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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 5:08:50 AM

Koala

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If I were you, I would share the fetish with your BF... lay it all on the line when you think it feels right. Mid-coitus is always a great time to discuss fantasies. If he truly cares about you, he'll be interested in helping fulfil your fantasies. Whether it's playing doctor games with you, or watching birth videos with you while you do it, I'm sure you can reach some sort of understanding.

Just remember - you're not weird - everyone has fetishes, it's just some people are brave enough to admit it.

Good luck!

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 6:34:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Really? I find I'm too into what's going on mid coitus and would find any totally new fantasy thrown in at that point to be fairly jarring and pretty much just end whatever path we were going down. Pillow talk maybe.

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 6:39:18 AM

Leonardo

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quote:

He is older than me, to the point where it would be "wrong" for us to be together, to most people. And he's uncomfortable about that.

Where in age is there a "point" of it being wrong for a person to be older (other than one party not being a legal, consenting adult)?

And, if you are uncomfortable with the idea of the public seeing you with an older man, or if he is uncomfortable of being see in public with a much younger woman, then there are issues beyond your fetish that need to be considered.

If you don't feel comfortable being completely open with the alleged significant other in your relationship to be able to discuss your fetish(es), and/or if he is not comfortable with being open and allowing you to be open, then the prospects of bliss in ya'll's relationship is hindered greatly.

< Message edited by Leonardo -- 11/15/2007 6:40:31 AM >

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 6:58:13 AM

MasterofScyn

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I didn't have an orgasm till I was about 25 when I met Master. As I said before all the other fools I was with before just didn't take the time to get to know my body. This lifestyle was and still is my fetish. Even before I knew it totally existed (Yes I thought I was a strange one too) I would still fantasize about it while I was learning what made me orgasm. Then Master came along and gave me a whole new meaning to having orgasms.

Perhaps you just need to get to know your body a little more... Perhaps you just need to find another dude that will take his time with you. I know exactly what it's like to be with somone much older than you. In fact Master is 12 yrs older than me. When I was 16ish I was seeing guys that were in mid 20's to early 30's. Maybe at some point you'll find a someone that can understand your fetish, like the said above, maybe play doctor with you. Never know what this world will throw at you.

Scyn ~

< Message edited by MasterofScyn -- 11/15/2007 7:01:15 AM >

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 7:42:47 AM

Phoenix2raven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

Even if it is a fetish you should still be able to break it although like I said it would take a lot of work. You have to create new associasion in order to break it which means being forced to orgasm in a manner other than what you are allready doing in other words you have to break the definition of a fetish... (that is if you want to get rid of it so to speak). You know like a .... for the next three months only orgasm if its in a manner different than what you are doing now and without fantasy... pretty tall order.

Points and says you took the words right out of my mouth. If you choose to try to create a different response by using a tool like a vibrator or dildo and have him do it daily even if you don't orgasm. That will increase your chances of "retraining" yourself to be able to orgasm by different methods. This will not be an overnight matter but keep trying don't give up and you will succeed. Break it up and use "intention" before you begin. You can try visualizing yourself having an orgasm by different methods as well "imagine it as creatively as possible". Most importantly don't expect results overnight relax into it make it fun and enjoyable. If that doesn't work go see a good sex therapist.
Good luck ~Phoenix~

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 8:12:11 AM

crouchingtigress

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btw, no one has really fussed at you for lying about your orgasm to your partner....but lying to protect his ego is not good, you do him no favors when you introduce deception into the most intimate velvet folds of the relationship.

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 9:46:03 AM

BringerOfTears

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Feydra,

Lots of good advice here that clearly worked for the person giving it. Notice how different the advice is too. That is because people are different and you are just as different.

You are young, you have plenty of time as LA said and time WILL fix this.

First off, I would open up to your partner IF he is the sort who can handle his woman saying "honey, you don't turn me on and I have always faked it with you" Actually, the way to bring this up IF you think he can be supportive in the way YOU need, is to ask for help, which empowers your lover instead of immasculating him.

First, you need to figure out how YOUR body works. What feels good, what doesn't, where and when do you like it hard, where and when do you like it soft, etc. Re-explore your body and share that with your lover if you can.

Now, dealing with your fetish isn't going to be as easy. I might stop you from orgasming your old way and just share pleasure with you. That takes the stress off AND hopefully will make you over time become very horny. Then between the reduced stress of things not being a big deal and the incentive of being horny I would try and explore some fantasies that are not exactly your birthing one but something close like fisting or a giant dildo, something that gets you somewhat excited.

I would probably work on changing the fantasy and allow you to masterbate your way and then perhaps allowing you to have your original fantasy but making you masterbate in a similar but not exactly same way using your newfound knowledge of your body.
I would then make a judgement call, perhaps moving along the lines of both or work on one issue at a time.

