quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Loved your example, breathesasone.
And as for the box - I often ask that myself - not particularly of myself, but in a world that seems to like little boxes, I do wonder which box I fit in other peoples minds, just out of curiosity really, not because I want to fit in it...
 
the.dark.

For me personally?..... you would fit in the "freaky people box" LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Thanks for the input Stephann.
I agree with you on the 'if they didn't see it as wrong, they wouldn't be doing it' thought, my thought on that is when people who do participate in an activity that is/they see as wrong, who then go on to suggest that they shouldn't be seen as doing anything wrong and I would really like to understand how they could want that, because then if it was 'right' then it wouldn't be worth doing?
Gosh that sounded backwardcomingforwards - I know what I am trying to 'ask' but not sure if it's coming out right...
 
the.dark.

quote:

I don't believe that just because what I do is 'right' means it is suitable for public consumption.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I see people push and thrust into discussions how communication is important!  That truth and honesty is a must!  That being open and sharing is vital!  Yet by seperating BDSM from all things 'vanilla' makes it a lie to someone - somewhere.
People say - I'm not lying, It's just I don't flaunt it!  There is too much risk!  Now I disagree.  Not flaunting and not telling someone isn't lying, but knowingly with-holding information from people who in everyday life are important to you or have an impact on your life in a major way is a lie.  If you can hold something back from someone you love and who cares about you, then who is to say you won;t lie to someone else?  Yes, I am turning on it's head all the people that claim moral high ground for those who hide their relationships when they cheat on others - but surely the same could be said for those that cheat their employers, their parents, their best friends for not being who they are with openness and truth and honesty and not communicating their choices.  What makes one worse than the other - other than personal morality?
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
Essentially, I don't believe that just because what I do is 'right' means it is suitable for public consumption.  Western society is extremely distrustful of any organization that has secrets; from cults to the Masons. 

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

my question is why bemoan or sadly state that they can't be open, when, as Stephanns example gave - people find the things that are wrong the reason they do them, so if they weren't wrong or frowned upon, chances are they wouldn't have any interest in them?  A simple question really.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I get the first part and believe you are spoton there.  But then your paragraph bring another question I would have which is why do we have the secrets?  Do we have the secrets because we have decided that society can't handle it, or do we have to have secrets because society has decided we have to have them(which includes activities being 'wrong'due to laws etc).   Which came first - chicken or egg? <us being generic>

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark


 people seem to be using it in as a put down - even similar the the infamous slave or submissive threads which makes someone better than another.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
I haven't ever seperated my life into neat little boxes that define different areas of my life.  I don't pretend to be a daughter to my parents and then when I leave their house, morph into Darcys' submissive.  I am both and I do not behave any differently when I am with either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
I don't view BDSM activities as wrong, or dirty or somewhat darker in substance than I do anything else

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
....by seperating BDSM from all things 'vanilla' makes it a lie to someone - somewhere.
People say - I'm not lying, It's just I don't flaunt it!  There is too much risk!  Now I disagree.  Not flaunting and not telling someone isn't lying, but knowingly with-holding information from people who in everyday life are important to you or have an impact on your life in a major way is a lie.  If you can hold something back from someone you love and who cares about you, then who is to say you won;t lie to someone else?  Yes, I am turning on it's head all the people that claim moral high ground for those who hide their relationships when they cheat on others - but surely the same could be said for those that cheat their employers, their parents, their best friends for not being who they are with openness and truth and honesty and not communicating their choices.  What makes one worse than the other - other than personal morality?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
Some people bemoan that they can't come out of the 'closet'.  Some people complain that there life choice is judged and are under pressure to hide because of the 'wrongness' that is percieved, but how can 'some people' expect to be accepted, when they portray themselves when in BDSM circles as their 'darkside' or talk of their 'perversions'as though they are impossibly wrong.  If it's dirty and wrong to you, then you have a hell of a long way to go to make people understand how healthy and imaginative BDSM can be and how effective a tool it can be in both an emotional and mental perspective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
Rememeber these are random thoughts that I have taken and seen posted, some do not mirror my own thoughts and are purely for discussion sake.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It's a slow and fresh day and I have just had deep discussions with my daughter, so some of that discussion with her has carried over onto these random thoughts that was also sparked by a thread in the submissive forum.
 
