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RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 3:17:33 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship? If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently? i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world people just couldn't handle it.

There are a few close friends who know i am submissive to my "Partner". That's all they know. They don't ask, i don't volunteer.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 21

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 3:52:27 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship? If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently? i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world people just couldn't handle it.

Not currently in a relationship, but i'm 'out' to my vanilla girlfriends, including my best friend, and they are all aghast and fascinated and want the latest on my dating life, lmao. i suspect that some of them at least envy me my bravery in entering the world of D/s and secrectly wish they could too. Others seem fixated on the extremes of s and m, which i don't do, and i cannot seem to convince them this is not what i'm after.

i love my girlfriends........they are the Bomb.

pinksugarsub

_____________________________

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 22

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 4:19:28 PM

gorgeous1

Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

Absolutely nobody on my side of the family knows, nor do we have any intention of telling them. Many of our friends from college days know. They used to tease us- they couldn't understand how we had no problem with toys and bondage, yet refused to play strip poker or skinny dip in the pool with them! We're both pretty selfish- we don't want to share each other. My hubbie's dad and his sister know- by accident. When his dad was helping us move, my hubbie had forgotten to untie the ropes that were around the legs of the bed. When his dad saw them, there was no way to explain his way out of it, so my husband said HE did the tying up, not the other way around. His dad chuckled and said, "Way to go son." Ugh, how embarrassing! His sister knows because hubbie didn't realize that his Amazon book wishlist was open to public view. His sister was thankfully cool, and tactfully let me know everyone could see the wishlist. We immediately removed it from public view. She sent us one of the books on the list for Christmas. I guess that was her way of telling us she was OK with it.

Now that hubbie and I are older and wiser, I don't care to let my vanilla friends know what I'm into behind closed doors, and I don't want to know what my friends do behind closed doors. If I feel the need to discuss something, I much prefer to talk to strangers on the internet. Once you have a family, ya gotta keep it all on the down and low, ya know?

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 23

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 5:03:16 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I don't think anyone knows what I've done or what I crave. I figure it's my business what I do behind closed doors, so I don't know what I'd do if anyone ever asked.

Les (Illegitimate son of Johnny Cash and Betty Page)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to gorgeous1)

Post #: 24

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 6:52:41 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

My UM and my sister know. I'm pretty sure my mom knows but it's not the sort of thing she would ever bring up in conversation, so I certainly don't either!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 25

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 6:53:22 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

I suspect my dad knows, I have accidently dropped hints that I wasn't unfamiliar with BDSM concepts. and the last couple of times I have told him I was going to a party, I would see him be tempted to ask what kind of party. The little he has said has led me to think as long as he doesn't actually know, the better he is. I think my mom would be more or less ok with it, though she would worry about the more depraved sort. lol. My brothers wouldn't want to know. ever. A few cousins (the ones around my age.) would be cool with it.) Aunts and uncles..............hard to say.

My friends outside of the lifestyle, both of them know and think I am nuts, but as long as I am happy....................

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 26

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 8:32:15 PM

Sirsinini

Posts: 172
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship? If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently? i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world people just couldn't handle it.

My boss today told me that I shouldnt let the recruiters walk on me, that I should stand up for my beliefs, that way they learn my position as clinical superviser.
Ican seperate "vanilla / lifestyle" from who I am as a submissive. Neither can my Sir.
If what you want to tell your family is that you are sexually submissive to a controlling man, then they will watch out for any abuse. Live your life. Dont be concerned about others.

When with family, I still defer to Sir, if its something that both of us are needing to consider. If not I speak for myself.

I dont think who we are with should matter to anyone.

Be proud of who you are, not just a submissive. But then, JMHO

Sir's property

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 27

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 9:22:13 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

everyone close to me knows.. the ones that didn't take it well are no longer in my world..it happens. The only one I haven't had an explicit conversation about it with is my Dad, but he knows. We don't hide our literature when he comes to visit, nor our dynamic..much anyways..

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 28

RE: vanilla world - 11/14/2007 9:26:10 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Unfortunatly, it can and does sometimes matter to other people, so one does have to use discretion about who they tell and who knows. People have lost jobs families and kids over doing kinky things, and it can be used against you in many ways.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirsinini

I dont think who we are with should matter to anyone.

Sir's property

(in reply to Sirsinini)

Post #: 29

RE: vanilla world - 11/15/2007 9:41:18 AM

gorgeous1

Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

I agree YourhandMyAss. And before I elaborate, I agree wholeheartedly with your signature, so I'm speaking only for myself here. I think how much you disclose to the vanilla people in your life depends on what you stand to potentially lose if your lifestyle "secret" gets into the wrong hands. Most of the world sees what we do as "deviant". I don't think what my husband and I do behind closed doors is deviant in the least. It's fun, it's beautiful, we both enjoy it, and it's not hurting anyone (except me

) and it doesn't interfere with my family life or how I function out there in the vanilla world. I feel 100% there's nothing wrong with what I do, but I am NOT willing to drag that debate out into the vanilla world. When you have UMs, you just can't go out there and make a speech about what you did last night to the PTA, now can you?

