Disappearing--with a reason or without?

Disappearing--with a reason or without? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

liminalRapture -> Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 8:26:31 PM)
I try to answer nearly every e-mail (although rarely repeat e-mails from someone I've told I'm not interested) and I try to always be gracious. If it is just an e-mail, I don't fret. However, if I've e-mailed someone enough that we progress to a phone call, and it is very clear from the phone call that I'm not attracted to him, would you rather have a reason or not? What if the reason isn't very kind? (I'm rarely attracted to slow talkers or heavy accents. I know how shallow it is. I've even dated men to try and get over it, but I don't. Chemistry isn't always logical and but it is real.) So, would you rather be told why, or just wonder? Or a white lie? What is your preference?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 8:29:39 PM)
How about "this just doesn't feel right for me right now"?

MissMagnolia -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 8:48:12 PM)
Agreed. Few people would understand someone saying "No, I am not turned on by heavy accents/slow speech/whatever", but a kind "It just doesn't feel right, but I do wish you all the best" get's the point across. The person might still feel confused/hurt/angry, but won't be thinking that maybe you'll change their mind if they keep bugging you. Although they may do that anyway!!

lauren0221 -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 9:18:39 PM)
In that situation, I try to be polite and kind, without giving false hope. No reason to hurt someone's feelings unecessarily after all.

MrSpectacular -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 9:22:55 PM)
Actually I appreciate the nice let down - but it is sometimes refreshing to be 100% told the truth - it does hurt sometimes - but maybe before we progress to a phone call I could warn you about my strong accent

juliaoceania -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 9:28:17 PM)
I am not attracted to men that talk in a Southern accent most of the time, not always, but a lot of the time I am not attracted to that accent (there has been a couple of exceptions to that though). I do not think it is necessary to tell someone the reason you are not attracted to them, what point would it serve?

Kana -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 9:30:20 PM)
I prefer the truth. It leaves no questions behind and doesn't carry that trace of false hopes that the nice let down sometimes can let linger. Does it hurt, sure, a bit. But I'm a grown man, I've been hurt before, I will be again. No big deal. It doesn't have to be mean, it can even be somewhat along the lines of what LA said, but at least be straightforward with me. That not much to ask I think.

secretagentgirl -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 9:33:11 PM)
I feel that most of the things that I (and most people) dislike about someone are so subjective, there isn't much point in pointing it out. It just serves to make the person paranoid, when in reality, other women might find that trait desirable (any women out there who love slow-talkers?)

pinksugarsub -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 11:19:56 PM)
On a side note: i love slow talkers and Men with accents of any sort. When i have decided i no longer want further contact with a Dom or Master, i have handled it in a variety of ways. With overly-aggressive Men i tend to simply disappear, because i hate drama. With the more rational, i simply tell them by email that i cannot move forward because of some barrier between U/us. pinksugarsub

ThomasMore -> The vanishing acts. (11/13/2007 11:26:05 PM)
Usually, "Welcome to Dumpsville...population: YOU" does wonders.

erebus -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/13/2007 11:27:19 PM)
Personally, I think it is kinder to just break it off as suggested above. To say a person is too old, too bald, too ugly etc. can be quite hurtful. That doesn't stop some sadistic and cruel people (gosh, you just aren't bright enough for me, or your ass is just too big, how can you stand it yourself?). How can someone benefit by being told, ' you are unattractive because you talk too slow'? (Yeah, that is pretty shallow). Or, why don't you learn to not have an accent, for god's sake? What's wrong with you anyway? Just my opinion.

MystressDream -> RE: The vanishing acts. (11/13/2007 11:59:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThomasMore Usually, "Welcome to Dumpsville...population: YOU" does wonders. *ROFL.... Oh my.... That is so rude... but so damn funny!!!* The "disappearing" happens more times than we care to count... to all of us. I agree, I would MUCH rather hear "I just don't think this will work for me", or "I'm just not ready to take this step"... then have them just disappear. *Accents?? OMG... I love accents! Also, keep in mind... if the person you are talking to has a strong accent, then so do you!*

CalgaryDom -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 4:01:30 PM)
An honest, kind answer would be, 'You're quite nice and I like you, but just I don't feel the chemistry that I need to feel in order to remain involved with you in such an intimate way.'

LadyLynx -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 4:30:07 PM)
everyone has an accent. I admit certain accents do annoy me,(namely if they are difficult to understand.) A Dom I had talked to for a while had the sexiest Georgian accent. like butta. people have said that sometimes I talk with an accent. Usually I do try to be polite and say something like"I am not interested right now" though if they press me, I will tell them why, as tactfully as I can. And I prefer a person to be honest with me, though not to the point of being hurtful. Does it suck? sure! but I am a big girl. If I couldn't handle rejection, I have no business in having relationships.

DrkJourney -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 4:37:24 PM)
I wouldn't make it hurtful...but do indeed say "something" I hate those that just disappear. I mean it's the internet, it's not like I'm "in love" (some actually have that ego) but it's frustrating to keep writing and they just ignore you. I would like to move on too :>

Stephann -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 5:36:53 PM)
I always prefer at least a decent portion sized helping of the truth. I'd rather know what I need to work on. On the flip side, I know not everyone has the strength or will to benefit from it; I tell someone why I'm breaking contact usually, so long as I think they can handle it. Stephan

CelticPrince -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 5:47:46 PM)
To always be straight up is the way to go. CP

Vanatru -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 6:28:59 PM)
wow! a NEW YORKER that is worried about being seen as blunt and opininated? say it isn't so! I'll have to tell wisty about this one and mark it as a first. grin

Celeste43 -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 7:24:42 PM)
I wouldn't go into details. You may detest a slow drawl but the next one may melt into a puddle at that. Just "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the connection I need to go any further".

ownedgirlie -> RE: Disappearing--with a reason or without? (11/15/2007 7:41:10 PM)
What LA and Celeste said. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people just poof - disappear without a word. It's one of the rudest forms of rejection I can think of, conveying, in my opinion, either "You're not even worth my effort to say goodbye to" or "I don't know how to deal with others affectively so I'm just going to slink off and leave you hanging." Neither message is very positive. There's nothing wrong with saying something kind and moving on. I'd rather leave good ripples than bad ones.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.711914E-02