So, while I know any number of people can criticize me for whatever reasons, I put forth that this is why I tend to be apprehensive about even trying to do this sort of activity. I've NEVER gone into a relationship of this nature trying to fulfill ulterior motives. But that doesn't really seem to matter. It's like there are so many women in this scene that are more desirous of finding fault than in actually finding success. And some of us really do sincerely try.

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ORIGINAL: MsSaskia



I'm sorry you had such a frustrating experience.  It sounds like you got some very mixed signals from her for awhile.  I hope you've had more positive experiences since then.