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Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 8:35:05 AM

amethystrain

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: AL
Status: offline

I'm a 22 year old virgin. I'm also submissive, but other than online, I'm an inexperienced submissive. I guess my question is along the lines of "how bad is this?"

I get mixed replies whenever I tell someone online that I'm completely virgin. Some think it's the hottest thing they've heard and they can't wait to "break me in." While others tell me that I can't possibly know that I'm submissive unless I've been in a physical relationship. The former doesn't bother me cause I just dismiss them. The latter bothers me a lot. It took me a long while to come to terms that I'm submissive and now I have people telling me that I have no business saying I am.

Granted all of this is heard from online chats, but once I've heard the same more than 3 times, I got more and more upset. I've been told that I need to have a vanilla relationship first and then find my Master. But I don't want to. I want the whole romantic all-in-one Master/boyfriend, whatever. I mean, why would I waste my time, energy and emotion in a physical relationship unless it satisfies my need for a Dominant?

I don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for. I guess I'd like reassurance that I'm not a freak for still being a virgin and that I still have hope for a "normal" (lol) D/s relationship.

Thanks for letting me rant.

~AmethystRain

Post #: 1

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 8:47:44 AM

gentlesurrender

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Hi amethystrain

please ignore what others think they understand of you, only you know you that well.

my first time chatting 4 years ago in an americal submissives curiousity room i had many tell me that i was way to strong, way too organised, way to dominant in my life to ever be a submissive. In the end i put in the room 'How on earth do i understand this need, want, desire inside me, why has it brought me here if it doesnt want to be free.'
One man came through to me and we talked by the end of the conversation i was for want of any betters words, on my knees mentally. He told me to stay with things and take my journey further. I am glad i listened to him, glad the desire in me wanted to cry out for satisfaction and didnt listen to those who told me otherwise.

the journey isnt smooth running and straight, i have learnt in the last four years just how diverse the community is, there are good play partners, there are good doms, there are good Masters, but within each realm there are also bad partners too.

It isnt a freak being a virgin, i think one day when you find the right man, you will have a truly wonderful gift to give him.

take care though and make sure you give that gift wisely

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 2

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 9:03:58 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I agree with you. I don't think you have to have intercourse to be a submissive. I think sex can be a wonderful tool in a BDSM relationship, but it's not the whole ball of wax.
I think you should remember your virgin status will attract lots of guys who will tell you anything. Just be yourself, date in confidence of your submissive self, and when the time is right for sex you'll feel it in your heart. Don't let others judging you concern you. It's OK people have their own opinions, it does not have to be your opinion of yourself. You can be anything you choose to be in life as long as you follow your dreams.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 3

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 9:07:58 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

We're collaring a girl that is very close to being a virgin. There is certainly nothing wrong with being a virgin. If someone can't respect your personal choices then they're probably not the right person for you.

I will tell you that it does present certain challenges. Being a novice submissive can be very overwhleming and it adds another aspect that can also be very overwhelming. So, I would suggest that you find someone that is willing to move at your pace.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to gentlesurrender)

Post #: 4

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 9:47:08 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Being a virgin and comfortable with it IS somewhat freakish...it's also just who you are.

For every person who says you rock, there will be 10 people saying you have no idea what you are saying.

Just explore and be yourself, do what works best for you, use good sense and enjoy yourself. That's the only way it works in the end.

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 5

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 10:39:54 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

My first authority transfer relationship happened before I had intercourse, and before I was ready to. I got invovled in that relationship when I was 18ish, and was upfront with my partners that I wasn't ready to have sex.

They decided they were ok with that, and we did not have sex nor do any penetrative play. I wasn't ready to have sex untill I was 20ish.

I knew what I wanted since I was very very young. Just because I hadn't had it yet, doesn't mean I didn't know. I mean, straight people know their straight even before they have sex. I see submission the same way.

"people" don't know what theyr'e talking about. It is possible to find what you're looking for, it just might take some time.

Congratulations to you for knowing what you want so early and being willing to look for it.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 6

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 10:55:51 AM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

You are no more a freak than the rest of us darlin'. Like you said being a submissive virgin, you are practicaly your own fetish all to yourself so be ready for every nutjob to come out of the wood work over that one. Not trying to talk down to you (unless you want that sort of thing;) ) but you are going to find that their are are alot of people both inside the lifestyle and more so outside of it, that will say and do just about anything to get you to satisfy them. It's that whole virgin thing but if you have kept it this long you know the types I'm speaking of. Just be careful who you let into that submissive world of yours and don't let yourself be taken advantage of until you are ready for such a thing..lol When the student is ready the master will appear. Until then keep your head right and enjoy the ride.