I've seen so many posts, particularly recently, where people seperate BDSM from what they call 'vanilla'.  I loathe that term as much as I loathe 'fake' or 'true' because when used, people seem to be using it in as a put down - even similar the the infamous slave or submissive threads which makes someone better than another.
 
I haven't ever seperated my life into neat little boxes that define different areas of my life.  I don't pretend to be a daughter to my parents and then when I leave their house, morph into Darcys' submissive.  I am both and I do not behave any differently when I am with either.  I don't wear different clothing when I go to a munch, I wear what I wear in everyday.  If a party I attend is in a high class establishment, I may dress to impress, but I wouldn;t dress out of 'charachter' - if that makes any sense.
 
I don't view BDSM activities as wrong, or dirty or somewhat darker in substance than I do anything else, even the activities I wouldn't participate in because they just do not float my boat.
 
I see people push and thrust into discussions how communication is important!  That truth and honesty is a must!  That being open and sharing is vital!  Yet by seperating BDSM from all things 'vanilla' makes it a lie to someone - somewhere.
People say - I'm not lying, It's just I don't flaunt it!  There is too much risk!  Now I disagree.  Not flaunting and not telling someone isn't lying, but knowingly with-holding information from people who in everyday life are important to you or have an impact on your life in a major way is a lie.  If you can hold something back from someone you love and who cares about you, then who is to say you won;t lie to someone else?  Yes, I am turning on it's head all the people that claim moral high ground for those who hide their relationships when they cheat on others - but surely the same could be said for those that cheat their employers, their parents, their best friends for not being who they are with openness and truth and honesty and not communicating their choices.  What makes one worse than the other - other than personal morality?
 
Some people bemoan that they can't come out of the 'closet'.  Some people complain that there life choice is judged and are under pressure to hide because of the 'wrongness' that is percieved, but how can 'some people' expect to be accepted, when they portray themselves when in BDSM circles as their 'darkside' or talk of their 'perversions'as though they are impossibly wrong.  If it's dirty and wrong to you, then you have a hell of a long way to go to make people understand how healthy and imaginative BDSM can be and how effective a tool it can be in both an emotional and mental perspective.
 
Rememeber these are random thoughts that I have taken and seen posted, some do not mirror my own thoughts and are purely for discussion sake.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I started off reading this post nodding my head in agreement. Then as it went on in all honesty rolled my eyes as it became a series of thoughts with judgments attached based on vacuum theory about life which seemed to contradict what was written early in the post.

We are human beings, we are complicated and not simple logic machines a plus b always equals c.

There is flaunting what we are about in way to try to convince others of our superiority that is usually based in insecurity. Then there is simply living life on our own terms. I think most people in this life do live on our own terms and whether they make a decision to tell who they feel they want to tell about their intimate interests or how their relationship dynamic works in great detail is up to them. I just do not understand when all other relationships that two people are in do not need to feel the need to express the dynamic to the world why it is some sort of lie.

Modesty and humility are virtues. Not telling others of my way when it effects absolutely no one is not a lie or some burden and quite frankly random thought or that this is equal to lying and a slam on a person’s character and trustworthiness is quite lame.

I find it ironic that the beginning of a post that slams one true way thinking because people do it to feel better then others ends with a person claiming if not out and proud shouting it to everyone they care about is not as good of a person who does.

Sorry a huge difference between being ashamed of what we are and what we do from having to publicly tell people of how I live and to draw a character judgment from this distinction is just flat out wrong, random thought or not.