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E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 7:17:50 PM   
southernhart


Posts: 120
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? Do You mind that? Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?
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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 7:22:04 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Master has lots of friends in the lifestyle and talks to lots of people. He is just a chatterbox. Doesn't bother me. I am secure enough in our relationship not to have to worry about who he is talking to. I talk to lots of subs and doms as well. No biggie. Just two people being friendly. No harm in that.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 11/14/2007 7:23:34 PM >

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 7:31:23 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? Do You mind that? Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?


i think it's rare but does happen that a D/s relationship morphs into a friendship.  i would find it puzzling if my Dom kept in touch with a whole gaggle of ex-subs, but one or two actually speaks well of Him.
 
As for forming new friendships, IMO a mature, well-balanced P/person has dear friends of both sexes.  Seems reasonable that most of His new women friends would be submissives.
 
If you don't trust Him to be committed to you, either He's giving you reason not to trust by secretive behavior and the like, or you're experiencing a mild case of of the hebbie-jebbies.  IMO, the hebbie-jebbies are yours to content with.
 
pinksugarsub   

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 7:34:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Reposted:
I can't even comprehend telling a partner to end a fulfilling relationship they had before me- I want THEM, that includes their past and what makes them who they are.

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 7:57:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? Do You mind that? Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?


I am sure the answer is "yes" on both accounts, but he does not answer to me about his friendships with other people regardless of their orientation.

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 8:54:12 PM   
vegassub777


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		Master keeps in touch with a few subs that have served him in the past.  In fact, the last sub he had before me is a friend of mine, and she is the one who recommended that we get together.  I don't mind at all that Master keeps in touch with any of them, because at the end of the day, it's me who wears his collar.



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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/14/2007 9:19:06 PM   
michaels4evr


Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Short of a situation of abuse or some other extreme reason for the break up, I just don't understand why people can't be friends once the relationship has ended. I remain friends with all of my ex significant others, including an ex vanilla hubby and father of my teenage sons, my first Master/second hubby, my ex-Trainer, whom I was never collared to but lived with in a poly household, my ex-Switchy type lover, and my ex-Master...

dang...I sound a lil slutty all of a sudden...

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 1:30:01 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My Master has a former slave whom he loved very much.  They remain in touch to this day, as far as I know, although not quite so frequently anymore.  He has other female submissive friends, and he has taken other female slaves from time to time as well.  What he does with others has no bearing on my slavery to him.

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 1:31:31 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I've been in touch with some former subs/slaves, but it's hard to forget that there's a reason why they're FORMER.

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 4:25:49 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? Do You mind that? Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?
People are allowed to have friends.   If the relationship is secure---no it would not bother me in the slightest.

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 4:31:56 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub


i think it's rare but does happen that a D/s relationship morphs into a friendship. 
   I am of the opinnion that a D/s relationship requires a firm foundation---that being said what is more firm in the beginning than friendship.    I have a former who I talk to fairly often.    We chat about everything---even argue about the lifestyle---he has been to my house with his current submissive.   It's definately a friendship and really if people are adults I don't see a D/s relationship morphing into a friendship once it is over as being all that rare.     

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 5:32:54 AM   
lockmeupplease


Posts: 202
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		My Miss has at least one other slave and I know she is seeking others.  She may also be in contact with "exes", but as long as it isn't affecting our relationship  I have no problem with it. 

We wouldn't be human though if we didnt' get a little jealous!

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:26:31 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? Do You mind that? Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?

No my Master does not keep in touch with any former s types. He does have a woman He is "friends" with that He talks to on the phone almost daily. Yes I would have a BIG problem with Him staying "friends" with an ex.... No Master has not started a new relationship with any women since we have been together.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 11/15/2007 7:27:07 AM >

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:32:46 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Reposted:
I can't even comprehend telling a partner to end a fulfilling relationship they had before me- I want THEM, that includes their past and what makes them who they are.

That is a wonderful answer in theory.  But, for me, it's easier to think that than to live that.  I mean, I do and all but though I know logically what you're saying is so right, it's not always totally easy to accept.  I've come a long way though.............luci

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:41:37 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Here is my only problem with what LA says, if I feel insecure it may not always be about being unhealthy... it could be because my partner has done things that ring my alarm bell... so you are right luci... easier said than done.

I have gotten to the point that if I have to challenge someone about how they spend their time and whom they talk to, Im walking out of that relationship. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what someone else is doing or not doing.

I have a friend that has set up multiple profiles to catch her man cheating on her... they swing, so there is no reason for him to cheat, and yet she is attempting to catch him at it because he has done it before. I would just walk away from that situation... but she can't for some reason.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:44:08 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He stays in touch with some, but not at a daily level of interaction. It would bother me a lot if when he had news, good or bad, that he chose to discuss it with someone else instead of me. I need to be his best friend and he be mine.

I guess he emails them every 3 - 6 months. But one in particular who hasn't found anyone doesn't talk to him anymore because he's happy and she isn't.

I would have a problem if he were writing to new potential subs though.

(in reply to slaveluci)
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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:47:11 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
My Master has a former slave whom he loved very much.  They remain in touch to this day, as far as I know, although not quite so frequently anymore.  He has other female submissive friends, and he has taken other female slaves from time to time as well.  What he does with others has no bearing on my slavery to him.