Tade

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 7

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 12:52:12 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

If i were you i would not worry about it was also a virgin until 22. I figured my virginity was a "gift" i could only give to one man ao i waited until i found the right one. When it is right you will know it. Not that i had not had offers to help me out with my "problem". All my friends though i was a freak too. Stick to you guns then when you are ready it will be a wonderful experience. Good luck.

littleone

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 8

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 2:57:24 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

Submission has noithing to do with virginity. You know what and who you are. I didn't find out until my later years. Everyone tried to tell me I was a Dominant. I have had to be in my life but I am most comfortable in my submissiveness. Just go along that path you are on and don't listen to those others who think they know you. You are fine just the way you are. You have something special to give when your time is right and at no other time. Just watch out for those others that would take advantage of you..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 9

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 4:56:38 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

i was a hymenally-intact virgin until i was 32 years old. not as much by conscious choice, as circumstantial.

i found my submission at the age of 26. i had r/t experiences in D/s and had serious relationships during the 5 1/2 years. i was not looking for someone just to relieve me of my virginity. i wanted Someone who could handle that part of me. many times, it was not my decision, rather the decision of the Dom i was with not to take what i offered, because He could not give me what He thought i deserved. this happened with 2 different Doms, and a third stopped to ask if i was sure... i kind of realised i was not. *lol*

you don't have to give it to the first Dom that says it is an imperative in submission, nor do you have to get rid of it so you can go into a D/s relationship.

you have to do what is right for you. ask yourself, "Will i regret this decision in 5 years?"

and think of it this way... historically in harems, certain virgins were trained in all sorts of ways to be sexual creatures, loves slaves, per sey. their virginity was prized and protected, but dang, they were extremely experienced in pleasure.

listen to your own gut, not the advice of people that are in it for themselves. and if someone tells you something is "For your own good," unless you know they know you well enough to judge, you decide what's for your own good.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 10

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 5:30:04 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I knew I was a Dom before I had sex. There is nothing wrong for you to wait untill you feel ready and comfortable with a person go that far. Even back with I was a virgin, I would tourture and tease horny submissives with ropes, cuffs, spankings, bites, toys, and stimualation. I've given sessions to people where sex was not involved.

Sex is not needed to have a good and healthy BDSM relationship. It's just more of a plus. Besides, I'm sure you've made it to atleast 2nd base now and then in that past. Knowing how you like giving control over to someone when making out is a big hint for you. Do you like being forced on, having your hair pulled, being bitten, and having yourself pushed up against a wall? Would you really like having someone slap you, blind fold you, rip your clothes off, spank you, tie you up, place nipple clamps on you, wear a little hot wax, and be yanked by a collar to perform oral sex before you get penitrated your first time? It that's what you're feeling inside, then don't have vanilla sex as your first time. To many people suffer already form having "eh it's okay" sex there first time. Hopefully this won't happen to you.

I don't know how much longer you plan on waiting but I hope you stick to your standards.

Best of luck,

FnF

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 11

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 5:45:54 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Do you like being forced on, having your hair pulled, being bitten, and having yourself pushed up against a wall? Would you really like having someone slap you, blind fold you, rip your clothes off, spank you, tie you up, place nipple clamps on you, wear a little hot wax, and be yanked by a collar to perform oral sex before you get penitrated your first time?

Odd, I've never thought of submission as being sexual. It is more mental for me. I guess I don't rank as a submissive in your mind.

As far as the person asking the question. I happen to know a few virgin submissives who are near 40. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having morals and values.
It is a bit harder when you go around announcing it to the world. As you already have found out people want that conquest. Remain true to yourself and you won't go wrong.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 12

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 6:05:12 PM

PaddleBeltHardSp

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

There really is no point to your conversation other than to show narrow minded people exist everwhere. If I were you, follow your heart; it is a true guide.

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 13

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 6:36:56 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I've said it before and I'll say it again...who gives a rats butt what is in your head and heart but you...even after all the input you get on this thread...it still all boils down to YOU...wear a chasity belt forever or let the first Dom you meet face to face jump your bones ...who does it affect...YOU....now after all of that...my opinion...stick to your principles...you've gotten through life without giving them away...a true Dom ..in my opinion would value this as much as he values all of you...when you want that door opened..you have the key to unlock it...take everything into consideration...keep what you want..discard the rest...

