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Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 8:54:48 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

There's another conversation going on that made me finally post this. I started to before, but didn't want to upset anyone.
Here's the deal:
There's a local BDSM group that holds parties about once a month. They have a great venue and so far have been very successful. I hope that continues. The first time I asked to go to one of their parties, I was told that they would need my full legal name and address, as well as anyone's who was accompanying me. I balked and finally talked them into taking our legal names only that had to match our driver's licences. I've been to LOTS of events and normally I am only required to give my legal name and then pay through paypal. As far as I know, paypal has only told them whether or not I paid. Now that I want to go again, they are insisting that I follow all the rules. I have been around long enough to see groups break up and lists fall into the wrong hands. My husband has a morality clause in his contract where he works. Am I being paranoid or would you be willing to give the information they're asking for? I did hear a claim from one of the leaders that they use this information to be sure I'm not a sexual predator. Well, they've seen me at more than one function and we are quite familiar with each other. Besides, do you really need a full address to run a background check? A LOT of people have turned this information over to them in order to become members, but I'm just not willing to. As a sidenote: I'm a pro domme (which they know). I've always felt that if I get myselft into a sticky situation, I'm liable to pull my clients in with me. Your thoughts?
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

Post #: 1

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 8:58:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I think it's acceptable to name the group you're talking about here. I've been to events which require a full legal name and check IDs, but never a full home address. Some groups are a legal entity and need records for tax purposes.

But in the end it's about what you accept and what you don't- its membership will decide the flow of its rules. If enough people don't want it, then they will come into power and change it, or the group will die.

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Post #: 2

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:11:34 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think it's acceptable to name the group you're talking about here. I've been to events which require a full legal name and check IDs, but never a full home address. Some groups are a legal entity and need records for tax purposes.

But in the end it's about what you accept and what you don't- its membership will decide the flow of its rules. If enough people don't want it, then they will come into power and change it, or the group will die.

They will quickly recognize themselves (they posted about one of their parties that was held on the 10th) and I will leave it to them whether to step up or not. I honestly don't want to cause any trouble here. Just wanting to know what others think about this. Perhaps they will read it and reconsider.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:26:46 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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No, I'd not give it.

In fact, I may or may not give my proper name to be written down -they are welcome to view my ID to verify that I am of legal age to attend, but that's it. No one that I would not allow in my house is being handed randomly the location of it unless it is for something I need, like my driver's license re-upped or to get something sent through FedEx.

" I did hear a claim from one of the leaders that they use this information to be sure I'm not a sexual predator."

Frankly, I consider that balogna. All that could be checked is if one had ever been convicted of a sexual crime... many, plenty, more, do such things and don't get caught or convicted. -And turning it around, you have no reason to trust that anyone with access to your information is not one of that larger population without a record, in addition to the other valid concerns mentioned in this thread.

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Post #: 4

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:29:03 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

I totally agree with Rumpas..no way no how...would I ever give my info ..they can verify my legal age but that would be it .....I do have reasons for feeling this way last yr I was hounded by a church I had been to a few times ..sending me letters and such asking me where I was as if I had missed a day at grade school ..LOL....I would fear the same thing would happen with a group ...probably send mail etc things unwanted if they find out you have left...

< Message edited by mya75 -- 11/14/2007 9:32:29 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:30:54 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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I am a member of a group that LA used to belong to back east. They ask for an ID when you first join. It freaked me out but I knew some of the people who were running it so I agreed.
But otherwise I don't think I would have.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 6

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:33:04 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
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The local group here has started having a social at a private home, instead of a meeting in a public place.(although closed off from everyone else). Then they used to check ids for the ones they didnt know; now that it is at a private home, they must either know you from previously, or you must meet with one of the group leaders before for coffee, etc. so they can meet and get to talk a bit. We actually did have a small problem when it was more public with an asshole who used to like to try to intimidate the subs, (and a few of us Dommes). He is no longer invited to any meetings. Our group is relatively small in our area though. They know my real name,(the leaders do) but I know theirs also; it was not a requirement though for addresses. In your case, I do not think I would be comfortable giving them your home address( I am here,. but the social is held at their home., so I do know theirs). They however have never asked for mine, and I give them the courtesy of not giving theirs out, because only the ones that are able to come to the parties are given the address, it is not put out for public view.

I apologize, I know I ranted way too much. It is their group and their rules, but I would think they would at least not take offense if you should choose not to go because you have to give them all that info.

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Post #: 7

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:34:51 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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One of the groups around my area does ask for ID, and writes it down. And yes, they do take payment only via paypal. I don't have any problems giving out my ID.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 8

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:49:05 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

One of the groups around my area does ask for ID, and writes it down. And yes, they do take payment only via paypal. I don't have any problems giving out my ID.
Kyst

When you say that they ask for ID and then write it down, what exactly are they writing down? Your name? Your full address?
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 9

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:56:03 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i think that for me at least i would probably choose to go to a really good safe party, and hope that my husbands ID would not be found out.

really good partys are rare.

i dont think that makes me selfish, but i have been told i am not a very good judge of that so i dont know.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 10

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 9:56:07 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I have no problems. I am who I am...and I'm out on a national level. But then, I don't have a job that I can be fired from, I don't have children that can be taken away from me and I don't have a family who will disown me should they find out (they already know). It's a personal decision. I have been asked my address for event registration purposes (because I paid with a credit card), but I can't remember if I ever had to give my address just to join a group. I don't think I have.