That is a beautiful realization, ownedgirlie.  I believe it totally but it hasn't been a bed of roses getting to the point I am today in accepting it as truth.  Master has a former lover that he remains good friends with.  She was never into BDSM but they were very close.  I have struggled like you would not believe to understand that his relationship with her "has no bearing on my slavery to him."  I know it doesn't and I've worked hard to show true acceptance but I would be lying if I said I didn't initially feel threatened or negatively about it. 

My attitude soon became one of accepting their continuing friendship but just not wanting to hear/know about it.  Kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.  I know that's not appropriate but it took me awhile to even get to that so cut me a break, ok.  It was just a real stumblingblock for me.  He never threw her up in my face and we really didn't discuss her much at all.  Just knowing that He still had a place in His heart for her as a friend bothered me.  Logically, I'm glad He does.  It shows what kind of a partner He was if she still cares for Him as a friend.  But, against all logic and rational thought, it still bothered me.

I have gotten much more accepting.  I don't just show acceptance, I truly feel it.  I really believe I've been able to achieve that for two reasons.  One, He remained firm in His friendship with her regardless of my misgivings about it.  He remained in control of the situation and didn't let my emotions or insecurities make Him pull away from a friend He values.  I totally respect that.  Secondly, I grew into the knowledge that my position in His heart and life is secure.  It's rock solid and, as you so wisely said, ownedgirlie, what He does with others has no bearing on my slavery to Him.  I still have issues from time to time but I have truly come to KNOW that and accept it.  It's a beautiful awakening, isn't it?  Thanks for summing it up so beautifully...............luci

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/15/2007 7:34:00 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hi luci,  thanks for such kind words, and for sharing your experience as well.  It was a difficult path for me, too, to realize this.  The only one who can affect my slavery to him is me - he has told me that since the beginning.  And even when I logically knew this, my heart would still ache from time to time.  It took me finally coming to a place where I had faith in myself and in my own abilities, and where I really began to understand my value to him and my place in his life.  Then I could look back in retrospect and see that he has always been there, always been a constant, always been exactly the Master I needed to be owned by and needed to serve, despite who else may or may not have been in his life.  With my focus completely on him, nothing else really matters.  Funny though, how long we can be in a rock solid situation and not even realize it until we get out of our own way.

I'm glad you came to such knowledge and acceptance.  It really is an awakening (loved how you put that). 

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/16/2007 4:38:06 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs? yes, he did for a while...I am not sure if he has recently tho'...Do You mind that? No.  I am aware of most of the details of their relationship and why it ended. I know what he finds in our relationship.  As LAM said > He makes it clear to me that HE remembers why it ended, as well as what we have together..

Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together? Yes, happens frequently.  It is part of his personality to communicate and be helpful & one of the natures about him that I admire the most> for me to want him to change that ( for my own insecurities ) would be wrong[ wrong for me  I am not saying how others handle it or would handle it in theirs is wrong].
 
 
Does this bother me?    sometimes.  I would be lying if I said it never does.  "Bother" me enough to make it an issue?  No.
I figure I either trust him or I do not.  So that is something I generally try to work through in my mind as I feel the twinges, on "my hors are moaning times" [hormones]. 
    ( if it becomes big in my mind, I have been instructed to bring it to him and discuss it...and we will)
 
There is one woman, from years ago, who he took into his circle of lifestyle friendships> she ultimately tried to break us up. Sabotaged me and manipulated all 3 of us.   If Master began talking with her again> it would bother me a great deal...actually I would have a huge problem with that LOL..  But then again, He is not stupid...so the chances of that happening are practically zero.
    (She also taught us a difficult but important lesson..."poly" to some, means something completely different to someone else..and it is a time-bomb waiting to go off, when trying to add a submissive who is in an unhealthy headspace.)
 
for the record>  I still communicate with the man who was my first dom 15 yrs ago.   Consider him my friend.   Master doesn't have a problem with that  ..and so it works both ways..
   He either trusts me...or he doesn't.
 
I feel trust is earned but its also something that is continually nurtured...sometimes in apparent and demonstrative ways> other times in very subtle ways.  Like the topic of this thread.
 In my submission to Master, I do not or would not question him about his other conversations.  But its my trust in him that really is why I do not.  And the fact that I could  make it an issue but don't> he feels as submission, but more so as the action of my ongoing trust.
He doesn't HAVE to clue me into any of it.  Doesnt have to include me in any of the details.....He is the boss....but, the fact that he chooses to share and talk about it openly is his way of nurturing the trust we have and protecting the relationship.  & makes him the kind of Master he is.
 
 
gosh I hope that made sense on paper, as much as it makes sense in my mind lol
 

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 11/16/2007 4:40:29 AM >

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RE: E-mail Subs and ex's - 11/16/2007 6:49:48 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernhart

Does Your Master keep in contact with his ex subs?
Some yes, some no.  Depends on their previous relationship and how the release went.  Some just won't give up trying even with me in the picture.
Do You mind that? Not at all.  The good ones that remained friends are welcome, of course.  The others...well...
Does Your Master have e-mail sub pals that he has started writing to after the two of you got together?  Yes, he does and they know about me.  We're are hoping to meet a few of them in person someday.


I think limiting his friendships outside of our relationship is a nasty, rude and insecure thing to do.  If he wishes to keep sub friends or make new ones, I'm all for it.  Besides having a new friend, it can be a whole new learning curve...somebody to bounce ideas off, gain insight, etc.  For both of us.

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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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