Fury

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 14

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 7:26:21 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

And as a slight hijack to this thread. A male Dominant contacted me after I made the above post talking about our almost virgin submissive asking me to give him details on her. I found this amazingly inappropriate. My first though is "Go find your own 20 year old almost virgin to jack off to". But that may be too harsh.

But it did bring up another point. Be wary of people that are way into the fact you're a virgin. I have large breasts and over the years I've found that the guys that were overly into my breasts ended up being horses asses. These guys couldn't even tell me what color eyes I had.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)

Post #: 15

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/8/2005 8:56:58 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

And as a slight hijack to this thread. A male Dominant contacted me after I made the above post talking about our almost virgin submissive asking me to give him details on her. I found this amazingly inappropriate. My first though is "Go find your own 20 year old almost virgin to jack off to". But that may be too harsh.

Excelent!!!!!! I agree with him being quite inappropriate. Sound like he just failed Troll School ...

I hope you planted your boot right his exhaust pipe and sent him on his way.

quote:

But it did bring up another point. Be wary of people that are way into the fact you're a virgin. I have large breasts and over the years I've found that the guys that were overly into my breasts ended up being horses asses. These guys couldn't even tell me what color eyes I had.

Again I completely concur. It was a little like hanging a huge neon sign from the Dunlop Airship and flying it over the community.... I supose that if I meet a lady with a georgious figure, large boobs and/or a nice tight arse my eyeballs get a slight glazed look for all of 1 second. Sure I love boobs and well shaped ones of a realistic size for the girl's figure are wonderfull to behold. However you could have the most lucious figure and wearing hardly anything and whilst it would be tittelating, what really matters is what is inside. Nothing clicks and sorry off you go to some one else.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 8/8/2005 8:58:42 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/9/2005 2:32:46 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Honey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you being what you are! The way I see it, more power too you. Too many women now days will drop their panties for the first thing resembling a cock, because it's the "done" thing. If anything, it adds a type of strength to your personality. The will to be yourself. And that's a beautiful thing.
And about the other thing, you can definitely know you're submissive without having sex. Sex is not an integral part of this scene. Just the occasional bonus. Hell, I knew I was pure submissive when I was 14. I hadn't even kissed a boy then. Or a girl. You may have never touched a guy/girl, but you know in your heart that for the right one you'd get down on your knees and do whatever they wished. That's submissive. Don't let anyone tell you differently. For now, screw others' opinions. Go on being your beautiful self.
p.s.- I'm with plant lady on this one. Lots of guys will say anything to get what they want, and a pretty virgin is a hell of a bait. Be careful.

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 17

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/9/2005 2:50:26 AM

Sir4now

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

First let me congratulate you for not giving in to pleasers of the flesh.

To the ones that say you can't be a submissive and be a vergin. I would have to ask if they think BDSM is about sex and if they say yes then run like hell. Your submission should come from inside of you and it is the way you feel, Sex in a D/s relationship is the iceing on the cake.

You should find a Dom that can respect your chorce and just like your submission when it is right it is something you will give him. NOT something he will take. I think you will find when it is right it is something you will have need to do and do not do it until you know it is right.

I have talked to lots of women that say they wish they would have saved themselfs. I have never talk to one that wasn't happy they did.

(in reply to amethystrain)

Post #: 18

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/9/2005 3:44:39 AM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

You should find a Dom that can respect your chorce and just like your submission when it is right it is something you will give him. NOT something he will take. I think you will find when it is right it is something you will have need to do and do not do it until you know it is right.

Listen to Sir$now.

I had a young 22 y/o present herself to me on line a month ago. She did not tell me she was a vaginal virgin. I only learned she was when we had finished a session...that did NOT include vaginal penetration. We were relaxing in the hottub and she started to play with my cock. Soon she was straddling me and guiding me into her. I encountered a barrier and stopped play. She cried.

I had to quiz her long and hard on what she wanted from me and a relationship before I felt comfortable enough to take her. It took two weeks and several sessions with her begging me to take her before I finally did.

When it happened, it was the right thing. But I was still afraid of what the effects might be. Luckily, it has all been terrific. She will be with me at Purgatory (www.purgatory-theshw.com) Saturday; everyone please come up and say hello to my amanda.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to Sir4now)

Post #: 19

RE: Virgin Submissive - 8/9/2005 3:46:26 AM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

Sorry...a typo... www.purgatory-theshow.com

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to lovingmaster45)

Post #: 20

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