I think that Pros such as yourself, as much more aware of persoanl information boundaries. Pros get business, in part, because there's a certain amount of anonymity available. I personally think it might be a tad excessive to keep a record of addresses. If they want to do a background check on you that bad, they can contact the police and let them do some detective work.

If they're worried about strangers in their home, they can make it 'by invitation only' and hold people who bring guests responsible for their guests' behavior. That's what worked in the group I co-founded.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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Post #: 11

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 10:03:03 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I wouldn't give it--seems a little too invasive for what amounts to a social gathering.

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I give good agita.

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Post #: 12

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 10:33:40 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

The local group here has started having a social at a private home, instead of a meeting in a public place.(although closed off from everyone else). Then they used to check ids for the ones they didnt know; now that it is at a private home, they must either know you from previously, or you must meet with one of the group leaders before for coffee, etc. so they can meet and get to talk a bit.

This is similar to how the local group does it here. To attend any private socials or parties you must be vouched for by a trusted member or meet with one of the board before to be gotten to know.

There's a commonly used play space that is at a private residence, the address is never given out because of the owner's preferences. People are told how to get there when they are already known (and can bring the guests that are vouching for).

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 13

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 10:39:08 PM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

Like everyone else here, I wouldn't give it either.
And like master fire man, I would tell them to get the cops to do it themselves.
Also, as someone else pointed out, not all people who commit sex crimes are cought. Just because it's not on your record, it dosn't mean you didn't do it, just as it's not on your record that you're a pro domme. nor do you want that to be known for your own reasons.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 14

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/14/2007 11:06:33 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

They write down our names, and we sign a contract about liability. Basically it is a release so we dont hold them responsible. I can see it. I don't know how legal it is, but if it were my home I would want something written down too.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

One of the groups around my area does ask for ID, and writes it down. And yes, they do take payment only via paypal. I don't have any problems giving out my ID.
Kyst

When you say that they ask for ID and then write it down, what exactly are they writing down? Your name? Your full address?
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 15

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/15/2007 12:41:21 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

Like everyone else here, I wouldn't give it either.
And like master fire man, I would tell them to get the cops to do it themselves.
Also, as someone else pointed out, not all people who commit sex crimes are cought. Just because it's not on your record, it dosn't mean you didn't do it, just as it's not on your record that you're a pro domme. nor do you want that to be known for your own reasons.

You can't run a criminal history for personal reasons. The most they could do legally is look on the public sex offender registry. Here that doesn't require a full personal address, however, there are of course people with the same names on any list usually. I would agree it's more likely a liability precaution. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances and how large the group is and how well I knew the organizers.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/15/2007 12:50:10 AM >

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 16

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/15/2007 12:47:42 AM

briska

Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

Make sure your not a sexual predator? You ARE going to a BDSM club, right?

;)

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Post #: 17

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/15/2007 1:19:31 AM

CollegeConundrum

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

Morals clause, jobs are concerned.

Not worth it to me.

(in reply to briska)

Post #: 18

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/15/2007 1:55:53 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

There's another conversation going on that made me finally post this. I started to before, but didn't want to upset anyone.
Here's the deal:
There's a local BDSM group that holds parties about once a month. They have a great venue and so far have been very successful. I hope that continues. The first time I asked to go to one of their parties, I was told that they would need my full legal name and address, as well as anyone's who was accompanying me. I balked and finally talked them into taking our legal names only that had to match our driver's licences. I've been to LOTS of events and normally I am only required to give my legal name and then pay through paypal. As far as I know, paypal has only told them whether or not I paid. Now that I want to go again, they are insisting that I follow all the rules. I have been around long enough to see groups break up and lists fall into the wrong hands. My husband has a morality clause in his contract where he works. Am I being paranoid or would you be willing to give the information they're asking for? I did hear a claim from one of the leaders that they use this information to be sure I'm not a sexual predator. Well, they've seen me at more than one function and we are quite familiar with each other. Besides, do you really need a full address to run a background check? A LOT of people have turned this information over to them in order to become members, but I'm just not willing to. As a sidenote: I'm a pro domme (which they know). I've always felt that if I get myselft into a sticky situation, I'm liable to pull my clients in with me. Your thoughts?
Mistress Scarlet

i wouldn't do it Ma'am. The existence of Your name and address on a list of this nature is subject to subpoena, should the cops ever take an interest in the place. It creates an admission that You were a member, and could even serve a blackmailer's purposes.

It seems to me the group has no affirmative duty to run background checks on potential members, only to eject noncompliant or predatory ones as they become known.

i'm sorry i can't be more positive.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 11/15/2007 1:57:58 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Would You Give It Out? - 11/15/2007 3:26:44 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I'm with the others - I wouldn't give them my address, and honestly, the only people who have known my full name in the groups that we've been in were one who bottomed to us for awhile, rob (who still lives with us, so obviously he knows it) and one who wrote me a check for a flogger that I made her. No one else got my full name. They knew me by SweetDommes or Karen and that's it. They don't need anything else for public meetings, and I wouldn't go to a private one unless I was well familiar with the other members (and they with me) ... at which point, I would certainly hope that they would be able to trust me. If not, I wouldn't go.

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Post #: 20

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