The point is to slowly work away from "what works" and adding in some variety a little at a time. Only you two can judge that but the point is to show your mind and your body that there are other things that will work and to build upon what already does work.

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 10:23:11 AM

BossyShoeBitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BringerOfTears
"honey, you don't turn me on and I have always faked it with you"

BringerofTears,
The fact that she has always faked it with him has not one thing to do with whether or not he turns her on..

edited cuz that kind of sounded snarky but wasn't intented to..

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 11/15/2007 10:28:25 AM >

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 1:19:35 PM

MasterofScyn

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Nother thing you can do is just let your mind free. Took me a long to time to do this, but if you just shut off all your thoughts and just feel what your partner is doing. The possibilities are endless. I had to train myself to do this, even then Master would talk sometimes have to talk to me and tell me to just let go of my thoughts. . Just enjoy and feel what ever it was he was doing to me. I can say that well.. It works.

Scyn ~

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 1:55:06 PM

Feydra

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Thank you all so much for the replies. Reading each of them, especially the stories of how you overcame similar problems, has really put me in a good mood and mindset. :)

There are a lot of good ideas, and I really needed the advice to begin retraining myself.

And, as to the topic of... well, what I would tell him. I might. About my fetish, and about my problem. First, though, I'd really like to overcome it myself.
I'd like to suprise him with the difference when I really orgasm for him.
And, he does turn me on. So much. During sex, I can really come close, and it's very frustrating because I really just CAN'T...

But, thank you.
At least this form of self-improvement involves me touching myself, so it will be fun. :D

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/15/2007 9:06:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm not really sure he'll enjoy that "surprise" as much as you think he might. Plus, do you really want to be the one hiding and controlling and lying all this time? Do you really think that will help you grow together and make you more secure and likely to have a healthy sexual relationship (or overall relationship)?

Very few women can orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation- I'll risk giving specific advice and just ask him to move his gut out of the way while he thrusts and start rubbing your clit yourself and see what happens.

A response to Scyn- that never worked for me. In order for me to orgasm I need specific focus and drive TO orgasm. I can lay for hours and be played with sexually and either really enjoy it or really get tired by it- but if I want to orgasm I need to GO for it.

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/16/2007 3:46:22 AM

deliciousmorsel

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What I'm finding odd is that all the advice is about the pussy. Coming over a fetish is one thing- never coming with a partner makes me wonder if there are problems here you could not possibly be aware of Feydra.
I also think the early conditioning thing is very valid. I had some similar but much lesser problems from masturbating a certain way as a child and didn't have an orgasm until I was 22- because I came across a man who was right to make it happen.
There are also books about G spots, and kegal muscles, and all the complex anatomy of female orgasm. Those might be just as usefull as how to make money. Knowing new things about how the equipment works will certainly help.
Personally- I hate vibrators. They put me to sleep. Literally. But I'm polyorgasmic with the right man.
And are you even sure the heel thing is a real live full bore orgasm? because I remember the childhood O as pretty tame compared to what I get now with some better education and a few different men in my past.
That isn't meant to be snarky- I'm serious, getting off on childbirth video isn't nessasarily at all related to masturbation style. Go read up on how the equipment works at Barnes and Noble, understand what your heel does for you- then you have a starting point to expand on.

I keep thinking of that Thai brothel trick of shooting ping pong balls out of a vagina; "laying eggs". There really are some other interesting possibilities out there Feydra. That requires some very serious Kegal muscle work; And women with those love muscles can almost just make themselves come sitting in church. Maybe some can, I've never quite done it but I'm the wrong kind of masochist LOL.

< Message edited by deliciousmorsel -- 11/16/2007 3:51:20 AM >

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/16/2007 3:51:26 AM

kirby104

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If the goal was to have an orgasm, than both of you failed.
What about just experiencing your partner as is.
If you faked it, that is wrong.

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RE: Could my fetish be ruining it? - 11/16/2007 1:38:49 PM

Tigrita

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I have a technical idea, just based on the info and background, but I'll tell you upfront I don't have experience whith any of these issues, I'm just spewing things that come to mind.

Maybe an egg-shaped vibrator would be a good thing to try. Start masturbating the way you normally do, but in addition to your heel, play with the vibrator there too. It has a large surface, so it is shaped kind of like a heel, you could use it almost the same way. So you get the old stimulation, plus a new conditioning to the vibration. As time goes on maybe you can start gradually moving out of the crouching position and playing with the egg in positions that are progressively more distant from that. The egg shape also plays to your egg-laying fetish, so try to think of it that way.

Don't know if that will help, but I really wish you success and happiness.

~ J

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