About 5 years ago, hubbie and I attended several munches, and it was really uncomfortable asking my parents to babysit because we were "going out to lunch with some friends". We got asked which friends? How was lunch? It was weird, and we had to kinda tell a few lies. I didn't like that. I suppose for some people who go to play parties and such who have to ask for babysitting might feel the same way too. I'm sure even people without UMs might feel like they're living a double life when they are asked at the office "so what did you do this weekend?" and you have to say, "oh, not much" while in your head, you're thinking, "oh, I went to this totally wicked workshop on rope bondage," but in my opinion, most people just really don't want to know, no matter how bad you want to tell them. Our sex lives are far more complex than most people's, and yes, it does permeate much of our mundane lives (work, school, etc.,) but bottom line is, it's our sex lives, and therefore one must use discretion.

And that's just my opinion. Take it or leave it, no offense to anyone was intended.

And, oh, by the way, I must disclose one little thing...I DO wear my collar in public. It's a thick sterling silver chain with a padlock. I LOVE how all the vanilla women compliment it. When you're wearing jewelry from Tiffany & Co., you can get away with it!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 30

RE: vanilla world - 11/15/2007 11:10:13 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

My sprogs all know that my relationship with M is a D/s one. My mother also knows and my sister has a D/s relationship, too, as it happens. They all know that it incorporates bdsm also, and it holds no shock value.

No-one was *told*. They just know, in the way they know anything about me and my life; interest and observation. Not one of them has ever spoken about it with anything but mild interest. It's not a big deal, it never has been a big deal and never will be a big deal. We're all interested in each other, my relationship is no more interesting than any of theirs.

I admit that I don't share your enthusiasm to share it with the world anymore than I would have been enthused about *sharing*my relationship with my husband as a *wife*. It's just how things are.....it's a *way of relating, like many other interesting ways of relating.

I admit that I don't really understand your comment *proud of my submission and want to share it with the world* . I don't see it as something to be *proud* of, like some sort of achievement.

The things that tend to make the sprogs open-mouthed and ask probing questions, is when they see adults behaving irrationally, cruelly, unreasonably, spitefully, with lack of respect and with intolerance. Basically, D/s and bdsm is of passing interest.

agirl

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 31

RE: vanilla world - 11/16/2007 11:33:42 PM

hisdevotedtoy

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

i thought the same too, and as such have searched for fellow 'slave' friends with no real luck... one day i simply got tired of hiding my slave self to my best friend... and she handled it beautifully, i feel so good that i shared it with her... i even opened her eyes to more things sexually with her husband. Although, she wouldn't try some of the stuff i do, she has found a side of her she didn't know existed, and her husband is quite thankful to me for it.

Overall, i am glad i shared, i was quite tired of referring to Master by His real name to her... and making up stories about why i had to get off of the phone so early. i am free to be me, she loves it, and respects it.

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 32

RE: vanilla world - 11/16/2007 11:49:11 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

does anyone from your vanilla world know that you are in a D/s relationship?

Yup.

quote:

If they do how did they take it? Do they treat you diferently?

No, because they already knew how counterculture I can be.

quote:

i'm proud of my submission and want to share it with the world. but my vanilla world people just couldn't handle it.

Do what's right for you. I don't hide who I am. By the same token, my parents are in their 60's and of a mindset from an entirely different era. Why try to impose my views on them?

All the best.

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 33

RE: vanilla world - 11/16/2007 11:57:04 PM

sweetcreeangel

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

alot of the people in my vanilla world know that i live the D/s lifestyle my mother i find the most comical when it comes to talking to her about it for she refuses to believe that i am a submissive instead of a Dominant (maternal pride or something like that *grins*)i was shocked that my brothers had figured it out for themselves before i told them they took me liking girls alot worse *giggles*
but all in all i have a loving supportive family and i wouldnt change that for the world if you want to be "outed"( for lack of a better word)then do so,for no one person should have the right to say what another person should be rember two things
1) one god can judge
2) if they dont like it fuck them........lol
hope this helps
sweetcree

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 34

RE: vanilla world - 11/17/2007 5:40:18 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

My sister knows, because she found my website.

A few friends do. I don't advertise it, but basically ... if anyone gets close enough to me that we have a conversation about our sex lives, then they get told. So far most everyone has been cool with it, but then, I live in California.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

Post #: 35

RE: vanilla world - 11/17/2007 11:47:09 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

A lot of people know. It's not that hard to figure out ( I wear a heavy chain with a lock on it that says PROPERTY OF M). It is going to become more obvious soon, I think. Milady has begun going out with a new guy. While she has cuckold dated in the past, this time the guy is closer to her geographically, racially, and age wise. They have, and they likely will in the future, be running into lots of people that we know. At the very least, they will think she is cheating on me.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 36

RE: vanilla world - 11/17/2007 12:05:59 PM

Mlicious

Posts: 75
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

And the idea that people will think that is very disconcerting. I will, of course, have to address that more fully.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

A lot of people know. It's not that hard to figure out ( I wear a heavy chain with a lock on it that says PROPERTY OF M). It is going to become more obvious soon, I think. Milady has begun going out with a new guy. While she has cuckold dated in the past, this time the guy is closer to her geographically, racially, and age wise. They have, and they likely will in the future, be running into lots of people that we know. At the very least, they will think she is cheating on me.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 37

RE: vanilla world - 11/17/2007 1:44:27 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Very few of my friends know i'm in this lifestyle, and nothing has changed between us. But there are other's that i would not tell.

(in reply to southernhart)

Post #: 38

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